Road to Absolution

by Piper Davenport

  “Maverick?” Carter said. “You named your kid Maverick?”

  I nodded.

  “Fuck me, Cassidy. Way to drive the knife in deeper.” He scowled at me. “I’m fuckin’ leavin’. Stay or fuckin’ go. I don’t give a fuck.”

  He stormed down the hall and out of my sight and I found myself sliding down the wall onto my butt in a puddle of tears.

  Dani hunkered down beside me and squeezed my knee. “How about we take this somewhere private?”

  “Take her to our room, babe,” Booker said. “I’ll text you when it’s time to eat.”

  “Wait,” Aidan said as Dani and Payton helped me up.

  “You gonna give her trouble, Knight?” Hawk asked.

  “Fuck you, Hawk,” he snapped.

  “It’s okay,” I said. “Can you guys give us a minute, please?”

  They backed up a bit, giving me and Aidan a little privacy.

  “Hey,” he said, leaning against the wall and sliding down just enough so he could be eye level with me.

  “God, Aidan, how tall are you now?” I asked.

  “Six, six,” he said.

  I took a deep breath. “You always did have those big puppy hands and feet.”

  He smiled and cocked his head. “Are you doin’ okay, Cass?”

  “I’m fine. Good… yeah, good.” I swallowed and forced myself to look at him. He was almost as gorgeous as Carter… almost. “How are you?”

  Aidan crossed his arms and continued to study me. “I’m good, Cass.”

  “How’s Carter?” I rasped. A darkness covered his face and I shook my head. “You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay.”

  “He’s different, babe. But that’s not entirely your fault,” Aidan said.

  “Right.” I folded my lips between my teeth and blinked back tears. “I’m sorry, Aidan.”

  “You got nothin’ to apologize to me about, Cassidy. I love you like a sister, always have, always will. I had Ace’s back because he’s my brother, but that didn’t change how I felt about you.”

  I gave him a sad smile. “Well, that’s sweet, Aidan. Thank you.”

  “I don’t do sweet, Cassidy.”

  I let out a quiet snort. “Oh, you absolutely do sweet.”

  He grinned. “We’ll keep that between us.”

  I nodded, crossing my arms just to have something to do with my hands.

  Aidan stood to his normal height again and I craned my neck to look up at him. “He’ll come around.”

  “I just want him to be okay,” I admitted.

  “He will be.” Aidan kissed my forehead, gave me a hug, and then led me back to Dani and Payton.

  We headed upstairs to where the private bedrooms were. Dani unlocked a door and led us inside, flipping on the light and closing us in. “Make yourself comfortable, Cass. I’ll grab some water.”

  I flopped into an easy chair by the window and Payton handed me a box of tissues before sitting in the chair beside me. I gave her what I’m sure was a pathetic smile and set the Kleenex on my lap. As Dani pulled waters out of a mini fridge in the corner, I took in the room. It looked like a pretty normal master bedroom, with a king-sized bed and a sitting area with television. I wondered how often they stayed here considering they had an amazing apartment overlooking the Willamette in downtown Portland.

  “So you know Ace and Knight,” Dani said, and handed me a bottle of water.

  I nodded. “Since I was six.”

  “Wow,” Payton whispered.

  “Carter…um, Ace, was my best friend until… well, until I got pregnant.”

  “Is he Maverick’s father?” Dani asked.

  I shook my head and groaned as the tears flowed again. “Do you know how long it’s been since I cried? Gah!”

  “Well, you’re obviously due,” Payton observed.

  As I pulled another tissue from the box, I filled these two virtual strangers in on everything. My life before Maverick and after, leaving no detail out. It was surprisingly cathartic, but it left me drained.

  “Do you still dance?” Payton asked.

  “When I can, but mostly in my living room nowadays.”

  Dani smiled. “Why was Ace so upset about you naming Maverick, Maverick?”

  “Because in my heart, he’s Carter’s. Carter always had this weird obsession with flying, and could probably quote Top Gun beginning to end. He made me watch it more than a dozen times, until I said no more.” I grimaced. “It was a given that he’d go into the Air Force, and when I was in the hospital giving birth to this beautiful little boy, all I could think about was how he should have been his, you know?”

  “He kind of looks like him,” Dani said. “Sorry.”

  I sighed. “Don’t be. He does look like him, but that’s not a surprise. Pierre looked a lot like Carter at the time. It’s probably why I let him manipulate me.” I groaned again. “I don’t understand what Carter’s even doing here! Last I heard he was in the Middle East somewhere.”

  “I think he’s been part of the club for a while,” Dani said. “But I don’t know for sure. He does different stuff than Austin and Hawk.”

  Payton grimaced.

  “What?” Dani asked.

  Payton shook her head. “Nothing.”

  “No, if it’s about Carter, tell me,” I said.

  “He’s got a reputation,” Payton said. “Like a bad reputation. He sleeps with a different woman every night, rarely repeats… Lisa’s the only one he’s kind of kept around, but they’re not exclusive or anything. Plus, he likes to fight.”

  “Women?” I asked, horrified.

  “No!” Payton rushed to say. “Well, at least, I don’t think so. Alex said he’d never hurt a woman, but he warned me to stay away from him because of… well, Alex gets jealous. He gave me the same speech about Mack, but for different reasons. Mack’s a lover and sleeps around because he’s charming and sweet and women thank him, even when he’s showing them the door. Mack doesn’t have an enemy on the planet… Ace, not so much. He’s kind of a dawg and doesn’t care who he hurts.”

  I groaned. “Great.”

  “Sorry, Cass,” Payton grumbled.

  “I should probably get out of here before he comes back.”

  “I think you should stay,” Payton countered. “At least until you feel okay to drive. Eat something and get a little energy back in your body.”

  “I am kind of hungry.”

  Payton smiled. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. There’s always more than enough food.”

  “Thanks for being so… I don’t know… un-chick-like. Ever since I moved up here, I don’t get to see my sisters much and I miss them.”

  Dani waved a hand dismissively. “It’s not a problem. We’ll grow your girl mob, just wait and see. Kim will be here later and she’s a hoot.”

  “Your best friend?” I asked. Dani had talked a little bit about her best friend’s exploits over the last year, so I had an idea of who she was.

  “One in the same.”

  I smiled. “Sounds fun.”

  Payton pulled her phone from her pocket and glanced at the screen. “Food’s up. Hawk’s got the kids.”

  “Is there somewhere I can freshen up?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Use my bathroom,” Dani offered.

  I rose to my feet and headed through the door Dani pointed to.

  ACE PULLED UP to his brother’s house and slid his kickstand down. He allowed his emotion to take hold again as he dragged his helmet off. He’d buried his rage, unwilling to risk himself or his Harley on the drive over. Cassidy fuckin’ Dennis. Shit.

  She’d always been rail thin and muscular, the perfect ballerina, but now, she’d filled out. She had an ass he wanted to grab and tits he wanted to bury his face in. She was still just as gorgeous as he remembered, her blonde hair a mass of soft curls that he wanted to run his fingers through. She used to keep her hair at shoulder length, but now it was halfway down her back and it suited her. She’d worn dark jeans that hugged her
heart-shaped ass, and a tight, long-sleeved T-shirt that showcased every gorgeous curve. Fuck!

  He stomped up the stone steps and pounded on the door. Jaxon didn’t answer right away, so he pounded again.

  “What the fuck?” Jaxon snapped as he slammed the door open, his gun at his side. “Carter?”

  Ace shoved his brother back and stepped inside. “Did you fuckin’ know?”

  “Did I fuckin’ know what?”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Jax. Did you know where she was?”

  His brother sighed and closed the door, locking it before sliding his gun into the holster he’d left on the kitchen counter. “Yeah. I knew where she was.”

  “Did Aidan?”

  “No. I don’t think so.”

  Ace slammed his helmet and gloves onto the sofa and scowled. “God damn it, Jax. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you asked me not to.”

  “And you figured that would be the one fuckin’ request you’d listen to?”

  “Beer?” Jaxon asked, pulling open the fridge.

  “No.” Ace paced the great room.

  Jaxon shrugged, grabbing himself a bottle and flopping onto his recliner by the fireplace. “So, what happened?”

  “She showed up at the club.”

  “Fuck. Seriously?”

  “Where the hell has she been this whole time?” Ace demanded.

  “Vancouver.”

  “Do Mom and Dad know?”

  “No idea,” Jaxon said, and sipped his beer. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did, but then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t.”

  “Helpful, Jax, thanks.”

  “Sit down, Carter, you’re making me dizzy.”

  Ace lowered himself onto the sofa and dropped his face into his hands.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “No fuckin’ clue,” Ace admitted.

  “You don’t have to see her again, right?”

  Ace shook his head.

  “But?” Jaxon pressed.

  “But, how do I never see her again when I know where she is?” He glanced at his brother. “She named her kid Maverick.”

  “I know,” Jaxon admitted.

  “Fuck!”

  “Look, she’s a good girl, Carter. She made a mistake when she was seventeen and she lost you in the process, but she doesn’t date, she doesn’t do anything except take care of her son. You can’t fuck that up unless you’re willing to forgive and move on.”

  “I have.”

  Jaxon raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

  “What? She fuckin’ shut me out!”

  “You left, brother,” Jaxon reminded him.

  “She fucked some douchebag Frog and had his fuckin’ baby! What choice did she leave me?”

  “You act like she cheated on you, Carter.”

  “What would you call it, Jaxon?”

  Jaxon shrugged. “She didn’t know how you felt about her. And how many women did you fuck before her?”

  “She knew about them!”

  “And that makes it better? Any scares with a busted condom, Carter? Any time where you might have said, ‘Fuck it, I’ll go ungloved tonight’?”

  “Fuck you, Jaxon.”

  “You’re not my type.” He drew in a sip of beer. “How ’bout you cut her some slack?”

  Ace dropped his face in his hands again and squeezed his eyes shut. Jaxon was right. He was always right, but what Ace still wasn’t ready to admit was that he was more to blame for Cassidy’s mistake than anyone. If he’d just let her know how he’d felt, confirmed she felt the same way, then none of this would have happened. She may have still gone to Paris, but she sure as hell wouldn’t have slept with someone else. Of that, he was certain.

  “Better?” Jaxon asked.

  “No.” Ace sat up and settled his ankle over his knee. “I fucked up, Jax.”

  Jaxon took another swig of his beer and nodded. “You gonna fix it?”

  “Don’t think I can.”

  “Won’t know unless you try.”

  Ace studied his brother. “She really doesn’t date?”

  “Yep.”

  “Do I want to know how you know that?”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that right?” Ace retorted.

  Jaxon grinned and nodded.

  Ace grabbed his helmet and stood. “Well, as fun as this has been, I’m gonna get out of here.”

  Jaxon pushed out of his chair and followed Ace to the door. “I’ll run by your place and grab the dog for the night… give you a chance to figure some shit out.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Love you, dumbass.”

  Ace chuckled. “Love you too, asshole.”

  He climbed on his bike and made his way back to the club. He hoped Cassidy was still there, because if she disappeared on him again, he might destroy something.

  * * *

  I was in the club kitchen wiping Maverick’s face with a wet paper towel when I felt the temperature in the room change. I glanced up to find Carter walking toward me and my heart raced as he approached.

  “Ow, Mom,” Maverick whined.

  “Oh, sorry, honey.” I focused back on him and lifted his chin. “You’re good to go play if you want.”

  He took off into the playroom and I made myself busy with washing dishes and loading the dishwashers. I hadn’t been alone in the room, but within seconds I was...the rest of the women scurried out quickly and quietly.

  “Cass,” Carter said, and settled his hip against the counter next to me.

  “Hmm-mm.” I stepped to the side, not wanting to look at him.

  “Don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” I asked, scrubbing a plate a little harder than it needed.

  “Shut me out.” He laid his hand on top of mine and pushed the plate back in the sink. “Can we talk?”

  Still not looking at him, I shook my head. “No.”

  “I guess I deserve that,” he said.

  “And a whole lot more,” I mumbled. I noticed out of my peripheral that he crossed his arms which just made him appear even bigger than he was. Good lord, he must have put on a hundred pounds of muscle.

  “Talked to Jaxon,” he continued.

  I paused in my scrubbing, a little taken aback by what he said. Had he not talked to Jaxon before? I set the plate in the dishwasher and went about scrubbing the next one.

  “He filled me in on everything,” Carter continued.

  Scrub, load, scrub, load.

  “He thinks it’s all your fault.”

  “What?” I gasped and glared up at him. “He does?”

  “No.” Carter smiled. “I just wanted you to look at me.”

  “Jerk.” I wrinkled my nose and stared back down at the sink.

  Carter chuckled and I don’t really know what came over me, but the sprayer was right there, and he was also right there, and, well, he deserved it. A great sense of relief settled over me as he jumped away from the sink and let out a strangled expletive.

  I smiled smugly and went back to the dishes. My mistake. I shouldn’t have turned my back on the beast. Without warning, I was lifted and gently thrown over his shoulder, his hand landing with a smack on my bottom.

  “Carter!” I squealed, only I couldn’t quite get enough breath to say anymore.

  I felt air move through my hair as he walked me across the common room and up the stairs. He put me down in front of a door and then unlocked and opened it, guiding me through. “We’re gonna talk.”

  I crossed my arms and waited while he turned the light on and closed the door behind him. “I need to check on Maverick.”

  “Your son’s fine, Cass. Payton will make sure.”

  “And how do you know that?”

  “Because I just sent Hawk a text,” he said, and dropped his phone on a nightstand next to a very large bed. He waved a hand toward the chairs at the end of the bed. “Have a seat, babe.”

  “I’m no
t your babe,” I grumbled, but did sit down.

  “Your family still call you ‘Sassidy’?”

  “What’s that got do to with anything?” I snapped.

  “Nothin’, ba—I mean, Cass.” He dragged the chair next to mine to settle in front of me, folding his humongus body into it and leaning forward. I studied my lap. Carter covered my hands with his and squeezed gently. “Hey.”

  I met his eyes and forced back tears. “What.”

  He grimaced. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  I shrugged and dropped my head again.

  “Look at me.” When I did, he smiled gently. “I’m sorry, Cassidy.”

  Those three words broke me. Shattered me into a million pieces and I found myself pulled onto his lap and sheltered in his embrace while I sobbed into his chest.

  “Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” he whispered.

  “I ruined everything,” I cried.

  “No you didn’t.”

  “Yes I did. I should have waited. I shouldn’t have been so weak.”

  “And I should have told you how I felt.” He stroked my hair. “If I had, you would have waited.”

  I sat up, dragging my hands down my cheeks in an effort to dry them. “What do you mean, you should have told me?” I asked with a sniffle. “How long did you feel that way? Was it before… you know?”

  “Yeah.” Carter sighed. “Remember Shelly?”

  “Your senior year girlfriend… the one you took to prom?”

  He nodded. “I shouldn’t have taken her to prom.”

  “What?” I frowned. “Why not?”

  “Because I should have taken you.”

  “Ohmigod, Carter, don’t be a dork.” I pushed at his shoulder. “You were totally into her.”

  “No, I was totally into sex and she gave it up… a lot.”

  “Ew, okay, I didn’t really need to know that,” I ground out.

  “I thought I could deal with my feelings for you and still screw around. What I realized on prom night was that I loved you and there would never be anyone else.”

  I scrambled from his lap. “What?”

  He rose to his feet, but I held my hand out to keep some distance. He crossed his arms but didn’t come any closer. “I had this misguided sense of something, I don’t know what… bullshit really, that if I said out loud how I felt, I’d take your virginity before you were ready, and then I’d feel guilty because I knew I was leaving. I guess I just wanted you to have the freedom to get through high school without that weighing on you.”