The Woman Next Door: An unputdownable psychological thriller with a stunning twist

by Sue Watson

  ‘Yeah… yeah I will. But it doesn’t matter now, as long as you’re safe.’ She’s smiling, rubbing her hand up and down my arm and looking intently into my face. I conjure up a way of introducing the Ben situation, but can’t admit I’d found the pregnancy test, because that means admitting I went through her stuff.

  ‘Amber… I… I came across something. It was in an old magazine at the doctor’s.’

  ‘Oh… the doctor’s… Are you okay, sweetie?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine… It was just a health check. But in the magazine, Hello magazine actually, from a couple of months ago, I saw a photo of Ben. He was receiving an award.’

  She gently pulls her hand away from mine. ‘That was ages ago,’ she says, and clearly doesn’t want to talk about it, presumably knowing exactly where this conversation is heading. But this time I’m not prepared to leave it just because it’s making her uncomfortable – she can’t be my friend and lie to me about important stuff. I want to know, so I tell her what I’d seen in the magazine, and before she can deny it or make up some story, I say, ‘I googled his name, Amber. There’s plenty of stuff about him online… and about his wife Geraldine.’ I spell it out. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  She didn’t expect this confrontation, this questioning – not from me anyway. I’m the carer. I don’t have difficult conversations with Amber. That isn’t our dynamic. I’m the one who smooths everything over and makes her happy, but she knows I’m not going to let this drop now.

  ‘Yes… okay, I should have mentioned that he’s married, but it’s in name only. Geraldine and Ben live separate lives. They have for years. They’d already separated when we first got together… Their kids were little then and…’

  ‘I’m not making a moral judgement, Amber, I just feel hurt that you didn’t tell me.’

  ‘I’m sorry. We’re friends… best friends, and I should have told you, but how could I? I didn’t want you thinking bad of me – like I say, it isn’t like I wrecked their marriage, but sometimes it’s hard to convince other people. You’re kind, understanding. I suppose I didn’t want to test that… or our friendship.’

  ‘But it wouldn’t have. You know me, I’m not fickle, and I’m loyal – too loyal sometimes. You made up all this stuff about him moving in with you and talking marriage… then inexplicably it just ended. You never said it was because he was already married…’

  ‘What I told you is true. He said, “Find us a home and we’ll move in together,” and we were talking marriage…’

  ‘But he already is married!’

  ‘Yes, but she knows all about me. She was okay with it… Ben said she understood how much he loved me but begged him to stay for the kids, until they were old enough to understand… What could he do?’

  We sip our tea, both with our own thoughts, and I try to put myself in her shoes. It all makes sense really. I can see that from Amber’s perspective this was her boyfriend and she was going to marry him. She just missed a bit out, I suppose, and after all she’d been through with her husband, she was probably scared to tell anyone she was having a relationship with a married man – estranged from his wife or not. I can’t imagine anyone being as understanding as Geraldine, his wife, though – I wonder how she really felt about her husband, the father of her children, living a double life with his weather girI?

  ‘So Geraldine was really okay with it all?’ I ask.

  ‘Oh yes.’ She’s nodding vigorously. ‘Ben told me it was difficult sometimes, but they both knew they’d come to the end, even then. Apparently she said, “I know you have to be with her, but please be discreet, just don’t embarrass me,” which is why we kept our relationship secret from everyone. Except you, Lucy… I didn’t lie to you, I told you about Ben. If anything, I lied to everyone else, denying anything was going on. People I worked with might have guessed, made snide comments, but only you knew the truth.’

  I’m beginning to thaw. I can see that in some ways Amber has been more honest with me than anyone else.

  ‘So was Geraldine aware you were talking marriage?’ I ask, intrigued by this woman who apparently was happy to hand over her man.

  ‘She said when the kids were old enough to understand, then they’d divorce so we could be together,’ she says.

  ‘How old are the kids now?’ I ask.

  ‘The eldest is twenty-three, the youngest seventeen.’ She drops her head. So this is why Amber had found a new house for the two of them – because the kids were old enough to be told. ‘This was supposed to be our new life together. After all the promises, all the waiting, I was going to be his real partner instead of the one he kept hidden while he played happy families. Just when I thought we were going to be together openly, permanently, he told me he and Geraldine were “going to give it another go”. Another fucking go,’ she says, shaking her head, like she still can’t quite believe it.

  ‘Oh, Amber, I’m so sorry.’ It’s now my turn to put my hand on hers across the kitchen table.

  ‘Those first few days after I’d moved in, I was just waiting for him to move in, but he kept making up excuses. I was lonely, really fed up, staying in every night on my own, just waiting for him to call… but he didn’t, so I came along to the book club.’

  It all made sense now. ‘And it was after that he told you?’

  ‘Yes, that’s when I threw his stuff out of the window.’

  ‘I remember.’ I smile and we both giggle a little at the memory. ‘But you’ve seen him recently, haven’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sorry to say I gave in and we’ve slept together a couple of times. I’d heard he and Geraldine had finished… again. That she’d found out he was seeing someone at work and she’d thrown him out. I assumed this was all about me.’

  ‘But if she knew about you all along and was fine with it, why did she throw him out?’

  ‘My thoughts exactly. I can’t help but wonder – maybe he never actually told her, and he was lying to both of us. It makes me sick.’

  ‘What a charmer.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I’ve never been very good with men. My mother was the same, always looking in the wrong places for her happily ever after. My biological father was married to someone else. I never met him, never wanted to, and I doubt he ever wanted to meet me either – I was a huge mistake, an embarrassment.’

  ‘Don’t say that.’

  ‘It’s how I feel, like I’m an embarrassment – not worthy of anyone decent. I always said I’d never live her life. Mine would be different, so I went to college and I married lovely, safe, caring Michael. I thought I’d landed on my safe harbour, but I can’t be trusted, and as soon as the bad boy came along, I was hooked. I fucked up my happily ever after just like she did.’

  ‘It’s never too late, Amber. You’re only in your forties. You’re so attractive and fun; you have so much to offer. You deserve someone kind, who loves you for you.’

  She gives a mirthless laugh like that’s never going to happen. ‘Those guys are already taken.’

  ‘So where are things now… with Ben?’ I ask, hoping she’ll tell me about the pregnancy.

  ‘Not good. He was still apart from Geraldine, and I still thought we would get back together until about a month ago. It was the night my tyre was slashed. I was leaving work, just getting into my car, when I saw them… Ben and the new girl from accounts. She’s only in her twenties, far too young for him… but I saw them kissing.’ She’s gazing ahead, reliving the moment. I see the pain in her eyes. ‘And then last week I heard they’d moved in together… He can’t have known her more than a few months – I waited for over twenty fucking years, and all for nothing.’ At this she bursts into tears and I get up and hug her, rocking her like a child.

  ‘You must hate him.’

  ‘I wish I did, but he’s such a huge part of my life. I will always have feelings for him. I told you, I don’t have an off switch when it comes to bad boys; I don’t know when to get out. I always hang around for them to keep sticking the knife i
n.’

  Eventually I sit back down, still holding her hand as she lets the last of the tears fall.

  ‘I wish I’d known,’ I say. ‘Sometimes we can’t see things for ourselves; we need an honest friend to shine the light for us, even tell us things we don’t want to hear. You were flailing around in the dark, love, and he was stringing you along. Seems like he’s lied to just about everyone.’

  ‘I know, I know, but some relationships don’t stand up to scrutiny. I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear… for twenty sodding years.’

  ‘So… what now?’

  ‘I don’t know…’

  I still want her to tell me about the pregnancy. We need everything out in the open so I can be there for her and we have no secrets from each other. So I tell her how I feel, hoping this will prompt her to share with me what’s happening in her life.

  ‘Amber, I feel hurt you kept all this big stuff to yourself. It wasn’t good for you. And as your friend I feel like we were playing some weird game of friendship poker, and all the time I was showing my hand while you were hiding yours.’

  ‘I’m so sorry… There is something else. I’ve wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know what I was going to do and—’

  ‘What?’

  And finally she says it.

  ‘Lucy, I’m pregnant.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lucy

  After Amber confirmed her pregnancy, she said she thought Ben was the father, but couldn’t be sure. ‘There have been others,’ she’d said intriguingly, but didn’t elaborate – so much for our new-look ‘honest and open’ friendship. She did confess it had been a huge shock and she was still coming to terms with the news herself, which was why she hadn’t told anyone.

  ‘I didn’t think it possible at my age. I came off the pill a couple of years ago,’ she said.

  ‘Will you try to find out who the father is for sure?’ I asked, but she said she didn’t plan to, not yet anyway.

  ‘I don’t want anyone, even Ben, forcing shared custody or visitation rights. I don’t want him poking and prying into my life, the baby spending weekends with that slut he lives with. I want my baby to have a good father, and I don’t care if he isn’t the biological one,’ was all she said.

  The good news is, she’s keeping the baby, and she’s okay about it. She isn’t delirious about being pregnant and she’s worried about work – as she says, the timing is all wrong – but she’s positive. Of course I feigned delighted surprise for her, told her how happy I was and how I’d be there for her for everything. She just had to tell me what was going on.

  ‘No more secrets,’ I said, and she shook her head, but her eyes didn’t meet mine, which made me think there may still be things Amber isn’t telling me.

  I tell Matt later, when he comes home from work.

  ‘It’s… it’s good and it’s bad…’ he’s saying, as if to himself, clearly as upset as me. Like me, Matt knows about Amber’s positive pregnancy test, but given our own history, we both need time to adjust, to get used to the idea now she’s actually confirmed the pregnancy and that she’s keeping the child.

  ‘I know, it’s bittersweet, love. That’s what it is. I feel the same, so don’t feel guilty for having mixed feelings… It’s understandable that we can’t jump up and down for joy – yet.’

  Amber has hinted at her fears about being alone in the house now she’s pregnant, and I want to offer her a permanent place at ours during the pregnancy, but have to ask Matt how he feels about it first.

  ‘I was thinking though…’ I start. ‘Now it’s been confirmed that she’s pregnant, I think she should come back and stay with us. What do you think?’ I half expect him to say no.

  ‘It’s up to you… if you feel, as her friend, you want her here, it’s okay with me,’ he says, resigned to what I know he feels will be an intrusion on our lives.

  ‘Just until the baby’s born?’ I say, and he agrees, albeit reluctantly. He’s such a lovely man, and I know he’s doing this for me. I’d worried he’d show his disapproval of her being pregnant without a partner – something Matt and I feel strongly about as we both had absentee fathers, but I guess his kindness has won through all the doubts. ‘Thanks, babe, she’ll be so relieved. I’ll pop over later and check on her, and suggest she comes back here,’ I say.

  ‘We can always look after the kid, if she needs us to.’ He’s sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open, and I stand up and walk behind him in the chair, putting my arms around him.

  ‘You’re a lovely man,’ I breathe in his ear. I am so touched by his kindness but I also remember what Kirsty had said about him feeling our infertility as keenly as me, and as I hold him, I realise this is probably true.

  So while Matt and I grieve for something we never had, Amber’s baby is due in seven months. I am excited about a baby coming into all our lives, but the irony is painful for me. There’s Amber, who’s just ‘okay’ with the news, when for us it would be a dream come true. I know it’s biologically impossible, and as much as we’ve both come to terms with our lot, it’s times like these I wish for something that can’t ever be. I made a fuss, telling Amber how happy I was, but there’s part of me that can’t help wishing it was us waiting for the patter of tiny feet, going for the scan, shopping for pushchairs, choosing baby names. Meanwhile, Amber’s worried about how she’s going to pay for everything, but I don’t know why. She’s loaded, she has that huge house and she must have made a fortune being on telly. But she’s also worried about losing her job, or ‘being sidelined’, as she puts it.

  ‘It’s okay for you, you’ve got Matt,’ she says, when I pop over to check on her.

  ‘Be thankful for what you’ve got,’ I say, trying to be positive, but making a point.

  ‘Lucy, I’ve got no one… Nothing.’

  ‘You have everything, Amber.’ I’m trying to make her feel better, but she’s determined to have her own pity party. Where do I start? You’ve got a baby on the way and a fabulous home to live in, you ungrateful madam, I think. But of course I don’t voice my feelings, I just make sympathetic noises and tell her she’ll be fine, which of course she will be, because I’m here for her and will be there every step of the way.

  As much as I envy Amber’s pregnancy, I do understand that this isn’t what she planned for and it can’t be much fun being single and pregnant. So I try to be there as much as I can, and do little things to cheer her up, try to make her see the upside of her situation and get excited about the baby. The other day I bought her some baby recipe books, along with the most gorgeous teddy bear with a cute little bow in its hair.

  ‘Ooh, thank you,’ she said and kissed me. But I noticed she left the teddy bear lying face down on the sideboard. I expect she probably just doesn’t want to make a big fuss because she’s minding my feelings – she’s so sweet to me, saying how she wants me to be involved in the baby’s life.

  ‘We’re like sisters… so you’ll be its auntie,’ she keeps saying.

  ‘So come and stay at ours where “Auntie Lucy” can look after both of you,’ I say. It’s the day after I had the conversation with Matt about her moving in. ‘You know it makes sense,’ I say, waiting for her to jump at the chance, but she seems awkward and says she feels Matt doesn’t want her to stay, and it isn’t fair on our marriage to have a third person living there.

  ‘That’s absolute rubbish,’ I insist. ‘Matt loves having you to stay, and he worries about you as much as I do.’ This, of course, is a lie, but I want her to feel welcome – for God’s sake, the woman is pregnant and living in a big house with a bloody stalker at large.

  Later that evening, I bring it up with Matt. ‘I won’t be responsible if anything happens to her,’ I say. ‘I don’t know what you’ve said to her, but something has made her feel very unwelcome. And you agreed she could stay, so it’s up to you to go and tell her you love having her here and that she has to come and stay with us for the baby’s sake.’

  So he goes over, and just
in time by the sound of it because she confesses that earlier this week she had a heavy-breather call and she comes back to ours with Matt, grateful for the sanctuary.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Amber?’ I say.

  ‘I didn’t want to worry you. I know how upset you get.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter how I feel, this is about you and your safety. What did he say when he called?’

  ‘He said “I can’t live without you… I would rather die with you”,’ she said, clearly still scared.

  We logged everything with the police this time, and they said they’re going to put a trace on her line, but there hasn’t been a call since, and they can’t seem to locate where the call came from. Or they haven’t bothered to.

  Amber is in bits, so I suggest she goes and has a lie down in one of our spare rooms; in her condition she needs rest, especially after a shock like that. Later when Matt gets back from the gym he makes one of his quick pasta bakes, dripping in cheese, with a crispy topping and loads of what I call ‘secret spinach’. He’s made enough for two, and I don’t think he’s too chuffed when I invite Amber to join us, but she’s sitting in our kitchen and clearly not going anywhere so what else can I do?

  ‘It’s so lovely to be here with you guys,’ she sighs, as she finishes off the last of the garlic bread with no carb concerns (as Matt commented, she’s definitely eating for two at the moment).

  ‘You’re going to stay, aren’t you?’ I ask. ‘Matt explained, didn’t he, that we’re both happy to have you?’

  ‘He did, and you’re both so sweet, but you both have lives and careers and I hate being alone, but…’ She looks like she is about to cry.

  ‘What is it? Are you scared? Have you had any texts?’

  ‘No.’ She shakes her head. ‘Nothing I can put my finger on, it’s just sometimes… I feel like someone’s watching me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Matt says, but I know just what she means. I’ve felt it too when I was in her house on my own.