Say You Love Me

by Dora Okeyo

lunch with me and maybe just maybe we can see this through. I am on the verge of giving up unless he proves worthy after all. I love Mark. I do not trust him anymore. I respect our marriage and would like to keep my vows. However, I need to prepare my exit strategy before I become entangled in a baseless marriage.

  I will talk to you later. I have to go in for dinner.

  Goodnight, see you soon.

  Beryl

  Take Three: lunch

  She made her way into the house at 11:00am and set her bag near the door. The house was nothing but walls and stuffy. She reached for the curtains, and stepped over the stain on her melon carpet. She shook her head and sighed before making rounds dusting and cleaning the place. Her head throbbed as she exhaled on the sofa an hour later. The clock struck noon and she felt nostalgic as she stared out of the window. She had picked this house because of the ambience. It was in a serene environment and far away from the hustle and bustle of the city. It also had a rose garden and a kitchen garden. She spent her Saturdays tending to her roses, and weeding in the kitchen garden. It was the perfect life-the fairy tale that any woman dreamed of. How could all this have changed? How could he have thrown it all away? Nelson had called her seeking her reason for the divorce. She had told him she wanted to breathe. He did not probe but she had the feeling he had contacted Mark. She had expected that much from him given that Mark was his colleague. She knew that lawyers rallied behind each other just like policemen. She looked at the clock again and sighed. She had to get ready for lunch. It was going to be the beginning of a battle that she did not want to lose.

  As she took the first step up the stairs, her cell phone beeped and then started ringing. She walked over to the kitchen counter and looked at the caller ID before receiving the call.

  : What is it Mother?

  : I know something is not right and I am coming this weekend.

  : I do not want you here Mother.

  : What is this I hear about divorce Beryl? Whatever it is you can most certainly work it out dear, please.

  : Who told you about a divorce? No one is getting a divorce Mother, and frankly speaking this is my marriage, how do you expect to get grandkids when you visit every so often?

  : I know you Beryl and I know how long you can hold a grudge, whatever it is work it out. Marriage is not what you young people have made it be today. It takes patience, work and lots of forgiveness, and if there is a divorce coming up I believe you ought to brace us for it first. I wouldn’t want to hear it from the church or a stranger that my Daughter walked out of her marriage without so much as breathing a word of it to me okay?

  : Mother, I am tired. Mark and I are having lunch and I need to get ready, can we talk about this later and please do not come here, it’s the least you can do.

  : Beryl, are you okay?

  : I don’t know anything anymore Mother. I just don’t know…I feel

  : Empty?

  : Yes, more than that though…it’s like I can’t do anything anymore, Mother…I want to solve this on my own and please do not get in the way or tell Dad about this. I don’t want him to start worrying and worst of all to hunt Mark down and beat him up, because I know he can do it. I want to see this one through and whatever I decide I will let you know.

  : Be blessed Beryl, let us know if you need us. You are stronger than you think baby.

  : I hope so Mother.

  : I know you are. Have a good day baby.

  : Thanks Mother.

  She took a long bath before changing into a blue cotton dress and wearing brown Marie Claire sandals and heading out. How could he have been so inconsiderate? Her heart beat increased as she walked to the garage where her silver Toyota Carina was parked. She smiled at the security guard and asked him to get the gate. The young man dashed and did as she had requested and smiled as he waved her off. It was the first time she smiled and felt good about it. She drove through the lanes and took the first turn heading to her sister’s house. Beryl’s elder sister-Sheila was a size eight, who often flaunted her figure in tight pencil skirts and black dresses. She was one of the few Event organizers who knew how to get in fresh roses from another country by the touch of a button. Beryl did not deny the fact that she came from an up end family. She had the best education and access to some of the opportunities that many people prayed for. She was also the only one to have studied in a public school against her parents’ wishes. She had also managed to get them to sponsor her friend in school when she learned of her financial situation. Sheila on the other hand talked more through her nose and she was more of a bar code reader. One look at you and she could tell how much you were worth. She smelled a Gucci, Choo, Prada or Mary Kay ten miles away. Her husband was an hotelier who knew how to spoil her and she had stayed with him for close to five years. He did not want to start a family as yet and this was most welcomed by her sister. Beryl thought of Mark and how much he might have changed in the one month they were away. She drove into her sister’s house and left her engine running as she rushed in. the guard took care of the car.

  Sheila’s home was more like a castle-each door led you to some room you never intended to visit. Beryl called out her name as she approached the door.

  “Sheila!”

  “Sheila! Where are you woman?”

  A tall slender figure in a red silk dress and rollers on her head appeared from one of the million doors and smiled at her. “Hey, you are back, come in.”

  “I can’t stay. I’m meeting Mark for lunch.”

  “Okay, so I see you two are trying to sort out stuff.”

  “Did you get what I asked you to?”

  “Sure, let me ask one of these girls to bring it, please sit and Beryl that cotton dress is too plain, can’t you do better?”

  “Shut up Sheila! Why did you tell Mom I was considering a divorce?”

  “Mom needs to know. Remember she has been married longer-in fact she has been married all your life and she might be able to help.”

  “Sheila this is my marriage and I can handle it.”

  “Beryl, how many times have you ever said you can handle things and you fail to? Remember that bully in school, the lost money, your shoes, Mom’s vase, that first boyfriend you had, the wedding you planned…do I need to list them all?”

  “I confided in you Sheila, you ought to have kept it to yourself. What would you do if you were me?”

  “Seek help!”

  “I am going to seek help when it’s right, but let me try my best at least.”

  “Okay, here is the picture you asked for. Her name is Martha-but her stage name is Luscious Lucy, they call her Double L and she works at the strip club downtown. I hear she is the best among the girls. I must admit it was not easy getting this information because most of your husband’s friends were too high that night to recall what happened then.”

  “She’s beautiful…Oh my God Sheila…look at her, look at her Sheila, what have I done?”

  “You wanted the truth Beryl, there you have it.”

  “What am I going to do Sheila?”

  “You will do what you can Beryl. Now go have lunch with your husband. I will have to keep those pictures.”

  “No! Let me have them. I need this at least I think I do, thanks Sheila, I will keep this in mind always.”

  “Beryl…”

  “Do you still love him?”

  “I don’t know anymore not after seeing her pictures. I just don’t know why he did this to me.”

  “You can always ask him; remember there is no going away right now. You have to see this through.”

  “I don’t think I can.”

  “Listen to yourself little sister, you have us here! We will always support you no matter what, so now go out there and sort this out-cry in front of him, argue, shout, demand an answer, listen, do whatever you can and leave no stone unturned until this is clear…don’t fight the pain, feel it. I know it’s tough and that somehow you think you can’t do anything about it, but you can sister. I could beat him
up if you want, you know!”

  “No thanks, I guess it just hurts…why did he cheat on me? Why did he sleep with her? And how am I meant to compete with her? how could he do it Sheila, didn’t I love him enough or care for him, what hurts the most was we had started talking about having a baby and starting a family of our own and then this! It’s like one moment I am in Heaven and when I blink Hell is all around me and I don’t have time to hit the panic button. I want answers but I cannot bring myself to asking him the questions without wanting to kill him, are all men like this?”

  “No, but some are worse.”

  “I will talk to you next weekend love, I have to see him then go to work.”

  “Let me know if you need anything okay?”

  “Okay, take care let me go face the impending doom!”

  “Take care Beryl.”

  Sheila stood near the dusty silver car and watched her sister back out and drive off into her future. She folded her arms across her chest and heaved a sigh of relief. If only her sister knew that there was so much to come she would have been stronger. It was her duty to protect her, but how could she protect her from love? Sheila thought of her sisters’ engagement party and how their Father had warned Mark. The old man had his hands gripped tight in what was to be a handshake and looked into his eyes and said ‘I’m watching you.’ It was a declaration- but it was one strong enough to send the man to hell. She remembered the family meeting after the engagement party and wondered why they always sheltered Beryl. Her Mother had always made it clear