by Lexy Timms
I headed into the bathroom and turned the shower on cold. It wasn’t a pleasant way to deal with this, but it was the only way I would allow myself. I shuddered as I stepped beneath the cold spray, my erection immediately disappearing as I focused on taking deep breaths to calm myself. I pressed my hands against the wall, dropping my head down as I counted to ten. Then, I finally turned the water to warm and grabbed the shower gel.
I tried not to think about Abby as I finished up my shower and toweled myself dry. I tried not to think about her as I headed downstairs, my footsteps echoing through the empty house, and went to make breakfast. But it was hard, knowing that she had been here once, that I had made her breakfast in this very same kitchen while she sat there wearing nothing but one of my shirts.
I missed her, and it wasn’t just about the sex. There had been something so comfortable about being there with her. That was what I missed the most. I knew that no matter what I did, I wasn’t going to get her back.
I swallowed hard as I turned on the coffee machine. Seeing her tomorrow was going to be difficult. I knew there was no going back to what we’d had before. I was going to have to keep myself in check. I wondered if it was going to be as difficult for Abby as for me.
But of course, I was deluding myself thinking that. She had made it very clear that she thought I was nothing more than trouble. And besides, she’d always had more control than I had. She’d only kissed me because I’d made a move on her first.
I sat down at the table, trying not to feel as though there should be someone else there on the other side of it from me. I had made too many eggs, I knew, as though I’d been cooking for two people instead of just one.
Which was stupid, really. I never brought women back here; Abby had been the exception. I’d been cooking for just myself for a long time now. And I’d been living here alone all that time, too. It shouldn’t feel as though the place was suddenly bigger, quieter, emptier than it had ever been before.
This was normal. The sooner I started accepting that, the better things would feel for me.
It was difficult, though. It was as though I had gotten that one brief glimpse of the way things could be, and now I was staking my whole future on things turning out that way. I couldn’t force Abby to share her life with me, though. If she thought it was best that we were strictly professional from here on out, then that was the way things had to be.
I took a bite of my eggs, trying to pretend that they didn’t taste like sawdust. Another couple of bites, and I let my fork clatter down on the edge of my plate. I wasn’t very hungry, I decided. Slowly, I cleaned up the kitchen, storing the eggs in a container in the fridge in case I got hungry later. More likely, the housekeeper would clear them out in a day or two.
I headed into my home office. It was Sunday, but there were a few projects I could get a head start on since I had the time to kill anyway. And besides, what else was I going to do with my day?
Chapter 2
Abby
I WAS GRINNING AS I walked out onto the deck at the back of my brother’s house. “Something smells good!” I told him, peeking over his shoulder at the grill. “Ooh, colorful too,” I added, looking at the array of sausages, burgers, and grilled vegetables.
Matt snorted as Leanne laughed. “I already took a ton of pictures,” Leanne told me. “Matt thinks I’m crazy.” She gave him a quick hug and then transferred her attention to me, putting her hands on her hips. “You’re late,” she said.
“I know. Traffic,” I lied. In reality, I hadn’t wanted to be the first person there, because I knew that if they could catch me on my own, before things got busy, both of them would want to try to talk me out of going back to work for McGregor Enterprises. Again. It had been a recurring topic of conversation over the past couple of weeks since the fight at the bar. And before that, they’d been cautioning me against getting involved with Daniel.
By this point, I knew all of their arguments, and they knew mine. But I was going back to work for Daniel the next day, regardless of what a terrible idea they thought it was.
I wasn’t entirely sure why I was so set on going back to work for Daniel. Part of it, I guess, was to prove to myself and to the business world that I could. That I wasn’t going to let some scandal turn me away from doing my job.
Part of it, also, was that I wasn’t sure who else would want to hire me after this, and the longer I delayed trying to find a new job, the better.
I tried not to think about any of that right now, though. Instead, I looked around the backyard. Zachary, the birthday boy, and a bunch of his friends were playing tag. Layla and her friend Maddie were climbing the apple tree in the far corner of the yard, like they wanted nothing to do with the boys’ antics. I grinned as I watched them.
“Pretty good turnout,” I commented.
Leanne grinned. “Yeah, lucky for Zach, there aren’t too many other kids in his school who have birthdays around this time of year.”
I shook my head. “I still can’t believe he’s already nine. It seems like you were just pregnant with him yesterday!”
Matt laughed. “Oh, it feels like nine years to me,” he said, smirking. “I still have nightmares about those days.” When Leanne made a noise of outrage, he gave her a quick kiss, and she subsided with a laugh. He frowned down at the grill. “Food’s almost ready; guess it’s about time to start rounding up the kids.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked.
“Why don’t I get the kids settled at the table, and you can hand out plates and plasticware?” Leanne suggested. “Then Matt can get them all their food, and then we’ll do drinks last so that no one spills them all over the food?”
“You know someone is bound to spill anyway.” Matt sighed.
“Well, that’s why we got the jumbo pack of paper towels,” Leanne said philosophically.
I laughed. “All right, plates and plasticware. Inside on the counter, right?”
“Yep, those are the ones,” Leanne said. “Thanks.”
Between the food and the presents and the cake, plus the mandatory game of tag that developed while the kids were all high on sugar, everything was chaos for the next couple of hours. And I loved it. I still never wanted kids of my own, but I had to admit, it was fun getting to be the crazy aunt and play with my nephew and niece, chasing them and their friends around the yard while Matt and Leanne cleaned up the picnic table and brought the presents inside.
At the end of the evening, though, as the last of the kids were sent home with their parents, I had to admit, I was pretty exhausted. I flopped down on the couch in the living room. “I don’t know how you do it,” I said to Matt as he poured me a glass of wine and handed it across the coffee table to me, then sprawled out on the opposite couch.
He laughed. “Nine years of on the job training,” he reminded me.
“Still,” I said. “That was a great party, but oh man.”
“It would have been more difficult if the weather hadn’t cooperated,” Matt said. “Can you imagine having all of that chaos inside the house?” We both shuddered.
Leanne laughed as she came down the stairs. “Well, fortunately, the weather cooperated, and even our two monsters wore themselves out. Both are sound asleep already,” she said, dropping onto the couch next to me. She patted my leg. “Thanks so much again for all your help today. Couldn’t have done it without you.”
I grinned at her. “Sure you could have—it just would have been even more crazy!” I said.
“True,” she agreed. “But I was glad to have your help, either way.”
“So how are you feeling about going back to work tomorrow?” Matt asked.
I groaned. “I’ve been avoiding this conversation all day.”
“You know we’re just worried about you, honey,” Leanne said.
“I know, I know.” I sighed and finally shrugged. “I’m nervous, I guess,” I told her. “I don’t know if things are going to work out. And I hate the idea of having to go
job hunting again already. But at the same time, I guess I’m still just hoping it works out. I like working with Daniel, and I like being his advisor. This is the kind of job I’ve always dreamed of. I really feel like I’m making a difference, and for once in my life, I feel like this job actually challenges me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’m going to do if it doesn’t work out. It’s really going to suck.”
“I’m sure things will work out, if you want it that badly,” Leanne said soothingly, clearly tuning in to just how upset I really was about it all.
Matt, though, was frowning at me, his lips pursed. He shook his head. “I don’t know, Abby. I still don’t think going back to work for this guy is the best plan. It was bad enough when it was just the media talking about you because you were his new hire, but to then see you in the news because your boss beat up the guy who held your position before you?”
“He’d never beat me up,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Sure, I’m not saying that,” Matt said, holding up both hands placatingly. “But I don’t know, it just seems like there’s a lot of drama there. And I don’t think it’s fair that you have to worry about your ability to ever find a job with a different company, all because of your boss’s antics at this job.”
“I know.” I sighed. “But I want this job.”
“We know that,” Leanne stepped in, giving Matt a meaningful look. “And I guess all we can do now is see how things work out.”
“Just be careful,” Matt said.
I tried to grin at him, but even I could feel how tenuous it was. “I’ll be careful,” I promised. Because what else could I say?
The truth was, though, the more we talked about all of this, the more nervous I felt about all of it. What would happen when I went back to work for Daniel? I’d felt attracted to him from the first day I had worked for him, but I had told myself that there was no way I could ever get involved with him. He was sexy, sure, but he had a reputation of being an absolute playboy. Not the kind of guy I wanted to get involved with.
Besides, I had known all along that getting involved with him, my boss, could affect my future in so many ways. I wanted the business world to take me seriously. One day, I hoped to be a CEO of a company. That meant I couldn’t let the media find out just how interested in my boss I was. But it was inevitable that they would find out if I pursued something with Daniel McGregor.
He was the media darling of Chicago, one of the hottest young bachelors in the city. And a billionaire, to boot. The media was all over him, whether they were hanging around outside his office building trying to get the latest gossip or following him from club to club snapping pictures of him dancing and drinking with various women.
There was no way that Daniel and I could keep a relationship a secret, no matter how careful we were. So I knew that there was no way we could ever get involved with each other.
But all of that had gone out the window the first time he had touched me. It was just the brush of his fingers on the back of my wrist, but I hadn’t been able to deny the attraction I felt for him. The next thing I knew, I was kissing him. And he was kissing me back.
No, I knew exactly where things with Daniel would lead. We hadn’t managed to keep things strictly professional before, and there was no reason to think we’d be any better at it this time when I went back to work for him.
I had to try, though. I still felt embarrassed when I thought about those stupid articles in the paper, about how Daniel had been fighting to defend my honor, like I was some helpless maiden from a fairy tale or something. I hated that I had been reduced to that. So much for being taken seriously by the business community.
I still cared for Daniel, that was the thing. And that was why I was so nervous. Because as soon as I was back in a room with him again, I was going to have to confront those feelings. Tell myself to get a grip, to stop thinking about him like that. I couldn’t just turn off those feelings for him, but the longer I went without seeing him, the easier it was to tell myself that maybe, just maybe, they weren’t such a problem.
“Hey, call me when you get done tomorrow,” Leanne said suddenly. “We can go out for coffee or something. I’ll want to hear all about how it goes.”
“I’ll see how I feel.” I sighed, then tried another weak grin. “It’s been kind of nice being on vacation for the past couple weeks; I’m sure I’ll be exhausted tomorrow. Plus, Daniel will probably want to make up for the whole two weeks in one night. Who knows what time I’ll get out of there.”
I saw Matt’s lips tighten into a disapproving line. Here we go, I thought, knowing I had just given him something else to be unhappy with Daniel about.
I shook my head and stood up, putting my wineglass on the table and hoping to head off any further arguments. “Actually, I have to be up pretty early tomorrow morning. I should probably head home so I can get to bed!”
I expected Matt to argue, or at least to have his final say, but a look from Leanne stopped him in his tracks. My best friend got to her feet, wrapping her arms around me. “I’ve got my fingers crossed for you,” she told me. “I hope everything works out.”
“So do I,” Matt said grudgingly, hugging me as well. “But I swear, if he does anything else even remotely unboss-like, I’m going to be the one to kick his ass and end up in the papers next time.”
I snorted. “What kind of example would that set for your impressionable young minds upstairs?” I asked teasingly.
But Matt shook his head. “I’m serious, Abby. You let us know if you need us to intervene at all. I know you really want this job, but I’m never going to approve of this guy.”
I frowned, but there was nothing I could really say about that. It wasn’t like I could tell him how much it hurt me to know that he would never approve of Daniel.
It didn’t matter, after all, if Matt never approved of Daniel. It wasn’t like I could ever date the man again, start a relationship with him or have a future with him. In fact, Matt’s disapproval of him was probably a good thing. Yet another reason I could use to keep Daniel at arm’s length. Things just could never work out between us. Regardless of what I might want.
The more arguments against us I could amass, the better.
Chapter 3
Daniel
I GOT TO THE OFFICE early on Monday. Earlier than usual, even. In fact, I was the first one there. I couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. My assistant, Erin, was at least always there before me. But the rest of the office was usually humming by the time I arrived as well. I, and my father before me, had cultivated a culture of go-getters in the people that we worked with.
But this morning, I was particularly early, so I was the one to unlock the doors and turn on all the lights. For a moment, I took a deep breath of that stale air, looking around the place. Then, I walked purposefully toward my office.
I hadn’t slept well the previous night, with Abby floating in and out of my dreams, alternately turning me on and berating me again for that stupid fight with Gerrard. I still remembered what she had said, about how violence was nothing she ever wanted to see from me.
I hadn’t exactly wanted her to see that side of me, either. But I hadn’t been able to hold back, and it had cost me everything.
Well, not everything. I still had my job, my company. But all of that seemed somehow dull without Abby in my life.
I shook my head and booted up my computer, drumming my fingers against the edge of my desk and trying not to feel so nervous about the return of my advisor. I answered some emails and shuffled around some of the papers I had left on my desk Friday evening. I had a full schedule for the day, and I knew I needed to concentrate on that, rather than on my feelings for Abby.
Erin came into my office when she arrived. “Hey, boss,” she said, grinning at me. “How was your weekend?”
“It was fine.” I sighed, hoping she didn’t hear how not-so-fine it had really been. I needed to come up with some hobbies or something. Wo
rking myself into an early grave, while it had once seemed admirable, was starting to wear on me. I just wanted something more now.
I couldn’t exactly blame Abby for making me want something else. But things had definitely been simpler when I’d been focused on work, and partying with random chicks, to the exclusion of all else.
“You ready to see Abby again today?” Erin asked bluntly.
I felt myself tense, and I tried to force myself to relax. I didn’t know what to say in response. I should assure Erin that of course I was ready to have my advisor back. I should have thought of some canned response for that question. But I hadn’t really expected anyone to have the balls to actually ask me about it. I should have known I wouldn’t be that lucky, though.
I didn’t know what to say to Erin, but as the silence dragged on, I realized that was answer enough in itself. The truth was, I wasn’t really ready, but I wasn’t about to admit that out loud. I could see from the sympathy in Erin’s eyes that she understood, though. And I hated that more than anything.
Another of my dreams from the previous night came back to me. In it, Abby had been cool and professional, as though she didn’t even know me, as though we had never been anything more to each other. And I knew that was how things had to be between the two of us. But I hated the very idea of it.
“Your schedule is all set for the day, but let me know if you need to make any adjustments to it while you’re bringing Abby back up to speed,” Erin said.
“Yeah, I will,” I told her, glancing past her as I saw Abby coming into the office.
Erin glanced over her shoulder and saw the same thing I had. She smiled at me. “Good luck.” She scurried out of there before I could say anything in response to that.
