Just One Kiss
Page 3
Throat on fire with the impossible task of trying to choke back tears, he’d answered in a voice that barely sounded. Yes. I promise.
In his lonely room now, the first song ended. The next one came on.
He saw himself suddenly through Jake’s eyes, spending the evening alone in his room, listening to music he wouldn’t have chosen, about to eat food he didn’t much care for.
Daniel shook his head. It was Kate’s birthday. He was honoring her. Tomorrow he’d think about what Jake had said. But tonight…
If you bury yourself in that shit, your life might as well be over, too.
I would definitely have pegged you for a chocolate guy.
His hand hesitated over the box.
Kate…
He dug out a cupcake, peeled off the paper and took a huge bite, with more enthusiasm than he’d had for any food in a long, long time.
The cupcake was as amazing as the frosting, light but moist, and incredibly flavorful. The best he’d ever had. Or maybe it was the release and relief of letting himself enjoy it.
The beautiful fresh-faced Angela had been right. Tonight he’d been ready for chocolate.
3
“SHE’LL LOVE THEM.” Bonnie handed over a bouquet of mixed blue, purple and yellow to the grinning teenage boy who’d come in and dubiously asked for roses, but was leaving much happier. Bonnie had listened to his tale with sympathy: he’d been peer-pressured into asking The Wrong Girl to the homecoming dance, then realized he really cared for The Right Girl all along, and wanted a gesture of combined apology and affection that wasn’t too intense or expensive… .
Sometimes Bonnie thought she was more of a psychologist than a saleswoman. People might tell hairdressers more of their troubles, but they’d be surprised how many emotions went along with flowers. Not just wedding, funeral, birthday and anniversary. Also apology, seduction, guilt, renewal…
Bonnie was a firm believer in the healing powers of floral arrangements. Maybe that sounded crazy, but she’d seen it over and over again, customers coming back in to thank her, telling her how much the plants or bouquets or blossoms had been appreciated, how they’d helped cheer or heal, intensify or diffuse.
She wiped water drops off her counter and leaned on it, surveying the riot of fresh color around her proudly and a little wistfully. Proud, because she hadn’t wanted her stock isolated away from the customer, refrigerated behind glass; her flowers bloomed all over the store in buckets carefully arranged on multiple levels as to color and size. The effect, she hoped, was like walking into an English garden in full bloom. Wistful, because not enough people had been walking in, to the point where she was having to consider drastic measures. Not selling the store, not yet, but…yes, drastic. Like giving up her apartment upstairs and dragging essentials and a cot into the shop’s back office.
After a year of lukewarm sales, she was getting to where she needed to be realistic and face the possibility of failure. In the meantime, she was looking around for marketing tips, tricks and gimmicks wherever she could get them, hoping to find ways of luring in more buyers. And constantly fighting off panic and a heavy sense of doom…and of shame.
Just another super fun year in the game of life.
Through her window onto the building’s foyer she noticed a guy dressed in biking gear, and holding a helmet walk in and stop, as if he weren’t sure where to go. Bonnie frowned. He looked familiar. Where had she seen him?
Aha. Déjà vu. She’d seen him pause in the same spot the previous day. Hard to miss a hard-body hottie like that. But when she’d glimpsed his face, she’d wanted less to seduce him than to offer hugs and mugs of coffee, maybe give him an air fern from her shop, so he wouldn’t have to take care of anything but himself.
She craned her neck to get a better view. He was still hesitating. Maybe she should ask if he needed help? Yesterday he’d gone into Angela’s. Bonnie meant to ask her about him, but A Taste for All Pleasures had been crazy busy and then Angela had gone out with friends last night.
A group of students, on a weekend break from classes, came out of the bakery, clutching paper bags of treats and cups of coffee. Hard-body Hottie stood aside to let them pass, then walked, without hesitation this time, into the bakery.
Ooh, interesting. Waiting to go in until Angela was alone? Bonnie hoisted herself onto her counter and leaned over shamelessly to catch Angela’s reaction. A nice, wide smile, her usual greeting. But maybe this smile was wider? Nicer? Bonnie leaned farther, but couldn’t see the guy’s face. Was he after the buns or the baker? And would Angela let him taste the latter along with the former? Bonnie would love to see Angela happy again after that jerk ex of hers. Though they’d all fallen for Tom. He was impossible not to love, until you sensed the dry rot in his soul.
“Spy alert.”
Bonnie nearly fell off her counter. “Damn it, Seth, you scared me to death.”
“What did I miss?” Seth Blackstone sauntered up to her, grinning, making her shop look all the more colorful and feminine next to his tall, black-clad, self-assured masculinity. “Hot times at Angela’s?”
“She’s got a cute guy in there.”
“Yeah?” He peered toward the bakery. “What’s she doing with him?”
“Talking.” Bonnie told her heartbeat to calm down. It was Seth, not the Pope.
“You know this guy?”
“No. But he was in yesterday, and she seemed glad to see him.”
“Angela’s glad to see everyone.” He leaned against Bonnie’s counter, poked at her neat pile of brochures until they fanned to one side. “She’s a sweetheart.”
“True.” Bonnie sighed and jumped down behind her counter again. “I’d love to see her dating.”
“Why would you wish something like that on a friend?”
“Ha. Ha.” She turned a withering glare on him, which threatened to melt into a giggle at the smiling mischief in his hazel eyes. Oh, those eyes. Narrow and fiercely masculine, as was the strong square set of his jaw. But she couldn’t start thinking that way again. She’d keep up the prickly banter—it seemed the only way they could get along was by constantly disagreeing. So she glanced at her watch, maintaining the frown of disapproval. “Well, look at that. Nearly time for lunch. You just out of bed?”
“Ha. I’ll have you know I’ve been up for hours.” He took her wrist and turned it so he could see the time. “Okay, hour.”
Bonnie snatched back her arm as if his touch annoyed her, when five years after this man broke off their junior-year romance and smashed her heart, he could still make her shiver. Somewhere along the way she’d managed to make uneasy peace with the fact that she’d most likely always feel something for Seth, even having dated other men since then. The trick was keeping those emotions under control so they didn’t ruin her friendship with him or her sanity. Or, God forbid, screw up the perfectly balanced friend-dynamics of the owners of Come to Your Senses.
“What’s new?” She straightened a group of pencils, picked up the brochures and tapped them on the counter, aware the busy work would look as ridiculous as it was.
“Got a possible job with an independent director who needs a film scored.”
“Really!” Bonnie grinned at his look of utter indifference, seeing straight through to the celebration going on inside him. Seth might hold secrets for most people, but he held few for her and she still treasured that.
She was happy for him. His piano studio seemed to be thriving, and he’d been getting good commercial work, too. Not that he needed the income—the Blackstones had made a fortune many times over, starting with great-great-grandfather Blackstone’s shipping company right there in Seattle. But to Seth’s credit, he didn’t sit back and spend family money. He’d been actively pursuing his passion, striving for a career in the music business—songwriting, scoring commercials and/or films, and teaching piano.
“So what’s going on with you?” He squinted at her. “You look like hell.”
“Oh, you are so sweet
!” She shoved at him, then immediately wished she hadn’t. That place in the center of his chest, the flat plane between the hard swells of his pectoral muscles, where dark hair curled—she missed that place, as if it were a whole person. Missed pillowing her head there, missed stroking, kissing, biting, the scent of his skin.
Yikes. She was being extra sappy and nostalgic today, what was with that? Reigniting those particular embers of passion was about as smart as playing tag on the highway. She had more important things to think about than the sternum of a guy who dumped her.
Most likely the new-old feelings were a result of extra vulnerability over her business, and missing the steady support of a romantic partner. Perfectly understandable when times got rough.
Well, guess what? Seth’s support might have been steady at first, but as Bonnie had started feeling more comfortable mentioning the future, Seth had started drawing back, further and further until he bumped into a surgically enhanced bimbo and stuck there.
“You still with me? I asked why you look so terrible.” He hadn’t taken his eyes off her, eyes that showed real concern. Worse, when she shoved against his chest again, he took her hand and held onto it. “Seriously, Bon-bon, what is it? Something’s really bugging you. Has been for a while.”
She shrugged, hating his sympathy and the way it still made her want to melt. “What makes you think that?”
“You’ve lost weight. You’re holding your body tense. You have dark shadows under your eyes and that worry-groove going full-force.” He traced a line from the center of her forehead between her brows. “Right here.”
Bonnie held her breath, telling herself his touch meant nothing, that Seth practiced charm on women the same way most people used oxygen: involuntarily and 24/7.
“I’m fine.” She held his gaze defiantly. “Great, in fact.”
“Good.” His face turned stony and he pushed away from the counter. “Glad to hear it.”
And there they stood on opposite sides of their post-relationship chasm. He kept pushing and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of intimacy without…intimacy. Though damn it, he hadn’t spoken to her with that much tenderness since before they broke up. Hadn’t used her “Bon-bon” nickname in quite a while, either.
So! She should call Greg, the last guy she dated, whom she’d broken up with amicably, to see if he wanted to hang out. Maybe in bed. She needed to shake both this silly renewed vulnerability to Seth and her dark mood over Bonnie Blooms.
“Ah, here she is.” Seth turned abruptly and strode out into the wide corridor outside her entranceway.
Bonnie followed him with her eyes, which had the enjoyable task of watching him greet a woman with obvious affection. Not just any woman. Not a woman Bonnie could look at and think, “Oh, how nice, Seth is meeting a good friend.” No. This was one of those women men dream about having their whole lives. And thank God Bonnie knew Seth well enough not to have unbent just now, not to have leaned on him, not to have let him back under her skin even the tiniest fraction of an inch, or she’d be feeling humiliated and rejected. Again.
Seth caught the goddess’s hand and pulled her into the shop after him. “Hey, Bonnie, this is my friend Alexandra.”
Of course it was Alexandra, which he pronounced Alex-ahn-drah. Names like Matilda or Priscilla were entirely out of the question. She was tall, exotically dark, Selma Hayek-ish, wearing a dress—black cap sleeves, red lace-up corset and a black tutu skirt—over stiletto boots, and not looking at all stupid. Looking, in fact, like the Goddess of Fashion Elegance. If Bonnie put on an outfit like that people would fall over laughing in the street.
Goddess looked eagerly around and parted her beautiful mouth to exclaim, “Oh, what a great shop!”
Bonnie suppressed a chortle of satisfaction. Alex-ahn-drah’s voice brought to mind angry chipmunks. See? No one could have everything. Though this woman did have an unfair number of the characteristics particularly dear to Seth. Namely big boobs and long legs.
“Ooh!” Alexa glided—yes, glided—on heels that would make Bonnie walk as if she were drunk, over to the bucket of cut jasmine sprays, where she bent down to sniff. “These are sooo pretty! And they smell sooo nice.”
“They’re one of my favorites.” In a faintly bitchy gesture, she made her voice as smooth and throatily sexual as possible, and got a satisfying double take from Seth.
“How much are they?” Alexandra bit her lower lip anxiously.
“Allow me.” Seth plucked out several stems and handed them to Bonnie, not taking his eyes off of Alexandra’s ass-ets.
“Oh, wow. Thank you, Seth,” the Goddess squeaked. “Those are so beautiful.”
“How about roses, too? Red?”
“You are just too nice. Those would be perfect.”
Seth turned to Bonnie, chest puffed like a knight who’d just rescued his lady. “We’ll take these and a couple of—”
“Yeah, I’m on it.” She was already heading for the red roses, rolling her eyes. She’d been standing three feet away. Did they think she couldn’t hear?
Still gritting her teeth, she arranged the jasmine and roses with greenery and wrapped the bouquet while Seth led Alexandra around the shop and got to hear her chipmunking over everything. Bonnie wanted to charge him triple. He and Bambi were probably on their way to his studio to make beautiful music together. Nice of him to flaunt that in front of her.
No. No. She took a deep breath. Another one. Seriously, Bonnie…think.
Seth didn’t owe her that kind of consideration after five years. Not his fault he didn’t know she couldn’t quite put out the lame torch she still carried for him. Bonnie couldn’t punish him for moving on to live his life the way he wanted, or for assuming she’d done the same.
She’d tried to move on. Truly. And in many important ways she had. But what had made her believe junior year with all her naive little heart that she and Seth were meant to be together was the way he opened up to her, the way he became unguarded and warm around her. Only her. The way they shared stories, sometimes vulnerable painful stories, about their origins and paths, noting how many of the emotions and the resulting damage were the same in spite of their radically different backgrounds. Seth’s parents had been too caught up in their globe-trotting and social life to spend time with him, and Bonnie’s were too busy just trying to cope with six kids and a mortgage.
Similar as their experiences had been, as adults they processed the reaction differently, and that was where she felt she could be the most help to him. Bonnie had craved the intimacy she’d been starved for during her childhood, surrounding herself with close friends and lovers. Seth had withdrawn into his music and let only a few trusted friends near him, but no one ever as close as she’d gotten during that blissful year they were together.
“Here you go.” She handed the flowers to Alex-ahn-dra with a warm smile, determined not to act the pathetic hanger-on ex-girlfriend.
“Thanks.” Alexandra buried her perfect nose in the bouquet and sent Seth a whitened smile under eyes glistening with gratitude. “Really, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Sir Galahad’s voice oozed humble nobility.
Bonnie was ready to hurl into one of her buckets.
“Ready?” Seth put a hand to the spot on Alexandra’s back where the red corset met the sudden flare of black netting, and gestured toward the exit. They left together, Seth sending Bonnie an unreadable glance as they passed. She watched them go, unable to keep herself from hoping they’d turn left, head out of the building and into the city.
They turned right. Maybe to pay a visit to Jack’s photography studio down the hall? Or Demi’s physical therapy studio?
Bonnie came out from behind the counter and nonchalantly strolled toward a potted ficus, which she examined closely for yellowing leaves, keeping the couple in her peripheral vision through the line of windows across her storefront.
Her heart sank. No. They were waiting for the elevator. Going up to Seth’s apartment.
How many times had she told herself she had to let him go? Too many. This time she had to dig down really deep, face really hard truths and make damn well sure she meant it.
4
ANGELA SMILED AT the group of moms leaving her shop, laughing and chatting, pushing babies in strollers, holding sticky hands of cookie-finishing toddlers. Adorable. If she and Tom were still married, Angela would probably be pregnant by now. They’d wanted kids, boatloads of them, but had decided to wait a few years before trying—thank goodness. Maybe he’d have that boatload now with the Princess of Perfection.
The thought still managed to hurt.
It shouldn’t. Tom was not worthy. Angela would meet someone else, someone who wanted her for herself, not in order to rebel against his parents. She and Mr. Wonderful would have perfectly flawed children and a perfectly flawed marriage like real, perfectly flawed people were supposed to.
Of course to do that, she’d have find Mr. Wonderful, and to do that, she’d have to start dating. Yesterday when she told Bonnie she wasn’t ready, for the first time the response had felt more like reflex than truth. Angela had lain in bed last night and thought about how when the sexy bicycle guy came in for white cupcakes, she’d felt not just ready, she’d felt ex-treme-ly ready. Ready to drag him into the back and show him how hot her ovens could get. So maybe it was time to start? Maybe. She could always take refuge in delay if the reality proved even more terrifying than the thought. Just because Bike Guy happened to send her to the moon and back didn’t mean she was ready for a relationship. After such a spectacular failure with her marriage it would be hard to trust any man again.
The pack of moms cleared the entrance and Angela’s eyes snapped into focus on the devil himself. She did a cartoonish double take, her system burning with that exhausting and all-too-familiar combination of pain, anger and lingering tenderness.