by Kyra Lennon
I suddenly remembered the blank look on her face when I’d mentioned the photos, and the way she’d stumbled over her words and…
God, I really was a pillock.
Why hadn’t I realised it then? Because I was in too much of a rush to get the visit over. If I’d just stopped and thought about it for a second, I might have figured it out. Natalie had never done anything that thoughtful in her life. She would never have had the balls to try talking to my mum, but it hadn’t occurred to me that Evie would replace the photos either. It was the kind of thing she would do, but since it was Natalie who had ruined them, and the note said something about the photos making up for everything, I’d just assumed…
“How did you not notice it wasn’t Natalie’s handwriting?” Keely asked, exasperated.
“I didn’t even think about it,” I said. “I was so surprised to see the photos that I didn’t look at the note again. If I had, I might have seen it.”
And if she hadn’t sent the photos, how the hell had she found out where I lived to come over that morning? The crazy bitch must have followed me home the day before.
“What do I do?” I asked, frantically. “What do I do, Keely?” I hated the idea that I’d messed up so badly, and Evie must have thought I was a complete tool for not calling her to say thank you.
I had to fix it.
“Get over there now,” Keely said. “I would drive you over myself if I didn’t have the kids.”
“It’s fine,” I said, rushing back to the bathroom to dry off my hair a bit more then running to get my trainers. “I’ll go now.”
“Okay. And Ash… don’t screw this up.”
She didn’t need to explain what she meant. This was no longer just about the mistake I’d made with the photos, it was about the fact that I’d unintentionally hurt her. It was about me going to her and telling her the things I’d wanted to tell her for a while.
It was about me actually doing what I wanted, needed, to do, even though it scared me.
I said goodbye to Keely, slid my phone into my pocket, picked up my keys, and headed for Evie’s house.
The whole way there, I kept thinking about what I wanted to say. I knew I had to apologise for the photos, and explain how I’d messed up so badly. I just hoped she’d accept my apology. The fact that Keely had called me told me that Evie had to have been really upset. Keely had never once made any attempt to intervene with anything before.
As I walked down Evie’s street, my palms were sweating and my heart was pounding.
This had to work out. It had to.
I walked faster, but as I got closer to her house, the sound of shouting caught my attention and I halted, trying to work out where it was coming from. Taking another couple of steps forward, I realised it was coming from Evie’s, and with my chest threatening to explode, I ran towards her door, wondering what was going on.
“No, I won’t calm down, you stuck-up fucking bitch! You two deserve each other, you’re both so pathetic!”
Natalie.
I heard Evie scream out, and Natalie yelled, “Shut up! This is what happens when you go around stealing other people’s men!”
I tried to open the door, but it was locked.
Of course it fucking was. All I could hear was Evie crying, screaming for Natalie to stay away from her, and I wanted to throw up from the panic that shot through me.
God knows what Natalie was doing, but whatever it was, it was my fault. I was about to shout out to Evie to let her know I was there, but I realised before I opened my mouth that that wasn’t the way to go. Not with Natalie. If she knew I was there, she’d only hurt Evie more.
I ran down the gap between the two houses and in through Evie’s back gate, praying with everything I had that the back door was unlocked, because the sound of Evie screaming and crying was killing me.
I pulled at the sliding door to the conservatory and my heart leapt as it opened, and I went through to the door that led into the kitchen. I didn’t worry about making a sound at that point, because Natalie’s hysterical rant was drowning out everything.
I no longer heard what she was saying, and I didn’t care. I ran through the house and found Natalie looming over Evie, who had curled up into a ball, her body shaking as she tried to protect her stomach. Natalie had a handful of Evie’s hair, trying to drag her up. The sight almost crippled me, but anger easily won out, and while Natalie was distracted, I grabbed her around the middle and pulled her away from Evie. In her surprise, she let go of Evie’s hair, and I said, “Enough!”
Natalie screamed as she tried to kick against me, but I managed to wrap one of my arms around her, pinning her arms so she couldn’t hit me. I used all the strength I had to keep her restrained, because if she got out of my hold and went for Evie again, I was afraid of what I might do to her.
“Get off!” she screamed at me. “Get off!”
“You fucking psycho!” I yelled, wrestling her towards the front door and unlocking it. As she fought me, her face turned in my direction, and I could see her lip was cut. I didn’t know or care how it had happened. For the second time that day, I was about to throw Natalie out, but before I did, I said, “You ever come near me or Evie again, and I will fucking kill you.”
I slammed the door closed then rushed to Evie’s side. She hadn’t moved, still trembling and sobbing, and I placed a hand on her hip.
“Evie?” I said, trying to stay calm. “Are you okay? What did she do to you?”
For a second, she didn’t answer, and I leaned over her to make sure she was still conscious. She was, but she had a huge bruise on her cheek, and I could see some marks on her shoulder too.
“Evie, please!” I begged. “What did she do? Did she…?”
I couldn’t bring myself to ask. Natalie didn’t know Evie was pregnant, thankfully, but she liked to kick. She’d kicked me in the stomach a lot of times, and if she’d done that to Evie too…? From the way she was curled up, I didn’t know what else to think.
Very slowly, Evie began to roll over so she was on her back but she winced as she moved. The bruise on her cheek was enormous now I could see it fully, and there were scratches down the other side of her face.
“Ash,” she whispered. “I think I need to go to the hospital.”
I must have passed out after telling Ash I needed to go to the hospital, because hospital was where I woke up.
I was in a room, hooked up to some kind of machine and the first thing I felt was a throbbing ache in my cheek and my back.
“Evie.”
The sound of my mum’s voice made me blink, and I turned my head to see her and Keely sitting at my side. Both of them had moisture in their eyes, and right away, I felt my throat close over, and a pain shot through my chest.
“My babies,” I mumbled. “Are they…?”
Tears sprang to my own eyes as I remembered fully what had happened. How Natalie had forced her way into my house, accusing me of being ‘the other woman’, telling me I was a homewrecker who had ruined her life. When she’d let me get a word in, I reminded her that she was the one who ruined her life, but she was determined to believe that, somehow, I was to blame for Ash leaving.
I knew it wasn’t a smart move but I’d just wanted her out, and as I’d lunged forward to open the door, she’d punched me in the face. The shock had knocked me backwards, and her eyes had grown wild with rage. That was when I’d tried to reason with her. Tried to get her to calm down, but she didn’t. She flew at me, clawing at my face, and I hit her in the mouth as I tried to get her off me. She pushed me to the floor, and I instinctively curled up into a ball to keep my stomach safe, but she’d kicked me in the back and started pulling my hair. All I could think about the whole time was that she was going to kill me, or worse, cause me to have a miscarriage.
I wouldn’t survive it.
I stared at my mum and Keely, trying to control the shakes wracking my body.
“They’re fine,” Keely said, her voice thick with emotion. “B
oth little hearts are beating away, but the doctor wants you to stay in overnight, just to monitor everything. Also, I called Jay and he’s on his way down.”
I moved my hands over my stomach, so happy to know my babies were still alive that I couldn’t speak. The warm blanket that covered me made me feel safe, and I would be more than happy to stay in the hospital overnight if it meant I would be monitored. Even though I knew I’d kept my stomach protected, the kick to my back had worried me, and it had hurt like hell with those big boots she was wearing.
“Where’s Ash?” I whispered.
The last thing I remembered was him trying to help me up while calling for an ambulance. After that, there was nothing. If it weren’t for him… I shook my head, refusing to think about the possibilities.
Mum and Keely glanced at each other, and the elation I’d felt a second ago vanished into nothingness.
“He’s at the police station,” Mum said. “He’s giving them a statement on what happened today. Not just at your house, but at his too.”
“I don’t understand.” I looked at Keely. “What happened at Ash’s?”
Keely sighed. “You did see Natalie going into his flat earlier. But it was all part of a huge misunderstanding. Ash thought it was Natalie who sent him the photos. That’s why he didn’t call to thank you. He thought she’d done it. And he went to her place yesterday to thank her in person, but also to tell her to stay away from him. That was why she was so angry today. She went to his first, and, I don’t know, I guess she thought she could still control him, but he threw her out, and that’s when she came to your place.”
“But… how did Ash know she was at my house?”
“He didn’t.” She winced before speaking. “It was a coincidence. Please don’t be angry, but I called him to find out what the hell was going on, and then he explained and…”
I held up my hand to stop her. That was a lot of information to get all at once.
“You know what, maybe I should just wait and ask him everything myself,” I said after a moment. It would be easier that way.
I had to see him. He’d saved me. And even more than that, he’d done something he’d never done the whole time he was with Natalie. He fought back. He pulled her away from me and threw her out, even though she could have hurt him like she had so many times before. I needed to thank him and hug him and just… be with him.
I needed to be with him.
“That’s the thing,” my mum said quietly, and Keely stood up, pacing the room as if she didn’t want to look at me.
“What’s the thing?” Dread began to consume me again.
“He’s not coming back,” Keely said, still not looking at me. “He thinks you won’t want to talk to him.”
I felt my brows furrow. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because he thinks this is all his fault. If he hadn’t made the mistake with the photos, he wouldn’t have gone to see Natalie, and she wouldn’t have done what she did. He was kind of a mess when he left.”
I looked at my mum, and even she had tears in her eyes again. “He’s devastated about what she did to you,” Mum said. “He stayed here long enough to find out if the babies were okay, but once that was confirmed, he said he had to go. He also said…” Mum trailed off and lowered her head. A tear dripped onto her lap and that scared me more than anything. Although she liked Ash, she’d also sort of made it clear that she wouldn’t have been that happy if we were more than friends. Perhaps she’d changed her mind since he’d rescued her daughter and grandchildren from a maniac.
“What?” I asked, my voice breaking.
“He said not to call him,” Keely finished, turning to face me at last. “Evie, seeing you like you were when he found you really messed with his head. I’ve never seen him like that before. He kept talking to you, and he was stroking your hair, and-” she paused to wipe away some tears. “He kept saying he was sorry, and that if you and the babies were all okay, he’d stay away from you so nothing like this ever happened again. I told him that isn’t what you’d want but it was like he couldn’t hear me. He just wanted you to be okay.”
Shaking my head, I said, “Keely, you have to find him. Tell him I need him here.”
“I did!” she insisted. “I practically begged him to stay until you woke up, but he really thought you wouldn’t want to see him.”
How? How had this happened? And how could he ever have thought I wouldn’t want him around?
He’d changed so much over the last few months. I’d watched him find his confidence, seen him smile again, and I’d witnessed him being brave enough to take Natalie on.
Yet he still had doubts. Still thought I would blame him for something that wasn’t his fault.
And I couldn’t even be angry with him for it. I knew that having someone constantly putting you down wasn’t something you got over in weeks, or even months. And when that person often placed blame on you for things you hadn’t done, and moved the goalposts of what she did or didn’t find acceptable, it just made it even more challenging.
I wasn’t angry, I was sad. Hurting because I knew he was hurting.
“Then what do I do?” I asked quietly. “Tell me what to do.”
Keely shook her head slowly. “I don’t know.”
I’d had bad times in my life. Awful, awful times. Knowing Ash was out there somewhere, blaming himself for what Natalie did to me, was right up there with the worst of it. My body ached from the blows Natalie had managed to rain on me, but they were nothing compared to the constant ache in my chest, knowing Ash would be torturing himself over what happened, thinking I would be angry with him.
When Keely had explained how he’d made a mistake thinking the photos were from Natalie and not me, the only person I was angry at was myself. Did I think I was in a fucking movie or something? That kind of cutesy stuff only happened on the big screen, and I was stupid for not signing my name on the note, or just giving him the box myself.
I’d caused this, not him.
This was all on me, and I couldn’t even tell him I was sorry because he’d either turned off his phone or blocked my number.
It left me feeling lost. I needed to apologise for messing everything up, and tell him I didn’t blame him for anything, but if he refused to answer the phone, was there any point in trying to see him? I could go to his flat, but somehow, I felt as if he wouldn’t answer the door.
Was this actually over before it began?
“Evie, are you ready to go home?”
Jay’s voice broke into my thoughts as he stood in the doorway to my hospital room.
He’d driven down as soon as he found out I was in hospital and stayed with his parents overnight. He offered to be the one to take me home as the doctors said they would do another ultrasound before I left, just to be certain everything was okay, and he wanted to be there.
It was an amazing moment. Just as stressful as the first scan I’d been to with Keely and Ash, but when we heard the strong heartbeats and saw our babies on the monitor, it was just… there are no words, and I was glad Jay was there, to see and hear them for the first time for himself.
He’d been an unexpected support. I’d expected him to want to kick Ash’s arse because, from the outside, without full knowledge of the entire situation, I could see how Jay might have held him responsible. But Keely had explained everything Natalie had done to Ash during their relationship, while I’d been frantically trying to call him, and when Jay eventually took my phone away from me so we could talk, he said he understood and didn’t blame him either.
The only person really to blame was Natalie when it came down to it. The police had visited me the evening before, and it was Sergeant Wright and Constable Matthews, so they were already familiar with most of the story. They let me know Ash had reported the incident, asked me for a statement, and said that Natalie had already been arrested for breaking the rules of her probation.
Good. At least she wouldn’t be able to get to Ash again. I’d been safe w
hile in hospital, but Ash hadn’t.
The pain in my chest twinged as I thought of him, and Jay gave me an understanding smile. “Still no luck reaching him?”
I shook my head. “Although, his phone was turned on when I called first thing. But when I tried again, it was off.”
At least I knew he hadn’t blocked me, but he clearly didn’t want to talk to me either.
“I’m sorry,” Jay said as he walked into the room. “Do you think he’ll come around?”
“I don’t know.” I pulled myself up from the bed, needing a distraction to stop myself crying again. “I think maybe this was all too much, you know? It really hasn’t been that long since Natalie attacked him, and before that he was with her for a couple of years. Years of her putting him down and beating him up. Maybe he’s realised he doesn’t need another complicated woman in his life.”
I squeezed my eyes closed, the weight of everything that had gone so wrong starting to crush me again. How was it possible to miss someone so much when he wasn’t even mine and it had only been two days? But I felt like he was a part of me now. I’d had him in my life pretty much every day since Christmas Eve, and without him, an emptiness had settled inside me. I wasn’t sure how to fill it, and I had the horrible feeling nobody else would ever fit there anyway. That space he’d carved out in my heart was his alone. An Ash-shaped gap that would remain hollow forever.
“You’re not complicated, Evie.” Jay walked towards me and took one of my hands. I looked up at him, the tears I’d wanted to banish filling my eyes. “I get that he’s been through a lot, but you’re not a complication. And if he thinks you are then he’s an idiot.”
He’s not an idiot. He’s in pain, just like me.
Unable to muster up any words, I picked up my bag that Keely had brought over for me the night before.
“Do you have a jacket?” Jay asked. “It’s raining pretty hard outside.”
Of course it is. The perfect weather to match my mood. When I got home, at least I could take my laptop to my window seat and work from there, listening to the sound of the rain, maybe wrapped up in a blanket. It wasn’t cold, but I wanted the extra comfort. Wanted to feel secure and snug. Jay said he would stay with me for a while, in case I needed anything. Really, I wanted to be alone, but I appreciated his concern, and he had come a long way.
