Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3)

by Wendy L. Wilson

  She shifts as well, of course for a different reason, looking uneasy on the topic. Any time this has been brought up, she doesn’t seem too thrilled to talk about the happenings of our break up years ago; I assume thinking that I ran my mouth isn’t a fond thought of hers, but I do need a chance to explain, only not while we are lying in bed together.

  “Maybe we can get cleaned up, then discuss why I’m the only one along with some other need-to-know subjects. Sound good?” As hyped as I was about knowing she’s never been with another dude like this, it’s something we should have discussed long before now, as well as the day everything fell apart.

  Sighing, she nods her head with a relieved look in her eyes.

  “Deal.”

  “Ok, deal then, now let’s move onto more important ‘to dos’ for the night. I need to take a shower…you wanna take advantage of that? I have it on good authority from Judd that showers are meant to be a joint effort with your girlfriend. Besides, I have some hard to reach areas.” I crack up, her squealy laughter mixed with mine as she closes her eyes on a wide smile with no trace of any more tears.

  THE NEXT FEW DAYS SLIP by and Evan is adamant about not being intimate again, no matter how I explain that I did not mean to cry. It was more of a reaction that I could not even control. Honestly, I cannot even explain why it happened. One second I would flip from his face to a flicker of a bad image and immediately back to him. My nerves were on high alert, my body was revved up in a way I could not even remember and it all kind of intertwined into a flood of heart-shattering emotion that had me wanting to smile, laugh and cry all at the same time.

  Stumbling over my own feet, I hop over a crack in the sidewalk. My emotions are on the verge of going wacky all over again as Evan brings up the dreaded topic that I try to avoid. It’s been weeks and we haven’t discussed what happened on the dock back when we were kids. I also haven’t finished reading the letter and now we are reduced to Evan’s ‘no boning rule’ as he puts it so eloquently.

  “Well I know I was feeling pretty damn studly coming out of that camper that day. Sun was shining, water looked perfectly inviting and the birds were chirping out ‘let’s get freaky…Piper and Evan got freak-ay’,” Evan sings out in a mockingly unattractive female tone while grinning from ear-to-ear.

  I shake my head, hoping to avoid talking about that day, despite him always trying to slide the topic into a conversation. It was so bittersweet for me; to feel that amount of closeness to him and to take that step, but then to have it all shoved in my face as some vile act only to find out that it was because of Evan that my secret was out. I tense my jaw on that thought and flip through anything I can say to divert the conversation, even if I have to talk about it. I just don’t want the anger, hurt and feelings of hate that I felt that day to fester back up. I fear opening the lid on that would unleash too much, so I bottle it up, tight.

  I gasp loudly, opening my mouth as what to say hits me, “Speaking of freaky, you looked surprised to know I hadn’t…” I glance around quickly, a little weirded out about it. “You know, been with anyone else…when I told you the other night.”

  Evan keeps his familiar smartass smirk pasted on his face as he turns to look at me with a comical gleam in his eyes.

  “Nahh, I wasn’t,” he starts, but then quickly stops with a frown. “Well yeah, I was a little bit, but I was more impressed with myself than anything. No one else could measure up, huh?”

  I giggle, thankful for the turn in conversation and amused at how much well-due praise he gives himself.

  “Oh yeah, that was it…” I joke back with a grin as Evan flexes his brows flirtatiously. “I just never really got to that place with anybody… I guess I just didn’t trust anybody… ”I say sincerely, gritting my teeth with a shadow of awkwardness sneaking up on me over talking about this with him. He is, in fact, the only one I’ve ever been with, but to talk about other guys just seems off. “I guess the desire for that form of feeling was not something I really thought about a whole lot. ”

  I can practically hear the snap of Evan’s neck as his attention is fully on me now.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa…you mean you never like strummed your own banjo?”

  I gasp, flipping my head around fast, all my hair slapping me in the face in the process. “What?” I gulp down all my nervousness approaching this topic. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that. ”

  “What?!” Evan’s voice comes out in a shocking manner with his eyes wide and his mouth drawn open. “I can’t believe you’re not just answering it. Come on, own up to it. Everybody does it.”

  His face lights up in curiosity as he jabs my arm with his elbow. “What…so do you go for one or two times a day? Probably a lot, huh?”

  I seriously cannot believe he’s talking about this. I stare over at him, trying my best to act aggravated but I really want to crack up.

  “You got one of those electronic devices or you just go for the ol’ fingers?” He snickers nudging me in the arm again, but this time I giggle.

  “I…ahhh, I,” pausing, I think hard, strategizing how to compile the appropriate words to answer his question, but Evan doesn’t wait.

  “You probably use your fingers? So do you go for one or two? ”

  I tilt my head to the side, giving him my best sarcastic glare. It’s no match for his, but it’ll have to do. He chuckles, glancing down at his feet then looking back up to me with his eyes squinted. Tilting his head almost to match my own, he opens his mouth, nearly hesitant to speak for what may be the first time in his life.

  “You know I’m only joking and teasing when I say things like that, right?”

  I roll my eyes with a laugh. “Evan, of course I know that. That’s what I’ve always loved about you.” The words come out quicker than I can even think. We were kids the last time I said that word out loud.

  His eyes widened and he might be just as surprised as me, maybe more so, but as his smile grows all the way up his cheeks, I can tell that was a slip that he was pleased to hear.

  Straightening up my posture with the little pride in my step at being able to say it out loud, I finish what I was going to tell him, “I’m comfortable talking to you and I don’t ever want you to treat me like something’s wrong with me. Dad walked on eggshells for so long after he found out and that’s one thing you never did.”

  Evan gently nods his head with a small grin, but subtly looks away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

  “I know… I just wanted to check, to make sure…” Taking a breath, he clears his throat before looking back at me with an obnoxious grin that immediately informs me that all serious talk is over. “…before you answer my questions. How many times? Oh and one finger or two?” He draws his eyebrows up, wiggling them for added dramatics.

  My whole body shakes for an instant as if he will physically see me doing the deed if I admit it out loud. Breathing out a small laugh, I look down while shaking my head and rolling my eyes. Only Evan would want to talk about this like two old ladies swapping casserole recipes.

  “Oh well, ok…” I cannot believe I’m going to admit this.

  Quickly following a quiet swish and thump, I turn my head to find him nowhere around to hear my confession. Really, he picks now to run off. Where is he?

  Just then a mass of thunderous barking breaks through the tranquil vibe of this abnormally warm February afternoon. Twirling around on the balls of my feet, my sneakers grind into the sidewalk. I look to the house we were passing just as Evan bolts over the chain linked fence with his hands braced against the top metal bar and a crazed look in his eyes like he just did something he shouldn’t have. His other hand stays midair in front of him with something small clasped in it.

  “Whoa, holy hell!” he hollers out, racing towards me. “There is a seriously big dog back there!”

  The barking gets closer and closer until suddenly a giant dog the size of a pony, with droopy eyes, a mass of hair and a mouth that sags at the corners even as it rifle
s out bark after bark, pops up over the fence. The bag of fur would look harmless if it wasn’t baring teeth, and big enough to clear it. He looks ready to pummel both of us.

  Evan’s hand falls to my lower back as he runs past me pulling me with him. We both take off, sprinting for our lives as if a lion has just stumbled upon a pack of gazelle, and it truly sucks that we are the prey in this particular case.

  Rounding the corner of my street on our small Sunday stroll through the neighborhood, my lungs burn and Evan is about five feet in front of me, his hand occasionally going to the back of his jeans. Slowing to a stop with him, my lips curve into a small smile while my brows kink in confusion at how ridiculous he’s being. What’s he doing? He cranes his neck, straining to run his eyes from his back down to his ass and back up several times.

  “What are you doing?”

  Evan looks up quickly, clearly out of breath as he huffs and puffs with a panic stricken look still on his face.

  “I swear I don’t have much of an ass, but that dog may have just took a chunk out of it.”

  I take over the task of scanning for any possible dog bites, but all I come up with is a trail of muddy dog footprints up his back pant leg as well as a portion of his back pocket torn away from his jeans; I laugh.

  “What on earth were you doing… why did you jump over that fence in the first place?” I shake my head knowing full well there’s no reason to ask him this type of question; it’s Evan.

  He looks up, a serious expression on his face and no sign of a smile. “I…Ahhh…” Looking back down as he stumbles for words, he raises his hand between us, “here.”

  My gaze drops to his hand and I gasp. Pinched between his two fingers is a small flower with delicate white petals and a tiny yellow center bright enough to look like the sun.

  “You picked that out of those people’s yard?”

  He bobs his head while raising his shoulders in a yeah-sure, whatever, I-guess sort of manner.

  “For me?” I say excitedly, sounding like an absolute dork.

  Evan puffs out a chuckle of air as he responds, “No…I picked it for the dog so we could play fetch.” My eyes flip from the flower to him and back as I let that thought settle in my heart. He hopped a fence in broad daylight, nearly got mauled by a monster dog and picked a tiny little flower that had to be hard to see from the sidewalk, all for me.

  No matter the minute, hour or day, anytime I see a daisy, whether it be on the side of the road, in the window front of a floral shop, or even in someone’s yard, my mind ventures to the day I first told Evan about what happened to me; I think about the first time I let someone in. Making a quick decision, I refrain from playing back and accept his sarcasm as a cover to avoid getting too sentimental.

  “Evan…” I draw his name out in a playful, adoring fashion, feeling every bit of it in my soul; feeling him.

  With that I take the tiny flower from his hand and twirl the fragile stem between my fingers as I stare at it, so grateful to have a second chance. Looking back up, I truly know what they mean by feeling warm and fuzzy, because a volcano of heartfelt warmth bubbles up through me, making me want to run into his arms.

  “OK, so one finger or two?”

  I burst out in laughter; only Evan. Taking a breath, I figure what the hell. A flower for a pervy confession…I can do that.

  “Fine…” I grin, fully prepared to take part in this raunchy topic, but before I can slam right into the gutter, I glance over and watch as he kicks a couple pebbles like a little boy…so nonchalantly and possibly oblivious to just how I feel at this very moment. My heart soars for him; it is doing ten thousand cart wheels at how lucky I am.

  Keeping my eyes trained on him, I go on, continuing in on his preferred topic, but as the sun shines high above, illuminating all signs of the soon to change season, plus with him by my side, I can’t imagine how much more perfect a day could ever get. My heart skips as his green eyes return back to me with an expectant look. Well two can play at this game…let’s go for shock appeal since I’m sure Evan is waiting for a bland, embarrassed answer.

  With extreme effort to not laugh, I bite down on my lip and cock my head, trying my best to take a page from Abby’s book on sass. I raise my brows and stare him down confidently as I spit out in a slow, drawn out tone, “Three,” and then walk ahead of him.

  Sneaking a quick glance back, I watch as Evan stops, almost like he’s calculating what I just said. My luck he won’t even get it.

  “Three?” he mumbles, “Wait, I…” His eyes instantly widen and his head snaps forward to look at me. “Three…whoa…hey wait,” he races to catch up.

  I laugh to myself, returning my gaze back to the sidewalk in front of me as he goes on excitedly.

  “…three…wow…we can work with this. I think we may need to take our relationship to the next level…”

  I shake my head, my stomach bouncing in laughter as I bring my hand over my eyes as if this topic is just too obscene to dive further into.

  “So like do you…”

  I peek out through my fingers, cracking up over how fast this conversation has amped up to a triple X-rating from my simple answer, yet there is something comforting that I can be completely myself with him, and him with me; free of fear or nervousness. Evan rambles on, asking more and more as I laugh, but all that repeats through my head is just how perfect of a day this is. I couldn’t ask for more.

  “YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK is sexy as hell?” I smirk, squeezing my arms around Piper right outside Academic Hall.

  She quirks one brow, probably wondering if I may turn this into some sort of raunchy convo. I’ve been landing in the gutter a lot lately since she teased me last week with an answer I was not expecting. I’m not sure what gives me more pride as a boyfriend, her coming back with a smartass comment like that, the fact that she’s cool as hell or that she wears a size Double D and I can see those suckers any time I want now.

  “My boobs?” She jokes as if she is tuned into the satellite signal that my brain runs off of.

  I chuckle, looking down at her chest that is currently crushed against me and overflowing upward towards both of our chins as I hold her tightly and securely in my arms; it gives me the perfect view.

  Flicking my eyes back to her seductively, I smile ridiculously with a warm sensation shooting through my body.

  “Ahhh, yeah those too,” I pause, sighing. “I think the fact that you are so simple and don’t expect me to be taking you on big elaborate fancy dates complete with all these stupid ass gestures like flowers and chocolates…” I nudge my chin to the side as a girl walks by carrying a fluffy ass teddy bear that reads ‘I love you’ across it’s chest with a huge ‘Be my Valentine’ heart shaped balloon floating above it. Piper looks over and giggles as I go on, “But…I was thinking I just might want to take you out tonight.”

  She’s never been one for going out on the town, just like me. Fast food and a movie is our idea of a perfect Friday night.

  “You want to take me out for Valentine’s day?”

  I draw my chin back, along with lowering my brows and mouth into a frown to mock my best offended expression. “What?! I do know how to be romantic…once in a while.”

  Softening, her mouth twitches at the corners and her eyes brighten to a lighter brown like she just dialed them down.

  “So just the two of us?”

  I pulse my eyebrows upward, hoping she catches onto where those words lead my mind. Just the two of us.

  “If it is, do I get a reward at the end of the night?”

  Her internal dial goes haywire with her eyes deepening and gleaming in exhilaration. “You just might,” her voice alone is enough to make me drag her off campus in true caveman fashion, minus the club. “If you play your cards right.” As always, her cool confident façade drops as if she’s scaling a high wire and suddenly lost her nerve. She zips it and goes into a shy smile with her lips pressed together and her eyes wide.

  I squeeze her tighter, letti
ng my fingertips linger at her waist between her shirt and jeans to soak up as much of her skin as possible. This dry spell has got to go. Since the last time we tried to cross that bridge, I’ve been practically playing the girl in this relationship, reciting phrases such as ‘no procreation’ or ‘I have a headache.’ She knows I’m just screwing with her, but it sure has been a swap in the needy department.

  We’ve taken it slow, played around and had plenty of fun, but going all in is something I’ve held off on. There is still too much to discuss, and somedays I think it’ll never come up. She thinks she’s clever, switching the subject any time Trent’s name pops up or the day she shut me out of her life, but when she is diverting subjects, she’s totally on my turf at that point; I’m usually the king of avoidance, so she can’t fool me. I’ll respect her wishes and always go along with it. I keep hoping that there is a way to break through the wall she has built up over the years; a way that she can learn to let go of what happened and know the difference between the past and present. I wish I could help her with that, but I can’t.

  The last few days I’ve been thinking about it and have decided to go with the flow. Used to be that when we tried to be a typical couple and give in to our horny little ways, it would result in her blacking out, halfway hyperventilating or soaking my sheets with a hysteria of tears. That in turn causes a wrecking ball sized knot to form in my stomach and a colossal cloud of guilt to roll over me like a ravenous thunderstorm about to wreak havoc on my conscience.

  “Oh well if there’s something I do know how to do, it’s play cards. There’s no way I can lose. You better just plan to wear some edible panties and no bra to dinner tonight.”

  Piper looks at me as if I just told her to chow down on a juicy ass cheeseburger and fries right in front of a homeless person. A grin breaks out over my face; maybe I should swing by that gag store on the corner of third and Marshall Street and pick up a pair of actual edible undies; sure beats the hell out of teddy bears and balloons. Screw it; I’m not going overboard like Judd. I left her something in her car that’ll make her smile; I’ll give her a real present later tonight.