by Shad N Freud
“No. I’m just frustrated. I know the bloody git was right, and if he’d actually sat me down and talked to me about it, I probably wouldn’t even have minded. But he ordered me to sit this one out.”
“Well, two weeks from now, at midnight, it’ll all be over, one way or another.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
The skiff came to rest on the ruined lawn of the Citadel’s innermost bailey. Cenere nodded to a Pitlord who saluted, then made his way back to the front. Carl lit a cigarette using his lighter as Cenere consulted the most recent action reports. “We’ve lost four hundred devils so far during this occupation, and the eighth precinct is asking for reinforcements. Who can we spare?”
“Nobody. We need to save as many as we can in reserve for the final push tonight. Also, I do believe Camilla’s here.”
Cenere looked up from his charts and rubbed his face. He was dirty, sweaty, and had bits of demon spattered here and there. He stepped away from the table and smoothed his hair as he strolled over to where a fuming Camilla proceeded to slap the smile right off Cenere’s face before hugging him close and sobbing into his filthy combats.
“Don’ you ever go into combat withou’ me again, yeh daft cunt!” Camilla sobbed into his chest. “Made me think I wasn’t ta see yeh again! An’ leavin’ a pregnant woman alone with these two arsehats for an entire month, frettin about like a mother hen while yeh were on the ground, stompin around with yer damn boyfriend and carryin’ on like a sailor in port, smashin e’ry demon in sight!”
Carl sniggered as he tried to pawn it off as a coughing fit and mouthed “hormones” to the other two behind Cenere’s back, causing the other two to nod vigorously.
“Cammy dear, sweetie, we’re in the middle of a warzone. Can’t this wait?”
“Don’t ye Cammy me, ye glaikit bas! Ye see this?” Camilla growled as she pointed at her rather prominent baby bump. “You did this to me! And now…” Camilla’s eyes started to flood with unshed tears. “Noo I’m pie-eater! 'n' ah can’t rammy anymair, I’m aff tae need tae wear a size larger oan mah bits, 'n' mah nipples turned black! HOW COME DID YE DAE THIS TAE ME?!?”
She rounded on Carl as he lost the battle against mirth, her grenade launcher’s firing pin tapping a dummy round as the tears kept rolling down her face. She popped the magazine out, then glared at Cenere who whistled as he went back to his maps. “I…” She dropped Thumper as she realized what she’d nearly done and gasped into her hands. “A'm sae sorry! Thae damn pregnancy hormones hae bin daein' a batch oan mah sanity, 'n' it's ainlie getting worse as we git closer tae th' due date.”
“Don’t worry, luv. I had to swap me wife’s magazines out for blanks when she was pregnant with Sophie,” Carl said sadly as he picked Thumper up and handed it back to her. Her stomach growled, and she rolled her eyes.
“'N' if a' that weren’t ill enough,” Camilla growled as she glared at her distended belly. “Th' wee bas is making me sloch lik' a hippo. A'm feelin' lik' i’m eating fur three .”
Carl smiled as he placed his hand against her belly. He could feel the baby growing within. He could feel both heartbeats going strong…wait. Carl quickly cast a pre-natal diagnostic spell, and his jaw dropped as he looked at the readings as the aetheric letters hung in mid-air. “Well, you two sure don’t do things by half, do you? Mazel tov. It’s twins.”
Cenere’s pencil broke in his hand, turning his head slowly, each vertebra in his neck clicking as he turned his head to stare at Carl. “Twins?”
“Twins. Want to know the genders? Also, congratulations, they won’t be Gestalts. Too far along for that to happen. And…they’re both healthy. Completely healthy. No birth defects at all.” Cenere sidled over and looked at the floating numbers generated by the spell.
He fainted dead away when he saw the data.
They were two healthy tiefling boys. And, according to the medical diagnostics, they weren’t going to be born sterile. They were tieflings born of a male and were not themselves mules. A cracked open smelling salts later, and Cenere was cackling madly.
“We can’t lose this. I literally mean we can’t. Twin male tieflings? That aren’t going to be mules? It’s a definite omen!” He grabbed an Eye member, unsettling her a little bit by the disturbed look in his eye, “Get me someone who can get a message out to Jin. We’re going to need the toys he’s been tinkering on in his garage.”
∞∞∞
The demons laying siege to the eighth precinct tested the weakening barriers again, chittering at each other as they plotted which parts of the clerics they were going to eat first. They screeched and died as a small flight of dragons flew overhead, blasting the siege with dragon’s breath as they dropped a small crate off for the defenders within the barrier.
The small crate was ripped open, and there inside was an assortment of small arms, shield generators, and anti-materiel weapons made by Jin in his workshop whenever he wasn’t working on the car or flying with Bahamut. The weapons were crude compared to the sleek, mass produced McG stock, but they functioned much the same way. The demons that flooded the void where their compatriots had been discovered just how lethal they were, too.
Around the city, these largely untested weapons were dropped off at places where the clergy were boxed in, in similar small crates that had been zapped with a temporary space enhancement spell. Plasma bolts, magnetically accelerated iron, and scores of grenades decimated the sieging demons, pushing them back and allowing the Law to push forward.
And allowing Cenere and a regiment of Pitlords to clear the way to the portal.
Cenere looked back and saw Carl putting a brick on the accelerator for the time car. There wasn’t enough fuel to initiate a temporal incursion, but enough gas in the tank to drive into the portal. Cenere pulled a keychain out of his inherited greatcoat, twisted the orb, and threw it into the passenger seat as it drove into the portal. Thirty seconds later, a fresh wave of demons stepped halfway through the portal and were immediately sucked back in as the portal collapsed, the other side annihilated by a thimble full of super-condensed antimatter.
Cenere smirked as he pulled out his pack of smokes, lighting a fresh one as he radioed in the next regiment to come relieve them so they could leapfrog to the next checkpoint. Zeke lead the charge, clearing any stragglers trying to ambush them. They kept this up until they were a stone’s throw away from Times Square. There, they saw a man standing on top of a hill of demon corpses, breathing heavily as he rested his spear across his shoulders.
“Lonnie!” Carl yelled. Longinus slid down the hill of corpses on a shield he’d liberated from one of the bigger bastards, and jumped off as it hit pavement, skipping off the asphalt to take the legs off a demon on the other side of the street. Carl shook hands with him as the Archdevils established the beachhead and waited for the remaining devils in the relay to join them. The third group had the rest of the shield generators they’d need to wait out the remaining hours until the guest of honor arrived.
The flapping of wings signaled the arrival of a small flight of dragons, Jin with his arm in a sling as she shifted back to gnomish form after setting Camilla down gently. She opened up her nexus bag and pulled out the bag of coins, the Gun, and continued counting off her mental checklist. She looked over at Carl and Cenere, which counted for fire and darkness, looked at Jin…blessed by Bahamut. Check.
All she needed was one to make a choice. She looked down at her belly, and then up at Cenere. She rolled her eyes. Check.
One to repay a debt…coins. Plus, the spear through the chest…she nodded. “Looks lik' wur a' set. We’ve git everything 'ere. Noo it's time tae speil th' waiting gam. Althoogh, ah wish it wasn’t a midnight thing. Th' twins kick especially solid at nicht whin thay waant me tae stuff me gob .”
As if they were in a poorly written novel, the moment she mentioned the time, a shrieking hole in reality opened and a man with coal black hair stepped through, adorned in a ruined tuxedo. He rubbed his hands together with glee as he stepped thr
ough, only to see the group in place. He stopped cold and looked at the assembled group.
Lonnie handed Carl the spear and Carl handed him a bag of coins before putting the spearhead through Lonnie’s chest, killing him instantly. Lonnie looked down at his body, then looked for the chain attached to his spear, and saw it missing. He started crying, jumping up and down in glee, and flipped everyone off before fading away. The spear crumbled to dust in Carl’s hand, and the body followed suit, the bag of mithril coins falling onto the ground before a hole to Hell opened to take them.
The tuxedoed man turned to look at Jin and his face fell as he continued down the line. Carl and Cenere both lit their hands on fire, giving Cthulhu the finger. “Mind if I get a light?” Carl asked as Cenere fished out his pack of smokes.
“Why not? It’s not every day you get to flip off the embodiment of Entropy, after all.”
Cthulhu growled at that, then saw Krang standing there with the rifle. He cocked the lever and sighted it on Cthulhu. He then turned his gaze on Camilla, who was holding up an abortion brochure; she set it on fire with her hand.
Cthulhu rubbed his temples with both hands as he pulled out a piece of parchment. “Debt, Inquisitors, the gun, knocked up broad ruining my day-”
The Gun went off, and Cthulhu reached up to feel a smoking hole in his head. He eyes settled on Camilla who had wrenched the rifle out of Krang’s hands, the barrel still smoking.
“Do you have any idea how much that stings?” He shook his head as he ticked off the last item. “One overgrown lizard that got bled on by a clumsy janitor. Great. Just friggin’ great. I actually win back in ’45, and then you jerks get a lucky break because one of my family members decided to break the rules. And now, I’m stuck having to do this stupid song and dance again.” He rolled his eyes and stared upward. “Congratulations, oh mighty heroes, for you have defeated me.” He glared at the assembled group. “Do you have any idea how corny that line gets? Well, shove it up your collective asses. You win. Now choke on it. Oh, and congratulations on the twins.”
Cthulhu turned around and walked back through the barrier, snapping his fingers as he went, which caused the remaining demons on the plane to disappear.
“Wait! Why did you show up early?” Cenere asked, scratching his head as he looked at his phone. It was only 7:05pm EST.
Cthulhu paused, then turned around to face them in confusion. “Early? It’s midnight in Greenwich, England.” He shook his head as he stepped through the barrier, which closed with a thunderclap.
Jin glared at the spot where the portal had been. “All that trouble, just so the fucker can try and cheat at the last minute? I am so sick of this shit.”
“Well, upside, it’s all over. And I can go back to Hell.” Carl smiled sadly as he snapped his fingers and the recall signal went out to the Pitlords licking their wounds. Throughout the city, thousands of flashes lit up the night sky as the Pitlords used their emergency teleport tokens to send them back to Hell. The dead had theirs activated on a timer, clearing the infernal intervention from the plane. The Church then sent out their tired and walking wounded to go find and assist the citizens of New York.
“Anybody up for shawarma?” Carl asked as he looked at the rest of the group. “There’s a-”
“No. We’re not doing that. I’ve put up with you cribbing jokes, speeches, and lines from movies. We are not doing that one.” Jin said in a low voice, glowering upward at Carl.
Carl pointed at the Shawarma shop across the street that had somehow ended up being unmolested by the demons that had attacked the city. The owner was waving at them and had placed a sign up offering free shawarmas for the city’s defenders. “But…but I wasn’t. They…free shawarma…c’mon now!”
“No! Not this time, Carl!”
“But…but…”
“Um, we have a slightly more pressing issue than lunch,” Camilla said as she was hit with a massive contraction, causing her to scream as her legs gave out. Cenere bolted over to his fiancée and picked her up.
“We need to get her to a hospital, right now. Where’s the nearest one that isn’t packed full of injured civilians?” He felt something wet as Camilla screamed again. His left leg was somewhat damp and he shuddered as he realized what it meant. “Her water just broke. We need help now.”
Carl reached into Cenere’s coat, pulling out the stone, and walked into the shawarma shop, waving at the owners to get their attention. “Mind if we borrow your broom closet?”
∞∞∞
Jeeves and the marble golems cleaned the dining room as Carl took a shower. He’d had to play midwife to the birth of Cenere’s sons. Luckily, they’d both come out shoulders first and had been born completely healthy. Each had one tail, ten fingers, two hooves. Both toeheaded boys were in a hurry to come out, it seemed, as Camilla was only in labor for two hours. Seven pounds each. The other six Grand Inquisitors came to visit, and Bella held the boys for a bit so Camilla could get some sleep. The birth was being celebrated by way of a poker game.
“So, have you two decided what to name the brats?” Jin asked between bites of shawarma. The owners had insisted on feeding them, especially when they found out the twins had been born. The poker game was being played at one of the tables in the restaurant and included everyone not currently in the mansion. The pot was downright ludicrous, as they were putting ten percent into the twin’s college fund and another thirty towards the relief mission to rebuild New York.
Cenere tossed a few gold coins into the pot. “Left it up to her. I just asked that Carl’s first and middle names come into play somehow. He did deliver them, after all.”
Graahl nodded, grunting as he tossed in a slip of mithril and picked up a new card, sneering as he threw his hand down to fold. Bella folded as well. Hiroshi stared at his cards and giggled under his breath as he checked the bet. The others rolled their eyes and threw their hands down in disgust as Cenere smiled. The three sixes in his hand had a king of spades and a queen of hearts to keep them company. He looked over at Hiroshi and pushed the remainder of the money he’d bought in with into the pot. The kids would be going to a great college.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Six ‘people’ appeared at a hole in the wall café in Paris. One, a woman wearing a leopard print pantsuit, with a pair of cat’s eye sunglasses; she was Time embodied, the goddess Chrona. Another was a severe looking man wearing a black business suit; Matter was staring at his smart phone as he listened to the Bluetooth earpiece in his ear, his eyes hidden by a pair of black wayfarers. A little girl in a pretty green sundress, with a wreath of flowers in her hair skipped her way to the group and the waiters had to shake their heads as she passed, because it almost seemed that flowers, weeds, and grass sprang up near where Gaia, Creation herself, stepped.
Energy appeared, dressed in a painfully white suit, white gloves, a white bowler hat, mirrored aviators and a white umbrella; Maestro sidled up to the group with a certain inhuman grace. A barrister arrived in his dour black robes, carrying his briefs in an old but cared for briefcase and Order, or Callaban, began chatting with the gent in white, while a smiling black woman strolled up to the group. Calypso, or Space, wore a pith helmet on her head and a backpack of surveying gear.
“Hello all!” Calypso smiled as she took off her helmet, shaking loose her dreadlocks that were filthy from a life on the road. She was the last to arrive and promptly walked inside the café. She got the attention of one of the servers, who directed her outside to a table out on the patio big enough for the group. There were seven seats at the table, each a different color. She sat in the indigo seat, next to the violet seat, a chair so dark it almost looked black; there was a reserved sign at its place setting. The others filed in, taking their regular seats at the table. The man in white, known as Maestro, sat in the yellow seat. The barrister, Callaban, took the red seat next to him. The pretty girl in the green dress, Gaia, pouted as she grabbed a booster seat, and sat in green.
“We all know why we’re
here,” Chrona said as she took off her glasses. She was seated in the blue seat, next to green. She cast her eyes to the orange seat, where Matter, affectionately known as Conrad was sitting, studiously ignoring the assembled people as he fiddled about with his smart phone. Chrona snarled as she swiped the phone away from the table and it shattered on the ground.
Conrad looked up, taking off his sunglasses and revealing the red pinpricks of light where his eyes should’ve been. He then clasped his hands on the table and glared, the pinpricks growing in size and intensity as he glowered at the woman’s cat-like golden eyes. Maestro rolled his black eyes, the white pupils and gray irises showing that he too was clearly not human. Gaia slapped her hand on the table with enough force to crack the glass. Matter simply pressed his hands down, reforming the glass.
“Connie, we all know you broke the Rules,” Gaia said, her sunny disposition fading somewhat as she looked around the table. “Cthulhu? He’s been following the Rules since the beginning of time. The Rules we set down after the Conclave. He was supposed to win this time.”
Conrad turned his glare towards the “girl” sitting on the other side of the circular table. “He may have been on the right side of the Rules, but we’d all be Undone. We wouldn’t Be if I hadn’t ‘cheated.’ Chrona, sweetie, I get that you’re a might bit pissed about what I did. So what? How many times have you gone back and changed things to suit your purposes? How many times have you skirted the Rules?”
Chrona snarled, “I may have skirted the Rules, as you put it, but I never broke them! We’re supposed to stay separate!”
“Really? Is that why I’m in a constant state of decay?” Conrad dropped his glamour, revealing his true self. He was a fetid mass of rotting flesh bound together with corroded wires, broken electronics, and rusting metal. His black teeth showed through his thread-bare, leathery skin as he waved his hand over his form. “Last I checked, each of us has a ‘parting gift’ from our dearly departed ‘brother.’ Gaia’s curse causes her creations to eventually become twisted, Chrona’s is a fixation on trying to refine the exact path the future can progress to, bordering on pathological obsession! And tell me, Calypso, how quickly is the multiverse expanding? I mean, you get done drawing one map of a universe and it’s obsolete before the ink dries. Each of us bears a scar from our predecessor because we all broke the greatest Rule. We cast Entropy into the space between after we killed him, to try and keep the multiverse we found ourselves in from eventually being destroyed.”
