She Loves Him...Not

by Elana Johnson

  “He did it again,” Brad said. “Joey. You’ve got to leave her shoes alone.” He closed the door, and the scent of fried chicken started to fill the house. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll pay you back for those.” And he could too, because he’d played professional football for seventeen years and had tons of money.

  “It’s fine,” Celeste said, tossing the shoe toward the box where she kept the dog toys. A couple of Gwen’s were in there too, but she’d willingly given them to Joey.

  “It’s a shoe,” Celeste said. “Tell me that’s from Jack-Jack’s.”

  “It is, and I got the brown gravy and the peppered gravy.” He smiled at her. “I’m really sorry about Joey. Should I take him back to the shelter?”

  Gwen’s heart stalled. She loved Joey, and she didn’t want to get rid of him, despite the shoe-chewing. If Brad didn’t want him, Gwen would take him.

  “No way,” Celeste said, bending to pat the mutt. “He just needs some obedience classes. Sit. Sit.” She pointed to the ground and straightened, and the dog sat. “See?”

  Gwen almost scoffed, because she was the one who’d spent the last several afternoons training Joey to sit. And fetch a ball. And shake hands. She just hadn’t shown Celeste all of his tricks yet.

  Brad grinned and moved into the kitchen. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

  “I’ll bet. You started the day out in Mount Vernon Hills, right?” She followed him, giggling when he took her into his arms and kissed her.

  “Gross,” Gwen said, though she found Celeste and Brad’s romance absolutely swoon-worthy. “If there’s not a crispy chicken potato bowl in there for me, you’re never allowed in this house again.” She got up and put her coffee mug in the sink.

  Brad stepped over to the bag and pulled out Gwen’s dinner. “For you, Gwenny.”

  “I can’t believe I let you call me that.”

  “You like it,” Brad said. “How are things in the kitchen?”

  Gwen tossed a look at Celeste, willing her to keep their secrets. Gwen had kept some for Celeste, even when it had been hard. “Hot,” she finally said.

  “Is that a good hot or a bad hot?” Brad watched her for a moment, and while she liked the guy, she wasn’t going to spill her guts to him.

  “It’s just hot.” She sat back down at the kitchen table and took the lid off her bowl.

  “Before we eat, I have a question,” Brad said. When Gwen looked up again, he’d fallen to both knees.

  “Oh, my goodness,” Celeste said, her words made of only air.

  Pure happiness moved through Gwen. Fine, with a pinch of jealousy. “Here it comes,” she said, smiling for all she was worth.

  “Celeste,” Brad said. “I’m in love with you. I know I’ve never said it out loud, but I’ve been feeling it more and more lately. I love you. I want to marry you in that outdoor wedding hall, and have a family with you, and take our kids to the nice beach every afternoon.”

  Gwen sighed, his words perfect and the scene of Celeste’s wedding playing out in her mind. Celeste started weeping, her hand clutched right to her throat.

  “Will you marry me?” he asked, reaching to open a drawer.

  “How long has that been there?” she asked as he pulled a black velvet ring box out of the drawer where she and Gwen kept their large kitchen utensils. “You kept a diamond ring with spatulas?”

  “He’s asking you to marry him,” Gwen said. “Stop criticizing how he’s doing it.” She’d put the ring there when she’d gotten home from work that morning. Brad had met her near the kitchen and told her the plan. Since Celeste didn’t cook, and Brad had said he was bringing dinner, there’d be no reason for her sister to open that drawer.

  “I’m not criticizing how he’s doing it,” Celeste said.

  “You haven’t answered,” Brad said, drawing her attention back to him. He opened the box to show a really beautiful diamond. So maybe Gwen had looked at it for a few minutes. Or an hour. She wasn’t sure.

  “Yes,” Celeste said, reaching to cradle his face in both of her hands. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  He grinned and swooped her into his arms, laughing as he twirled her around. “Great. Is eight months long enough to plan the wedding?”

  “More than enough,” she said. “And I love you too, Bradley Keith.” She kissed him, and since they’d just gotten engaged, Gwen couldn’t tell them to stop.

  She looked at her crispy chicken potato bowl and smiled, her emotions spiraling up to make her eyes wet. In the next few moments, her smile faded and Brad and Celeste joined her at the table, but she didn’t want to look at them. Then they’d see how unhappy she was when she should be asking them about their wedding.

  “Hey.” Brad’s hand came down on Gwen’s, and she met his eyes. “I’ve been talking to you. Are you okay?” He glanced at Celeste, who thankfully said nothing.

  “I’m…okay. Sorry.” She shook her head. “What did you say?”

  “I asked why you weren’t at Redfin tonight. Don’t you work there most evenings?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Just needed a night off.”

  “I haven’t heard about your trip either,” he said.

  “Brad,” Celeste said, and Gwen appreciated her sister so much right then.

  “The trip was great,” she said. “I learned a lot about my boyfriend, and that’s why he isn’t my boyfriend anymore.”

  “Gwenny,” Brad said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “I’m okay.” She picked up her food and added, “I’m going to eat on the back porch so you two can talk about your wedding.”

  “You don’t need to leave,” Celeste said.

  But Gwen did. She didn’t run out, though. She stepped over to Celeste and gave her a hug. “I’m so happy for you.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she pulled away. Brad stood up and blocked her exit, pulling her into a hug too.

  He said nothing, because what could he say? He didn’t know Teagan. He didn’t know what had happened on the trip. He didn’t have a magic wand that would allow Gwen to go back in time and erase what she’d said to Teagan.

  She did want him. She wanted more time with him. She wanted to know everything about him. She wanted to grow old with him. And she wanted to have kids with him.

  The dogs came with her out onto the back porch, and she sat in her usual spot on the couch. They jumped up behind her and looked at her earnestly, clearly asking her to share some of that crispy chicken with them.

  “I’m in love with him,” she told them. “And I don’t even know how it happened.” She fed them each a bite of chicken and then took a few bites herself. “And the worst part? I’m so selfish that I told him he wasn’t whole, and I deserved all of him.”

  Tears filled her eyes then, and she made no effort to wipe them away. Maybe she wasn’t whole without him. She just hadn’t thought that far ahead.

  She pulled in a deep breath and calmed herself enough to keep eating. Teagan was taking some time off. He was going to California. Hopefully, whatever he needed to do there could get done, and they could try again.

  She didn’t want to go back to the dating pool. She couldn’t make it through twenty-four more dates before she found another keeper, and she’d read an article that some women went on forty-one dates before finding Mister Right.

  “You’ve found him,” she told herself and the dogs now happily licking the gravy remains from her bowl. Now she just needed to give him some time to figure out if he wanted her too.

  The days passed, and Gwen didn’t feel like she needed to hide from Teagan. They worked together just fine. Cooking with him had always been exciting, and that hadn’t diminished. She allowed herself to feel the adventure of it, whereas last time he’d ended things with her, even seeing him made her angry.

  But now, she could be in the same room with him. Talk to him. Look at him. She just had to escape to her office a couple of times and take a few deep breaths. She had to cry in the shower between her shifts. Stare longingly out
at the waves during the afternoons she used to spend with him.

  She was fine.

  She was also lying to herself.

  October fourteenth came, and Teagan didn’t come into the kitchen. Everything felt vastly different without him there, and Gwen wasn’t sure if the relief she felt was good or bad. Because along with it came a heavy sense that something wasn’t quite right.

  The Heartwood Inn needed Teagan Hatch in its kitchen. She wondered if Teagan would even come back. He hadn’t quit, but he’d given her nothing after his initial request to be gone. He’d taken all seven days she could give him, and her heart started thumping in a strange way.

  “I’ll be right back,” she managed to say to Gordon.

  “We open in ten,” he said, and she nodded. She knew what time it was. She knew she was on the eggs and hash browns that morning. It was the busiest station in the kitchen during their brief breakfast service, and she could do it.

  What she couldn’t do was continue working at the inn without Teagan. She hurried to her office and closed the door, her breaths coming in huge gulps now.

  A groan rumbled in her throat, and she bent over, bracing herself on her knees, trying to breathe.

  “Please let him come back,” she said, everything in her blitzing with pain and light. “Please let him come back.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Teagan got off the plane in Los Angeles, a swarm of angry bees stinging his stomach. But there was no turning back now. Doctor Curtis had encouraged him to find any open doors that needed to be closed, and close them.

  And the one with Caroline and Abby was wide open. He wanted to keep the door open with Abby, but in order to move on with another woman, he needed to speak to both of them. Surprisingly, Caroline had answered his texts easily, and she’d arranged for a driver to pick him up at the airport.

  He passed the security line of people going in, glad he didn’t have to wait for his luggage. A stuffy man wearing a black suit and sunglasses held a placard with his first and last name on it, and Teagan lifted his hand and said, “I’m Teagan Hatch.”

  “ID please,” he said, and Teagan sighed inwardly. Caroline had said she had quite the security detail, and Teagan supposed that was smart. He dug in his back pocket for his wallet and produced his ID.

  The man studied it as if his glasses were equipped with scanners and computers that could verify Teagan’s ID. Maybe they were. “Right this way,” he finally said, leading Teagan toward the exit.

  A sleek, black car waited in the first lane, only steps through the door. The security guard opened the back door and Teagan ducked inside.

  “Hello, Teagan,” Caroline said, startling him.

  “Caroline.” He wasn’t expecting her to be in the car. “You didn’t have to come. I thought we were meeting later.”

  “I’m not filming today,” she said as the door closed behind him. The guard got in the front seat, not that Teagan could see or hear him. But the car shifted with his weight, and then it eased away from the curb.

  “I haven’t heard from you in years,” she said, obviously wanting him to say why he needed to see her so urgently. Not that he’d flown out the moment he wanted to. He couldn’t leave the kitchen at Heartwood for days and days.

  “I know,” he said. “I just…I needed to see you.” He barely glanced at her though. “How’s Abby?” The question just slipped between his lips. He wasn’t even sure why he’d asked.

  Caroline leveled her gaze at him and slowly reached for a pair of sunglasses perched on the armrest beside her. She slid them on, concealing her eyes from him. “You would know better than me, Teagan.”

  “Really?”

  “She hasn’t spoken to me in a while.” Caroline sounded calm and collected and as if their daughter’s silence didn’t bother her in the slightest.

  But alarm moved through Teagan. “What happened?”

  “Does this have any bearing on why you needed to talk to me?” she asked. “Why you flew all the way across the country when I haven’t heard from you or seen you in over eight years?”

  Frustration built in Teagan. “I think it might, yeah.” He looked away from her, not really caring where this car was taking him. He’d told Caroline where he was staying while he was in the city, and they’d planned to meet at the on-site restaurant later that night.

  “I need to know you got the money I sent all those years.”

  “I did.”

  And yet, she’d said nothing. “I’m sure you didn’t need it, but it was important to me that I send it.”

  Caroline said nothing, and he hated how perfectly still she sat, as if she were some sort of china doll.

  “I need to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt you or Abby.” He’d already expressed his anger and displeasure with Caroline and her decision not to tell him about the pregnancy and birth of his daughter.

  “We know that,” Caroline said.

  “I’ve met someone else,” Teagan said. “And I just want to make sure I can stick around for her. I’m just…never been good at being a boyfriend, husband, or father.”

  Several seconds of silence passed before Caroline reached over and covered Teagan’s hand with hers. “You did just fine, Teagan. I fell madly in love with you, because you were the best boyfriend I’d ever had.”

  “Yeah, but that wasn’t hard,” he said. “You’d only dated losers before me.”

  “And losers since,” she said, squeezing his hand. “We simply weren’t meant to be. Our split was as much my fault as yours. Probably more. And I bear the burden of concealing Abby from you for years. So I’m not quite sure why you think you can’t be a good boyfriend or husband.”

  So many things stormed within Teagan. “I’m not sure why either,” he said. “Only that I’ve never felt good enough.”

  “Well, I am an international superstar,” Caroline said with a lilting tease in her voice. “Is your new girlfriend an actress?”

  “No.” Thank goodness.

  “A singer? Country music star, perhaps? You are still in the South, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” he said. “But she’s not a country music star. She’s a chef at the inn where I work.”

  “Ah, a soulmate, then.”

  Teagan swung his attention to his ex-wife, finding a soft smile on her face. “You don’t even know her.”

  “But I know you, Teagan.”

  “You did, once,” he said. “A long time ago.” She didn’t know him now, which only made his desperate need to make sure everything was right between them all the more insane.

  “I know you love cooking,” she said. “You always have. Remember how we met?”

  Teagan remembered. “You were starving on-set and wouldn’t eat the snacks they’d brought in. So I gathered a bunch of stuff and took it to your trailer, where I made you an amazing sandwich.” He had always loved putting together sandwiches.

  Caroline gave a delicate laugh, sobering quickly as the car slowed to a stop. Something beeped, and then a man said, “We’re at the hotel, ma’am.”

  She removed her hand from Teagan’s. “We don’t need to meet tonight, Teagan. You and I? We’re good. The only thing I wish was that I hadn’t been so stupid and let you walk out of my life.” Her smile turned sad, and she looked out her window. “Your girlfriend is very lucky, and I hope you find a way to make things work with her.”

  Teagan hadn’t spoken to Caroline in a long time, but he knew finality when he heard it. And she was done talking.

  “Thank you, Caroline,” he said, reaching for the door handle. He opened the door to find the security guard there. He nodded to the man and walked away from the car, his head held high. As he entered the hotel, a sense of cleansing filled him.

  He’d told Alan many years ago that if he ever started dating and got married again, it would only be to his daughter’s mother.

  But he’d never reached out to Caroline. Never wanted to put himself back in her life.

  And now he knew why—a r
elationship never would’ve worked between them, for one. And for a second, she wasn’t Gwen Heartwood.

  He fumbled in his pocket for his phone, dialing Gwen faster than he ever had before. Her line rang and rang, and she didn’t pick up before it went to voicemail.

  His heart raced as he oscillated between leaving a message and simply hanging up. What would he even say?

  I love you, Gwen.

  Yeah, he couldn’t say that in a voicemail message. The beep sounded before he hung up, so he said, “Hey, Gwen. I have something to tell you. Call me when you get a chance, okay?” He wasn’t sure if she would, but he’d try her later, when it wasn’t naptime on the East Coast and he wasn’t standing in a lobby filled with people.

  He waited his turn to check in, surprised by the number of people there that afternoon. He learned there was a conference at the hotel, and everything made sense. Finally up in his room, he texted Abby.

  I’m in town. Landed a couple of hours ago. Want to get dinner tonight?

  His daughter started typing, at least according to his phone. I thought you were meeting Mom tonight.

  She picked me up at the airport. I’m free tonight if you are.

  I am…if you’re willing to meet my boyfriend.

  “Boyfriend,” Teagan muttered, already disliking the guy. Sure, he typed out instead. I’d love to meet him.

  Great, she said. I’ll text you a great place we can meet. Okay?

  “Okay,” he said out loud as he typed it. She didn’t respond right away, but Teagan wasn’t worried.

  Abby talked to him and not Caroline. He wondered why, and he needed to know what had happened between them.

  He needed to know how Abby felt about him as a father, and he needed Gwen to call him back. Sitting down on the bed, he tried doing the meditation Doctor Curtis had taught him, only to have his calm, restful state broken by the ringing of his phone only ten minutes later.