by Laurel Veil
“Maybe.” We stood there awkwardly for a moment trying to figure out what to do next. I could tell he wasn’t sure if he should stay or go and I wasn’t sure whether I should invite him in. “Well, I guess I better go inside.”
“Yeah, I probably should get home.”
“I’ll see you in the morning,” I said.
His brows arched, and he grinned.
“What?”
“Nothing. I think you just invited me to walk to school with you. That’s all.”
“My grandmother invited you. She doesn’t want me to be alone. Remember?”
“Right.” He smiled like he knew something I didn’t. “See ya tomorrow.”
♦ ♦ ♦
“Have a good day. And please be careful,” said Grandma.
“I will,” I assured her before walking out the door.
“Hey,” said Nolan as I approached the end of the driveway.
“You hear anything new?”
“Nah. I’m sure it’s all everyone’s going to be talking about at school, though. We’ll probably find out something there.”
I felt the weight of my classmates’ eyes as we neared the front doors. “Everyone is staring at me,” I whispered. I could feel my cheeks getting warm. My heart was racing, and it was hard to breathe.
“There she is,” I heard numerous hushed voices say as I walked past.
I was so preoccupied that I barely noticed, much less made a fuss, when Nolan took me by the hand. He pulled me along behind him into the quiet serenity of the library. We didn’t stop until we made it to a reading nook in the corner.
“Thanks,” I said breathlessly. “I wasn’t expecting any of that.”
“It’s probably going to get worse before it gets better.”
“Dani just needs to hurry up and get back, then she can be the center of attention.” Nolan’s expression changed. “What? You don’t think she’s coming back now?”
“I didn’t say that. We better go, or we’re going to be tardy.” It was only then that I realized we were still holding hands. I felt embarrassed, but at the same time, I didn’t want to let go. “I’ll meet you out front after school,” he said.
“OK.” I suddenly realized I was smiling a lot bigger than I thought I should’ve been. “I mean, that’s what my grandma would want. Ya know?”
He smiled slyly. “Anything for Grandma.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I was eager for lunch—I could hardly wait to talk to Ava and Riley about everything that had happened. I stopped dead just as I entered the cafeteria. I wasn’t going to be able to even sit with Ava and Riley today, much less talk with them. They were being swarmed by curious classmates asking for details about Dani’s disappearance.
“Looks like they’re enjoying it if you ask me.”
I was relieved to see Nolan standing beside me. “Can I . . .”
“Come on,” said Nolan with a nod. I followed him outside, past the patio, where students were sitting at picnic tables enjoying their lunches, to a shady spot behind the gym.
“How do you know about this place?”
He shrugged. “I come here sometimes when it’s too loud in there.”
“It’s nice. But are we going to get in trouble being back here?”
“Only if we get caught.” He motioned to a weathered stack of mats that had seen better days, and we sat down and rested our backs against the brick wall.
“I thought I was going to talk to them at lunch today. That maybe we’d come up with a plan to help Dani somehow.”
“They didn’t look too concerned.” Nolan looked off in the distance for a moment. “How did you hook up with that group anyway?”
“It just sort of happened. I wasn’t trying to.” I explained how Ava had latched onto me in gym class so she wouldn’t have to be alone and how I’d been her personal clown. Nolan was such a good listener, the next thing I knew, I was telling him about the invitation she’d put in my backpack.
“You guys wore black robes and hung out in the cemetery?” He shook his head and grinned. “I don’t know—sounds sketchy to me.”
Soon, we were both laughing. “Never tell anyone,” I said.
Nolan suddenly got serious. “You didn’t need to tell me that.”
I nodded. “I know I can’t trust you. That’s why I told you in the first place.”
We held each other’s eyes for a moment, and I flinched when the bell rang. He laughed and helped me up from the mats.
♦ ♦ ♦
Ava was the center of attention during gym class too. Since I couldn’t talk to her, I faked not feeling well and spent most of the period in the nurse’s office.
“Where’d you go?” asked Ava when I returned to change and gather my books for my next class.
“I went to the nurse. I’m surprised you noticed.”
A huge grin stretched across her face. “I know. Isn’t this crazy? I haven’t had a second to myself since I got to school this morning.”
I mentally rolled my eyes. “Have you heard anything new about Dani?”
“No. Why, have you?” she asked eagerly.
“No,” I said flatly.
She leaned in. “Let’s hope she doesn’t come back too soon.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Relax. You know she’s fine. She’s probably out having a great time with one of her many admirers. And all the while, we’re stuck here having to listen to everyone reminisce about how great she is.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. “Do you really believe that? That she’s just out having a good time?” Ava shrugged without any thought. It couldn’t have been more evident that she didn’t care. “I know I don’t know her that well, but it doesn’t seem like her at all. She wouldn’t do that to her mom and—”
“Look, I gotta get to class.” Without another word, she turned to go and left me standing alone, and all I could think about was how I couldn’t wait to tell Nolan what she’d said.
♦ ♦ ♦
“She’s cold,” said Nolan when I told him.
“Right? I wouldn't be surprised to find out she has Dani locked up somewhere.”
Nolan laughed.
“Of course I’m kidding but think about it—it would get Dani out of the way for a while and in the meantime, she gets to enjoy the limelight. We both know she’s an attention whore.”
Nolan laughed again before saying goodbye, and then I walked into my grandma’s house to find her rifling through a closet. She was so busy she didn’t hear me when I stepped into the den.
“It looks like you’re moving,” I said as I looked around at the boxes and trash bags that were littering the floor.
Grandma put her hand to her chest. “You startled me.”
“What are you doing?” It was then that I noticed her eyes were red. “Have you been crying?”
“No. It’s all this darn dust. I got a wild hair today and thought I would clean things up around here a bit.”
“Things were clean around here until you started cleaning.”
She chuckled. “They were, but this is deep cleaning.”
I knew her well enough to know this was how she coped with worry and stress. “Do you want some help?”
She smiled. Grandma never turned down help, and since she enjoyed spending time with me, I was glad to. She went on to explain her process to me. “The white bags are for things I’m taking to Goodwill. The dark bags are for things I’m tossing out, and the boxes are for things I’m storing.”
“What about this?” I held up a 1999 Big Mouth Billy Bass singing plaque. “Is it a keeper? Or should I toss it back?”
Grandma chuckled. “It was good for a few laughs, the first two, three hundred times it sang. That thing drove me nuts. I only kept it because of your grandpa. It’s broken, so go ahead and toss it.”
This went on for the next couple of hours. I’d hold up an item, and Grandma would tell me what to do with it. The only things she seemed to be holding
on to were either extremely sentimental or those that she said I could sell on eBay for a chunk of change.
“I’m going to go get a glass of water. Do you want one?”
“I’m fine,” said Grandma.
I made a glass and stared absentmindedly out the kitchen window as I drank it. I almost choked when I realized Nolan was standing on the porch. Several times, he acted as if he were going to knock on the door and then he’d turn away.
I opened the door just as he made it down the front steps to leave. “Hey,” I called after him. He looked so nervous it made my stomach hurt. “What is it?”
“They,” his voice caught, “found Dani.”
7.
“Was someone at the door?” asked Grandma when I stepped back into the den.
I couldn’t find my voice for a moment. She stopped what she was doing and looked up. “Noelle? What’s the matter?”
“That was Nolan. A jogger was out running near the park. Their dog found . . .”
“That poor girl.” Grandma shut her eyes and fell limp into the couch. “Her poor mother.”
♦ ♦ ♦
I’m not quite sure how I made it through the days that followed. They passed quickly and yet seemed to drag on and on. They were filled with speculative whispers about who could have done such a thing to Dani.
“You ready?” asked Grandma.
I nodded, and we drove in silence to Mocke’s Funeral Home. Our school was closed for the day, and it looked like the entire student body was there. In fact, it looked like most of our town was present. I was pretty certain too that ninety-nine percent of the people there didn’t even know Dani. And they weren’t there to pay their respects, they just had a morbid curiosity that needed satisfying. It made me angry.
Grandma and I wouldn't be sitting. It was packed and there weren’t any seats left. I froze when I saw the coffin in the front of the room. Oh my gosh. This is real. This is really happening. The casket was white, and the lid was lined in tufted, pink satin. I was relieved to see that the lid was up. I had heard many rumors that Dani’s face had been so badly beaten that it was going to be a closed-casket memorial.
Grandma placed her hand in the small of my back and guided me forward. “Come on, baby. Let’s say goodbye.”
I started to tremble the closer we got. TV and movies always made death seem so easy, but this was the hardest thing I’d ever been through. I felt like I was in a dream when I finally reached the coffin and looked down at my friend. Her face was fine. There wasn’t a mark on it. Rumors were useless and usually disgusting. It was Dani lying there, and yet it wasn’t. It was her body, but she was missing. I’m so sorry ran on a loop in my head as my eyes welled with tears.
I looked up when someone touched my shoulder. It was a woman with swollen, red eyes. Dark circles hung beneath them. Dani’s mom. Her face was thinner. Grief had made her almost unrecognizable. “Come sit with me,” she said as she motioned for my grandma to come too.
As I sat on the pew, nestled between Dani’s mom and my grandma, I watched a large monitor that displayed baby photos of Dani while a heart-wrenching song played in the background. The last photo to be seen before the slideshow was muted and the preacher began speaking was the picture of Dani and me. I could feel her mom’s and my grandma’s eyes on me. I felt like I might pass out, but when I realized Nolan was looking at me, I could breathe again.
As the preacher spoke, I stared at a portrait of Dani that reclined on an easel. It was surrounded by wreaths and sprays composed of tightly packed roses, daisies, and lilies. She was a natural beauty. And she was good. She didn’t deserve what had happened to her.
♦ ♦ ♦
I didn’t say much in the next few days that followed, so by the time Monday rolled around, I was especially eager to see the girls at lunch so we could finally talk.
I got a Coke from the vending machine and walked to our table. As I went to sit down, Ava stopped speaking and glared at me.
“What?” I asked. My heart was already pounding.
“We don’t want you sitting here anymore,” said Ava.
“Ha-ha, very—”
“It’s not a joke.”
I looked at Riley for an explanation, but she looked down and said nothing.
“Why?” I waited for one of them to make sense of what was happening. “I don’t understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand,” said Ava. “Now go away.”
I felt like I wasn’t in control of my body as I walked off. I didn’t know where I was going. I wasn’t even sure how I made it outside. “What’s wrong?” asked Nolan the moment he saw me.
I was so grateful to find him resting on the mats behind the gym. “Who says something is wrong?” I said.
“Your face,” said Nolan.
I sat next to him, leaned against the wall, and told him what had just happened.
“What a bitch. Why would she act like that?” asked Nolan.
I shrugged. “Dani’s gone. I guess our group is…over.”
“That shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t make sense.”
“I guess we weren’t as good of friends as I thought we were.”
He cut his eyes at me. “You never really thought you guys were that tight, did you?”
“No. I wanted to though. It would have been nice to belong somewhere.” We sat in silence until the bell rang.
“Things will get better,” said Nolan. “Don’t ditch class.”
“If I were going to do that, I would’ve done it at the beginning of lunch, not the end.”
“Just remember, your grandma doesn’t want you walking alone, and I can’t cut class. My parents would kill me.”
“You’re such a good little boy,” I teased. He smirked. “I’ll meet you after school,” I said just before he jogged up the stairs to his locker.
I was almost to the gymnasium when it hit me—Ava and I had gym class together. I bet she totally forgot about PE too. I was the only friend she had in there. I couldn’t wait to watch her squirm from the awkwardness of being all alone, because there was no way I was going to let her hang around me after the way she just treated me at lunch. Of course, there were probably still plenty of curious girls who wouldn’t mind hanging around with her just to see if they could find out any gory details about Dani.
As I was changing into my gym suit, I kept an eye on the door. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Ava’s face when she realized she’d messed up and she still needed me.
More than five minutes had passed, and there was still no sign of her. “You need to get to the gym before I get out there or you’re going to be counted tardy,” said Coach Bay.
“I was just waiting on Ava,” I said.
“You’re going to be waiting for an awfully long time. She switched periods.”
♦ ♦ ♦
After school, I couldn’t find Nolan fast enough. “She dropped out of my PE class.”
“Who?” asked Nolan as we headed home.
“Ava,” I snapped unfairly because I think I’d only mentioned it once before. “The way she treated me at lunch wasn’t an accident. It was planned!”
“Good. I’m glad she’s gone.”
“What do you mean good? I had no one to hang around. I felt like it was my freaking first day of school.”
“You’ve been in there all year. I don’t get why you didn't have any other friends to hang out with. You never talked to anyone but Ava?”
“She wouldn’t let me.”
“She wouldn’t let you?”
“Girls can be psycho like that sometimes.” I pushed him. “Stop looking at me like that. I’m not like that. I was friends with—well at least I talked with—all those girls before she came along.”
“I think you’re better off,” he yelled after me as I headed up my grandma’s front steps.
When I opened the door, a gust of Betty Crocker blueberry muffins came at me from all directions. I inhaled and went straight to the kitchen and washed my
hands.
“There she is,” said Grandma as she pulled the tray from the oven. “Butter’s on the table and so is the chocolate milk. So, how was your day?”
“Did my mom call?” I could tell my question caught her off guard. I’m not even entirely sure why I asked. I could tell by the look on her face that she hadn’t. “Never mind.”
