Unintended

by Kyra Lennon

  “A couple of reasons,” I mumbled. “I kinda thought it would be cute. And more of a surprise this way. He seemed so down, I just wanted to do something nice for him.” I looked up. “But also… I was thinking about talking to him about how I feel and I needed some kind of starting point. I figured the reasons for doing what I did would be a good place.”

  Her eyes widened and a smile started to form on her face.

  “Don’t get too excited.” I held my hand up. “I’m still not sure it’s the right thing to do. That was another one of the reasons I left the box and didn’t hand it to him. I still don’t know what to say to him, because there are so many reasons starting something with him is a terrible idea. I hoped by the time we spoke again, I’d know what to say, but I don’t. We’ve both had to deal with a lot, and maybe it’s not the right time to be…”

  “Evie,” Keely interrupted, grabbing my arm to make me pay attention. “Just for once, will you stop overthinking every single thing? Yeah, things are complicated. But, guess what? Life is complicated and there will always be something. Some reason not to go for what you want. And, yes, being pregnant right now is not ideal, but Ash doesn’t seem to mind. You need to call him, Evie. Ask him about what you saw. That’s the only way to know for sure. And then you can figure out where to go from there.”

  “I’m not sure I want to know,” I said, holding onto my cup and drawing in its warmth. It wasn’t a particularly cold day, but my hands felt icy, a chill settling into me from the inside out.

  He was supposed to be over Natalie. He was stronger. He’d told me a few times how he felt like he owed her something, like maybe he could have been better and then she wouldn’t have done what she did to him, but that was right back at the start. After he came out of hospital and only very occasionally since then, but he’d always been clear that no matter how often he felt that way, he would never go back.

  He didn’t want to go back.

  “You have to,” Keely said. “Because something is not right here.”

  Keely seemed set on thinking Ash wasn’t going back, that there was some easy explanation for why Natalie was at his flat. All I could think about was that this was down to me somehow.

  Maybe I should have spoken up sooner. Maybe I should have let him know that night we spoke on the phone that I needed to see him.

  Because right then, the very real prospect that I’d lost him to her was terrifying.

  The knock on my door startled me, just as it had the day before. Again, I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I got up, kind of hoping it was Evie.

  I hadn’t called her after I got back from Natalie’s. On a normal day, I would have. I’d wanted to. To tell her what I did, that I went there on my own and faced her. Told her I didn’t want to see or hear from her again. But when I got home, I was so tired from not sleeping much the couple of nights before, I fell asleep on the sofa, phone in hand, ready to text Evie to see if she was free to talk. However, I was definitely going to tell her everything once she’d finished work; a quick call before I had to go to work would do it, if she wasn’t standing on my doorstep right then.

  She wasn’t.

  “What the fuck, Nat?”

  Natalie stood on my doorstep, her hair neatly straightened, full make-up on, wearing a pair of tight jeans and a black cropped top that, once, I would have found hot as hell.

  I didn’t find it hot at all now.

  She smiled at me in that way she used to. A smile that used to always get under my skin. “You came to see me yesterday so I wanted to return the favour.”

  I blinked. “You heard me tell you I don’t want to see you, right?”

  “I did. But I didn’t believe you.” She ducked under my arm and slipped inside, and on instinct, I followed her in.

  She walked into the living room, which was still sparsely furnished, but comfortable enough for me, and looked around.

  “This is nice,” she said, running her hand across the sofa.

  The day before, I’d been dumb enough to think she might have changed, but watching her move around my living room, I could tell immediately that she hadn’t. She was low-level angry. I could see it in the way she walked. Slowly. Deliberately.

  And as much as I tried to fight it, I could feel the beginnings of panic start to grip me already.

  “Natalie,” I said, not moving from the entrance to the living room, “you need to leave. Now.”

  She turned to me, her eyes dangerously dark. “Who do you think you are, Ash? You get a new place to live, and suddenly you think you’re special? Well, you’re not.” She looked around. “When you’re too poor to afford a carpet, you’re not special.”

  The floors were supposed to be wooden, but I wasn’t intending to get into a debate about decorating with her.

  “So, where is she?” Natalie asked, taking a step towards me. “Your new woman?”

  Unless she had been stalking me, there was no way she could have known I was still friends with Evie. And if she had been stalking me, she’d know I lived alone. She was guessing, trying to unsettle me the way she always did.

  “I have no idea what you mean,” I told her.

  “Oh, please,” she spat. “That day when you came to get your crap out of the flat, I knew you’d been fucking her!”

  Ah, there she is.

  Why in the hell had I put up with this shit from her for so long? Why had I allowed her to speak to me that way for more than a year?

  Why had I gone to her flat yesterday when I should have listened to the voice in my brain telling me not to?

  I’d given her chance after chance when we were together, and even once it was over, I still gave her the benefit of the doubt, and what had it got me? Natalie slowly getting hysterical in my flat.

  Fucking idiot.

  Not bothering to engage any further, I walked out to the hallway, ready to open the door. I heard her footsteps on the floor—my wooden floor—and although my insides were shaking with the anticipation of the hit she was planning to land on me, I spun around, and grabbed her wrists hard before she could do anything.

  This wasn’t going to be like the last time. She could spit in my face all she wanted, but she wasn’t going to get another chance to lay a finger on me.

  She glared at me as I gripped hold of her, and I glared right back.

  “Don’t you ever touch me again,” I said coldly, the sound alien to my ears. I wasn’t sure I’d ever used that tone before and I didn’t want to use it again.

  She laughed in my face, a bitter, almost chilling sound. “Right. Only she gets to touch you now.”

  “What does it even matter to you? You made it clear over and over that you were only with me because you felt sorry for me. That I wasn’t enough for you, so why do you care what I do now?”

  “I always cared!” she shouted. “You made me this way!”

  A few weeks ago, that would have set me back. Made me overthink our entire relationship, trying to find all the ways she was right. That it was me. I was the problem.

  But I wasn’t.

  “I gave you everything you wanted, Nat. Everything you asked for, everything you wanted to do, I gave it all. But it wasn’t enough! It was like a game to you, pushing and pushing me, like you were waiting to see how long before I would break! I should have left the first time you hit me, the first time you made me feel like I was worthless, but I loved you, so I stayed, hoping things would change back to the way they were. But you? You didn’t want it back. You turned into a fucking monster, and I think you enjoyed it. Every time you hurt me, you weren’t sorry at all. You liked grinding me down!” I paused to take a breath, relief coursing through me at getting all of this out. “And if you really want to know the truth about Evie, she is worth a million of you. You can parade around in skinny jeans and tight tops as much as you want, but she has more grace, class, and sexiness than you’ll ever have.” I dragged her towards the door, forcing one of her arms down so I could push the handle. “Get. Out. And don’
t come back here again.”

  With those words, I pushed her out onto the path and slammed the door, adrenaline surging through me.

  I could hear her outside, screaming at me, calling me every name she could think of, and I considered phoning the police to get her removed, but I knew within a few minutes, she’d burn out and leave.

  And I was right.

  I peered out the window to see her storming down the street, and as she went, I let out a long, slow sigh of relief.

  Maybe this time she’d get the message.

  When I got home after talking to Keely, I felt deflated. I couldn’t explain it any other way.

  The weekend had been intense, but I’d ended it feeling a lot more at ease about everything in my life. Talking to Jay had somehow eased that a lot, and I was coming around to the realisation of how much support I had around me.

  Now, though, I felt like a week-old helium balloon. Sure, I was still just about afloat, but most of what was keeping me up there had gone, and I was sinking fast.

  I went back to my office with the intention of doing more work on the pub project, but what I wanted to do was go back to Ash’s and find out what was happening, what I’d missed.

  None. Of. Your. Business.

  Ash hadn’t interfered with anything where Jay and I were concerned, so I couldn’t exactly casually drop by and ask why Natalie had been there an hour ago. Not without sounding like I’d been parked outside his house, watching him like some kind of weirdo. Plus, what if she was still there? She wasn’t my biggest fan, and if they were trying to have some kind of important conversation, my being there wouldn’t help.

  I hoped the level of manic thoughts I was having was a temporary hormonal thing because I couldn’t live like this forever. I’d never been jealous, and although I was always an overthinker, the speed of my questions was making me feel queasy.

  I was debating calling him right away, because it was better than doing nothing, when I heard a light knock at my door.

  Please be him. Please.

  I left my office, running my hands over my hair to flatten it down a little, though I knew nothing would help at that point. It was afternoon, and I was stressed. Not the best combination of things for a person who worked from home.

  I opened the door, my hopes still high that it was Ash, but I took a slight step back when I saw it wasn’t him.

  It was Natalie.

  I’d never had any reason to be afraid of her, but looking at her then, Sergeant Wright’s words screamed back into my mind. ‘I think you should be careful. She told Ash that she’d Googled you, so there is a chance she might have your number, and maybe even your address. We can keep her away from you if you feel the need for extra protection.’

  The anger in her eyes told me I should have taken that warning a lot more seriously.

  She’d obviously gone to some effort to look good, but it looked as though she’d been crying because all of her make-up had slipped. It was patchy, and mascara had smudged around her eyes.

  Instead of asking what the hell she thought she was doing at my house, I began to shut the door, but she was a lot faster than I’d given her credit for. She wedged one booted foot inside the door, and in my surprise, I lost my grip and she kicked it open and pushed her way inside, slamming the door behind her and standing in front of it.

  At that second, I could see how Ash had been so scared of her. She looked ready to flip, like there would be no reasoning with her, but I needed to know why she was there. Why she was in my house glaring at me with such hate on her face.

  This was my house. I knew the back door was unlocked, and even though I didn’t have shoes on, I was pretty sure I could handle being outside barefoot if it meant getting away from her. Plus, glancing at the height of her heels—thick, chunky platforms—I didn’t think I’d have a lot of trouble outrunning her.

  Trying not to show how much I was shaking, I said, “What do you want?”

  She said nothing, eyeing me with a glare that could have frozen fire. I wondered where this sweet side was that Ash had mentioned her having, because there was no sign of it now. All there was was burning rage; the woman was terrifying. I had no clue what had gone on at his flat earlier, but it didn’t seem as though it was the fairytale ending I’d been imagining.

  The only thing going through my head was trying to defuse this situation, because I knew what she was capable of. She had almost killed Ash, and she looked like she wanted to kill me.

  But it wasn’t just me.

  I had my babies to protect.

  I’d lost everything before.

  She’d already taken everything she could from Ash. I wouldn’t allow her to take everything from me too.

  “Scared, Evie?” The way she sneered as she said my name shot ice into my veins. “Because you should be.”

  She took a small step towards me, and I took a step back, contemplating making a run for it immediately, but I wasn’t completely sure my legs would hold me. I felt strange. Like fight or flight had kicked in; my heart was racing, my body urging me to run, but my limbs were trembling too much to move.

  She flashed me a somewhat menacing smile. “I think we need to have a talk.”

  It took me a while to calm down after Natalie left. Even after the high of knowing I hadn’t let her win that time, I could still feel her words beating at me the way they always used to. I knew how to deal with it now, and I knew that now she was gone, she wasn’t coming back, but dealing with her was always draining.

  I’d lay on the sofa for a while, letting everything go through my head. What she’d said, what I’d said. Casting away any insults she’d tossed at me was so much easier when I didn’t have to live with her. Then I’d known that, even if I let one round of verbal abuse go, I’d have to brace myself for more later.

  When I was done processing it all, and feeling more relaxed again, I headed to my room to grab some clean clothes then went to the bathroom to have a shower, needing to wash away the last remnants of her from my head.

  I’d dealt with the worst kind of abuse from Natalie. She’d physically hurt me, but more than that, she’d mentally scarred me too. And while the scars were healing, I knew they would never fully leave. When she’d barged into my flat, I’d seen it all so clearly. The time I’d wasted and the evil she had become.

  But then there was Evie.

  Evie was everything Natalie wasn’t. She was sweet, and natural, and funny, and kind, and she cared about other people. She cared about me. And while there would always be a bit of me that felt like I wouldn’t ever be good enough for her, I’d begun to see that some things were worth taking a leap for.

  Evie was worth it.

  And I was going to talk to her. As soon as she finished work, I’d be there, and I’d tell her everything I wanted her to know.

  I heard my phone ringing, distracting me from my plans; probably for the best as they made me feel slightly sick. Knowing I was really going to do this made my stomach churn.

  I picked up my phone that I’d left resting on the arm of the sofa, surprised to see Keely’s name on the screen.

  Keely had never called me.

  Immediately thinking something must be wrong with Evie, my gut twisted and I answered the call.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Ash. Are you free to talk?”

  Her voice sounded too casual for this to be an emergency, but there was a slight edge to it that I couldn’t read.

  “Yeah, I am. Is everything okay?”

  “I don’t know.” She took a deep breath. “Look, Ash, I don’t want to interfere in anything, but Evie’s my best friend and she’s confused right now, so I need to ask you something.”

  “Okay,” I said. “What is it?”

  “Are you and Natalie back together?”

  I choked out a surprised laugh, sitting down. “What? Why would you ask that?”

  “Because Evie was coming over to see you earlier and she saw Natalie going into your flat, which se
emed odd since you never mentioned that you were planning to see her.”

  Oh, boy.

  “I didn’t plan to see her.”

  “Then why was she at your place? How does she even know where you live?”

  Keely sounded like she wanted to strangle me, and from what she knew of the situation, I couldn’t blame her. We were both aware of how much Evie could let her thoughts get out of control, and she didn’t need the added stress of worrying about me and why Natalie was at my flat.

  I could only imagine how it looked to Evie. I hadn’t exactly greeted Natalie with a smile, but if Evie had seen her going inside, she would have also seen that I didn’t try to stop her. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was in shock. God, she must have thought I was an idiot.

  She was also not wrong.

  “I need to talk to Evie,” I said.

  “Wait!” Keely said quickly. “If this is something that might upset her, tell me first because it’ll be better if I can soften the blow.”

  “Why would me getting back with Natalie upset her?” I asked, genuinely curious. I would have understood, after all Evie had done for me, if she was mad at me if I ever got that stupid, but upset?

  Keely paused for a second then said, “Stop changing the subject. What’s going on?”

  Shaking off any glimmer of hope that Evie might feel the same way about me as I felt about her, I said, “Yesterday, my doorbell rang and there was a box of photos on my doorstep. Copies of the ones Natalie ripped up while I was in hospital. There was a note, like an apology, so I went to see her and-”

  “You went to see who?” Keely interrupted. “Evie?” She sounded more confused than ever, and it was clearly contagious because I didn’t understand why she would have thought I meant Evie.

  “No, I went to see Natalie. I wanted to thank her for getting my mum to send the photos over and to-”

  “Ash!” Keely sounded both frustrated and annoyed. “You absolute pillock. It was Evie who contacted your mum to get the photos sent over.”

  I fell silent.

  Evie? No. It was Natalie who had sent them. When I went round there, she’d… Oh.