She Loves Him...Not

by Elana Johnson

  But did she really want the rest of her life to be filled with this constant rift? This tension? This up and down and around emotional roller coaster?

  “I’d rather make our own memories here,” he finally said. “Good ones, that we only know about.”

  And he always had the perfect thing to say. At least it felt that way to Gwen. “Okay,” she said. “What do you feel like eating tonight?” They’d had fancy food at the restaurant last night, and that was forty-five minutes around the island, back where their hotel waited for them.

  “There’s a great crab shack right around here,” he said. “At least, I’ve heard Tilly talk about it. It wasn’t here when we were kids.”

  “A new memory then,” she said. “I like crab.”

  Teagan tapped and swiped on his phone, finally saying, “Here it is. Ten minutes away. Doable?”

  “Yep,” Gwen said, looking out her window. “Doable.” What she wasn’t sure was doable was dealing with Teagan’s moods, his tightly held secrets, and his past for the rest of her life. But she’d already started to fall for him, and she didn’t know how to claw her way back up the mountain now. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to. So many things swirled inside her mind—inside Teagan’s too, obviously, as neither of them said a word on the ten-minute drive to the crab shack.

  She felt like she was holding tightly to a kite string while the wind whipped the toy back and forth through the tumultuous sky. And the worst part? Teagan held a pair of scissors and could cut her free at any time.

  She’d go soaring up into the thunderclouds, getting zapped by lightning whenever she brought up a topic he didn’t like, and then eventually, she’d fall, and there would be no one there to catch her.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Teagan scrubbed a towel through his hair and went into this hotel room. Gwen wanted to go to a farmer’s market that morning, and Teagan wanted to spend time with Gwen. Dinner last night had been a tense affair, and they’d both retired early to their rooms.

  He’d been up since dawn, and he’d seen Gwen’s pictures on social media. Pictures of her down on the beach at night, eating gourmet chocolate from a food cart she’d found on the boardwalk—without him.

  His chest had pinched, but they’d agreed they could have time to themselves if they needed it. And Gwen obviously needed it. On the second day.

  Teagan knew why, but he wasn’t sure how to take back the words he’d said about his daughter. He barely saw Abby, and he honestly hadn’t thought he’d need to introduce her to Gwen. Or any woman, really.

  He pulled out his phone and started a text to his daughter, though it would be way too early for Abby to respond right away. Would you ever want to meet

  He didn’t know how to finish the text. Meet who? The woman he loved? The woman he might marry? He wasn’t sure Gwen was either of those things, at the moment. He really liked her, and he wanted to learn more about her. But he wasn’t in love with her.

  Though, if he was…he’d want to marry her.

  His emotions went up and down, around and around, as if attached to a yo-yo. But they were going to the farmer’s market in ten minutes, and he might need all of those to figure out what to text to his daughter.

  He deleted what he’d already typed and tried again. If my girlfriend wanted to meet you, what would you think of that?

  He pulled on a pair of board shorts and a T-shirt he hadn’t worn yet, shoved his wallet in his back pocket, and sighed. His phone chimed a few times from its spot on the dresser, and he picked it up, expecting to see Gwen’s name there.

  But Abby had texted back already. Surprise moved through him from that, and from what she’d said. First, you have a girlfriend? Is it that woman you texted me about a couple of weeks ago?

  Second, I want a picture of her right now.

  Third, if you want me to meet her, I’d meet her.

  So she’d left it up to him, but Teagan didn’t have to decide right away. Abby lived clear across the country, and he wouldn’t see her until the holidays at the earliest.

  Dad, picture, Abby said, and Teagan started swiping through his picture gallery. He didn’t have a single picture of Gwen. She’d been taking pictures of the two of them. Breakfast on the beach. Watching the whales. Dinner with his family. She posted way more on social media than he did, which wasn’t hard. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d put a picture online, and he didn’t have anything to send to Abby.

  A few minutes later, Gwen knocked on the door separating their rooms. Teagan opened it, already saying, “Hey, so I need a picture—” His voice muted when he saw what Gwen was wearing.

  The long, tropical dress covered a lot of her body, but not her slender, creamy shoulders. Her neck was exposed as she’d pulled her hair up on top of her head. She wore bright red lipstick and a pair of sunglasses and a smile.

  “Ready for the farmer’s market?” she asked. “And the beach?”

  “Yes,” he said through a dry throat. “You look great.”

  “I have my swimming suit on under this,” she said. “It’s just a cover-up.”

  “It’s gorgeous.” Teagan reached for her hand. “I texted Abby, and she said she’d like a picture of you. Us.” Why was this so hard? He felt completely out of his league when it came to Gwen Heartwood. He felt like he should have more control over his emotions at almost forty years old, but he honestly felt like he couldn’t take another step without the ground vanishing beneath his feet.

  “But I don’t have any,” he continued when Gwen just stood there.

  She finally lifted her sunglasses up, and their eyes met. “You want to send a picture of us to your daughter?”

  “Yes, she asked for one.”

  Gwen nodded and started swiping on her phone. “I have the one of us at Lookout Pointe yesterday. Will that work?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you tell her about this trip?” Gwen didn’t look at him as she continued to work on sending him the picture.

  “No,” he said.

  “What did you say?”

  “I asked her if she’d like to meet my girlfriend in the future, and she—”

  “Wait.” Gwen looked up at him. “You asked her if she’d like to meet me?”

  “Yes.” Teagan watched her, surprised to see a flush stain her cheeks. “I think it’s obvious I have no idea what I’m doing, as a boyfriend or a father.”

  His phone chimed again, and she said, “That’s the picture. What else did Abby ask?”

  “She wanted a picture, and she said it was up to me if she met you.”

  “And?”

  “And I think—” Teagan swept his hand through his hair. “I think we’ll probably be together during the holidays, and she’ll be here then, and you should probably meet her.”

  Gwen tucked her phone back into her tiny purse and smiled. “I think we’ll probably be together during the holidays too.”

  Teagan ducked his head as he smiled. “All right, then. Let’s hit the farmer’s market. I’m starving.”

  Gwen looped her arm through his, and they left the hotel together. The farmer’s market was just down the street at a park, and Teagan could see the white tents from the sidewalk in front of the hotel.

  “Abby loves a good farmer’s market,” he said.

  “So do I,” Gwen said. “But I like tons of stuff like this. I like the food truck rallies on the island. I like the surfing championships. I like the dog shows, and the beach nights, and the outdoor movies.” She took in a deep breath. “It’s the sense of community, I think, that I like.”

  “Carter’s Cove has way better community than the Shores,” he said. “At least I think so.”

  “I think so too,” Gwen said. “But I can’t wait to see what they have at this farmer’s market.”

  “It’s going to be the same overpriced stuff we found out at Lookout Pointe yesterday. You know that, right?”

  Gwen giggled and skipped ahead of him. “Yeah, I know that. But there’s g
oing to be that crepe truck, and I’ve already picked out the one I want.”

  “I’m totally going to get two,” Teagan said, the scent of chocolate filling the air. They crossed the street and entered the park, the first booth Gwen saw intriguing her. She had to look at everything in the booth, which boasted homemade soaps that all smelled the same to Teagan. She bought a bubble brush, and they finally moved on. But the essential oils in the next tent captured her attention, and Teagan’s stomach growled.

  But he liked Gwen’s enthusiasm—and the fact that the tension between them had disappeared. He learned she liked the scent of peppermint over lavender, and that flavored honeys were not acceptable, and that Gwen sure was amazing with talking to strangers.

  She exuded happiness in a way Teagan had never experienced, but that he wanted to.

  “Crepes,” Gwen said, and Teagan gestured her toward the food truck with a few people lingering out front. She told him what she wanted, and Teagan ordered for both of them.

  They finally got their food, and Teagan did order two. He couldn’t decide between a savory or a sweet one, and the one with banana, coconut, and caramel was amazing. As was the one with scrambled eggs, bacon, and avocado mayo.

  Gwen got berries and cream, and he had a bite of hers too. As the sun heated the day, their time at the farmer’s market ended. “Time to go to the beach?”

  “Definitely,” he said, because he really wanted to see what swimming suit she was wearing under that coverup. It must not have straps, because her shoulders were very bare.

  Sunday at the beach was busy, but with school in, it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Gwen found them a spot, and she pulled a blanket from the beach bag she’d been carrying around all morning.

  She sighed as she sat down, and Teagan did too. The sound of the waves coming ashore soothed him, and Teagan reached over to hold her hand. “Thanks for being patient with me.”

  “We all have things we need to work on,” she said.

  Teagan thought that was probably true, but he felt particularly broken. He closed his eyes and tried to find a time in his life he could classify himself as happy. His mother had not been ideal, and certainly nothing like how Gwen had grown up.

  He’d gone as far from Whistlestop Shores as he could get, but he’d screwed up in California too. So he’d retreated and worked for a couple of years to save for culinary school, because he’d lost his place at the one in California when he’d married Caroline.

  When he had enough money, he attended an institute in Kansas, which wasn’t as prestigious as a lot of people. Most chefs, actually.

  He’d come back to the East Coast because he wanted a job at a beach resort. He’d worked at two before The Heartwood Inn, and he definitely liked Heartwood the best. He didn’t know how to be a dad, and he’d never really tried, if he were being honest with himself. At least not until Abby got older, got a phone, and his communication with her became easier for them both.

  And then everything had happened with Gwen, and he’d panicked because he had no idea how to be a boyfriend or a father. At least he wasn’t a liar too.

  Teagan told himself to take one day at a time. One conversation. One situation. He was getting better at expressing himself, and if Gwen would continue to be patient with him, maybe this relationship would work out.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Gwen enjoyed the next several days with Teagan. She didn’t bring up his daughter, or his family, or anything that required a hard conversation to be had. Honestly, she was exhausted with all they’d already talked about, and she couldn’t imagine how Teagan felt.

  He didn’t bring up anything of importance, unless talking her through how beach volleyball was scored as they watched game after sandy game during the championships on Saturday afternoon and evening.

  The following morning, they were headed back to Carter’s Cove, and then it was back to business as usual at The Heartwood Inn bright and early on Monday morning.

  Gwen was proud of herself for only checking in with Gordon once, Olympia a couple of times, and Bea a few times. She and Teagan had agreed to some time apart, and he didn’t get to decide what she did with her free time.

  Sunday dawned with Gwen standing on the beach, the waves flowing gently over her bare feet. She held her sandals in her fingers and bathed in the golden sunlight as it breathed life into a new day.

  She filled her lungs with air again and again and looked up into the sky. Not a cloud sat there, and she wished she felt as tranquil as the landscape around her. She wasn’t even sure what festered inside her. Simply that something did.

  Eventually, she made her way back to her room and started to pack. She and Teagan were meeting for breakfast at nine, and then they’d drive home. She was planning to spend the afternoon in Celeste’s office, telling her everything about the last ten days as her sister prepped for the week’s events at the inn.

  Fine, she might go into the kitchen and spend some time behind her own desk too. She hadn’t decided that yet. What she really wanted to do was eat dinner with Teagan at Redfin. A meal they didn’t make and hadn’t engineered.

  “Hey,” she said when Teagan came into her room. “I’m almost ready. Listen.” She turned toward him and smiled as she ran his palms up his chest. “How about dinner at Redfin tonight?”

  His eyebrows went up, and Gwen found him so, so handsome. She wasn’t sure exactly what love felt like, but she was pretty sure she was dangerously close to falling all the way in love with him.

  “Redfin? Really?”

  “Yeah,” she said, tipping up to kiss him quickly. She didn’t move away very far before adding, “A meal we don’t have to make at our own restaurant. We’ll just order the special, which you didn’t have to come up with or teach to anyone else.” Her lips curved up at the same time his did.

  “Sounds great.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I’ve sure enjoyed this trip with you.”

  “Me too,” she said, letting the soft moment lengthen between them. “Okay.” She drew in a breath and stepped back. “Let me finish packing, and then you can haul my bag down to the car.”

  Teagan chuckled as she stepped into her sandals and tossed her toiletry bag into her suitcase. A zip up later, and she was ready. They went downstairs, where he put their bags in the trunk of the car, and then he took her hand in his.

  “I know eggs aren’t your favorite food, but there’s a great place I used to like as a kid.”

  “Okay,” Gwen said as casually as she could. He hadn’t said anything else about this island where he’d grown up since the very beginning of their trip, and somehow that had only stoked Gwen’s curiosity about him.

  “They have other stuff too,” he said. “Don’t let the name fool you.”

  “What’s it called?”

  “Ham Over Eggs,” he said. “They have great bagel breakfast sandwiches.”

  “Is that what you got as a kid?”

  “No, it’s what I created for their menu as a teenager. Ham Over Eggs was my first paying job as a sixteen-year-old.”

  Gwen blinked and then burst out laughing. “I can’t wait to go, then.”

  “I don’t work there now,” he said.

  “Still,” she said. “Do you know how rare it is to have your creation on a menu, Teagan? It’s awesome.”

  “I guess,” he said, and Gwen shook his head as they continued walking down the street. Ham Over Eggs was a couple of blocks down, and a giant fried egg broadcasted its location.

  “Wow,” she said. “That’s…a big egg.”

  Teagan laughed and squeezed her hand. “I tried to redesign the branding too, but no one listened to me.”

  “Is it locally owned?”

  “Would a chain have a twenty-foot egg outside?”

  “Point taken.” They arrived at the breakfast joint, and Teagan opened the door for her. The scent of eggs hit Gwen full in the nose, which was probably a good thing for a restaurant with an overeasy egg on a pole out front.
But Gwen didn’t like eggs all that much, and she almost turned around and left.

  “Not sure it smelled like this when I worked here,” Teagan said, frowning as he came in after her. “Smells like someone put a pan of eggs on the burner and walked away for too long.”

  At least she wasn’t the only one put off by the smell. She let Teagan go in front of her as they approached the counter. If she’d come to Whistlestop Shores, she wouldn’t have picked this place to eat. She liked to be seated and served, and while she didn’t have anything against establishments that had customers order and then sit down with a number, it wasn’t her jam.

  But Teagan had barely arrived at the counter when someone said, “Teagan Hatch,” with a healthy dose of laughter following. An older man came around the counter and embraced Teagan, still laughing with that smile on his face.

  “Alan,” Teagan said, accepting the hug and pounding heartily on the other man’s back. “You’re still here.”

  “I bought this place,” Alan said. “Right after you left, actually.”

  Teagan said something Gwen didn’t catch, but Alan didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word quiet or whisper, because his voice was just as boisterous as before when he said, “Nothing to apologize for, Teagan. Nothing at all. You want one of your sandwiches? I kept them all on the menu.”

  Teagan stepped back to Gwen and put his hand in hers. “Alan, this is my girlfriend, Gwen.”

  “Oh.” Alan blinked, clear shock moving across his face. Gwen wondered what that was about, but she just extended her free hand to him.

  “Nice to meet you,” she said, putting her professional, plastic smile on her face.

  Alan lunged forward as if someone had pushed him. He grabbed onto her hand and said, “Yes, yes, nice to meet you too. How’s your daughter?”

  Gwen’s smile slipped and she looked at Teagan, who looked like he’d been sucker-punched.

  “This isn’t Abby’s mother,” he said.