Hated Secret Admirer

by Vanessa Sueroz

  "What's up with him?" I asked, nonplussed.

  "He's crazy. Ignore him!" Vitor answered, shrugging lightly. "So...you were about to tell us how that whole thing happened..." he said, looking to the couple.

  "Actually, it was sudden. We were at the library looking up some articles for the Geography homework and it happened," Fernando answered vague.

  "We want details!" Vitor said, excited.

  He definitely took the words out of my mouth.

  "There's not too many details, we were there looking at articles on the computer, taking some notes, answering the homework's questions, then I went to see something on the computer, our hands met when I went to reach for the mouse, we looked at each other, and next thing I know we were kissing and being thrown out of the library."

  "You were thrown out of the library?" I asked, appalled.

  "And they're going to send a letter to our parents," Fernando said unhappily. " My dad will kill me when he finds out."

  "I can't believe Darth Vader got kicked out of the library," Vitor said, looking surprised. "And will have a letter sent to his parents. Did you get a warning too?" He asked, unsure.

  "Unfortunately, yes," Andressa said, showing us a slip of paper.

  "This will go down in history. The day the class nerd got a warning for kissing girls. You know...I should teach you some things," Vitor said, thoughtful.

  "For kissing one girl," Fernando corrected him. "You don't need to teach me anything. I got everything I wanted," he answered smiling and kissing Andressa's cheek.

  "Don’t they look cute?" I said, sighing excitedly.

  I love to see my friend happy like this.

  "Cute? I call that syrupy, but sure," Vitor said, shrugging.

  I watched them for a few minutes, until I noticed everyone had fished eating but me, and worse, I wasn't hungry anymore.

  I ate a little more even so, otherwise I'd be hungry later. When I finally finished eating, we went upstairs to brush out teeth and, I confess, I was jealous of Andressa, they're so cute together. I want someone like that...

  But I quickly changed my mind, because as soon as I opened the cupboard there was a mushed up rose in there. Poor thing!

  After brushing my teeth I took the poor flower (it's not its fault that my admirer has no common sense and put it in there with no water or light) and went to the boys’ room to show them, and also to grab my friend so I can get the details of what really happened. I don't believe they just started kissing out of nowhere. Kisses don't happen out of thin air.

  I was very excited as I got to the boys room, but no one seemed to be there. I knocked several times and no one answered. I hate it when that happens, but because I'm a persistent person I tried to open the door, and, to my happiness, someone had forgotten to close it.

  Note to self: yell at the boys for leaving the room with the door open.

  Obviously I went in carefully, in case there was someone there stealing something. I tiptoed around, trying to make the least amount of noise as possible, but I gave up after I heard a strange noise. Was that a guitar?

  Instead of running to find someone brave to see what was happening I simply ran to where the noise was coming from and what should I find but Lucas sitting at the foot of the bed, playing something out of tune, and apparently trying to sing as well, but with no success.

  I approached quietly to hear what he was doing, after all, it's not every day that Lucas leaves his dessert untouched and runs to the room to play guitar – I didn't even know he played, or actually, that he was learning to play.

  "Every woman likes roses, roses, not always red, but they’re always roses," he sang completely out of tune.

  Wait, I know that from somewhere, but where?

  "If we don't get along, I'll go on my way and there's nothing to say..." he sang softly.

  Roses? My God! Isn't that the sentence that was on that rose? Lucas is my hated secret admirer, or actually, not-so-hated after this, let alone secret. This time I definitely had a stupid look on my face!

  Chapter 9: My Not-so-secret Admirer

  I just stared at Lucas, I think my mind was blank, I just stood there with my mouth open, dumbstruck, looking at him, unable to believe that he was my secret admirer.

  Lucas was always around and sometimes I even suspected it was him, but I never really believed it was him, that is, I wanted it to be him, but I didn't want to delude myself. I thought it was Bruno or André and the truth was next to me the whole time.

  Could it be that he sent roses specifically because he knows it's not my favorite flower and if he sent any other flower I'd suspect him? Did he think I'd never understand the message on the rose? Fine, I hadn't understood, or actually, I only understood it when he was singing the song even though I really like Ana Carolina and know the song.

  I'm feeling pretty dumb for not Googling the message. I would've realized it was lyrics and connected the facts before. Lie! I don't think I would've connected the facts. I didn't even know Lucas knew Ana Carolina's songs, even less that he knew how to sing them, but at least knowing it was a song it would've helped unveil the mystery. I would've taken Bruno out of my list of suspects. He only likes rock, metal, and things like that, so MPB – Brazilian Popular Music – would've been out.

  Speaking of Bruno, Andressa told me that there was a fight between him and some boys yesterday at the school courtyard, it seems like the issue started because of their addiction, cigarettes. I still don't why someone starts to smoke, specially someone as young as Bruno. To me cigarettes and other drugs should never have existed, that way no one would be tempted to go down that path. The world would be better if no one did drugs. After all, who invented drugs?

  But, coming back to the matter to hand, I'm not a fan of Ana Carolina, I love her songs, but I never went to a show or anything. Okay, the reason I didn't go is because I don't have the money, but that's a different story.

  While Lucas still played out of tune – I won't say he's a good singer just because I like him—, I tried to imagine what it would be like if we were in a relationship, I hope he knows I'd never accept a hook up, I want a serious relationship. Do we have things in common? What would my parents think about him? I bet he's a very good kisser!

  "Paula?" I heard Lucas calling my name.

  I think I was found out. Fine, I wasn't exactly hidden, but I wasn't supposed to be here listening to this.

  "Paula!" He called for me, putting the guitar down.

  "Oh! Hi," I answered awkwardly, thinking quickly of an excuse. "I came to ask if you don't want to come tease the new couple with me," I said, because obviously I'd come just to see what he was doing that he hadn't stayed with us.

  "How long have you been standing there?" He asked me, fearful.

  A person is only afraid when he feels a little bit guilty, right?

  "Long enough to find out you play the guitar," I said, shrugging, after all, there was no use in lying, since he stopped playing when he saw me,.

  "I don't play, I just try, actually. My uncle plays and he was teaching me some chords during the holidays, but as you can see, it didn't work very well," he said.

  "I didn't know you liked Ana Carolina," I said, pretending to be distracted looking at the room, or better, at the mess that was the room.

  "I don't, actually, but I learned some," he answered, blushing a little.

  "Some? Then you knew what the message on the flower meant? At least that's what it seemed," I said boldly.

  I had to say something, right? Why didn't he step up and admit already that he's my no-longer-hated secret admirer? Because if the admirer is Lucas, he's not hated nor secret.

  "I didn't think of it at the time. To tell you the truth I remembered the song this morning and decided to come here and play it to see if I was right," he said, shrugging.

  Why don't I believe him?

  "This morning? But you were with me this morning and we didn't talk about it," I said, trying to unmask him.

  "Bu
t there was a big part of the time where you were reading and just thinking about life," he answered impatiently. "Paula, why don't you tell me what you're thinking already?" He asked me, seemingly stopping being embarrassed.

  "You were my secret admirer, or at least, secret until now," I answered, pointing an accusing finger at him, determined.

  I want to see him lie now. I have him against the wall!

  "I think you're going crazy, angel," he said, laughing. "I'm not your secret admirer, I'd never send roses, I told you already," he said, a little more serious.

  Liar, liar! I can't believe he can lie to me like that. I've found out the truth, there's no use in lying.

  "You're really not going to own up to it? Is it so bad being my admirer?" I asked, depressed.

  Did I get everything wrong and he doesn't like me? Because I only found out I like him that way not that long ago, so either he doesn't like me like that or he hasn't figured out he does yet.

  "It's not bad, Paulie, your admirer is the bad one. I've never seen roses in forks, bathrooms, closets... I prefer something more traditional," he said, shrugging. "Besides, why would I be a secret admirer if the first person people would suspect would be me?" He asked, convincingly.

  "But it's just..." I started, but the truth is I had no idea what I was going to say. Would I say that I wished it was him? It makes no sense, right? Fine, it makes sense, but I can't tell him that. No woman has to say things like that, men are the ones that have to do it, and don't start saying that the world has changed and all that. I like the way things used to be.

  "Hello, children," I heard Vitor voice when he came into the room and held himself up in the doorjamb.

  How he likes to be inconvenient, I think it's habit.

  "Children my foot!" I complained.

  "Well that's old. Nowadays we'd day something like "children my ass"," he said, thoughtful. "Poor thing, she lives in another century," Vitor said to Lucas, pretending I couldn't hear him.

  "Saying stuff like that is rude, and my mom taught me well," I answered.

  "So did mine, but I decide when to behave," he answered, shrugging. "What are you two doing sitting alone in a room?" he asked, teasing, changing the subject.

  How can someone change the subject so quickly?

  "We were hooking up but we’d decided to take a break and let our mouths rest when you arrived," Lucas said, smiling evilly.

  "But you're not even mussed up, you can't even hook up right. You know...if you don't get a little mussed up then you're not doing it right. You better improve your technique soon, as you grow older it's harder to learn new tricks," Vitor philosophized.

  Am I the only one that got embarrassed here? Yeah...I think so! I hate it when they do this, better to sit on the other side of the room. Maybe from afar they won't see my red cheeks.

  "There's no use in running away, Red, I've seen your red face," Vitor said, pointing that accusing finger at me.

  I gave him my best I'll-kill-you look before stomping to the other side of the room and throwing myself in Fernando's bed.

  "In my defense, Paulie asked me not to mess up our clothes too much so no one would be able to tell," Lucas lied, as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

  "And why is Fernando's guitar here?" Vitor asked, I think finally noticing the guitar on the floor next to Lucas.

  "I was trying to play a song," Lucas said, shrugging.

  Trying to play the song that was in my admirer's rose, and was caught in the act!

  "A very peculiar song. Just admit you were caught in the act," I said, triumphant.

  "Now I'm curious...for Paula to be saying that there really must have happened something in this room that I missed," Vitor said, excited about the possible gossip.

  "Do you remember that weird sentence on the flower?" I asked when I saw that Lucas wasn't going to explain that he's the admirer.

  "What sentence? The one from the day of the party?" He asked, in doubt.

  "Right, the day of the party," or yesterday. These guys have memory problems...

  "Of course I remember. We went on the hunt for someone that could read the thing, but what about it?" He asked, seeming to finally start to understand.

  "Let's just say that I found your friend playing and singing a song with that sentence," I said finally, unveiling the mystery.

  "You were the admirer and you didn't tell me?" Vitor asked Lucas, furious.

  Oops... I think we're about to have a fight here. I swear that wasn't my intention.

  "I'm not the admirer!" Lucas answered, seeming annoyed from having to repeat the same thing over and over again.

  Poor thing! He's been unmasked, there's no use in pretending now.

  "Stop lying. I've always suspected, but I thought you'd tell me if you were trying to get Paulie, maybe I could've helped," Vitor complained.

  "If you haven't noticed, I'm still here," I complained, sitting on the bed and putting my hand on my waist with my best I'm-annoyed pose.

  "I would've told if it was me!" Lucas complained.

  "As if it wasn't you! Paulie said she heard you playing the song," Vitor shot back.

  I think they're ignoring me so I'm going to find something else to do until they decide to stop fighting.

  I left the room with them still arguing. Men! They're so stubborn!

  Even with the fight and Lucas not admitting he's my admirer, I'm still happy. After all, even if I didn't admit I like him, I do and now it's our chance. We'll start dating, and as soon as Lucas admits he loves me everything will be more than good.

  Fine, he's not really going to say he loves me, men very rarely admit their feelings, but he'll say something, then we'll kiss and live happily ever after. Happily ever after is a long time, but we'll be happy. We'll be a cute, romantic couple – let's admit that Lucas is super cute, handsome, charming, so both of us together will be awesome.

  Andressa is going to die when she finds out. I'll surpass the gossip about her relationship with the one about my relationship. What? She can say they're just hooking up, but I call it dating and that's it. Besides, none of them are going to hook up with anyone else while they're together, so why call it hooking up?

  "What are you doing here with that stupid look on your face, Paulie?" I heard Andressa's voice.

  Obviously I had to look around me to figure out where I was, after all, I was thinking about Lucas and didn't notice where I was going.

  "I bet she's thinking about her admirer," Fernando said.

  "I was," I answered, shrugging. "And what are both of you doing here in the middle of the hallway?" I asked, trying to push the spotlight from me.

  "We're making out," Andressa said, unashamed.

  Is this really my shy friend? She doesn't seem so shy anymore, I think Fernando is being a bad influence on my poor friend.

  "Where's Vitor and Lucas?" Fernando asked, probably trying to change the subject.

  "They stayed in their room talking about my secret admirer," I said, shrugging.

  Am I the only one who's dying to tell them Lucas is my admirer? I can't wait to see their faces!

  "And why would they be talking about that? I thought Lucas didn't like that subject," Fernando said, thoughtful.

  "Of course he doesn't. He was afraid we'd figure out the truth," I said, excitedly.

  "The truth?" Fernando asked, doubtful.

  "Lucas is my secret admirer!" I said, excited, and obviously I was waiting for some excitement from Andressa, jumps of joy and the like, but what I got was a critical look.

  "Didn't you say it could be André or Bruno?" She asked, one eyebrow raised, clearly showing that she didn't believe my fantastic revelation.

  "I did, but Lucas admitted to it," I said, excited. "Fine, he didn't admit, but there's no denying it now," I completed, thoughtful.

  "Now I really don't get it. What happened while we were busy?" Fernando asked, curious.

  "I caught Lucas playing a song in the guitar and –" I started to te
ll.

  "He plays guitar?" Andressa asked, interrupting me.

  "He was learning to play during the Summer holidays," Fernando answered, shrugging.

  "Can I continue?" I asked, impatient. "Great!" I said when they nodded. "Like I was saying, he was secretly playing guitar in his room when I walked in. And you're not going to believe what he was playing. Do you remember the sentence that was on the flower one of these days? Yeah...he was playing a song with that sentence," I finished energetically.

  "And that proves something?" Fernando asked, seeming confused.

  What part of my explanation didn't he get?

  "Of course it does. No one knew the sentence, let alone the song. He sent me the roses. He's my admirer. It's so obvious I don't know how I didn't realize it before," I said, shrugging.

  I couldn't be more obvious. Lucas is always around and according to Vitor he likes me that way. So he didn't say anything, but if his best friend said it then I have no reason to not believe it, right?

  "And what are you going to do with that information?" Andressa asked.

  I realized Fernando looking at her as if she was crazy, but Fernando is a man, and men don't understand obvious things, at least they don't most of the time.

  "I don't know what to do yet. Thoughts?" I asked, unsure.

  "Go there and declare yourself. You're already sure he likes you, so you can't be afraid to be rejected," she answered promptly.

  "Me, declare myself? That's not how things should happen. He's supposed to tell me he's my admirer and ask me out on a date, and when we were having lunch, dinner, whatever, he'd tell me he loves me," I said dreamily. I can just imagine the whole thing.

  "Then kiss him already. I bet he's not just going to wait around, " Andressa said, shrugging.

  What part of my super cute fantasy didn't she get?

  "I'll think about what to do with that information," I said, dispirited, then walked out of the building. Maybe some fresh air will help me think clearly.

  "I really don't understand the world you women live in," I heard Fernando say while I walked away.