Shattered

by Nicole Banks

  Leave it to Chase to get right to the heart of the matter. “I am not hiding. My house is just an estrogen fest and I don’t want to be there.”

  He scoffed, “No, you want to be there with her. You just don’t want everyone else there with you two”

  “No, that’s not it at all.”

  Chase gave me a look that said he could smell the bullshit a mile away. I wanted to be there with her, alone. But she was mad at me. Well actually, it was jealousy, but she refused to admit it. It was endearing and cute to see Jasmine react that way to my being with someone else.

  “So Angel, what are you going to do about Jasmine?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Are you going to wife her; just keep it at sex; keep it as just friends? What?”

  And that was the question on everyone’s mind. The answer? Well I wanted her, physically I knew for certain. My body responded to her on a whole other level. Even now, just talking about Jasmine had my blood beginning to stir. But the question remained, could we survive being more than just that? We both had major baggage. Everyone had baggage, but ours was the type that if brought into this, would eventually destroy us.

  I knew, shit I saw first-hand Jasmine was fighting her demons. She was learning to keep her baggage on the back burner. Yea, I didn’t doubt she had her bad days, we all did. But she seemed so much further ahead of me when it came to that. I was proud of her progress, even prouder because it looked like she figured the shit out on her own.

  Even though her demons were being kept at bay, it didn’t mean mine would. I had a knack for letting people down. Shit, I ended up causing one person to lose his life. I knew I wouldn’t kill her; not physically anyway, but I had no guarantee that I wouldn’t let her down. I had already let her down twice; what if I did it again, just far worse than before? I knew I wasn’t good enough for her. She deserved so much more than what I could give her. I mean, I wanted to be with her. I just didn’t think I deserved her.

  “You must really like her Angel. I’ve never seen you like this. You’re racking your brain over here for a simple answer. An answer you would have given me the second I asked it, if this was any other chick.”

  “Yea, well Jasmine is different. This situation is different. Look man, it’s physically clear that I want her. Like if she was any other chick, I would have been jumped into this and not thought twice about it, you know? I would have kept it at sex and when it was over, it was over. But with Jas, when I kiss her, shit even being next to her I can tell it’s going to be way more than sex. To be honest, I want it to be more. I’m just not sure if I can do it.”

  “Why the hell not? She likes you, you like her. What are you so scared of Angel?”

  That she was going to realize that I’m not everything she thinks I am. That I would somehow destroy her like I did everything else in my life. Jas had been through too much already, I didn’t want to chance my hurting her. I couldn’t put her through any more pain.

  “Look Angel, you’re my boy, my brother; so I say this with love. Stop being such a bitch already. Can you fucking grow a pair? It’s clear you two love each other. Why don’t you give each other a chance? Jasmine is willing, why aren’t you? People waste entirely too much damn time focusing on the what if’s instead of just living. Don’t you think you’ve wasted enough damn time being in the Marines away from her? What if you had never came back home to her?”

  “I did come back Chase. It’s just not that simple.”

  “I’m asking if you didn’t Angel. What if you didn’t come back? You would have never enjoyed being with Jasmine on any level other than friendship. All this shit is quite simple. You two are the only people stopping you from being with each other.”

  “Really? Well if it’s so simple and I cannot believe I’m saying this, but why aren’t you with my sister?”

  He chuckled, “Didn’t think you wanted to discuss Kris.”

  “I do if it’s going to get my point across. You can’t tell me to be ‘Mister Go for It’ if you’re sitting on your ass with my sister.”

  “I swear I just had this conversation with Jasmine. See you two are perfect for each other. But if you must know, our situations are entirely different from one another. You have a clear chance at being with Jasmine and you’re either too stupid or stubborn to do anything about it. I on the other hand cannot do anything about my situation with Kris. I might have to leave for a job sooner than I thought.”

  Work? What the hell? I was taken aback; I had no clue what Chase did for a living. That was sad, because he was my closet friend. We talked from time to time and I knew he went to school for IT and computers. But what he actually did? I had no clue. I always thought he just had money and didn’t need to work. “Work dude? Your work as the next Dr. Phil taking you outside the country?”

  “You know you’re sleeping on my couch. I’d advise you to be a little nicer.”

  “Aw, you’re sensitive today. What is it that you do anyway? Never knew you even had a job and up until now, I didn’t think to ask.”

  He shook his head, “Don’t worry what I have to do. Just know that if I choose the job, I leave in the next couple of weeks.”

  So he was leaving in a couple of weeks, but couldn’t tell me where and what he did; “Hmm, C.I.A, F.B.I or Secret Service?”

  He laughed, “How about none of the above buddy?”

  I cracked a smile, “You dirty little liar. Couldn’t find a desk job huh?”

  “Says the Marine; you can’t have all the glory now, can you?” His phone began to vibrate, “Well speak of the devil. Guess you’ll have no choice but to go home, Angel.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. He was kicking me out? “You expecting company that you’re making me leave?”

  “Not at all dear; but Kris just texted me. We’re going clubbing tonight and you can’t wear any of my clothes. So go home.”

  ***

  I swear I was going to kill Kris. Where did she put my outfit for tonight? She’s got me running around her damn house in my freaking bra and panties looking for this shit. She said she left it on her bed but it wasn’t there. I ran into the living room, checking to see if she left the dress on the couch. I took two steps and collided with a body; a very naked and wet body. “Oof.” He caught me around the waist pulling me up towards him. His towel dropped. “Um, Angel?” He backed me up against the living room wall and placed his hands on either side of my head. His eyes were a dark shade of green. Going by the press of his erection in my thigh, the dark shade meant pure undiluted passion.

  I had to breathe a little, Angel this close, that naked was making me panic a little bit. One, Two, three, deep breath Jas. Deep breath. Okay I was good. I attempted to move, but he pressed his body even closer to mine and pushed me back on the wall. “I didn’t say you could move.”

  “Excuse me?” His gaze bored into mine as he licked his lips. My eyes went straight to the action; god this man had the best lips I’ve ever seen and tasted on a person.

  “Jasmine, why are you in my house walking around half naked?” He dipped his head to my neck and placed a kiss by my pulse. He kissed his way up to my jaw line, “You always smell like raspberries and so far you taste just as sweet.” He began kissing his way back down towards my neck. I placed my hands on his hips, he snatched my hands away and pinned them above my head. He waited a minute, his eyes searching mine to see if I was okay with this. It was sweet that he cared enough to stop long enough to make sure I was still here with him. “No touching Jasmine, I didn’t give you permission and you didn’t ask.”

  “I shouldn’t have to. If I want to touch I’m going to touch.”

  He chuckled, “that mouth of yours is going to get you in a world of trouble”

  “By who? By you? You‘re a big softie, Angel. You’re not going to do anything.”

  His nostrils flared, his eyelids grew heavy and his lips curved into a devastating grin that had my knees growing weak. “You know what I’m going to do my sweet Jasm
ine? I’m going to put you over my knee and spank that cute little ass of yours until I have you screaming and writhing with pleasure.” His eyes never left my face, always searching for signs I was going to panic. The heat was still there but the concern was there as well.

  But right now he didn’t have to worry about me panicking. Right now, I just wanted him to stop talking and kiss me already. I was hot all over. A fire seemed to be burning inside me caused by the proximity of Angel’s body and the sound of his voice. He could have said cookies at this point and it probably would’ve sounded sensual.

  I don’t know what came over me, but I wanted to touch him. I wanted to explore, to feel him under my fingers. I was shocked a little that being pinned by Angel caused my desire to heighten. I would have been sure this would have brought me back to the past. Maybe I was beginning to trust myself and trust Angel.

  “Angel, please!’

  “Please what?” He kept placing kisses on my neck and on my jaw making my knees buckle. “Please what, Jasmine? Tell me what you want?”

  “I want to touch you.”

  “Really? Why is that?” Oh this infuriating man, “You’re doing so well being here like this. I kind of like having you pinned, having your body exposed to me so I can enjoy it at my own pace.” He nipped my bottom lip, “Open up baby.” I did and he swirled his tongue passed my lips and into my mouth. Angel’s kisses were drugs. There was no other way to put it. Every kiss had my head spinning. His kisses touched every single part of my body, causing it to light on fire for him.

  He finally released my hands and they roamed his chest and his back. The feel of his muscles rippling under my hands, the goose bumps that broke out across his skin was amazing. My hand passed over a scare and it caused him to hiss in between the kissing. I went to pull away to ask if I hurt him but he fisted my hair keeping my lips on his. His hands went to my butt and he lifted me up. Breaking the kiss, he said, “Let me know if this is too much for you, okay? Just stay here with me Jasmine. It’s just you and me, no one else. Now, wrap your legs around me baby, just like that.” My core touched his hard length and he groaned. He placed his head on mine trying to control his breathing. “If you want this to stop, just say so, okay? I will stop the second you tell me no. Don’t be afraid to tell me you’re uncomfortable okay?” I nodded my head not trusting my voice to speak. He was so sweet, protective and sincere. Why couldn’t he have been my first?

  He kissed his way down to my breast. His hand went to one, rolling the nipple between his fingers pinching and pulling through the sheer fabric of my bra. A jolt of insane pleasure shot through me. God that felt amazing. He had the other breast in his mouth licking and sucking on the nipple. His doing it through the bra was driving me a little crazy; I couldn’t get his mouth closer to my skin the way I wanted. This was a freeing feeling being here with Angel like this. Who knew I would ever be able to do this with someone.

  “Amazing Jasmine, simply amazing.” He kissed his way back up to my lips for more of his intoxicating kisses while his hands went down my stomach. There was a need inside me slowly developing, a need I didn‘t know how to fill. He fingers stopped just above my core. Looking at me with his mesmerizing eyes, “Can I Jasmine? I need to feel you please.” He was asking me for permission? I nodded. I wasn’t sure I could sound convincing enough and I really didn’t want this to stop, not yet. “Say the words Jasmine. Tell me I can touch you there.” Was he serious? Why didn’t he just know to go there? “Jasmine?” He growled my name. “I need to hear it. I need to know you’re sure.”

  And this was what made Angel amazing. He held on to his control to make sure I was into this as much as he was. He didn’t want to hurt me. He never did. “Okay Angel. It’s okay you can touch me there.” He groaned and kissed me with fever. His hand continued its decent down towards my core. The second his hand gently rubbed me through my panties, I broke the kiss with a moan. He smiled, “Beautiful.”

  He kept rubbing, I moaned again and all thoughts escaped me. He slowly, tentatively slipped one finger inside me and any thought process I had shattered. “God Jas you are so wet, so tight, so beautiful. Moan for me again baby.” He thrust his finger further inside me. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as he managed to make me moan louder. “You sound so beautiful. You truly are beautiful.”

  “Angel.” This felt amazing I really hoped he would continue his pleasurable torture. This, this I could do. I could definitely handle this and I wanted to enjoy this as long as humanly possible. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than he stopped. He withdrew his fingers and I couldn’t stop the whimper from escaping. He unwrapped my legs and lowered me back to the floor. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, what the hell? Why did he stop? Did I mess up? Confused, I asked him, “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

  “God no, Jas. You were; are perfect. It’s just, this was a mistake; we really shouldn’t be doing this. I’m so sorry.” I was still a little confused and shell shocked, “What do you mean we can’t do this?” He bent to kiss my cheek, “I’m sorry Jas I just can‘t.” With that, he strode into the bathroom and slammed the door.

  I sat there staring at the door for five minutes before everything settled in. And I was pissed off and had half the brain to kick the shit out of him. What was this problem? Did he still think I wasn’t ready? Because shit I think I did pretty damn good considering. He was so frustrating. Since he’s been home, it’s been let me give you toe curling kisses and then flee. I was getting tired of him running. I was getting tired of the whiplash. You either want someone or you don’t; these damn games are unnecessary to say the least. I’ve had enough to deal with without worrying about Angel coming and going. Yea, I wanted him, but I refused to play this damn game with him.

  I stormed towards the bathroom, swung the door open. Angel stood with his hands on the sink, his head down. At least he put a pair of shorts on. I wouldn’t have been able to do this if he was still naked. “Angel Louis Torres!” Yea I said his whole name let him know he was in for some shit.

  His gaze snapped to mine. “You forgot how to knock Jas?”

  Did he just? I forgot how to knock? Man! “Listen ass face; what is your problem? Why the hell do you keep starting this shit if you don’t plan to finish it?”

  “Jas what are you talking about?”

  “I’m sorry where have you been for the past couple of weeks? Stop getting intimate with me if all you plan to do is run. I thought Marines didn’t run? I know you can’t still think I’m not ready for you. Even if that’s the case just stop kissing me, stop touching me, especially if you have no plans for following through. And don’t say ohh, it’s because you don’t want me. You and I both know that’s a boldface lie.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest. “A little over confident aren’t you?”

  “Pfft. It’s not over confident if ever time we’ve kissed you’ve gotten hard. Look, this whiplash shit is killing me. Stop starting shit you don’t plan on finishing.”

  “Jasmine, you know I can’t do this with you. We can’t do this.”

  Of course we can‘t. Just two weeks ago, I wasn‘t ready for him; now that I made the effort to be ready for him, he wants to run away, again. Well, whatever then. “Well, fine then! If that’s how you see it, kudos for you. Just don’t try some shit now that we’ve established nothing is going to happen between us. So help me, if you try and kiss me again I will gladly punch you in the face, okay?”

  With that, I stormed out of the bathroom slamming the door. If he didn’t want to do this damn shit, fine. But he wasn’t going to go around getting free kisses and other stuff from me, pulling me around like a damn yo-yo! I’ve lived too long letting another person control my thoughts and actions. I’ll be damned if it will happen again.

  CHAPTER 17

  Angel

  I got to the club around two thirty. I’m almost didn’t show up. I didn’t think I could handle seeing Jasmine again. The way she stormed into the bathr
oom, being demanding; all that pent up anger was fucking sexy as hell. It made me want to piss her off even more. Even after I told her we couldn’t do this anymore, my body still ached and craved a simple touch. It took all my damn strength not to grab her and bend her over the sink. I was becoming obsessed with the need to have her, yet I couldn't even bring myself to let go and just have her. I couldn't trust myself, not yet.

  It was too late anyway; Jasmine already threw down her demands. I need to have better control of myself. I can’t keep playing a sensual assault on her senses and then pull away. It wasn’t fair in the least. So at this point, we would just be friends; that was it.

  I walked to the booth where I saw Chase, and someone I couldn‘t place. He looked awfully familiar though. There were some other people at the booth as well but I didn't really care about em'. Chase stood up to greet me, along with his companion. "And here I thought you'd be hiding out from her again, Angel." I bit back my retort, because his companion spoke before I could.

  "We will hopefully see you in a couple of weeks? We really could use you Chase." They shook hands and left. The dude was in a three-piece suit, around my height and had the presences of someone in power. The dude smelled of money. Yea, Chase was definitely into something big, probably a little over his head given the look on his face. "Conducting business in the club Chase?"

  "Not by choice; he came and found me."

  "You must be slipping; you usually do a pretty good job of not being found. Are you gonna tell me what it is you do?" He shook his head, "Fine. Just don't get yourself killed." I said this because the guy looked like he belonged either to the mob or a high power drug lord. My sister had already lost Jay. I really didn’t want her to go through that again.

  He laughed, "Aww, nice to see that you care Angel, such a softie.”

  My eyes narrowed on Chase, “Oh no; I don’t give a shit. But my sister does and I refuse to have you put her through what she went through with Jay."