Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3)

by Wendy L. Wilson

  I keep my eyes dead ahead, barely seeing sections of a tarnished brick red cottage-style home with oversized windows that looks right over the entire lake.

  “Yeah, that’s where the party is. You coming with me? I wanted to show you something real quick.”

  I nod, slowly, still looking at the house as my legs follow along after him. Flipping my head around, I look past Evan as he walks toward a row of trees with a huge open space just beyond, blanketed in tiny white daisy-looking flowers that make it literally look like heaven. The sky is still bright blue with streams of light showering the field in an array of beams that make it seem magical.

  “Oh wow.” I smile with my mouth half open and my eyes dazzled by the view. “How did you know this was here.”

  “Mitch and I used to play back here when we were younger.” He scoots closer, leaning his face next to mine and holding his hand out in front of us. “See that big tree over there?”

  I nod, staring at a whole assembly of trees, but one in specific stands out. It is free of branches on the lower half of it and appears to have planks of boards lined up side-by-side along the front, several feet up from the bottom.

  “That was our fort…well mine really. I carried every scrap of wood I could find out this way and nailed it together to build a little hangout,” he chuckles and backs away a bit. “I just thought you’d think this was pretty or you know…” he shrugs, pressing his lips together as he usually does when he wants to say more, but is biting his tongue.

  My heart melts. This isn’t the usual smartass Evan that I know, that likes to dunk me under the water when we go swimming or the one that loves to run into the shower house while I’m showering and flip off the light then run off; it’s not even the prankster that likes to leave fake plastic insects on my pillow or in my bed so that I freak out, bouncing up onto the highest surface to escape a sudden attack by the creepy crawler.

  I pause looking down and around at the soft green grass covered ground before bending to take a seat. I’m in no hurry to get to the party. Evan stands above me, a look of skepticism crossing his face as he lets out a breath and sits beside me.

  “So…” he says in a questioning tone.

  My chest tightens and I know it’s time. Closing both my eyes slowly, a lump forms in my throat, and tears start to well up to the point of spilling over. I reopen them. Evan doesn’t look shocked by my tears; he doesn’t look panicked as most guys would, he looks relieved, almost as if just seeing me cry has given him some long awaited answers. He already knows. My entire body constricts as all the held back emotion and pain that I’ve bottled up for so long surfaces. It engulfs me like quicksand, but before I can sink, he grabs my hand, threading his fingers through each of mine.

  “Hey,” he says in a low raspy grief stricken whisper as his voice cracks. “I’m right here, ok?” I nod again, knowing I can still breathe as long as he’s here; as long as he stays right here with me. “You can talk to me or we can just sit here…it’s up to you.”

  He smiles and that alone breaks through all my doubts in carrying this burden around any longer; so I finally open up, I let it all out, crying through every single word until it feels as though my heart may crumble into dust. Evan squeezes my hand, his eyes misting over before he can blink them away and hide the emotion that is swallowing him as well.

  After I finish telling him everything up to the moment I came to his door that night, the look in his eyes crushes me. I thought I was the only one that could look that devastated by what happened, but I almost think his heart may have shattered tonight as well. After the summer that it happened, I withdrew from any group activities. Evan quickly began coercing me on duo trips to swimming holes, fishing excursions with just the two of us and my favorite, playing games in his camper nearly all night until a few times I ended up falling asleep beside him. It was always innocent, and it made the loneliness that had settled in my heart almost go away.

  Laying my head on his shoulder as I finish with the entire story, he pulls me tight towards him like a magic cloak that is meant to transfer all my pain to him; and it works. All that I’ve felt for so long lessens the more he holds me. With the sudden urge to know what he’s thinking, I sit up straight and look him in the eyes. Apprehension begins to consume me as I worry that he may treat me differently as if I’m an injured animal that needs to be handled gently and with caution. That has been my fear forever; that if he found out, everything would change.

  He sucks in a breath that may be the first one he’s taken since I began talking and gives me a sweet, ordinary smile that I’ve seen a million times; not a smirk or grin like when he teases me, but the same one he gave me the night I showed up at his door. One that tells me, it will be ok.

  “So…” his voice wobbles and he takes another breath. “…when I touch you, you…”

  I automatically feel awful, a gut-wrenching guilt twisting in my stomach.

  “Oh no, I didn’t…”

  He chuckles and this surprises me. “No, it’s ok. I just need to find out all the road blocks that there are so we can work around them until the road is paved again, you know?” He looks at me, a strange frown on his face, but one that sets me at ease for some reason.

  I nod, knowing exactly what he means.

  “So when I grabbed you quickly earlier, is that what did it?”

  I shake my head, staring forward at a patch of bright green grass, each blade coming into focus right down to the small divots torn away from the edges as if a bug just feasted on it.

  “I don’t think so.” I scrunch up my face, refusing to think of the night Trent did what he did, but conjuring up the times when I’ve blacked out. “I think it’s when you touch my hips or whisper too close to my ear, honestly.” A light touch sweeps over my hips and hot breaths sting at my ears, causing me to tense up as a sudden wave of unwelcome nostalgia hits me; I squeeze my eyes shut.

  “Ok, so we don’t think about that stuff if it makes you think of it, ok?” I nod frantically, tears beginning to form again. “And we won’t do anything that…” Evan stops talking and draws his brows down, looking pained before he straightens his face and sighs. “Listen, I’m not in any hurry to get to that point. I mean, let’s face it, I’ll probably suck at it at first.” He laughs, dipping his chin down to my level so he can look into my more than likely puffy blood shot eyes. “And we all know I am not about to do something that I won’t do absolutely perfect the first time.”

  I laugh, the ease of being around Evan flooding my heart and pushing away all the discomfort and heartache.

  “So…we’ll take it slow, ok? And when that time comes, we’ll still take it slow. The most important thing you need to remember is, I’ll never force anything on you or do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

  I keep my head rocking back and forth on an endless loop of agreeing with everything he says.

  “If the kissing makes you uneasy…”

  I stiffen my head, completely not in agreement with this. “Oh no, the kissing is fine,” I spit out rather excitedly, causing a slight smirk to rise over Evan’s lips. “I meant, I’m ok with the kissing…now. At first, it was a little different and I worried that I would freak out, but I’m used to it and it doesn’t…ummmm…well, I…I like it,” I stutter, sounding like an idiot, gushing over a kiss.

  This obviously blows Evan’s ego out of proportion as he grins uncontrollably.

  “You do?” he whispers in a low breathy tone as if he’s trying his best to be sexy and alluring.

  “Whatever, it’s ok.” I turn to look forward, refusing to cave to his dramatic methods of luring me in.

  “What? No dice? That wasn’t sexy?”

  I glance over as he keeps his face completely free of emotion or humor. Sometimes him being such a smartass trips me up; I never know when he’s being serious or pulling my leg. I shrug, rolling my eyes.

  “Oh come on. That was funny.”

  His fingertips dig into my side and I turn quick
ly, swinging my head around in surprise that he would still be the exact same towards me as he always has been. Not even a trace of regret or hesitation shows in his eyes, just complete confidence in being himself with me; just Evan.

  Everything stops for me in that moment as I stare into his hazel green eyes. “Thank you,” I barely hear myself.

  “For what?”

  I shake my head slowly, knowing what I feel, but struggling to bring up the words that will fulfill the amplified emotional state of my heart.

  “For bringing me here…For listening…For being the best friend I’ve ever had…” I pause, a sensation so much more profound than friendship sweeping through my mind before I go on, “…for being you…for always being you.”

  “Always.” He grins, a smile that I’ve never seen; an almost bashful expression that is very un-Evan like. He glances down for a second then looks back up, his eyes bright and full of life. “So, what can I do to help?” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean to ruin the moment, but I need to know everything.”

  Frowning, I synch my eyebrows together confused.

  “I don’t want to ever make it harder on you, and I never ever want you to think of that when we are together, so what can I do?”

  Oh ok. “Just do what you always do. Be yourself…that’s always worked.”

  He chuckles, kicking his head back and bringing his knees up in the air as he nearly falls back. Catching himself, he looks at me, seriously.

  “So tell you to wake your ass up?” he laughs. “Slap at your face until you come to?”

  My smile grow, thinking of how he was patting my face earlier like I was a fragile fainting victim in a movie, but I also remember how worried he looked.

  “Tell you, Dammit, Piper…breathe?”

  I nod at that, remembering the words he said back when I first flipped out on the dock and he helped me regain control of consciousness.

  “Ok…so…” he lowers his voice to a soft whisper, remaining in front of me a few inches, but dropping all hilarity from his tone. “…maybe just have you focus on me breathing.” He licks his lips. “I breathe, you breathe, right?” My heart pulsates with his words, stuck on the fact that he may be thinking about the same thing I am. He moves closer to me, licking his lips again. “Breathe with me when you think you can’t stand on your own. I’ll keep you here.”

  I’m not even sure he’s done talking, but my arms suddenly take over. Wrapping them around his neck, I bring my mouth to his, taking in every breath he has and making it mine; just like him.

  SKYLAR CONTINUES TO TALK MY ear off as I watch Piper. I know her mind is exactly where mine is, back to that day. That’s the day I knew exactly what she meant to me; for someone to share something that sacred with you, that is something special. She had always kept up this guard with everyone. I think she usually held it at half-staff with me, but that day she trusted me and I knew precisely how extraordinary that was. Although, my heart was singing sonnets in her honor as she spoke, every inch of my body wanted to find Trent and make him pay. I never let on how much anger filled my heart that day; my only goal was to let her know I was there for her.

  “Evan…Evan…” Skylar sings, making me completely aware that I may not have joined in on part of the conversation.

  “Yeah?”

  “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”

  Breathing out a dramatic chuckle, I roll my eyes. “Yes, I heard you…I’m right here.”

  Cocking one brow and crossing her arms across her chest with a slight shift of her hips, she gets that familiar and defiant, I’m-calling-your-bluff look.

  “Ok then, what did I say?” she challenges me.

  “Oh good grief, this is Christmas not a trivia play-off. Just go ahead and repeat what you said so I can better assess my answer.”

  She shakes her head, hair fluffing around her face and flicking her cheeks like a whip.

  “Whatever, I know you didn’t hear me.”

  Swinging my gaze to Piper only for a second, my eyes meet hers and all is lost again. Dammit. I guess I should talk to Skylar.

  “So Piper, huh?”

  This gets my attention. “What?” I snap, a little more defensive than I should.

  “Oh chill out. I knew there was someone that had roped your ass in long before me, I just wasn’t sure who it was. Now I know.”

  I’m totally lost. “Wha…how do you…”

  She smiles, “Oh relax. I’ve got eyes and I think everyone has seen some type of tension between you two. I just always thought you guys hated each other, not that maybe she was a girl you were still hung up on.”

  “Ahhh, I…”

  She holds her hand up to stop me. Dammit.

  “You don’t owe me any explanations or anything. So don’t worry.” She smiles and nudges me in the arm with her elbow. “I’ve been friends with Piper for a while and I always knew she’s held something back, possibly surrounding some guy she used to have eyes for. I never put it together really, but I had my suspicions. I just put two-and-two together the other night and then when I saw her leaving your cabin this morning.”

  My whole body pivots to the side with her bump, all the while my mouth is agape like a landing dock for flies. I start to speak, to try and maybe explain; what, I have no clue, because she just did it for me, but I should say something. Right…

  “We’ll talk later. I’ve got to head out…Jessie is my ride.” She plants a quick peck on my cheek and races away, immediately in a laugh fest with Jessie and Abby.

  I stand still, stunned and completely disbelieving that it went down that way. Is this how it feels when a guy hands a girl a line to break up with her? Bizarre!

  A while later, after Grandpa, Abby, Alyssa’s mom, Skylar and Jessie have all excused themselves to head back home, the rest of us hang out and visit. I remain near the fireplace with Jake, feeling as though I’m helping to stabilize it as long as I’ve stayed in the same spot.

  “Oh my gosh!” Alyssa slaps her hand over her mouth on a loud squeal.

  Judd sits on the couch beside her, gritting his teeth with a slight smirk. I glance at the container in her hand and chuckle. He’s more than filled me in on his gifting ideas, so seeing the small black velvet box with the pink ribbon around it comes as no surprise. Flipping the box open, she lets out another high pitched squeal. I shake my head and look up at Piper, standing behind the couch with Abby. She catches my gaze, looking at me through dark lashes.

  “Oh Judd…I love it.” Alyssa dramatizes a huge grin with her mouth spread, baring all her teeth while she stomps her feet in enjoyment like a little kid. “Oh my gosh, it matches your arm.”

  “Yeah, I got it custom made to match it.”

  He grabs the necklace from her hand, pulling it around her neck as she lifts her hair. Alyssa’s hand instantly goes to the white gold infinity symbol with the word breathe etched in its center.

  “Ok, now it’s my turn,” Alyssa announces, clearly pumped about her present.

  Jake leans in while Judd snatches a small gift box out of her hand as if it’s the first present he’s ever received. Speaking of presents…

  “Here.” Jake hands me the small gift bag I brought with me, along with another. “So…when are you going to get one?”

  Grabbing the twisted handles of both bags, I glance at the other one a bit confused, then up at him, having no idea what he’s referring to.

  “A tattoo…” He points over at Judd.

  I shake my head, one hundred percent sure of my answer. “Ummm, no…you will not catch me getting one of those in this lifetime. No thank you.”

  “What?” Judd joins in from the couch.

  “A tattoo. No way will I be letting some dude that probably looks like he just served a twenty-year prison sentence, brand my arm by using a possibly dirty ass needle that he just had stuck in some meth head that used his last seventy-five dollars to get a tatt instead of paying child support to one of his twelve children that he actually knows about.
Yeah, ummm no thanks.”

  “Ohhhh…” a thunder of disapproval rings out from Hayden, Jake and Judd with Chris shaking his head and Abby giving me a big ole thumbs down with a frown.

  “Now wait a minute…” Judd laughs, ready to defend that act of consciously sinking a needle in your body for no further purpose than decoration.

  “While you step outside and do some meth or go check in on one of your little ones, right?” Jake sarcastically cracks in a serious tone, mocking my earlier assessment.

  I glance over quickly. Just who the hell is this smartass? “What are they teaching you at school?”

  Jake jolts his head back, with a small smile. “What?”

  “Nothing, you’re just a regular wisecrack this week.”

  He shrugs and nudges the package in my hand. “Open it…it’s from me and Judd.”

  “Well, I assure you…if you ever do get one, I will never ever let you live it down.” Judd informs me on something he will have to just make peace with over never being right or getting the last say on. A tattoo has always been a big ass no for me.

  “Good luck with that,” I tip my chin at him and look down at the gift Jake handed me. “Oh well hell,” I mutter, more so to myself. Tossing the other gift bag I’m holding to Judd, I snicker, partly nervous about what the hell these two would have gotten me and barely holding my excitement over Judd opening his surprise. “Heads up.”

  Judd catches the gift like a football, upside down, yet still intact. I smile, glad that I’m so shitty at wrapping that I just shoved it in a gift bag and taped the damn thing shut; he’s lucky I went the extra step and put it in a bag when a grocery bag would have sufficed.

  “Jake, I’m not much of a gifter so you’ll have to enjoy Judd’s gift.”

  Laughing, I look over and catch Jake shrugging, not concerned in the slightest immediately following Judd’s release of a heavy breath on my words. Might not want to relax yet. No doubt, he’s so used to my pranks and wisecracks that he had to be expecting something that would crank up his embarrassment dial. My stomach tightens as I hold in my laughter.