Switch It Up

by Sara Brookes

  “That’s what I thought. Don’t tempt me with pretty words or offers unless you intend to follow through.”

  “There is something clawing away inside you, Ezra. Fighting to be free, but you keep denying it. Why?”

  A cold sweat erupted over his body. He was worn out and frustrated, both mentally and physically. Most of all, he was tired of Kochran trying to placate him in an effort to play guardian.

  “I have to.” Ezra bit off each of the words through clenched teeth.

  Kochran’s gaze narrowed. “Says every other martyr in the world. Get the fuck over yourself and stop pretending you’re the only man to ever lose someone he loves.”

  Ezra was a blur of motion, yanking Kochran to stand and pushing him against the refrigerator so hard Kochran grunted as he made contact with the steel. “You ever taken it up the ass before, Kochran? Know what it feels like to walk around the next day with some other guy’s come inside you?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  Time stopped. Ezra’s heart froze, pain blooming as the words sank in. His lungs ceased to work, that suffocating sensation choking him. When time restarted, slamming into him with the force of a concussive shockwave, his blood buzzed in his veins, as though he’d walked through a swarm of hornets.

  He broke his strong hold, widening his eyes as everything inside him went still. “What?”

  “Surprised to find out I’m not the Big Bad King Dom everything thinks?” Kochran averted his gaze for a split second, but long enough for Ezra to know the admission had come with a price. This wasn’t the kind of information Kochran Duke gave up easily. “Back before I really got a handle on BDSM, in my early twenties, I banged everything with tits and a pussy until I forgot who I was. Somehow I could pretend I didn’t come from an affluent family who wanted me to make something of myself when all I wanted to do was beat my drums.

  “One night, I wandered into a less than reputable club in downtown San Francisco and it blew everything I knew about sex out of the water. These people lived at full throttle. Questionable consent. Lack of protection. Hard drugs. Edge and blood play like you’ve never imagined. And I wanted all of it. They welcomed me with open arms. Didn’t judge me for my desires and fucked up needs. I sank so deep and fast, I didn’t know who I was anymore.”

  “You found what you were looking for.”

  “Whatever the latest thrill was, I wanted it. And then I met him.” Kochran shifted against the fridge, using it for support as he slid down to crouch. He considered Ezra for a moment, his chest moving rapidly, as though he was trying to catch his breath, find a balance between the here and now and the past that had carved him into the man he’d become. “He was...everything. This force I was drawn to. I fell and, ah, God, did I fall hard.”

  “Literally and figuratively, huh?”

  Kochran smirked. “Miles was like nothing I’d ever seen. He was charming and charismatic. Chiseled face, sensual lips and lean, strong physique. God, he had a fucking beautiful body. That trademark tall, dark and handsome. Eyes that cut right through everything you were trying to hide from the world. He was everything I thought I could never be. Men and women flocked to him. Begged him for the honor of being in his presence. To exist in his space for just a moment in time so they could experience his greatness. They offered themselves freely with total disregard for anything else. Their only pleasure was to—”

  “Serve him,” Ezra finished as he wondered what it had been like to be there. To have seen people work so hard for attention. Then a sense of dread, sinister and consuming, washed over him. “What happened, Kochran?”

  Kochran stared off into the dark for a long time before finally answering. “Something about me caught his attention. I don’t know what it was and he never explained. To be honest, I never asked. I accepted it without reservation because I needed so much for it to be real. I became his.”

  “You were his sub.”

  “His slave,” Kochran corrected as he met Ezra’s gaze. “Complete and total power exchange. Unlike anything I’d ever seen or experienced, even now. It was the height of exhilaration that I’d been searching for. The drug I needed to mainline. I walked around with his collar around my throat and a huge attitude to match because I belonged to the baddest, meanest Master in the state. He owned me, through and through. If he didn’t leave bruises when he fucked me, I subdropped hard. Stayed that way for weeks. I needed his marks to feel alive. To feel that someone loved me. Cared for me. Then one day, he was gone.” Kochran snapped his fingers. “Vanished without a trace.”

  “You loved him.” The weight of Kochran’s silence stabbed at him.

  When Kochran finally spoke again, his voice had dropped several octaves. “I convinced myself that I couldn’t have the happily ever after because I would never find anyone who made me feel that way again.” He paused, taking a deep breath. The sad, low sound of his voice knocked Ezra right between the eyes. “It took a long time before I was even marginally human again. Tory helped me a lot, taught me to deal with something that was out of my control. Once I dug myself out that hole, I swore I would never show anyone that vulnerability again. I learned how to give the audience what they wanted while keeping that piece of me locked away. Until now. It wasn’t until we got to know one another better that I recognized you had what I didn’t know I was still searching for.”

  The confession, even though spoken in low tones, hit Ezra right in the center of his chest. He hadn’t been expecting it and sank to the ground, his leg muscles giving out. It was too many bits of information to process at once. It never occurred to him to think Kochran was broken. The man had seemed so limitless before. Ezra, and the majority of the Noble House membership, believed in everything the lifestyle had to offer and reveled in that fact. This bit of information made Kochran more like a man. A human being with wants and desires. The King of Noble House wasn’t as hard-core as he’d led everyone to believe.

  Of course, he could be lying too. Ezra had watched Kochran show his manipulative side more than once. He’d even admired the man for it. The mind fuck could play an integral part of a power exchange between consenting adults.

  A gnawing started in Ezra’s gut, chewing away at sensations he’d been struggling to bury ever since his marriage had ended. Strength regained in his legs, Ezra stood. He had to fight the urge to pound the steel above Kochran’s head until it bore the impression of his fists. He wanted to destroy the past few moments, forget everything Kochran had confessed, and rip time to shreds so it matched the scraps of emotion inside him. He ached for what Kochran had said, for the pain the man had gone through that made him who he was today. Yet he wanted nothing more than to show Kochran he could be all those things he’d buried and more.

  The pull between the two sides was too much to bear. Ezra spun on his heel, leaving the room to head for the entrance. Another few seconds, and they would become a tangled mess of arms and legs and dicks. He heard the whisper of sound as Kochran stood, the vibration of wood flooring as he followed.

  Let him. He wasn’t going to change Ezra’s mind no matter how tempting the offer was. How damn tantalizing a sight Kochran had made on bended knee, the subservient side of the owner of the most prestigious club on the West Coast. Most people would have killed for the opportunity Ezra was throwing away.

  “I’m broken, Kochran. On the inside and on the outside.” Ezra let out a breath as he touched an assortment of items arranged in a neat line on a table near the staircase. A slender notebook, worn and folded at the edge from obvious use. A creased newspaper. Cell phone. Wallet. Watch. The method of arrangement made Ezra smile despite himself. Everything carefully lined up in a neat little row, just like the club Kochran watched over. The club he loved so dearly. It all made sense now. Kochran required control over everything in his life. Except Ezra stripped that need away and left the truth of a man who was struggling with his need to serve again.

  Ezr
a knew that struggle all too well.

  “You think you’re the only one who has problems?” Kochran came to stand behind him. “Who feels as though the world is out to get them?”

  Ezra knew it was a ridiculous notion, but he’d once lived his life to the fullest, and all he’d gotten was a lot of heartache. “I’m not a safe bet.” He didn’t want this hunger so deep his soul ached.

  Kochran pushed Ezra against the wall. “Stop trying to make excuses and do it, damn you. Take me as your slave, even for just one night. I won’t walk out on you or leave you to clean up the shitfest when something falls apart. Use me, damn it.” Ezra’s pulse jackhammered as he listened to Kochran confess, “This isn’t easy for me, Ezra. I’m terrified of what I stand to lose with this choice. But I can’t not want to throw myself at your feet.”

  “How long?” Ezra’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. “How long have you wanted to?”

  “Since the first day I met you,” Kochran admitted, his normal confident demeanor evaporating to leave a man weighed with emotion. “Saint told me he’d hired a guy to help with the new website. I didn’t care who it was, just that it got done. I wasn’t prepared for you when we met. Didn’t know how to deal with the shit you churned up in my head. I chalked it up to the fact I was overworked, overtired. Pining for the past I refused to acknowledge out loud. I buried that shit down deep because I couldn’t lose everything I’d worked so hard for. Knew you were hurting from something you didn’t want to talk about either. We were both too damn broken to try to fix one another.”

  The truth was a forceful blow to Ezra’s chest. “But now with Maddy...”

  Kochran nodded. “She’s this beautifully gorgeous creature who brings out what we’re hiding from. You both challenge me with your fucking strength. Your glorious and irresistible strength that has the power to break me. To make me do...things.”

  Ezra whispered harshly, “What kind of things?”

  “Anything. Everything.” Kochran pinned Ezra with his gaze. “I don’t fucking care.”

  Ezra recognized the enormous struggle tearing away at him. The temptation to free him from that conflict was too much to bear.

  Ezra growled long and low before slanting his mouth against Kochran’s. An explosion of heat and desire rioted through his already haywire system as their lips met. It had been too long since Ezra had filled a man. Too long since he’d had the rasp of stubble against his chin. Too long since another pair of wide, strong hands grappled with his to tear away clothing. They were both stripped bare in a matter of seconds, clothes in a pile at their feet.

  When they finally broke apart to come up for air, Ezra looked down and peered at Kochran’s undeniable erection. “That’s, um...”

  Kochran smirked. “What? Was I supposed to yawn and settle down with a beer and popcorn in front of a movie after a kiss like that? I meant what I said.” His eyes narrowed to thin slits. “One favor before things get too out of control.” He tapped the small device Ezra had secured to his waist with surgical tape. “This stays on. I... I don’t want to have to worry about you.”

  “All right.” Ezra leaned forward, brushing his mouth against Kochran’s. “You’re fearless, you know.”

  “Then explain why I feel like the fucking coward. Why I masturbated like a madman when you finger-fucked Maddy in the server room.”

  The memory of that night flashed behind Ezra’s eyes. “I would have liked to have seen that.”

  “Came like I was Old Faithful,” Kochran choked out. “The night you took her in the Cloud? I had to lock myself in the Keep. Again after the mock dungeon room. And just hearing you two in the cloak room? Jesus. Most damn action the Keep has seen in months. Since you two came into the picture, I think I’ve jerked off more times than when I was thirteen and figured out what this fucking thing was good for.”

  “Oh yeah?” Ezra reached out, touched the pad of his finger to the tip of Kochran’s cock, glistening with a pearl of precome.

  Kochran hissed. “Doing that isn’t going to make it any less hard.”

  Kochran’s unbridled masculinity could prove dangerous for Ezra. “You ever take care of this when it wasn’t after a scene? Just a late night with nothing better to do?”

  Kochran’s eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds as Ezra explored. “Yeah.” The single word came out as a throaty whisper that circled the base of Ezra’s cock. “There’s one that’s been on repeat for a few weeks. A dirty cuckold fantasy where you chained me up so I was forced to watch you fuck Maddy.” He shook his head. “Came so fucking hard and fast, I think my eyeballs were going to explode out of my head.”

  “So you wouldn’t have a problem if I tied you up, put marks on you that no one in the lifestyle will mistake for anything but territory claiming, then leave your bed and go to Maddy?” Kochran’s dick jerked in Ezra’s palm. “That’s exactly what you want, isn’t it? You want me to take you every way I can and then fuck her.”

  “I want to watch you,” Kochran confessed. “Share you. Dominate her. Care for you both.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “I don’t know how or why, but she’s an integral part of this piece of me, just like you are. Miles taught me a lot of things that I dismissed as fluff, a Master mind-fucking his slave to get what he wanted, but he was right about one thing. Submitting to you like I want doesn’t change the fact I still want to be her Dom, just like I want you to keep being her Dom too.”

  These facets Ezra had no idea existed in Kochran would be fascinating under normal circumstances, but under these extraordinary ones? He was absolute fucking perfection. So much so, Ezra knew he couldn’t walk away, knew that what happened in the next few hours would either catapult their tenuous relationship into the stratosphere or drive them so far underground, they would have a dance contest with the devil. Kochran may have thought he was a jumbled mess of thoughts, but for the first time in a long time, Ezra saw clarity.

  “One thing at a time, all right?” Ezra kissed Kochran low and slow, exploring the other man’s mouth. Some part of him was screaming he needed to leave. The other part wanted to tear off the bindings he’d been restraining himself with and enjoy. Like Kochran, he’d kept pieces of himself buried because he couldn’t bear to face the reality. It never occurred to him that he’d want to uncover it again. That he’d ever find someone who would want it too.

  “Why?” Ezra licked his lips. “Why do you want to submit to me? I’m nothing special. Hundreds of other Masters at the club. Ones you could have sign confidentiality agreements if you’re worried about privacy.”

  “I could fuck my way through the membership roster, but you and Maddy are the only ones I really want. Fact of the matter is, I’m aggressive. I’m a sadist. I know that. I get off on those things and won’t apologize for them. One thing I have learned is that Dominant doesn’t mean invulnerable. As a slave, I’m the other extreme, docile and a masochist to the core. Things I didn’t realize I needed again until you came along. I’m a head doc’s wet dream with how screwed up things are inside my brain. But you know just like I do that sometimes you’ve just got to let it all go.”

  “Yeah, I do.” Ezra moved in again, slowly stroking along the length of Kochran’s swollen shaft. Kochran’s rumbling growl drove straight through Ezra and hardened his own cock. “I also know sometimes you’ve got to push someone past boundaries in order to allow them to be truly free.”

  Ezra held Kochran’s gaze for a long time, giving him time to back down, escape, anything to turn tail and run as he stammered excuses why he’d made a mistake. Except Ezra knew Kochran didn’t make mistakes.

  He tightened his grip, increasing the force until Kochran finally winced. “I do something you don’t like, I better hear red. Understood?”

  He recalled what Kochran had said about getting off on the pain, so he released his hold and set his hands on the wall to frame Kochran’s head. If he was as
much of a masochist as he claimed, absence of pain was the worst hell.

  “We’ll talk about limits and work out some things later. A temporary verbal agreement is enough until I see how you react to being mine.” Kochran shuddered again, a sign Ezra had made the right choice. “Right now, we’re going to keep things simple. Nothing edgy. No heavy pain play either. And you’re going to answer me, pet, or I will put your dick in a vise and twist.”

  The corners of Kochran’s mouth lifted for a split second before his face was a mask once again. “Yes.”

  Ezra lifted one of his eyebrows, inquiring with a stern glare. Kochran had to be the one who took a step through the door Ezra had opened. “Yes, Master.”

  “You’re going to be saying that a lot tonight.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Kochran breathed slow and deep as he shifted his weight between his foot and the knee he was balanced on. He’d followed Ezra like an anxious puppy dog. Went down on one knee as he waited for further instruction. It thrilled him that there was no shame in the action. Slipping into the correct mindset was far easier than he’d imagined, though he didn’t expect it would always be the case. He’d been a Dominant for so long, spent so many years pretending that Miles had never come into his life, he was hyperaware of failing. Yet, with Ezra, he’d wanted to tear off that mask and expose everything.

  Pet.

  The sound of that word had been the calm for the tempest that had been raging inside Kochran. He tried to use the sound of water falling as his focus, pulling on techniques his yoga instructor had spent hours hammering into his head. The fact the man he’d agreed to submit to stood just a few feet away in the shower complicated matters. Ezra’s nude body was outlined in the fogged glass, providing a tempting view of something he wasn’t allowed to have.

  It may have been years since he’d been a slave to a Master, but he knew and accepted the mindset. He recognized what it took. Understood sacrifice was necessary in order to surrender complete control. He yearned for Ezra like no one he’d ever wanted before. Even more than Miles, though Kochran didn’t understand how that was possible.