Breaking Point

by Lindsey McKenna

  “I’ve got an appointment with the Navy Dispensary for you,” he finally said after she finished her meal. He watched her pick up the coffee cup, her fingers long and spare. Fingers that he wanted to touch him, love him, that he wanted to kiss one by one. How many times had he wondered what it would feel like to lie with Bay? He dreamed of loving her slowly. Thoroughly. Gabe had memorized every inch of her beautiful body. He wanted to capture her heart and breathe his life into her. And he’d inhale her sweet breath deeply into himself.

  Gently, Gabe put all of those yearnings aside. His first step in getting Bay reacquainted with civilization was a trip to the doctor’s office. And he could already see her wrinkle her nose, but he said nothing as she sipped the coffee.

  “I’d really like to sidestep that appointment.” She had some antibiotic in her duffel bag and would take them instead.

  “I wouldn’t.” He held her gaze. “I’m not taking no for an answer, Bay.”

  She managed a lopsided smile. “I can see that.” Knowing he cared, she didn’t fight it too much.

  Gabe rested his arm on the bamboo table. “What would you like to do today?”

  “Not go to the dispensary?”

  He saw her grin. “Nice try, but no. What about afterward? Are you just wanting to be left alone here at the condo? Some quiet downtime?”

  Lifting her gaze to his, she murmured, “Just quiet. I felt myself unraveling in the airport last night. The noise...it felt like bombs were going off around me. I know it’s me, it’s not them....”

  “I knew what you were feeling.” He moved his fingers around on the design carved into the bamboo. “What about going out to the beach? Watching the surf?”

  Bay closed her eyes, her elbows resting on the table, the cup between her hands. “That sounds perfect, Gabe. It really does.” And then she opened her eyes and met his warm gaze. “Is that what you do when you get home?”

  Gabe was never surprised by Bay’s insights and sensitivity toward others. It was one of the many things he loved about her. And it was love. Just sitting with her at the table, talking, absorbing her into his heart, was an incredible gift. “Yeah, when I get off deployment, the first couple of weeks, I avoid civilization as much as possible. The noise, the crowds, the rat race, wear me down and make me emotionally raw. I get pretty irritable and cranky. I’m not someone you’d want to be around until I can sort things out in my head.”

  “And so you being a SEAL and your love of water, you go back into the arms of Mom Ocean to get healed?”

  “Water is always soothing to me,” he acknowledged. “What about you?” Gabe was hungry to get to know Bay. To discover all the little facets that made her who she was.

  “I love the water, too. We have a creek out back of our cabin, and I was forever playing in it as a kid.” She smiled fondly with those memories.

  “Speaking of home, did you let your mother know you were home?”

  “Yes, I called her while I was waiting for my flight out of San Francisco.” She was touched that he would be concerned about her family. There was so much more to Gabe than she ever realized, and a new kind of excitement threaded through her. Finishing her coffee, Bay set it aside. Gabe looked so damn masculine in his dark green T-shirt and jeans. The material stretched cross his chest and outlined his incredibly broad shoulders like a second skin. It made her yearn for him all the more.

  “Good.” Gabe glanced down at his gold Oyster Rolex on his thick wrist. “We’ve got an hour before your appointment.” He looked out the windows, the drapes drawn back. “Looks like the front has gone through. Blue sky out there. Lots of sunshine. Perfect for a beach lunch. You up for it?”

  Was she ever! “More than ready,” Bay whispered, holding his gaze. Despite his masculinity, his being a warrior, she was discovering another incredible side to this man. Gabe was far more nurturing than she ever realized. That night out on the mountain where they were squeezed together, hiding from the Taliban, should have made her realize it. But she hadn’t, too scared and stressed out by the nearby danger. Now, as Gabe eased out of the chair to his full height, Bay felt joy moving through her. Was this some kind of Cinderella dream she was in?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  JUST THE SOOTHING sound of the ocean waves rolling in and crashing upon the beach calmed Bay’s anxiety. After seeing the doctor at the dispensary, they’d driven up the coast to La Jolla and gone to the public beach. The doctor had given her antibiotics, saying there was a slight infection in the hematoma area. Her ribs were not fractured, just badly bruised and that was good news. Otherwise, as Bay suspected, she’d have to wait until the swelling went down before she could have full use of her body once more.

  The sun felt good on her, but the jacket that Gabe had brought along felt even better. The scent of salty air filled her lungs, chasing away her tension. Bay sat between his legs, leaning against Gabe, content as never before. His body curved around hers and she felt warm and protected.

  In front of Bay, along the beach, a few people were walking along the damp sand at noon. The storm that had passed through last night left it chilly and the wind blowing inconstantly. Above them wheeled white seagulls, always hunting for food. Bay loved their graceful dance on the currents of the air. The sound of waves crashing their foamy lives out on the sand lulled her. She felt Gabe’s cheek rest against her head.

  “Better?” he asked. Bay had appeared stressed after coming out of the dispensary. He couldn’t blame her. Squalling kids, children running around without proper adult supervision, the place overcrowded, all served to make her tense. He felt Bay’s hand come to rest on his right thigh.

  “This was the perfect call,” she whispered, closing her eyes, her head resting on his left shoulder, brow against his jaw. Gabe pressed a small kiss to her brow. “Thank you....”

  “I want to do more. I wish...” he said, frowning, “I know where you’re at, Bay. I can feel you.” Gabe lifted his left hand and gently moved some of her curly strands away from her temple. The humidity of the ocean was making her hair curl even more.

  “You’re doing it.” Bay sighed, pressing her cheek into his open hand. The thick calluses on his palm were rough against the smoothness of her flesh, but she didn’t mind. His tender care brought tears to her eyes. Bay tipped her head back on his shoulder and opened her eyes, looking up into his strong face. “I haven’t had my letdown yet. I know it’s coming. I can feel it.”

  “I remember finding you sobbing in that shower stall at the villa.” Gabe took a deep breath, feeling the need to do more, but he knew reactions were different for everyone. It was like threading a needle and never being sure where the eye of it was located. Now he worked completely off his internal instincts where she was concerned. He couldn’t read Bay’s mind. He did know what she felt. But his finely honed military instincts would take over the job and hopefully help him guide and support her during the healing process.

  Her mouth pulled into a partial smile. “I’ll try not to duplicate that experience in the shower this time around.”

  Gabe laughed softly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad I was there when it happened.”

  She saw tenderness burning in his eyes as he regarded her. “It’s so nice to be able to be with you, touch you, Gabe, be in your arms...”

  “It was hell in Afghanistan,” he agreed wryly. Gabe squeezed her hand gently. “But you were worth waiting for, Bay.”

  “Did Chief Hampton know about us?”

  Shaking his head, Gabe said, “I didn’t think so, but after I said goodbye to you, he met me out back. He told me to wait in his office until everyone had left.”

  “Then he knew.”

  “He must have,” Gabe said, kissing her wrinkled brow. “I never said anything to him. And I know you didn’t.”

  “He’s scary smart,” Bay muttered. “He co
uld have called us on it and we could both be in trouble.”

  Shrugging, Gabe said, “Good chiefs know when to look the other way. Doug probably had suspicions, but that was all. And I think because we towed the line in the platoon, he gave us the gift of really being able to say goodbye to each other.”

  “I was in shock. I really was, but I was so grateful to him.”

  Gabe nodded, watching the waves rolling in. There were puffy white clouds in the noontime blue sky. “What’s going to happen with you once you’ve had thirty days’ leave?”

  “We rotate six months in the U.S. and then six months deployed into combat. General Stevenson has it set up that the six months spent stateside include more training in our specialty. I have to go back East for medical refresher courses, which I’m looking forward to.”

  “And then you get reassigned to another black ops team?”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “And those reports are collected in the Pentagon by the general?”

  “Yes. In another four years, the operation will be over. General Stevenson will have seven years’ worth of info on the forty women who volunteered for the program at that time.”

  “How many women have you lost in combat?”

  “Seven so far. We’re kept in the loop because we all trained together, became friends and we’re tight with one another. When a woman is wounded or killed, General Stevenson lets all of us know about it. We’re like a big family of sorts, kind of like you SEALs have your own version of an extended family.”

  “It sounds like it.” Gabe saw the faraway look in Bay’s eyes as she watched the ocean. “So you have one more tour in Afghanistan?”

  “Yes.” She smiled a little. “I’ve loved being a part of this operation, Gabe. I’ve learned so much, grown and changed. Some of it has been awful. I haven’t met any of my sisters who don’t have PTSD. General Stevenson is running a program on our symptoms, to see how we’re dealing with it.”

  “Black ops guarantees you PTSD,” he growled. “It’s a natural part of our business.”

  “No question,” Bay whispered. “You seem so steady and solid, Gabe. You are never rattled. I don’t see the symptoms in you.” She angled her head slightly to meet his eyes.

  Gabe placed a light kiss on her nose. “That’s because I’ve had two months to decompress before you got home. I was just like you when I arrived home. I hated crowds, hated the noise, didn’t want to be around people. I’m glad I have my condo because I could hide there, go scuba diving, hunt for abalone, jog daily on the beach at Coronado and just let the crap slough off my shoulders.” His mouth thinned and his voice deepened. “Now I know what it feels like for a wife or girlfriend who worries about her man who’s in combat. I found myself worrying about you all the time. I didn’t like not knowing where you were and what was happening to you.”

  “Yes, but you had an edge,” Bay reminded him. “You could go over to team headquarters and talk to me by Skype. And we had emails. And you had the master chief who fed you info on me via the SEAL team back at Camp Bravo.”

  “I know, but the worry is always present, Bay. It never goes away.” Gabe shook his head. “I can only imagine how a wife handles not knowing. Or a husband whose wife is in an area of combat overseas.”

  “It’s rough,” Bay acknowledged softly, content to remain in his arms. “That’s why there’s such a high divorce rate in the SEAL community. You don’t know where your husband is. Most are out on missions and they can’t email very much. I don’t know how spouses cope.”

  “I don’t, either, because I found my day consumed with worry about you,” Gabe admitted.

  Bay picked up Gabe’s right hand and brought it to her lips, kissing the back of it and then gently turning it and placing his palm against her heart. “There’s nothing easy about war, Gabe. There never will be.”

  “My enlistment is coming for renewal while I’m stateside,” he told her, feeling the warmth of her long fingers around his hand. Every cell in his body screamed to take her and love her. Yet Gabe knew it would be at least a week before the swelling along her ribs would go away. And he had no desire to pressure Bay, because she was fragile.

  “Really?” Bay sat up and slowly turned around, legs crossed, opposite him. “What are you going to do?”

  Gabe picked up her hands and held them gently. “I’ve done four rotations. I’ve been hit by bullets two different times. Every time that happens, Bay, I realized I could have died and didn’t. And then I go through a helluva lot of emotions about it. Death staring you in the face has a funny way of getting your attention.” His mouth turned grim. “I can see you wrestling with it right now because of your own experience.”

  “That’s true,” she admitted, seeing the darkness in his eyes. “I feel like a leaf in a storm, emotionally speaking.”

  “I’ve had it happen to me twice. And I’m thinking I don’t want to go through it again. I know I have my lucky rabbit’s foot, but the poor thing is hairless.” Gabe shared a grin with her.

  “I’m sure it saved my butt out there,” Bay said. “I need to give it back to you.”

  “No, you keep it. I’ll collect it from you after you return from your last deployment.”

  Nodding, she could see storminess in his expression and she felt Gabe wrestling with a lot of unspoken emotions.

  “Bay, I want to know what you think of me reupping or not.” His hands became more firm around hers. He seemed eager to say something but bit back the words, searching her face.

  “How can I make that decision for you, Gabe? I know how much you love your SEAL team.” Inwardly, Bay didn’t want him to go back into combat. He’d served his country with courage and patriotism. Didn’t combat have to end at some point for men like Gabe? Didn’t they deserve some family time? Home? A bed to sleep on, instead of a cot or out on some rocks, freezing to death?

  “You’re afraid if you ask me to stay home, not reup, that I’ll be angry or upset with you?”

  “Absolutely.” Her mouth twisted with anguish. “Why would I want you in harm’s way? Why wouldn’t I want you here with me? You have a beautiful condo. You have an income. Is there anything else in life that calls you as strongly as the SEALs do?”

  Her voice was strained and Gabe winced inwardly. “Yes, something does,” he rasped. “You hold my heart, Bay. I like what we have. I have dreams, but they include both of us.”

  Tears jammed into her eyes. Bay wiped them away with trembling fingers. “I don’t know when or how I fell in love with you, Gabe, but I did. And my love for you just grew stronger over the months. When you left, my heart broke.” She sniffed. “There’s just something so rock-solid about you, mature and wise, Gabe, that I felt like half of me was gone when you left.” She reached out and slid her hand into his. “I love you, Gabe. I want to live life with you. Oh, I know we need more time, but there’s nothing else I want. I was trying not to tell you this so soon....”

  “Because?”

  The tears moved down her cheeks. “I thought we needed more time.”

  He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek. “This is too funny,” Gabe said, holding her tearful look. “I was trying not to tell you I loved you, too. I worried if I said it too soon, you’d see it as another pressure and stress on you, Bay.”

  Bay chuckled. “It’s not a stressor, Gabe. It’s just the opposite.” His hand moved away and she missed the intimacy of his contact. “We never said we loved each other over in Afghanistan. I was afraid, too, for so many reasons. But it didn’t mean I didn’t love you or that I didn’t believe we had a future with each other.”

  “That’s all I need to know, baby.” Gabe carefully gathered Bay into his arms to hold her against him once more. Nestling his jaw against her silky hair, he rasped, “I love you so damn much it hurts. I didn’t know what real love was until I had to leav
e you alone over there in Afghanistan, Bay. I never knew the depth of worry or agony I’d feel when I was here and you were over there. I had horrible thoughts about what could happen to you.” He kissed her hair. “I didn’t sleep very well at night, let me tell you. It was a special hell.”

  Her heart pounded with relief, with joy. His arms held her warmly. She could feel Gabe being sensitive to her left side of her ribs. “I’m sorry you had to go through it,” Bay whispered. “You’ll have to go through it again in another six months.”

  “That’s all right, Bay. I’ll be here, stateside, with my platoon. I’ll still have more contact with you than most people will ever have. My enlistment ends in about nine months and you’ll be coming home. I’ll be released from my obligation to the Navy in November.”

  “And then what?”

  “Then I’ll meet you at an airport and we’ll work things out until I’m finished those last months. I want a life with you, Bay. And someday, maybe start a family if it feels right to you.”

  A soft sigh tore from her. “You’d really leave the SEALs?”

  “I would.”

  A ribbon of relief moved through her as Gabe tightened his arms just a little more around her, as if to persuade her he was serious. “I—I was trying to steel myself for the fact that you wouldn’t leave them. That I would be like every other woman, worrying about her man overseas and never knowing anything....”

  He leaned down and kissed her, whispering, “Why would I throw away someone like you away for combat duty?”

  A lump formed in her throat. “You’re sure?”

  “Never more. I’m twenty-nine. I’ve done and seen it all. The only thing I didn’t have and was looking for was the love of a good woman. I want to have a family. I screwed that up with my first marriage. But I’m not screwing it up a second time. You and I deserve a shot at a good relationship, not one that’s torn apart by me being gone all the time.”

  “It sounds good to me, Gabe.” Bay wrapped her fingers around his arms that spanned across her shoulders and chest. “I can hardly wait until I’m all better.”