by SJ McCoy
Kenzie shook her head. “Of course he is, but he’s known for years that it’s Charlotte.”
Chase shrugged. “I’m not going to spend all night arguing with you about it. I’ve got to get up on a stage in a minute. I only came for a quick kiss first.”
Kenzie leaned across the bar and pecked his lips. “Sorry.”
He touched her cheek. “Don’t be. I love that you care so much. I’ll see you when we break.”
As she watched him make his way back to the stage where Eddie was waiting to start their first set, Kenzie smiled to herself. It was amazing to her that she did care so much. When she’d first arrived at the lake, she’d been determined not to get attached to anyone. She didn’t want to care about people—because when you cared it made it harder to walk away. These days she couldn’t ever see herself leaving this place and she cared fiercely—about all her friends, and especially Ben who’d been so good to her in helping her find her feet.
~
By the time they’d eaten, and Angel had finally finished going through her promotion schedule, Ben was starting to feel claustrophobic. He wanted to get out of the Boathouse and just go home. Normally the restaurant itself felt like home, but tonight it felt as though it wasn’t his space anymore. He couldn’t just be himself. Angel was with him, and everyone who even glanced their way seemed to have an opinion about it. He stood up abruptly. “I need to get going.”
Angel looked at him in surprise. “Okay. Are you getting back to work?”
He shook his head. “I need to get home.”
She smiled. “Great.”
She didn’t think he was inviting her to come with him?
“I’ll come with you and pick up keys for the safe at the lodge. You hadn’t forgotten had you?”
Shit. He had. He’d rather drop them off to her tomorrow than have people see her go into his apartment with him now. But then that would mean he’d have to see her again tomorrow. And right now, an Angel-free day sounded like a very good thing. “Okay.”
Kenzie gave him a sour look as he made his way through the bar. A few of the guys gave him knowing smiles and winks as he passed them. Angel walked by his side with a smile on her face.
They walked across the parking lot and Angel started up the stairs to his apartment door ahead of him. Ben pursed his lips and refused to let himself watch the way her rounded ass bounced before his eyes. She stood aside when he reached the top to let him unlock the front door. He didn’t want her to come in, but it seemed rude to say so. He sighed as she followed him inside.
“Let me grab the keys. I’ll be right back.” When he returned, she was standing by the kitchen counter.
“Thanks,” she said as he gave her the keys. Her hand brushed his and she looked up into his eyes.
Ben swallowed, hard.
“I don’t suppose you’d be interested in something casual, would you? Just while you wait to hear from Charlotte?”
Ben wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. He watched her lips curve up into a smile. Her tongue darted out to moisten them as she took a step toward him. He froze as she placed her hands on his shoulders. What was she doing?
She pressed her body against his and reached up to kiss his cheek. Her arms slid up around his neck. His brain was still frozen but his body reacted automatically. His arms slid around her waist and held her to him. She was warm and soft and …. He came to his senses and let go of her, stepping back as though she’d stung him. “No!”
She gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”
Ben stared at her. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I’m not interested, Angel! You know that.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know that, Ben. If you really weren’t interested, why did you hold me that way? Why did you even let me get that close to you?” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m not trying to be a bitch. I can’t quite believe I did that, but something tells me that you are interested, you want me, and I think we could be good together. You’ve gotten so used to the fact that you love Charlotte, you’re waiting for Charlotte and you don’t want anyone else, that you’ve forgotten to ask yourself if it’s still true.”
Ben stared at her. “It is true.”
She nodded. “Maybe, but don’t you think you should at least be sure?”
Ben shook his head. “I am sure. I’d like you to leave now.”
She looked upset. “I’m sorry.”
Ben blew out a sigh. “So am I. I think we should forget this ever happened.”
“Okay.” She held his gaze. “If we can.”
Ben showed her to the door and closed it firmly behind her. What the hell had just happened? He went to fix himself a drink, then remembered. Smoke had wanted to do a whiskey night tonight. He jumped at the sound of a knock on the door. Had Angel come back? He opened the door with shaking hands.
Smoke stood outside holding up a six pack in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. “I wasn’t sure if you still wanted to talk to me tonight. For a while there it looked like you had other plans.”
Ben took the whiskey bottle from his hand. “Come on in. I think I need to talk more than ever now.”
Chapter Four
Ben sat down opposite Smoke at the little table on the balcony and took a slug of the whiskey he’d just poured.
“Dare I ask what’s going on with you tonight?”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Ask away. Maybe you can help me figure out the answer.”
“Okay. What the hell is going on with you tonight? I came down to the restaurant earlier thinking we could hang out for a while before you finished work and came to drink whiskey with me. Instead of finding you working your ass off like you usually are, lo and behold you’re sitting having a cozy dinner with Angel, and holding her hand no less.”
Ben shook his head rapidly. “It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t a cozy dinner, it was a working dinner.”
“And you weren’t holding her hand?”
He sighed. “She was holding my hand, and I was so surprised that I didn’t stop her.”
Smoke pursed his lips and nodded. “Okay, so—even if I buy that—I decide to sit out on the deck and listen to the band, thinking you’ve forgotten all about me and I’ll catch you later, and what do I see, but you bringing her back here.”
“To give her some keys. That was all.”
Smoke raised an eyebrow.
“Okay. That was all I wanted to do.”
“But that wasn’t all that happened?”
Ben nodded. “She asked if I wanted to get into something casual with her while I wait for Charlotte.”
Smoke frowned.
“And … she kissed me.”
Smoke laughed. “She kissed you? Like you couldn’t fend her off? Couldn’t stop her?”
Ben sighed. “She took me by surprise and I … I …”
“You what?”
Ben closed his eyes, remembering the way his arms had closed around her and pulled her to him, remembering the way she’d felt pushed up against him. “I held her. And I liked it! And then I kicked her out!”
“Wow.” Smoke sat back and took a drink.
“Say something more than wow! Tell me what you think?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s what you think that’s important. How do you feel about it now?”
Ben shrugged. “Confused as hell? I think my body reacted out of, I don’t know, like muscle memory or something. When a woman steps into your arms, you close them around her, right?”
Smoke looked skeptical.
“Don’t look at me like that. You do. Any man would, before his brain had chance to kick in, right?”
Smoke set his glass down on the table. “I don’t know about that, Ben. See, if you like a woman, then you react that way, but if you don’t …”
“No! It’s not about liking her or being interested in her. It’s just instinctive reaction. You’d do the same. I bet you would.”
Smoke pursed his lips and sho
ok his head. “No. I was put in a similar situation.” His face clouded over. “By Laura’s friend Leanne. I almost knocked her over trying to get away from her. I didn’t want her anywhere near me.” He met Ben’s gaze. “I didn’t want her near me, because I knew—one hundred percent without a doubt knew—that I was in love with Laura and never wanted another woman again.”
“So, what are you saying?”
Smoke shrugged.
“You’re saying that you didn’t react that way with Leanne because you love Laura. So, if I did react that way to Angel, I can’t love Charlotte?”
“I’m not saying anything, bud. I’m leaving you to draw your own conclusions.”
Ben shook his head vigorously. “I love Charlotte. I always have.”
“Do you even know who Charlotte is anymore? The person you loved was an eighteen-year-old girl. And you were an eighteen-year-old boy.”
Ben met his gaze. “Yes, but …” He buried his face in his hands. “But I still love her. She’s a part of who I am.”
“Is she, though? Is Charlotte a part of who you are? Or is the myth, the legend, the memory a part of you?”
Ben thought about that for a long few moments. “Do you think that’s what it is?”
“Hey, I’m not saying I know anything. I’m just asking the questions.”
Ben nodded. “I’ve never thought about it like that before. You’re right. I don’t even know who she is now. She’s led her own life all this time. Hell, she’s been married to someone else for years. How do I know that I still love her? How does she know that she still loves me? Are we really just in love with a memory?”
Smoke leaned back in his chair. “I have no idea, but I think you need to figure it out.”
“Yeah. I guess I do. If she ever even gets in touch.”
~
Angel opened the gate and walked up the path to the little house she was renting. She unlocked the front door and let herself in. She went straight to the kitchen and poured herself a big glass of wine. What on earth had she been thinking? She’d be lucky if Ben didn’t fire her! She went to stand beside the window and stared out at the little backyard.
Had she really asked him if he wanted to get into something casual with her, while he waited for Charlotte? She reached up to unfasten the clip that held her hair in place. She felt better as it fell loose around her shoulders. She’d never asked a man out in her life before tonight—let alone shamelessly propositioned one like she just had Ben. He just had this effect on her. She couldn’t help it. She truly felt that they were perfect for each other. It was obvious. They worked so well together, they had the same work ethic—she’d never known anyone in the world who put their work ahead of everything else in the same way she did. Even aside from the work, they got along so well. They laughed, they understood each other. She blew out a big sigh. Not to mention the fact that he was gorgeous! And he was her kind of guy. He wasn’t the in-your-face alpha; he was kind and compassionate. He looked out for everyone and he got things done.
She went to sit down on the sofa. She’d finally met her perfect match. And wasn’t it just her luck that he was in love with someone else? It’d be so much easier for her to accept that, if Charlotte were here. If she could see Ben with his woman, then it’d be easy. She’d still admire him from afar, but that’d be all. She wouldn’t keep having all these stupid fantasies that they could be together. But no. Charlotte wasn’t here. Ben hadn’t even seen her in years, apart from one time a couple of months ago. It was like she was competing with a ghost. Except Charlotte was only a ghost to her. Everyone else—all of Ben’s friends and half of his customers—knew Charlotte and knew that Ben would get back with her someday. They were all determined not to let another woman near him—at least they were determined not to let Angel near him. She wanted to be angry at them for that. They didn’t know, they couldn’t decide what was best for him. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry at them, though. If anything, she envied Ben his friends. They cared so much about him. She would love to be accepted amongst them, to have them want to look out for her, too. But she was the outsider, the threat, and left out in the cold. It was lonely, as well as cold. It was always hard to move to a new place and to have to make new friends. Here in Summer Lake, it seemed even harder. There was this whole group of friends that she would love to be a part of, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t welcome.
Maybe she should just leave? Give her notice at work and move on. Would that be better? She took a sip of her wine and shook her head. No. That would be cowardly. She’d leave Ben in the lurch and she’d hate to do that. And besides, the way he’d reacted tonight gave her at least the tiniest hope. He’d said he wasn’t interested in getting into something casual with her. She cringed at the fact that she’d even suggested it. He’d said he wasn’t interested, but when she’d stepped in close to kiss him, he’d reacted as though he wanted her. His arms had given her a different answer than his words. His arms had closed around her and held her to him. She sighed. It had felt so good. So right. But then he’d pushed her away and asked her to leave. She couldn’t leave. She’d hang on in there, maybe with time he’d realize that there could be something between them.
~
Ben opened his eyes and rolled onto his side. It was still dark, but it was time to get up. Time to start another day. He sat up and pulled on his sweats then headed for the kitchen to make coffee. He took a quick shower while he waited for it to brew and then poured himself a mug and went to sit out on the balcony. He tried to make his mind run through the checklists of everything he needed to do today. It was part of his morning routine; it stopped his mind from wandering to places it shouldn’t go. Places like London, where Charlotte lived—or at least as far as he knew she still lived there. He couldn’t focus on his to-do list this morning though. His mind was flitting around. Memories of last night kept sneaking in, the sight of Angel looking at him so hopefully. The way she’d held his hand. The way she’d felt in his arms. He shuddered. That shouldn’t feel good, but it did. He took a big swig of coffee and scalded his tongue. He remembered sitting in the café in the airport in Vegas, drinking coffee with Charlotte, being so happy to be near her again. He remembered the waves of shock that had crashed through him as they both realized that it had been her parents who had kept them apart. He remembered his last email conversation with her. It had been so hard to let go again, to tell her that he felt it was best for them to have no contact while she was still married. She’d understood. They’d done the right thing. But how he wished they’d kept in contact. How he wished he knew what she was thinking right now.
He took another sip of his coffee, more cautiously this time, as he thought about his conversation with Smoke and all the questions it had raised. How did he know he was still in love with Charlotte? He didn’t know who she was anymore. But he did! He knew who she was, he’d always known her and always would. Years and distance didn’t change that. He sighed. Or did they? Was he just kidding himself? Was it really like Smoke had said; that he was in love with the memory, the myth that was Charlie and Ben?
He looked at his watch. Sitting here pondering it all wasn’t going to give him any of the answers he needed. And it wasn’t going to get his day underway. He stood up. It was time to get to work.
He made his way to the lodge to check in with the night auditor, then headed over to the Boathouse. Once he’d opened everywhere up, he let himself into the office in the back. He didn’t like to do too much paperwork on Sundays, but there were a few things he needed to catch up on. He fired up the computer and waited.
Once he was logged in, he didn’t get any further than his email. There it was. The message he’d been waiting for—from Charlotte.
He stared at the screen for a few moments, afraid to click and see what she had to say. He took a deep breath and opened it.
Hey you.
I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. You were right—as always. I needed to take the time to do things properly and I’
m glad I did. Thank you.
I had lunch with Alastair today. We separated a couple of days after you and I last spoke. Today we had something to celebrate.
Ben’s heart thundered in his chest—what could they be celebrating? He peered at the screen as the words blurred before him.
Today we got our final divorce papers through.
Ben’s breath whistled out of him. Thank God! He’d feared she was about to tell him something else entirely.
The first thing I wanted to do was to call you and tell you. I’m finally free. I’m no longer a married woman. I wanted to ask you what you want to do now. Where do we go from here? But that didn’t seem fair. I have grown up a little bit ;0) So I decided not to put you on the spot. I decided I should email you first. Give you chance to digest my news, and to think about what it means to you.
I’d like to call you tomorrow – that means Sunday – but I’d like to know if that’s okay with you? Please will you let me know?
I love you Ben
Forever and always
Charlie
Oxo
Ben reread the entire thing three times and then sat back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face. This was it. She was free. She wanted to know where they went from here. Today he’d get to hear her voice again, and they’d be able to start planning their future. He took a deep breath and typed a reply.
Hey yourself.
Of course that’s okay with me! I can’t wait to talk to you. I’ve been waiting and hoping for this day to come. And thank you. Thanks for giving me chance to wrap my head around your news first.
He sat and stared at the screen for a long time, wondering what else he should write. There was so much he wanted to say, so much to tell her, so many questions to ask, but where should he start? And where would it end? He decided he’d be better to wait until they could talk on the phone.
I’ve got a crazy morning lined up, but if you call me after noon I’ll be free and able to sit down and really talk to you. I can’t wait.
I love you, Charlie
Forever and always
Ben
