Broken Dreams (Fatal Series Book 3)

by Callie Anderson

“Fuck,” I curse and sit back on my feet. My period is four days late. Water drips from my hair to my skin and onto the carpet. “This can’t be right.” I flip open my agenda, my hands trembling as I count the days. Once. Twice. Three times. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  This is not what I want. Well, at least not this second in my life. Kids seem like a possibility. Eventually. When I’m in my thirties and I have my life figured out. Shoving everything back inside my purse, I decide not to panic until I know for sure. My period has been late before, and I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. Aside from being tired, I have no other symptoms, so I choose to ignore this little bump until I’m one hundred percent certain.

  When I arrive at Bavello’s, Stephanie is waiting outside for me. As always, she looks stunning, her make-up and hair flawless. I yawn as I greet her. "I really hate that your hair is perfect all the time."

  "Morning to you too, buttercup." She nudges me with her shoulder. "You look tired. Didn't sleep well?"

  I pause as we walk inside and quickly fabricate something to tell Stephanie. "No. I tossed and turned all night,” I lie. “I was waiting for Ethan to . . .” My words fail me as I stumble forward from the impact of someone behind me. Looking back, I sigh in annoyance.

  "Excuse you,” Stephanie says to the back of a platinum blonde’s head. She doesn't have to turn around for me to know it’s Erica who rudely bumped me.

  "Oh, my goodness,” she simpers. “I'm so sorry!” She gives me a sly grin.

  "Cut the crap, Erica, we know you did that on purpose,” Stephanie quips and crosses her arms over her chest.

  Erica's mouth opens dramatically as she yawns. "No, seriously. I'm really sorry. I'm so tired this morning." Her gaze cuts directly at me. "Ethan had me up all night."

  Instantly, my teeth grind.

  "You know how he can be in the sack." She winks at me but then pouts. "Or do you? I mean, he wouldn't be knocking on my door if you did."

  My hands ball into tight, white-knuckled fists. I step toward her to strike, but Stephanie moves between us. "Erica, I suggest you leave before I let Leslie whoop your ass first thing in the morning."

  Erica takes a step back and laughs. “Bye, Stephy.” She blows her a fake kiss and then looks over at me. “Bye, Dance Queen."

  "Fuck off!” I shout, and the entire crowd at Bavello’s looks over at me. Instantly, I'm embarrassed and I lower my gaze.

  "Find us a table and I'll grab our coffee,” Stephanie says to me in a softer tone.

  A few minutes later, she pulls back the wooden chair across from me and places my cup and a tray of sweet Danishes on the table. Lost in thought, my mind wanders to what Erica said. Had she spent the night with Ethan? Were they seeing each other? And was that why he was pulling away? I lower my head on the cool table, feeling lightheaded.

  "Hey, you okay?" Stephanie waves her hand at me and I shake my head, throwing those thoughts out the window.

  "Sorry, lost in thought."

  "You weren't thinking about what Erica said, were you?"

  "Oh, God no.” I lie again, choosing to be the bigger person. “She simply wants attention and to get a rise out of me." And I believe the words I say. I know Ethan. I’ve known him my whole life, and even when he was a teenager the last thing I had to worry about was him being with another girl. He has always loved me. I find myself thinking this and I force myself to believe it, but there is a tiny voice in the back of my mind that reminds me the Ethan I knew and loved, the one I never had to worry about, is not the Ethan who’s been present.

  “Okay, good. Because I’d have to kick your ass if you believed her for a second.” I laugh and take a sweet treat from the basket. “I can’t believe you told her to fuck off in front of everyone.”

  I close my eyes, mortified. “Uh, was it that bad?”

  “Let’s just say the whole town will be talking about it by lunch.”

  “Great. Something else I’ll have to explain to Ethan.”

  “What do you mean something else?” Stephanie asks.

  I chew on the inside of my lip and decide it’s better to use Stephanie as a sounding board before telling Ethan. “So, I got an email from my job. They need me back by June first.”

  “Oh, crap.”

  “And my period is four days late.” Stephanie’s eyes widen as she takes a bite of her food. “Yeah, now I have to add this little quarrel with Erica to the list.”

  “Did you take a test?” Stephanie’s voice is an octave louder than before.

  “Shh.” I kick her under the table and glance around to see if anyone is listening to our conversation. “No, I realized all of this half an hour ago.”

  “You need to pee on a stick.”

  “Because me buying a pregnancy test won’t get back to Ethan. You know how this town lives for gossip. Besides, it’s probably nothing. I’m just stressed with Jerry’s death and whatnot. I’m probably just late.”

  “You know . . .” Stephanie pauses and puckers her lip.

  “What?”

  “I am married.” She lifts her left hand and her emerald cut diamond sparkles up at me. “I can buy the pregnancy test. It’s not like Bruce would care what the town says.”

  “You’re a genius.” I sigh and I feel a grin grow on my face. “Carlton’s opens at ten. We can finish here and head right over.” I nod. “Some people smuggle drugs. We’ll be smuggling pregnancy tests.”

  I chuckle and take another sip of my coffee. There wasn’t anything I could say. The possibility of me being pregnant weighed heavily on my chest. It was only a matter of time before I could put this all behind me.

  With my heart pounding with each step, Stephanie and I walk over to Carlton’s, the town pharmacy. We are halfway there when I spot Ethan getting out of his car. I stop and watch his every move. He walks around the car to pop open the trunk and pulls out a folder.

  “Are you just going to stand there?” Stephanie asks.

  I shrug. “I don’t know if he wants to see me.”

  Ethan closes the trunk and his gaze lands directly on mine. “I guess you can’t hide now.” Stephanie nudges me. “Go talk to him while I run inside Carlton’s to grab the goods.”

  I nod and will my feet to walk across the street. Ethan leans on his car and crosses his arms over his chest. His blue jeans hug his waist, and his white T-shirt is tight around his chest.

  Nervously, I grip my purse strap. “Hey,” I say when I approach him.

  When I don’t move, he loops his finger in the belt strap of my jeans and pulls me toward him. “Morning, Freckles,” he whispers before kissing my lips. “I went by the studio this morning.”

  “We’re closed today, third Saturday of every month.” I pull my eyes away from his green orbs.

  “What’s the matter?” He lifts my chin so I’m forced to look at him.

  “You never called last night.” I purse my lips.

  “I know,” he sighs. “I didn’t get out of the meeting ’til late and I didn’t want to wake you.”

  I gnaw on the inside of my lip. A part of me wants to say that he never had a problem climbing through my window at two in the morning, but not wanting to sound like an annoying girlfriend, I choose my words carefully. “I ran into Erica at Bavello’s.” I pause and stare at his face. There isn’t a single flinch. “She said she spent the night with you.” I swallow and watch his every movement.

  Ethan digs his hand in his back pocket and pulls out his phone. He clicks a few buttons and his speaker turns on as his phone begins to ring. He pulls me flush against him, and wraps his free arm around my body.

  “Hello?” Erica’s voice erupts from the speaker.

  “Where were you last night?” His voice is angry.

  “Home, why?” Erica’s mousy voice has softened.

  “Was I with you?” he barks.

  “No.”

  “Then do me a fucking favor,” he growls, and a shiver crawls up my spine. “Stop spreading fucking rumors. I hear about
you lying one more time, Erica, and I swear to God . . .”

  I smack his chest, not wanting to know what he’s about to say.

  “I’m sorry.” Her voice is barely audible before the line goes dead.

  “You didn’t need to threaten her.” I pull away from him.

  “I’m tired of her running her mouth.”

  “Hey, lovebirds.” Stephanie’s voice interrupts us.

  “All set?” I ask, and she nods. I turn to Ethan. “Okay, I’ll see you later.” Before I can take a step, he yanks me into his arms and his mouth crashes over mine. His hands tangle in my hair as his tongue invades my mouth. When he pulls away, I’m breathless.

  “Don’t let what Erica said change anything, Freckles. I have—and will always—only love you,” he says against my lips. “I’ll come by later, okay?”

  “Okay.” I kiss his lips one last time.

  “Bye, E.” Stephanie says when he lets me go, and Ethan waves.

  We are halfway down the block when Stephanie laces her arm with mine. “Do I want to know what that was about?”

  “Me finding out if he was with Erica last night.”

  “Was he?” Stephanie looks up at me.

  “Ethan’s eyebrows furrow when he lies.” I smile up at her. “He wasn’t with her last night.”

  “Oh, good. That’s one thing crossed off your list.” Stephanie lifts up the white pharmacy bag. “Now let’s see if him not being a Daddy is another.”

  24

  PRESENT

  Three minutes feels like an eternity. My hands rest on the bathroom sink as I wait for the buzzer to go off on my phone. With shaky hands and my heart in my throat, I turn over the plastic stick.

  “Well?” Stephanie asks from the other side of the bathroom door.

  I read the word flashing on the screen. My brain can’t comprehend it.

  Pregnant.

  I read it over and over again.

  “Leslie, you’re killing me here.” Stephanie’s voice is impatient as she bangs on the door.

  Pregnant. I read it again and this time it all clicks. I’m fucking pregnant.

  “Fuck,” I say.

  “Oh, shit,” I hear her whisper.

  I glance in the mirror and look down at my belly. How the hell will I explain this one? Gently, my hands rub along my flat tummy. This can’t be happening.

  I open the door.

  Stephanie’s wide blue eyes are staring at mine. “Baby?” she asks and bites her lower lip.

  I nod and lift the stick for her to see. “Yep.” I lean on the doorframe. “What do I do now?” I ask and my eyes well up with tears.

  “It’s okay. It will be okay.” She rests her hands on my shoulders and gives me a reassuring smile. “Sometimes these things are wrong.”

  “I’ve heard of false negatives, not false positives.”

  Stephanie nods and purses her lips. “If you want to know for sure, you’ll need to do blood work. You can go to my mom; she’s still practicing obstetrics.”

  “I’m not going to see your Mom!” I complain.

  “Think about it. I can call her right now and she’ll meet us at the office. They’re closed today so no one will be there. We can go through the back entrance and no one in town will find out about it.” Her voice trails behind me as I sit on my bed.” She can do blood work and you’ll know for certain what you’re dealing with.”

  “Fuck it.” I throw my hands up in defeat. “Let’s yank the Band-Aid.”

  Within an hour, Stephanie and I are across town walking into her mother’s OBGYN medical office. The light green walls and dark green carpet smell of antiseptic and latex gloves. My heart races with each step we take further into the office.

  “Mom?” Stephanie calls out when we reach the hallway that has exam rooms on either side.

  “In here,” she shouts.

  Stephanie and I make our way into Dr. Carey’s office. “Leslie.” She stands and smiles up at me. “It’s so nice to see you.” She walks around her mahogany table to give me a hug.

  “I wish it were under better circumstances,” I say when she lets go.

  “It’s fine.” She guides us to sit. “So, Stephanie said you tested positive on an over-the-counter test and you’d like to get blood work done?”

  I swallow the golf ball lodged in my throat and nod. “Yes.”

  “When was your last menstrual cycle?” she asks as she pulls out a circular graph.

  My lips pucker as I find the courage to speak. “Um . . . March twenty-fourth, I believe. It was definitely after St. Patrick’s Day.”

  “And have you been sexually active?”

  I nod. “I’m on LoEstrin, but I’ve been busy and I skipped a day or two.”

  Mrs. Carey sets the graph down and folds her hands. “Unfortunately, LoEstrin is only ninety-one percent effective when taken regularly. The estrogen and progestin, the two hormones that prevent pregnancy, are very low, which means your ovaries can still ovulate.”

  “Great,” I say sarcastically.

  “According to my calculation, you’re about five weeks. We can do a blood test if you like. The blood does take a few days, but since your urine test was positive we can do an ultrasound to see if I can see anything. It’s very early and we probably will not get a heartbeat, but I’ll be able to tell exactly how far along you are.”

  I glance over at Stephanie who is sitting next to me, and then back to Mrs. Carey. “Okay.”

  “I’ll wait for you in here.” Stephanie says and gives me a reassuring smile.

  Mrs. Carey leads me to the lab room in the back. My feet twitch as I sit on the blue leather chair. Mrs. Carey ties a rubber band around my bicep and instructs me to make a fist. The pinch of the needle is painless and I watch with amazement as the blood seeps out of my body and into the vial.

  When she discards the needle and fastens a Band-Aid over the blood dotting my skin, she smiles up at me. “Come on.” She places her hand on my shoulder and leads me toward an exam room. “Let’s see how far along you are.”

  She leads me into an exam room, provides me with a gown, and instructs me to undress. Moments later she returns and I’m sitting on the exam table with both of my feet up in the stirrups. She dims the light and explains that she will be doing a trans-vaginal ultrasound. I lay my head back and close my eyes during entire thing. I don’t want to look at the screen. I don’t want to see that there is a little tiny baby inside of me.

  “There.” Mrs. Carey says and I force myself to look up. Her hand is tapping the black screen and I squint to make out what she’s pointing at. “This black circle is the gestational sac and this little tiny spot right there.” She points to the screen. “That is the embryo.”

  My eyes well with tears. Tears of happiness, fear, and most of all, love. The little tiny spec on the screen was made by me and Ethan. “Wow.” I say and brush my hands under my eyes.

  “By the size, it looks like you are just shy of six weeks. Still very, very early. And still hard to detect” Mrs. Carey says and turns on the lights and turns off the ultra sound. “Leslie, the state of Arizona requires a woman must receive state-directed counseling that includes information designed to discourage her from having an abortion, and then you must wait twenty-four hours before the procedure.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I would never be able to have an abortion. Not when it’s something that was made out of love.”

  “Okay. I just want you to know all your rights before you make any decision.”

  “Thank you.” I sit up and place my hand on my flat belly.

  “Now, it’s still very early, but I’d like to see you again in two weeks for a full screening. Then we can start your prenatal visits.” She hands me a list of foods I should avoid along with a script for prenatal vitamins.” I want you to start taking these right away.

  I nod, unable to speak as my heart is filled with emotion. “Thank you again, Mrs. Carey. I really appreciate it.”

  Once she leaves the roo
m, I sit back on the exam chair and hold my stomach. Excitement fills me and I laugh. Instantly, I’m filled with love. I have no idea what this means for me and Ethan, but I know I want this child more than anything.

  25

  PRESENT

  Later that night, I pace my room anxiously not knowing what to do. After I left Mrs. Carey’s office, Stephanie sat by side as I had a panic attack in the car. She suggested the best way to figure out what to do next was to make a list. Pros and Cons.

  When I first packed my bags to come here I never imagined that staying permanently would be an option or that being a mom was in the cards for me. Now, everything is changed in the blink of an eye. My father is due home Monday, and the studio is up and running smoothly, and for the first time I want to stay in Prescott. I want to see where things with Ethan go. Kids, marriage, and a happily ever after finally seem like an option.

  With a shaky hand, I glance down at my list one more time.

  Pros: Staying/Baby

  Ethan.

  Cons: Staying/Baby

  Does Ethan want kids?

  Does he want me to stay?

  Ethan said he would stop by, and I find myself running to the window every time I hear a car drive by.

  “Where are you?” I say to my empty room, and I pull out my cell phone. The screen is blank, my finger shakes as I debate calling him, and then I toss my phone on the bed.

  “No.” I coil my hands under my chin. “I will not push him into coming over.”

  The last thing I want to do is force him here and then drop the bomb that he is about to be a dad.

  I take in a cool calming breath and decide when the time is right, I will tell him.

  One week later . . .

  Stephanie says I’m being a coward and prolonging the inevitable, but I’m not avoiding Ethan. I’ve been so preoccupied with other things that I haven’t had the chance to tell him. Besides, it isn’t something I want to do over the phone.

  My father is finally home and we’re adjusting. Andrew, my father’s aide, comes to the house for three hours every day to help him with his physical therapy and any other things my father can’t do on his own. While Andrew is at the house, my mother and I have been at the studio interviewing potential coaches who can help while I am gone. Though I still haven’t completely made up my mind, I figure it’s best to be prepared. Not to mention, if I stay in town I won’t be able to teach once my belly becomes too big. I find myself smiling every time I think about waddling, and Ethan behind me kissing my neck as he rubs our little bundle of joy.