Breathe With Me (The Breathe Series Book 3)

by Wendy L. Wilson

  Half stuttering, I blurt out, “Oh, yeah it was good…it was great…I mean wow, but…” I throw the but in there causing Abby’s eyes to widen and her jaw to tense. “No, it was amazing, but I ended up crying afterwards because I was so nervous and scared, but excited and wanting to so bad at the same time. I don’t know, I guess I just got overwhelmed with it all, plus then I thought about those nightmares I had when I was a kid…”

  “Did you black out?” Abby interrupts.

  “No,” I say quietly, lowering my voice as if we have an audience. “I was fine during, I just was partly relieved that it was over, afterwards, yet so happy that I didn’t blackout, then excited that it was him there…” I shut up quickly, almost saying too much…but would that be so awful? Shouldn’t I just tell her? I was molested…I cringe, a huge knot forming in my stomach and every muscle in my body stiffens. Or was I raped? Maybe raped sounds less wrong or God, I don’t know how to do this. What if she looks at me like I’m sick or twisted or gross or…?

  “Piper?”

  I dart my attention back to her.

  “You zoned out there for a second again.”

  Breathing in and out calmly to brush off all the anxiety that is rising in my conscience, I take a turn from my earlier thinking. I’ll tell her, just not now. I need to brush this off, enjoy tonight and start the healing process tomorrow. Opening my mouth, I decide to elaborate and redeem Evan’s bedroom skills. I’m sure she is wondering why the hell I would cry about an eight-year-old dream when I’m making out with the one guy I’ve longed for and missed all these years. Just as my words hit my tongue, Abby speaks up again.

  “Ok, you are my best friend and I need to know the truth.” Abby stands defiantly with her shoulders firm and straight, and her face dead serious; my heart sinks. “What happened to you back then and don’t tell me it was a dream?”

  I breath in and out and in and out, my chest and pulse accelerating with what she wants to know. Why is she asking this? I rationalized that she probably is skeptical by now about the dream story, but she can’t be asking this. Why would she? Not now, not tonight. I can’t get into this here. Fisting my hands together, I think and think and think. What can I say? How do I get out of this and come back to it at another time?

  “I know back when we were younger and you had your first black out spell in front of me, you said you had nightmares about someone coming into your bed at night and raping you, and of course I believed you, but is that really all there is?” Concern and pain laces her every word. She’s just trying to be a good friend. “I saw how hard every one of those black out spells were on you and even how you seemed to lock up when guys got too close to you, but something just doesn’t add up. You know a dream isn’t real, so why haven’t you got past it after all these years and why on earth would it affect you with Evan? I mean, you trust him and you know he would never hurt you…”

  My head is spinning and I just want her to stop. “Ok! Just stop!” I shout, huffing out breath after breath till I feel as if I might hyperventilate.

  “I’m sorry, Piper,” she whispers in a gentle voice that manages to calm me a little and bring me back down from my escalating adrenaline rush. “I just want to be here for you and if you’re holding back, you need to talk to someone.”

  Listening to the sweetness and need to be there for me tone in her voice of wanting to be there for me, I lean back against the counter not even aware that I had bolted forward when I yelled. My shoulders relax and I open my lungs to another heap full of air as I suck in and back out, hoping it will have a peaceful effect on me. Silence stretches out. Abby looks startled by my outburst and now I have absolutely no clue what to say. I search the room, desperate to move forward and get back to normal girl gab. My eyes land on her purse hanging from her shoulder.

  “It’s ok, really,” I assure her. “Hey, can I borrow your lip gloss. I left mine at the table.” I try my best to be cheery and give her a big smile, a fake, say-cheese sort of one. “I need to make sure to look hot for later, ya know?” I wink as she digs in the front pocket of her bag and hands me a pink cylinder container with set of lips painted across the front; I pinch it between my fingers and spin around, thankful for the distraction. “Thanks.”

  After unscrewing the applier, I pluck it out with a moist suction noise, pout my lips and bring the soft spongy tip to my bottom lip.

  “Besides, during Christmas break when you blacked out with Chris,” Abby pushes forward; I cringe and continue to focus on making my lips shine as she goes on, “…after Evan had woke you up…well I walked him out and we started to discuss how it happens. He more than confirmed my suspicions. I’ve wanted to ask you about it ever sin…”

  As soon as the words are out of Abby’s mouth every fraction of my body ices over and freezes. I stare forward, my hearing shut off and my hand a block of ice still holding the lip gloss to my lips. I can’t even feel the beat of my own heart, yet slowly a tidal wave of tremors begins to come over me beginning in my hands. Ferocity festers in my veins as if I am standing right back on that dock, against the door of the shower house as Mitch fires bomb after bomb right into my soul over a memory that is so violating that it’s as if he’s making it happen again. How could he?!

  The lip gloss falls to the marble counter with a clank. Before I can think to put one foot in front of the next, my body is in over drive. The handle of the bathroom door is in my hand and I seriously am not sure when I crossed the room. All that is on my mind is putting this to rest. Why would he discuss this with someone without confronting me first?

  “Piper, wait! Let me explain. Oh shoot, I didn’t mean that he….”

  I don’t even let her finish; I don’t care. He’s done this before and it destroyed everything. Flinging the door open, I let the fire that ripped through me years ago blaze into an uncontrolled anger that may never subside. He had no right and he needs to learn that my past is not up for social gathering discussions. How could he; how could he??! It’s the only thing that keeps repeating in my brain, because I cannot fathom why he would.

  My face twists as I scrunch my brows into a veil of pain and confusion, while keeping my lips glued shut by a thin sheet of gloss. He looks over to me the second I walk out of the bathroom as if he can sense my very presence as I enter a room. It’s something he’s always done, whether I’d walk out of my cabin, enter a classroom or pull up in Dad’s car, he would always look up, knowing I’m there. It was always a comfort to me that he could feel me even without the sound of my voice, yet today, it is not a comfort at all. I draw my brows down further, the urge to zap lasers or fire from my eyes if I had the power to, burning through me. Just like years ago, his usual smartass smirk shifts and changes to something more, confusion just like I’m feeling maybe; a hint of fear or dread, but this time I see something more…recognition.

  I don’t even wait for him to say a word. “How could you?”

  WHAT THE HELL?

  Piper bolts out of the door of the restaurant with Abby mumbling behind her, “I didn’t say he told me…Piper I didn’t mean to cause…”

  Shit! Dammit! Son of a bitch, I knew we should have talked about this in the beginning; all of it.

  As Abby tries to explain herself in a remorseful tone, I shoot up from the table, refusing to let her storm out of my life for a second time. I don’t even feel my feet as I fly towards the door seconds behind her. I’m reliving the worst and most regretful moment of my life, because I know without a doubt that her thinking I told Abby, has her doing the same thing as before. I should have never spoken to Abby about it. I should have known I’d put my damn foot in my mouth. My hands fall to the cold hard surface of the door as I shove with all my force to get outside as fast as my feet will carry me. Cold air sweeps over my skin as I hear a tap tap-tap on the pavement as Piper races down the sidewalk.

  “Piper, would you wait!” I call out, knowing she’s pissed as hell and not going to even care to hear an explanation. This feels like a repeat of
years ago.

  I shake my head, the rage from that day beginning to rise within my veins and bubble to the surface. I literally wanted to drop my brother into the deepest hole in the world when he came off that dock not too long after Piper had stormed off, but then he surprised me with what had happened.

  “Dude, your chick is history, I think.”

  My fists wound up tight as my chest constricts and my jaw damn near feels as if it may crack in half. Spinning around, I feel an ache and loss that I’ve never felt before; something deeper and more horrifying than I could have imagined. I’ve lost her; all because of him, I’ve lost her.

  “What did you say!” I roar out my words, not caring who hears at this point. “What did you say to her, Mitch?!”

  Tristan quickly steps up, siding up to me as if he is ready to pen me down in case I lunge at him; and I will.

  “Oh boy, was she pissed off at you.” He presses his lips together, but all I have running through my head is me driving my fist right into them and how good it will feel when I do. “I’m thinking you weren’t supposed to tell me that info, little brother.”

  That’s it, I’ve had it. Raising both my hands, I reach for him ready to tear him limb from limb. Tristan’s arms fall around me as he holds me in a bear hug that locks me in place.

  “Whoa, hey just let it be. He’s just trying to rile you up.”

  Mitch cocks his head back. “Whose side are you on, man?”

  Tristan holds on tight, having a death grip across my chest that I cannot penetrate, no matter how I squirm and fight.

  “Let me go, Tristan,” I say through a clamped jaw.

  “Hey, I’m not taking sides, but,” Tristan gulps. “But I do have little brothers and I don’t think yours in any way asked for this.”

  Mitch starts laughing and it shoots anger right through me. I kick my legs, clipping his in the process and knocking him off his feet.

  “Whoa…” Tristan mumbles.

  “Let me go…” I yell out, wanting to tackle him while he’s down.

  “You little shit.” Mitch quickly picks himself back up, looking around to make sure his precious image is safe.

  Everything was perfect that day, just like today; I had no warning. My mood was sabotaged, and I was robbed of ever explaining how it all went down. Then when Mitch proceeded to tell me all the cruel and horrible things he said to her, even Tristan couldn’t hold me back. I wanted blood for that. I ran to her cabin, but when I heard her parents yelling and saw through the window as she sat at the table in utter ruins, I was a coward. I walked down to the dock with tears in my eyes for probably one of the first times in my life. My mind flipped through it over and over until I finally convinced myself to go back and just talk to her, to explain, but by that time she was gone; packed up and had drove out of my life.

  Piper’s feet still pound pavement as she makes it to the same old ass van she’s driven since she was sixteen.

  “Just let me talk to you!”

  She spins around fast, her eyes wide and looking like she’s damn near ready to lay me out. I stop, surprised by the venom in her expression; it’s not something I was used to before. She puts her hand out fast and I just know it; here it is; she’s going to finally deck my ass. I deserve it. I stare at her, expecting to feel her fist slam into my nose or eye or possibly even get a painful as hell blow to the groin, but instead her hand lies palm up between us.

  “Give me my keys, Evan,” she hisses, her lip snarled and brows drawn into a diagonal slope above her deep dark brown eyes that look nearly black at the moment.

  Patting my hand over the outside of my jeans, it falls on an odd shaped object jutting out at my hip that I know are her set of a million keys with at least five different frilly girl keychains to decorate it. At first thought, I flinch, moving my hand to the top of my pocket, but I pause. She can’t go anywhere. Hell no, I’m not giving her the keys. I drop my hand to my side and level her with a serious look that I’m hopeful will tame her guarded, about-to-throw-you-right-in-front-of-a-moving-vehicle expression that she’s giving me.

  “First let me talk to you. Let me explain what happened with the whole Abby thing, because it is not…”

  “Not what!” she cuts me off, hollering at a level I’ve never even heard her voice reach. “Not you opening your trap again and telling someone something you have no business telling them?! What, Evan?!”

  Opening my mouth, I prepare to calmly explain the situation, but she does not wait. She’s mad as hell and in full on argument mode.

  “Is it not the same as before?! You just don’t know how to keep your mouth shut! You did it back then and now you did it again! It will always be like this, because you don’t care, you don’t…”

  “Whoa, whoa, wait just a minute…I don’t care?! You think I don’t care?! Seriously!! Piper, come on!”

  “You always have to have the last word, don’t you Evan?! Always got to have a comeback for everything with some smartass comment or joke about…”

  I cut her off; no way am I listening to this. “Since when did this become a dig at my personality. How does that even have anything to do with what’s going on here? Yeah, sure I like to lighten up shit and joke around. Big freaking deal!”

  “It’s how you are; it’s how you will always be. You have a big mouth, Evan, and you need to learn how to control it.”

  “And that is where letting me explain everything would help out a little,” I widen my eyes trying my best to drive home that she is damn well overreacting and not even giving me a chance here.

  Piper, turns on her toes and starts frantically pulling at the handle on the passenger door as if it will magically come open despite the fact that it’s a solid metal car door that is locked tight. Shoving my hands in my pocket, I feel around until I find the little square lock remote. I pull it to the edge of my pocket, enough to see which button is the lock and which is the unlock. Zeroing in on the tiny picture of a fully sealed lock, I push it, a beeping ringing through the air immediately; giving her a sound confirmation that it is indeed locked.

  “Arrrrrhhhgghhhh!” Piper instantly stomps her foot and kicks at the door then turns to face me. “Just unlock the door!”

  “And what? Are you going to get in and lock me out, all while I have the keys right in my pocket and can unlock it at any point and talk to you?!”

  Bouncing in a tantrum sort of fashion, Piper grinds her teeth together as her face twists and turns into angry frustration. “Just give me the keys then, Evan,” she urges me with a pained glare that nearly makes me give in.

  “Hear me out?” I don’t give in, pleading with her right back to do something she never did before; let me tell her the whole story. “Just let me tell you what happened back then and with Abby. If you’re still pissed off, then I’ll give you the keys.”

  She pauses, pursing her lips. “Fine,” she spouts out, still pissed off as hell.

  Suddenly I have no clue where to start. Closing my eyes for only a second, I replay the entire frustrating moment of when my tongue slipped and I betrayed her.

  “I would love to get a slice of that piece of pie,” Mitch says eyeballing Piper out in the distance with a smug grin on his face.

  “Don’t talk about her like that and stop looking at her.”

  “Or what?!” he snaps in warning but I ignore him.

  He’s looking for a fight; he always is. If there were ever two brothers that detested each other with every ounce of their being, it would be us. After being dragged from military base to military base, you would think we would cling to one another for support, but it had the opposite effect on us. Mitch grew up following around all of the guys on base, longing to be just like them. I, on the other hand, wanted more. I wanted a home, friendship and a stable environment that didn’t include bouncing around the country. That ultimately pushed us apart as brothers; the need for a future so different.

  “So what is she like in the sack? Those shy, quiet types always seem like the m
ost enthusiastic and wild ones between the sheets.”

  He’s still trying to bait me, I know it and honestly, with this burning sensation blazing through my chest and the quickening of my pulse, I can tell he is slowly succeeding.

  “So does she let you talk dirty to her or does she just like you pound…”

  I can’t take it!

  “Shut up, just shut up.” I turn and slam my fist into his shoulder, sparking loud laughter from him.

  Gritting my teeth with my jaw wound so tight that it may shatter, I glare, daring him to push me more; I need to calm down.

  His smirk grows with my anger, so I look away, sliding my gaze out to the lake dock where Piper and Abby are in a splashing war. Piper laughs with her wet hair flinging in all directions and just that simple vision soothes my furious heart, but of course, my brother doesn’t know when to lie down and let it go.

  “I have to admit when she first got out here, she wasn’t much to look at, but this past year has been gooood to her. She’s filling out in all the right spots.”

  Keeping my eyes on Piper, I remain calm and steady.

  “Mitch, could you just pay attention to your own girl and keep your shitty ass comments to yourself,” I plead.

  Knowing what happened to her makes me feel like the slightest sexual comment towards her is like putting her through it all over again. I joke with her and touch her, but that’s for me and me alone. She trusts me and I would never, ever hurt her.

  “Hey guys. What are we doing?” Tristan walks up looking as glum as I feel right now.

  He is pretty cool, however, I have no idea what he sees in my brother. I’m sure he will turn into a douchebag just like him soon enough.

  “Fixing to go join those sexy ladies down on the beach.” I tense at my brother’s suggestion.

  “Leave Piper alone!”