I, Amber Brown

by Paula Danziger

  “Amber,” my mother says, and then knocks on my door.

  “Come in,” I say.

  She walks in the door and looks at me. “I’m glad to see that you are doing your homework.”

  “I’m writing my will,” I say.

  She looks surprised, and then she starts to smile.

  I can tell that she is trying not to laugh.

  I don’t think it’s funny, my writing my will.

  “You can finish that after you come downstairs and talk with me and your father,” she says.

  I get up off my bed.

  I just want my mom to hug me, and she isn’t doing that.

  We go downstairs.

  My parents have been drinking coffee.

  They seem very calm.

  I sit down.

  They both look at me.

  For a minute, none of us say anything.

  They both keep looking at me.

  My mom speaks first. “Amber. Do you know what you have done that is wrong?”

  I sigh.

  I wish that they would tell me what I did rather than making me guess…. or tell them.

  “Yes,” I say. “I asked your permission to do something and you said no…and then I did it anyway.”

  She nods. “And?”

  “And I’m sorry.” I say.

  “That’s good,” she says. “And……..”

  Now, I, Amber Brown, am lost.

  I’ve told her what I did.

  I said I was sorry.

  “And….” both of my parents say at the same time.

  Usually when two people say the same thing at the same time, I yell “pinkies” and the two people have to link pinkies.

  This time I don’t think it is a good time.

  Probably if I yelled “Thumbs down” that would be something that they would do…. to me.

  “And….” I say, and then pause. “You’ve got to help me with this, please.”

  My mom shakes her head but my dad speaks. “And you got me involved in it. You never told me that your mom said no.”

  “But I didn’t lie,” I say.

  “But you didn’t tell the truth,” my mom says.

  My dad nods.

  This is soooooooooooo hard.

  I wish that there was something that I could do.

  All of this talking is making me very nervous.

  I just want to get to the end of this conversation to find out what is going to happen to me, to my earrings, to my going shopping, to their ever loving me again.

  We talk……about what I did….. how from now on, my mom and dad are going to talk things out, let each other know what’s happening, what they feel…. they also say that they will talk to me about what I feel….. and that there will be times of disagreement, but we’ll all try to work it out.

  I have to promise not to “play one parent against the other.”

  “Can I go shopping with Dad tomorrow?” I ask.

  “No,” they both say at exactly the same time.

  It’s another “link pinkies” moment…. only I wish that they had both said yes.

  I’ve wanted my parents to agree on stuff for a long time.

  Now I’m not so sure that I like it.

  My mom says, “Your father has explained to me why it is so important to get the furniture now. So after we’re done talking about all of this, you and your father will be able to look at the catalogs and pick things out that way. But you can NOT take the day off.”

  My dad nods.

  “So that’s my punishment?” I ask.

  “Part of it…although even if you weren’t being punished, I don’t think that I would have allowed you to miss school…. I don’t think Mrs. Holt would have given permission. As for the rest of your punishment, we’re still working that out…. we’re not totally sure of what we are going to do, what you will have to do.”

  “May I keep the earrings?” I ask.

  My mom sighs. “I have to think about that. There are so many choices. At the moment I am thinking that you will have to take them out tonight and let the holes close up, but I’m not sure.”

  At the moment, I, Amber Brown, am thinking that I don’t like what my mom is thinking.

  I am hoping that I can get her to change her mind.

  I look over at my dad and make a kind of begging face.

  He shakes his head. “This is a decision that your mother and I have to make together.”

  He looks at my mom and frowns. “And it’s one that we haven’t been able to reach agreement on.”

  She looks at him and frowns back.

  I have one very annoyed mom, and I don’t think that I’m the only one that she is annoyed with.

  I think that my dad is also annoyed.

  …. And I don’t think that this is just about me.

  I’m afraid that my parents are going to start fighting with each other.

  The doorbell rings.

  Saved by the bell.

  Chapter

  Twelve

  This has turned into the longest day of my life.

  Most days, there’s just normal every day things happening.

  Today, more things have happened than usually happens in a week: wake up….. make presents…. uncrazyglue myself……go out with my dad, get my ears pierced, see my new house and meet a whole bunch of new people who are now going to be part of my life…. and then it’s back home with mom finding out about my ears….. going to my room….. making a will…then there’s this big scene with my parents…. and now the doorbell rings.

  I, Amber Brown, am not sure that more can happen on this day.

  I rush to the door.

  “I’m home,” the voice says.

  It’s Max.

  This is not really his home.

  He doesn’t stay here…but he likes to say that to practice for when he and Mom will be married and he will be living here.

  I hope that my dad doesn’t hear Max say, “I’m home.”

  I open the door.

  He’s carrying a huge box of things for our bowling team’s Christmas party. There is a Pinster Piñata that I helped him make when Mom and I went over to his house one day. There is a battery-run bowling Santa…and the pins are his elves. I painted the pins to look like elves. And there are candies and cookies and little awards for each person on the team.

  Max is the best coach in the world.

  “So what happened on this day of December 12?” Max asks.

  I remember what I read this morning. “On this day in 1901, some guy named Macaroni sent the first radio signal across the Atlantic Ocean. It went from Cornwall, England, to Newfoundland, Canada.”

  Max smiles. “Marconi. Not Macaroni….. Unless he had a pasta life.”

  Max laughs at his own joke, which I, Amber Brown, don’t get.

  “Where’s our Sarah?” he asks.

  “They went into the kitchen,” I say. “She and Dad are talking.”

  He walks into the kitchen.

  When Mom sees Max, she jumps up and gives him a kiss.

  Then Max says hello to my dad.

  My dad says hello back.

  Neither of them is smiling.

  I take a deep breath and wonder what’s going to happen next.

  Mom says, “Honey.”

  All three of us say “Yes.”

  My dad, Max, and me.

  “Max.” My mom kisses his cheek. “Amber and Philip are going to be in the kitchen for awhile, picking out some things for Philip’s new house.”

  Max nods.

  Mom continues. “So let’s go into the living room and talk about the team’s Christmas party. Let’s let Philip and Amber do their selecting.”

  “Okay.” Max goes over to the refrigerator, opens the door, and pulls out a can of root beer for himself and a can of seltzer for my mom. “Can I interest either of you in something to drink?”

  My dad shakes his head no.

  I ask for and get some orange juice.

  My da
d watches as they leave the room.

  Then he opens the catalog and says, “On your mark……get set……shop. We have a house that we want to turn into a home.”

  And we shop.

  Chapter

  Thirteen

  “Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheynu melekh ha-olam, asher kid’shanu be-mitzvotav ve-tzivanu le-hadlik ner shel Hanukkah.” Max recites the blessing in Hebrew as he lights the candles on the menorah.

  I, Amber Brown, read the English translation. “Praised are You, O Lord, Our God, King of the Universe, who sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah lights.”

  “It’s time to play with the dreidel,” Max says.

  Mom, Max, and I spin the dreidel and I, Amber Brown, win a lot of candy money.

  Then we give each other presents.

  I, Amber Brown, tell Max to open his first even though I really want to open mine first. I really want him to like his present.

  Actually, I really love opening presents so Max lets me unwrap his, and then he looks at the bowling salt and pepper shakers.

  “Just what I needed!” He gives me a hug.

  “Even though you already have salt and pepper shakers at your house?” I ask.

  He nods. “I really need these. My house has been wanting things that are made for me by a child whom I love.”

  “And who loves you,” I say softly.

  We give each other a hug.

  I look over at my mom.

  She’s starting to cry, just a little.

  But she’s smiling a lot.

  “Are you crying because you know that in about six months these salt and pepper shakers will be living with us? I know that they are not your favorite items,” I tease her.

  She wipes at her tears and keeps on smiling. “No. I’m just happy. You know that.”

  “Open your present.” I hand it to her. “It’s from Max and me.”

  She starts to unwrap the present and then hands it to me. “You can unwrap it if you want.”

  I want.

  I do love unwrapping presents, even if they are not for me, even if I am giving them to the other person and know exactly what’s in it.

  I hand it back to my mom. “We worked on this the night you had to work late, and Max came over to keep me company.”

  It’s a photo album, covered in velvet and filled with pictures of me, of Max, and of my mom, Max, and me all together.

  My mom looks at it and her eyes start to tear again.

  “Cry baby,” I say.

  “My baby,” she says, hugging me.

  “I’m not a baby anymore,” I remind her.

  “You’ll always be my baby,” she says.

  “Mom,” I say.

  She hugs me again and then Max says, “Now for your present.”

  He picks it up and brings it over to me.

  It looks heavy the way he’s carrying it.

  I reach for it.

  “Let’s put it on the table,” Max says. “It’ll be safer that way.”

  I, Amber Brown, have no idea what it is.

  It’s a kind of big box, one that Max had hidden in a small suitcase.

  It’s the first time that I’ve seen it.

  Maybe it’s the computer game thing that I asked for.

  I want to shake it, but he’s said to be careful so I am.

  I just tip it a little.

  It’s very heavy.

  I rip off the wrapping and open the box.

  Inside the present is wrapped in a green garbage bag, like the ones that I used to wrap Justin and Danny’s presents.

  It’s a ball.

  It’s a bowling ball.

  It’s a pink glitter bowling ball.

  And my name is engraved on it….

  I turn it around. “There are no holes.”

  Max laughs. “It’s a new way of bowling.”

  I look at him.

  “Joke,” he says. “We’ll take it over to the sports shop and they’ll drill holes in it that will be perfect for your fingers.”

  I hug the bowling ball.

  “It’s got to have a name,” I say.

  We start to think of names for the bowling ball. Split. Spare. Rover. Spot. Turkey. The Pink Comet. Destructo. The Avenger. Dropsy. The Ballamatic.

  Finally, I think of one that I like. “It’s called B.B., short for bowling ball…. so it will always be my B.B.”

  “And you will always be my baby,” my mom says.

  I cross my eyes at her.

  “Max, thank you so much,” I say. “Could I borrow that suitcase to keep B.B. in?”

  He nods and smiles. “Okay…but something tells me that tomorrow when we light the candles there just might be something to keep that in.”

  “A bowling ball bag?” I ask. “Is it a pink glitter one?”

  Max shrugs. “You’ll see tomorrow.”

  “Oh no.” I remember. “Tomorrow I’m going to be with my dad.”

  Actually, I, Amber Brown, have been looking forward to going over to my dad’s house and seeing all of the things that we picked out.

  This is my weekend with Dad, our time to be together before Christmas.

  This will be my first time to stay over in my dad’s and my house.

  But I also want to be together with Mom and Max, and not just because of my bowling bag present.

  I really like celebrating Hanukkah with Max…. and not just because of the presents.

  Mom and Max and me. Dad and me.

  I can’t be in both places at the same time.

  This is not easy.

  And it’s really just beginning.

  It’s going to be like this for the rest of my kid life.

  I, Amber Brown, think about this.

  I will probably have to be split like this forever.

  Even when I am a grown-up.

  I will always have to make choices.

  Yikes! Double yikes.

  It’s weird.

  In some ways, my life is better since my parents got divorced.

  In some ways, it’s harder.

  But this is my life, and I’ve got to try to make it work out.

  “Never mind,” my mom says. “When you come back on Sunday, it will still be Hanukkah…. and we’ll celebrate it then.”

  “And you will get your purple glitter bowling bag then,” Max says, and then covers his mouth. “Ooops.”

  “Not very good at keeping secrets, are we???!!!!” my mom says, putting her arm around his waist.

  He shakes his head and grins.

  I think about my pink glitter bowling ball and my purple glitter bowling bag.

  I may not be the best bowler in the league, but I will certainly be the most colorful.

  And I, Amber Brown, love being colorful.

  Chapter

  Fourteen

  “Wow!” I say. “Dad, my room looks terrific.”

  He grins. “It does, doesn’t it? It was amazing. One day the furniture was delivered…and the next day, four guys arrived from the company I called and in a few hours they assembled everything.”

  I look around my room.

  There are two bureaus, a wardrobe closet, a desk, and a chair.

  “Hooks are on the wall. The rug is on the floor. Curtains are hung.” My dad points things out. “I did all of that. I also hung the shower curtain in your bathroom and put away all of the linens and the kitchen stuff.”

  “Wow,” I say again. “You did all of that.”

  He grins. “Well, most of it. Mrs. Garfield, who cleans the Marshalls’ house, helped me. She’ll be working for us too.”

  “That means I won’t have to make my bed?” I ask.

  “No,” he answers. “She’ll be here only one day a week. You make your own bed, except for the day that she’s working here.”

  “Shucks,” I say.

  My dad sits down on the office chair. “Amber, how are we going to work out your clothes? Do you want to bring some of them over here? That way yo
u won’t have to carry a suitcase to school on afternoons that you will be coming over to my house after you’ve been staying at your mother’s.”

  I, Amber Brown, haven’t thought about that. “I don’t know. I’ll talk to Mom.”

  He nods. “Okay…. and as for Christmas, I will give you a gift certificate to a department store, and you and your mom can go shopping for clothes for you.”

  I wonder if Mom will want to shop for stuff that will be staying in my Dad’s house.

  I just don’t know.

  I guess that my dad doesn’t either because he says, “I can have Brenda Ambersit one day and take you shopping.”

  “Great,” I say.

  “Actually, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” he says.

  “But it’s your idea,” I remind him.

  “You won’t end up dressing like Brenda?” He shakes his head. “She’s a very nice person, but she has very strange taste.”

  “You mean like the things she’s wearing today?” I say, remembering what she looked like when we came into the house and saw Polly and Brenda heading out the door.

  Brenda had on a black skirt with a pink poodle on it over her leggings….. and she was wearing a black T-shirt that says “Retro lives.”

  I, Amber Brown, have no idea who Retro is or where he, she, or it lives, but I thought that Brenda looked really great. I especially loved her pink high top sneakers and her lacy black and pink socks.

  “I liked what Polly was wearing,” I say, remembering Polly’s black leggings and long turquoise sweater. “Maybe Brenda and Polly and I can go shopping together.”

  I wonder how I, Amber Brown, would look dressed up like Brenda, but don’t tell my father that.

  “Great idea,” my dad says. “After Christmas, I’ll send the three of you shopping…. and I’ll treat everyone to lunch.”

  “Great.” I think of all of the things that I can get.

  There are some definite pluses to being a shared custody kid, even though this whole thing still makes me a little nervous.

  “Amber. Mr. Brown,” Savannah yells down from upstairs. “Is it okay if I come downstairs?”

  “Yes,” my dad and I yell at the same time.

  “Pinkies,” I say to my dad, holding up my pinky.

  We link pinkies.

  My dad starts to laugh. “Amber, the other day at work, my boss and I said the same thing at the same time and I yelled ‘Link Pinkies.’ I was very embarrassed.”