Forever You're Mine

by K. Langston

  “We need to talk,” she said calmly.

  “I’m not interested in anything you have to say.”

  I moved to slam the door in her face, when her palm met the wood. “Well, I think you should listen.” she leaned forward with a nasty smile on her lips. “For Winston’s sake.”

  My skin tingled with unease as I took two steps forward, invading her personal space in order to get her out of mine. Because I’ll be damned if I let this bitch in my house. The screen door slammed with a loud thwack behind us. I crossed my arms, bracing myself for anything.

  Reaching for her tiny clutch, she retrieved her cell and after a few swipes and taps, she held the phone out in front of me.

  I blinked at first, unsure of what the hell I was actually looking at. “What does you suckin’ some old dude’s dick have to do with my brother?”

  Alexis swiped the screen again before showing me a less compromising photo of the man. “Judge Liam Kent.”

  “And?”

  She tucked her phone back in her purse. “And he loves the things I can do with my mouth.”

  It took a second for me to realize what she was implying. Then it took another second for me to wrap my damn head around it.

  Was she for real?

  “You’re one of those crazy bitches with daddy issues huh? Is that why you make it your mission in life to fuck with everybody else’s? Or maybe your mommy didn’t pay enough attention to you growing up. Is that it?”

  Our faces only inches apart, it took every ounce of control I had not to claw her eyes out.

  Hard to believe God made a woman this evil.

  “My only issue is with you. You and Cannon are finished, or big brother stays exactly where he is.”

  “You don’t have that kind of power.”

  “Sweetheart, you should never underestimate me. I always make good on my threats.” She tapped her manicured finger on her flawless chin. “Wonder if lethal injection is painful at all?”

  “God, you are so delusional. You were just a distraction, that’s it. He doesn’t want you. He’ll never love you the way that he loves me.”

  Her dead laugh made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. “I don’t want to be loved, I want to be worshipped. It may take a little time and finesse, but if there is one thing I know about Cannon, it’s his insatiable need to bury pain. And once he loses you, he’ll be desperate to ease that ache. And guess who’ll be there?” She leaned in closer. “I’m going to enjoy licking his tears.”

  With my fists balled up, I took a step back. This was insane. She was absolutely certifiable. “You’re fuckin’ crazy.”

  Shrugging, she took a step back. “You’re just now figuring this out. And for the record, I’m more than crazy Cora, I’m determined, which makes me a lot more dangerous.”

  An hour later, the panic set in. What if she could sway the judge’s decision? Alexis was notorious for doing whatever necessary to get her way. And obviously she wasn’t below being downright nasty about it. I couldn’t let her interfere. Everything had been going so well. But how was I going to stop her if I didn’t give her what she wanted?

  I was torn.

  I didn’t know what to do. The only thing I did know with absolute certainty…I would do anything to save Winston’s life. Just like he’d saved mine. Even if it meant letting go of the man I loved.

  Even if it meant breaking his heart, and my own.

  No one saves us but ourselves.

  No one can and no one may.

  We ourselves must walk the path.

  ~Buddha

  Seeing her again was like cutting open a fresh wound. One that hadn’t even begun to heal yet. One that likely never would.

  Then seeing her today only confirmed what I knew all along. She wasn’t with Dent. She never had been. It was only an excuse to get rid of me. But why? She knew how much I loved her. She knew what she meant to me. I showed her in every way possible. I did everything I was supposed to do. Was she afraid of me? Afraid I would hurt her? Or was I just not good enough as I always suspected?

  My mind continued to torture my heart as I drove home.

  “Fuck!”

  I seethed, slamming my fists against the wheel. How could I still love her this much? She broke my heart. She told me she loved another man, but that did nothing to relinquish her ownership of my soul.

  My back tires fishtailed as I took the dirt road a little faster than I intended. Once I righted the truck, I punched the gas, stirring up dirt and gravel behind me.

  I wanted to just keep driving. Never look back. I’d even thought about moving back home. But I knew better than anyone I could never outrun her memory, or the pain. I slammed on my breaks, skidding to a white knuckle stop. I hurt more now than I ever had before. I stared off into the distance, allowing myself to remember.

  Remember a time when it didn’t hurt so damn much to breathe…

  Our wet, naked bodies were a tangle of limbs beneath a blanket of stars. The moon was shining down in all its radiant glory, casting a shimmering glow on her perfect skin. We’d been out here for a while now, but we’d just managed to pull ourselves from the water.

  I kissed her again, forgoing the air I’d just collected. I would give her my last breath if it meant keeping her forever.

  “Let’s go back to the house. I’m dying to be inside you,” I told her, stealing another kiss.

  “No…here,” she said in a breathless whisper against my lips.

  With nothing but a towel to protect her back, I thrust my hips, burying myself inside of her sweet heat. Her legs fell open wider as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, pulling my mouth down to hers just in time for me to catch her heated moan.

  God, I loved that sound.

  The sound of her need for me. It filled my heart with purpose and gave me a reason to fucking live again. I moved slow, cautious of the unforgiving surface beneath her back. Her nails dug into my skin as I rocked back and forth.

  Breaths mingled.

  Bodies merged.

  I’d never made love to a woman before. Not like this. Not with every breath and fiber of my body. Not with this much love in my heart.

  Eyes locked.

  My forehead to hers, I caught a lone tear slide down the side of her cheek as she fell apart beneath me.

  I let go of a painful breath and reached for my glove box, seeking the only thing that could replace this excruciating ache in my chest. I’d yet to open it for a million reasons, but mostly because I was afraid. Afraid of how it would make me feel. Afraid of what he had to say. But anything was better than losing her.

  Even reading my best friend’s final words.

  I opened the envelope to find a green post it note from Nik attached to another envelope.

  Cannon,

  I hope his words give you peace.

  Nikki

  I removed the sticky note, revealing my name scrolled across the front in Landon’s handwriting.

  The knot in my throat grew tighter, and after a few agonizing moments, I finally unfolded the yellow sheet of paper.

  Cannon,

  If you’re reading this, it can only mean one thing. You know what they say, only the good die young.

  I’ve written this letter at least ten times. I gave it to Nik before our first deployment, but each time I return home, I re-write it. I think it’s because I can never find just the right words to say, but mostly because I can’t say it enough.

  You’re my hero, brother.

  Not only because you’ve saved my ass more times than I care to mention, but because you gave me something I never would have had the courage to go after myself. You gave me the love of my life. She was yours first, and there was no way I would ever let a woman come between me and you. No matter how badly I wanted her.

  But I didn’t have to worry about the woman of my dreams slipping through my fingers because my boy was generous enough to give her to me, and what you gave me can never be repaid.

  Because
of you, I had the chance to know a love so great that even in death, I know it will live on forever.

  Because of you that beautiful woman gave me a son who loves me unconditionally despite my flaws, despite my absence.

  Because of you, I’m stronger, braver and more of a man than I ever thought I could be. You have encouraged me, supported me and when necessary, pushed me to do things I never would have done otherwise.

  I can only pray you found in me what I had in you, but if you didn’t, please know that I tried in every way to be the friend you needed me to be.

  Tell Nik I love her, but please encourage her to love again. Her heart is big enough to do it, but she’ll need your strength to help her move on. Also, teach Christopher what you always taught me. Be a good friend, a good man, and to always, always be brave. I’ll rest easy knowing I have you to look after the hearts I leave behind.

  And last, and this is very important. I know you’re going to miss me when I’m gone. Don’t even try to lie and say you won’t. The reason I know this is because it fucking kills me to think of losing you. We’ve been through a lot. We were baptized together. Rode our first roller coaster together. Drank our first beer together. You’re more than my best friend, you’re my brother. And I need you to promise you won’t grieve for me when I’m gone. I don’t want that. I want you to live and love as hard as you can.

  Live for me, Cannon.

  We are the hearts that never quit. The souls that never die. I’ll be with you always.

  Peace,

  Landon

  P.S. If the time ever comes and there’s a choice between your life and mine….I call dibs.

  Tears rolled hot down my cheeks as my heart pounded and ached in my chest. I’d let him down long enough. It was time to start making amends for the wrongs of my past, and start living for the man who saved my life.

  No matter how bad it hurt, I could do it.

  I had to.

  Everybody’s got their poison,

  and mine is sugar.

  ~Derrick Rose

  My heart thundered in my chest when I thought of seeing him again. I needed to tell him what happened. Why I did what I did, but I hadn’t found the courage yet. I should have trusted him. I should have told him the truth. I was desperate to hear his voice, maybe then it would give me the strength to say all the things I needed to say.

  He didn’t answer until the fourth ring. “Hello?”

  His voice sounded so different, yet the very same. It warmed me in all the familiar places while chilling me to the bone. “Hello?” he said again.

  I remained silent, my throat clogged with regret.

  “I can hear you breathing, Cora. Either talk or hang up.”

  “How’d you know it was me?”

  He let go of a long sigh. “I’d know the sounds you make anywhere.”

  Tears sprang from my eyes followed by a sob. “I’m so sorry, Cannon.”

  Cannon cleared his throat. I could imagine him tugging at the back of his neck, his biceps rippling with tension. “What do you want, Cora?”

  “I just needed to hear your voice.”

  “Are you fuckin’ serious right now? What kind of game are you playin’?”

  “No games, Cannon. I…I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for…for everything.”

  “Yeah, well until you tell me what the hell is going on, I don’t wanna hear you’re sorry. I wanna hear the fuckin’ truth.”

  I sniffled, trying to rein in my emotions. I could actually hear my heart crumbling inside my chest. I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth yet.

  “I love you, Cannon.”

  “Goodbye, Cora.”

  Then he was gone.

  Men often act knowingly against their interest.

  ~David Hume

  Pacing back and forth, I laced my fingers behind my neck, trying to alleviate the tension mounting there, but it didn’t help. Now what the hell was I supposed to do? I needed to see her, look deep into her eyes and try to figure out what the hell she was hiding from me and why?

  The soft knock at the door stopped me in my tracks, pulling me from my frustrated thoughts. “Now is not a good time, Alexis,” I said, leaving her at the open door. I needed a fucking drink. And I needed one now.

  I snagged my bottle of whiskey from the counter. Twisting the cap off, I pulled two lugs from the nearly empty bottle, thinking I needed to make a run to town. “What’s wrong?” she asked as I threw my head back, a laugh bubbling from chest.

  What the fuck wasn’t wrong?

  “Shit you can’t fix, trust me.”

  “I’m pretty sure I can.” She said, stepping closer. Her hand on my arm made my skin crawl. Fuck, a couple of months ago, her touch made me horny as fuck, now it was just annoying. She’d been coming around more the last few days, texting me more. The other night she stopped by and found me deep in a bottle of whiskey. She tried to kiss me. I kissed her back, just to see if it would help to staunch even an ounce of the pain I felt inside, but the second my lips touched hers all I tasted was regret. Nothing could ever replace Cora.

  Least of all…Alexis.

  After that, I made it clear that we would never be anything more than friends, but even that was becoming a huge fucking hassle. I couldn’t seem to get rid of the bitch.

  “Just go,” I said, taking another long pull.

  “God, I can’t believe you’re still hung up on her?”

  “Careful, Alexis,”

  “Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t be hung up on someone who walked away from me so easily. She’s never coming back. Use me, Cannon. Use me to forget her. I want to be that for you.”

  I could use her as much as I wanted. It would be so easy to sink into Alexis and never look back. But it wouldn’t last. And it would never be enough to forget Cora. I could fuck a million girls and none of them would drown her memory. If I were being real honest, I didn’t want to. My memories of us were the only proof that she was real. I’d loved and lost, and it hurt like a motherfucker, but she’d been worth every ounce of pain.

  Funny, that peace…it makes you see things in a whole different light. Or was it love that made me see shit so clearly?

  Fucking love.

  “Time for you to go, Alexis.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “No, I’m not. You want me, Cannon.”

  “Alexis, please. I don’t need this shit right now.”

  “NO!” she shouted. “I’m not fucking leaving. You want me.” In fewer than five steps she was on me. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, her lips seeking mine.

  I turned my head, trying to shove her off of me as gently as I could. “You want me,” she gritted, clambering my skin with her sharp nails. They raked across my face, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

  “Get the fuck off me!” I growled, finally putting space between us. She stood there with her chest heaving, fists balled at her side.

  The look in her eye was chilling.

  “You used to be thirsty for me, now all you want is her.”

  Then all I saw was a blur of tiny fists raining down on me while her heels kicked at my shins.

  She’d lost her goddamn mind.

  Reaching for her arms, I secured them at her sides. “Calm down, Alexis,” Her eyes were wild and an alarming shade of blue.

  “Let me go,” she struggled and I tightened my grip.

  “Not until you chill the fuck out.” I shook her, probably a little harder than necessary, but shit, what the hell else was I supposed to do?

  Bitch was fucking whack.

  When her knee connected with my nuts, I released her and fell to my knees. I could hardly breathe, but I found enough strength to wheeze two words from my mouth. “Crazy bitch.”

  “I’ll show you crazy, motherfucker,” she said before her tiny fist connected with my jaw. Which paled in comparison to the pain radiating from my groin.

  Jesus Christ, d
id I just get sacked by a fucking woman?

  I faintly heard her leave and prayed like hell I never saw her again. Or I just might kill her.

  * * *

  We’d been on the water for nearly two hours now. I’d gotten all my work done early so Holden and I could catch up on some fishing today. It had been at least two weeks since we’d been, and I really needed to talk to someone other than my damn doctor about my latest problem. The one I couldn’t seem to get rid of. I pulled my ball cap down further on my brow, my blood simmering with irritation as I watched my bobber floating on the water. I’d fought hand to hand combat. Stood in battle next to some of the toughest men I know, but I couldn’t handle a damn woman.

  “I told you to stay away from her, didn’t I?” Holden said, reeling in his line. “That bitch is fifty shades of crazy.”

  I reeled in my own line and set my pole aside. Then I leaned over and grabbed another beer from the cooler. “It’s gone full on fatal attraction. She calls and texts me non-stop, telling me how much she needs me and how much she loves me. Yesterday, I finally had to change my number. And now I think she’s stalkin’ me. When I came out of the hardware store this morning, I could have sworn I saw her drive out of the parking lot.”

  “You need to put a restraining order on her ass.”

  “Seriously? I don’t think we need to go that far.”

  Surely I could handle one crazy bitch with a side of psycho.

  Right?

  Holden shook his head, casting his line. “Go file the damn restraining order. You talk to Cora?”

  “Not since last week. Why?”

  “Her mother died.”

  “You’re shittin’ me.”

  Holden shook his head. “Wish I was man.” His eyes met mine. “Overdose. She needs you. She’s not handling it well at all. Maddie’s been over there since she got the news.” Looking out across the lake, Holden continued. “That girl fuckin’ loves you man. A lot. She has her reasons for doing what she did. You should talk to her.”

  “What reasons?”

  “Not for me to say. But from what Maddie told me, Cora had a damn good reason for breaking up with you. Just go see her, man. Trust me on this.”