by Kyra Lennon
“I don’t have a jacket,” I said. “We might have to make a run for it.”
Giving me a small smile, Jay nodded and put his arm around me, leading me out the door.
The drive to my house was silent, apart from the radio playing quietly in the background. I just watched the rain on the window, car headlights glistening on the raindrops, giving some light to the dark day.
As we neared my street, Jay said, “Is there anything you need to pick up? We can stop at the shop if you want?”
I shook my head. “I think I’m good for everything. I mean, I could devour an entire bar of Galaxy, but I’d probably better not.”
Jay chuckled. “Some things never change.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “That will never change.”
Jay turned the car onto my road, and I tensed a little, as if Natalie might be lurking in the bushes. I actually craned my neck to see if she was hiding somewhere before remembering she was safely locked away, where she belonged. The memory of her bursting through my front door was one I wouldn’t be able to erase for a long time, but it helped knowing she wasn’t going to be able to do it again.
“You ready to go in?” Jay asked when he’d parked, and I nodded.
“Yeah. I’m ready. Let’s go get a cup of tea and eat all the biscuits.”
“Chocolate Digestives?”
I looked over at him. “Yeah. And those all-butter cookie things I save for special occasions.”
He smiled. “Perfect. Come on then.”
We unclipped our seatbelts and got out of the car, Jay taking my bag for me while I found my key. We ran through the rain to the front door and I opened it, hesitating for a second as I looked at the place on the carpet where Ash had found me the day before. Seemed like years ago, and I told myself not to cry again. I’d done so much of that I was surprised I hadn’t wrinkled up from lack of moisture.
“Are you okay?” Jay asked.
“Yeah.” I shook some raindrops from my hair, and he did the same before putting my bag down and shrugging out of his wet jacket. “Let’s go and get that drink.”
Just as I finished speaking, I heard a clicking noise that sounded like it came from the kitchen and I looked at Jay, my heart thudding against my chest.
“It’s okay,” Jay said calmly. “It’s probably just the rain dripping onto something outside.”
Figuring he was probably right—it was absolutely hammering down—I nodded. “I should change my clothes.” I was only a little bit wet since the path to my house wasn’t that long and Jay had parked right outside, but I wanted to get into my favourite lazy clothes; leggings and a big jumper. If I was going to be sad, I at least wanted to do so in comfort.
“Okay,” Jay said. “I’ll go and put the kettle on.”
“Thanks.”
As Jay went into the living room, I picked up my bag and took it upstairs to my room, dropping it onto the bed. I’d deal with it later. I went into the bathroom to grab a towel for my hair and started to rub it dry as I went to my wardrobe. I pulled out my favourite oversized jumper; the one I’d worn when I was in Exeter. Tears burned the backs of my eyes as memories flashed through my mind, but I quickly pulled off the top I was wearing and exchanged it for the jumper. Wrapping my arms around myself, I took a deep breath.
“Get yourself together,” I said out loud.
And I knew I had to.
With a sigh, I was about to reach back into my wardrobe for some leggings when something caught my eye out of my bedroom window.
There were some coloured fairy lights wrapped around my washing line, and I could see that a puddle had formed underneath, the lights reflecting off it and creating a beautiful pattern of sparkles.
With narrowed eyes, I took a few steps towards my window, and I saw the top of a bright golf umbrella, each panel a different colour.
Like my tattoo.
And the lights on the puddle. A mini-recreation of the River Exe in my own garden.
Leaning forward a little, I finally saw him.
As if he’d felt my eyes on him, he tilted the umbrella back a little, rain pouring off the back, and looked up at me. All I could see in his eyes was pain, and I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to swallow down some of the emotion that was battling to escape me.
He was getting soaked, even with the umbrella. I could see the water clinging to the bottom of his jeans and starting to seep into the long-sleeved t-shirt he was wearing too.
Forgetting all about getting changed, I dashed away from the window, down the stairs, through the living room to the kitchen, halting when I remembered Jay was there. He was putting teabags into three mugs, as if nothing was going on at all, but there was a slight smirk on his face.
“You did this?” I asked, tucking my hands inside the sleeves of my jumper as I stared at him.
He shrugged. “Maybe.” He flicked the switch on the kettle and turned to me as I widened my eyes, waiting for an answer. “Yes. I did this.”
I wanted to throw myself at him and hug him, thanking him, but I needed to see Ash more, and Jay laughed and nodded his head in the direction of the garden, telling me to go.
I ran into the conservatory and then into my tiny back garden, stopping by the door. Ash was still standing under the umbrella as the rain continued to fall.
When his eyes met mine, still filled with pain and regret, and a little uncertainty, there was so much I wanted to say to him.
But there were no words that could truly convey any of it.
I ran to him, ducking under the umbrella to stand with him.
“Ash,” I began, but he shook his head to stop me. He looked so afraid, but I knew there was something he wanted to say so I just looked up at him, waiting.
He swallowed hard, tears slowly dripping down his cheeks. “Last year, Evie, you ran into my life in the rain and changed everything. You didn’t judge me, you just reached out, and while I didn’t understand why at the time, I really wanted to take your hand. You led me out of the darkest time of my fucking life, and I would never have made it without you.” He paused, wiping some tears away with his free hand. “I’ve wanted to tell you so many times how much you mean to me, how I feel about you, but each time, I told myself it wasn’t the right time. That you wouldn’t want me anyway.”
A knot formed in my stomach, pulling tight as I felt the pain in his words. I wanted to touch him so much it hurt, but I didn’t want to interrupt him now.
“I’m so sorry,” he went on. “I’m sorry I misunderstood about the photos and I’m even more sorry about what happened after.” He paused again, a small, choked sob leaving his throat. “I was so scared when I found you. I thought she’d really hurt you, and that she might have hurt the babies too, and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t handle it. I really thought that I’d fucked up any chance I might have had because of what she did. What I did. I didn’t want to leave that hospital, Evie. I didn’t. But I also didn’t want to hear you telling me you hated me. That you didn’t want to see me again.”
Shaking my head, I said, “I never blamed you, Ash.”
“I know. I should have known that, but, as much as I wanted to believe it, and Keely told me over and over, I couldn’t believe her. All I could hear was that fucking voice in my head telling me I was useless. That this was one more thing I could add to my list of messes I’d made.”
“So… what changed?” My voice was so quiet I was surprised he even heard me.
“Jay.” Ash laughed a little through his tears. “Keely directed him to my flat and he was about ready to kill me with his bare hands. Not because of what happened, but because I ran. Let’s just say he made me realise I needed to sort my shit out because… living without you? Well, that’s just not an option.”
The ache in my chest eased, even though my heart had been pounding since the moment I saw him from my bedroom window.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. All I could hear was the sound of the rain on his umbrella and splashing on the
ground around us. “Because, Ash, I have a ton of my own baggage to cart around with me, and soon I’m not going to be one person, but three. That’s a whole lot to take on.”
Looking into my eyes and letting out a slow, shaky breath, he lifted his free hand to my cheek. “You could be having ten babies, and I’d still want to be with you.”
Trying to control my own breathing and see through the tears racing down my face, I stepped closer to him. His hand slipped around to the back of my neck and I rested my hands on his hips.
Everything felt different now. This wasn’t just two friends about to hug each other. Two friends supporting each other because they were in pain.
This was more, and we were both trembling. Some of it was from the rain soaking into our clothes, but mostly, it was the tremors of two people who were about to take a brand new step together.
Slowly, he leaned down, his mouth just a fraction from mine. I closed my eyes, breathing him in, and he whispered, “I love you, Evangeline West.”
His use of my full name, and the feel of his breath on my skin made me shiver, and I whispered back, “I love you too.”
His lips met mine slowly, gently, and I pressed myself into him, butterflies taking flight in my stomach. As if sensing my need to be closer, Ash dropped the umbrella and wound his arms around me, kissing me harder and moving his hands up into my wet hair.
“Just so you know,” he said, his voice breathy from our kiss, “one day, I’m going to take you back to that bridge, our bridge, where you can see the lights on the water again for real instead of this low budget version. And…” He looked up to the sky for a moment before looking back at me, raindrops rolling down his cheeks, “maybe for once, it won’t fucking rain.”
Laughing, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I brushed my lips against his. “It wouldn’t be the same without the rain.”
Christmas Day
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I said, looking into the cot at Jay’s house where my two baby daughters were fast asleep.
They were still so tiny. Both weighing just five pounds when they were born, they had certainly grown, but to me, they still looked like newborns, even though they were coming up to four months old now.
This was the first time Ash and I were leaving them overnight, and I could almost feel my heart breaking in my chest. Jay had taken them out from when they were only a month old, but he always brought them back at night. He’d only moved back to Stockport permanently a few weeks ago, so this was really new for him too. I knew he was a bit nervous, but his mum lived just around the corner, and she was planning to come over and sit with him for a few hours later, just to keep him calm.
We’d had the best Christmas Day ever. A far cry from the year before, when Ash had been lying in a hospital bed. That all seemed like so long ago when we woke up this Christmas morning with these two angels beside us. All normal traditions had been broken, and we’d gone over to Jay’s parents’ house for the day, including my mum, so we could all be together for the babies’ first Christmas.
“They’ll be fine,” Ash said, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “And you know we can be here in a few minutes if anything happens. Not that it will,” he added quickly.
“I know.” I leaned over and gently stroked my finger over the soft skin on their cheeks. “I’m just going to miss them so much.”
“Me too.”
I turned to look at Ash, who was gazing at Arya and Avery with adoration. From the moment they were born, he’d loved them like they were his own, and he and Jay got along great, which made everything so much easier. Ash adored the girls, and he never interfered in decisions Jay and I needed to make for them, and in turn, Jay had no problem with Ash also being a father to them. I really couldn’t have wished for anything more.
“We should go,” Ash said, reaching into the crib and stroking their hands. “We have a date.”
Smiling, I turned around in his arms. “You know we’re just going home, right?”
Ash placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I do. But how good does leftover turkey sandwiches and a cheesy film sound?”
I laughed. “Really good.” Jay’s mum had wrapped up some food for us, and we were really looking forward to going home and chilling out, even if we would miss the girls. I was fully expecting to wake up in the middle of the night, listening out for them before remembering they weren’t there, but it would also be nice not to have to worry about middle of the night feeds and changes too.
Technically, it was our first childless night together, as Ash hadn’t moved in until just after Arya and Avery were born. We’d taken things slowly. We’d kind of had to since I was pregnant when we first got together, and we also both had a whole lot of issues to work through. Me, trying to stay relaxed through the pregnancy and adjust to having both a new man in my life, and getting used to having my ex-husband around again, and for Ash, learning that he was now with someone who was never going to hurt him, no matter what the situation. It was hard at first, especially for Ash, because although I knew he trusted me, there were still moments when flashbacks would hit him, and he’d flinch if I moved too quickly, or if he thought he’d said or done something that might upset me. But it was happening less and less, and I couldn’t have been happier with my life.
“Come on then,” Ash said, and I sighed before we kissed the girls goodbye.
Holding hands, we went downstairs to the living room, where Jay was standing a little anxiously by the bottom of the stairs.
“Are you okay?” I asked him, and he nodded.
“Yeah, I really am. It’s just a bit strange, that’s all.”
“And you’re definitely sure this is okay? Because I can take them home again if-”
“Evie, he’s fine.” Ash laughed, squeezing my hand. It wasn’t like we hadn’t been over it a million times. Jay would bring them back in the morning, around ten. They wouldn’t even be gone for a full twenty-four hours.
“I am,” Jay confirmed, laughing too. “I’m looking forward to having them overnight, but, as you know, it’s a big step.”
“I know. But you can call me if you need to. And you’ve also got your mum, my mum, and Keely all ready if you do need anything.”
He nodded again. “I know. We’ll be fine, Evie. I promise.”
Realising if I didn’t leave immediately, I would never go, I said, “Okay. Well, good luck, and thank you.”
“Not a problem. I hope you two have good night.” He smirked at me, and luckily Ash didn’t see. I rolled my eyes at him, then Ash and I headed out.
A while later, after we’d eaten the leftovers we’d been given and were snuggled up on the sofa, watching the end of The Holiday, Ash said, “I know it’s really comfortable here, but I have one more gift for you so… we need to move a bit.”
I groaned, snuggling in to him tighter. “Do we have to?”
He laughed. “Yes. That’s if you want the gift.”
Kissing him on the cheek, I said, “I do. But, you know we weren’t supposed to buy each other gifts, right?”
We’d spent a small fortune on tickets for a festival the following summer and agreed that that was enough of a present for us both.
“I know. But I couldn’t resist this one.”
Ash sat up a bit then pulled me up from the sofa and led me to the Christmas tree in the corner of the room. We both sat down on the floor in front of it, and he reached behind it and pulled out a tiny box, the kind jewellery usually comes in.
Before he handed it to me, he said, “Whether we meant it to or not, our relationship has always kind of had a theme, so when I saw this, I couldn’t not get it for you. I’ve actually had it for a while but I wanted to save it for Christmas.”
As he passed it to me, I looked up at him curiously before lifting the lid of the box to find a silver chain with a diamante encrusted umbrella dangling from it. It sparkled under the Christmas lights.
“It’s beautiful,” I breathed.
“It’s a symbol.” Ash reached for my hand, his blue eyes shining as they met mine. “I always remembered what you said about why you got the umbrella tattoo, and over time, with us, it’s just become more and more meaningful. But today… that’s when it means the most.” He shuffled closer to me, placing his hand on my cheek. “One year ago today, I was in a hospital bed, wishing I was dead. Wishing there was a way to end my life because I couldn’t see how it could ever get better.”
A lump formed in my throat. I remembered it so clearly. How much panic I’d felt when I’d heard he was in hospital, and how it had ripped me apart to see how broken he was.
“But then there was you,” he went on. “You were the one person in my life that had become like a bright light, the only thing breaking through the darkness. I wanted to hold onto that, to you, but I was also afraid that if I did, I might break you down too. But you never gave up on me. You gave me a place to stay, a purpose, and now, you’ve given me a family. None of that would have happened if it wasn’t for that one night, when, even though you didn’t know me and were in the middle of a panic attack, you held an umbrella over me in the rain.”
Closing my eyes, I turned my head, placing a kiss on the palm of his hand before putting the box down under the Christmas tree and crawling onto his lap, my legs wrapped around him, and my arms around his neck.
“You’ve given me a lot too, Ash,” I said, kissing him lightly on the lips, and his hands moved around to my back. “You taught me it’s okay to trust again, and that hiding from my problems doesn’t actually make them go away. You understood me and accepted my flaws without question, and then… you gave me a family too. Arya and Avery might not be biologically yours, but you are what makes us complete. If I had a million wishes, I don’t think I could ever have wished for someone as perfect for me as you are.”
