Collide

by Shelly Crane

  With Merrick’s mid section less colorful and sore, he was constantly holding me now that he could. His lap was my favorite seat in the house, especially since every other seat in the house was literally taken.

  It wasn’t going to be enough to expand the sleeping rooms. We were barely able to all fit in the commons room anymore together but we couldn’t split up. Safety in numbers, building an army, all that.

  Calvin and Franklin were playing in the hall, by the stairs. I patted Merrick’s hand to tell him I was getting up and headed over to see what they were up to, without interrupting Jeff, leaving a room full of chatter behind me.

  They were playing spoons. Twelve year olds were playing card games. Times had changed. As I walked towards them I realized I’d never been behind the stairs before.

  It was dark back there and I never thought much about it. Past the boys, I saw a room off to the side.

  Must be Phillips.

  As I peeked through the half closed door I gasped. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were telling me.

  It was huge. It all the size of the commons room if not more, piled wall to wall with lots of his stuff. Personal stuff that none of the rest of us had. I understood, this was his place first, but jeez, we had all been cramped and bunched in the other room, not to mention the small sleeping quarters. Twenty people could have slept comfortably in this room.

  I didn’t go in, just looked from the hallway. The bed was ginormous with at least eight pillows of different sizes and color stacked against the headboard. He had a small red lava lamp on the bedside stand that was left on. Posters, provocative posters at that, lined the walls. C.d.’s everywhere. Huge stereo system near his desk on the opposite side of his bed.

  I even saw bags of chips, candy and can drinks lined up on the bedside table.

  Food hoarding.

  There was a tabletop fan blowing, oscillating on the floor pointed to his bed. I thought about all the times we’d sat out in the commons rooms sweating sometimes because it could be so stuffy down here. I gasped again in utter disbelief.

  Just when I thought I couldn’t be more disappointed in Phillip and his behavior, I was wrong again. What a selfish-.

  “Hey. Snooping?” the voice behind me was Phillip.

  “Just looking around. Hadn’t been back here before. That’s quite a room. No wonder you keep it a secret.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he said taking a step towards me.

  “It means, there’s tons of room in there, Phillip. And tons of people out there. We’ve been breaking our backs trying to make more room for people and this room is huge. Not to mention all the stuff you’ve been keeping to yourself. It’s just...a little selfish.” It came out way softer than I intended, but I was in shock.

  “This is my place, and you’re a guest. Be happy I let you stay here at all,” he barked.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. I just never imagined you being this way.” I began to walk off but he grabbed my arm gently.

  “We could share it you know.” All traces of anger were gone and replaced with soft pleading. “You could come stay in here with me and be more...comfortable,” he suggested, pulling me closer as he did so.

  “Phillip,” I sighed, dreading what I was going to have to do. “We talked about this, didn’t we? I’m with Merrick.”

  “I know, but I can’t give up on you. I know you can’t really want to spend the rest of your life with him.”

  “Why not?” I asked, humoring him.

  Wanting to hash this out once and for all.

  “Because, the obvious. He’s not human. He doesn’t feel, it’s fake. It’s a copy of the emotions his body felt before he took it over.”

  “I’m sorry, Phillip, I don’t agree. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to respect my decision.”

  “You can’t do this. He doesn’t know what you need. He can’t understand you like I can,” he breathed.

  He moved to caress my face. I backed into the wall to evade him but he followed. His fingers were cool, nothing like Merrick’s warm ones, on my cheek.

  “Phillip. Please don’t.”

  “I want you to see that it’s not just him that can give you goose bumps.” As if to prove him right, gooseflesh spread rapidly down my arms. He ran his finger down my arm too. “See.” He closed his eyes. “Mmm, you are even softer than I imagined,” he almost moaned the words and pressed me further into the wall.

  “Stop.” I pushed his hand away. “Tickling will give anyone goose bumps, Phillip. It’s not goose bumps I’m looking for. Please stop this. I don’t want to fight with you anymore.”

  “I don’t want to either. I just can’t sit back and watch you throw everything away,” he said softly.

  “I’m not throwing anything away. I love him. This isn’t a game to me. I want to be your friend but you’ve got to stop this. It makes me uncomfortable.”

  “What can I do to change your mind? What? Tell me. Anything. I’d do anything for you, Sherry,” he asked desperately, pulling my hand to his chest.

  I felt sorry for him. I also questioned him, his feelings for me had moved rather swiftly with absolutely no help from me.

  “Nothing, Phillip. There’s nothing you can do to change my mind. It’s not your fault, there’s just nothing you can do. The heart doesn’t get to just choose who it wants to be with. Please move,” I pleaded with him softly.

  “Stay.” He grabbed my arm. “Come and let me show you my room. Maybe you’ll change your mind once you’ve seen it.”

  “No thanks. A room isn’t going to make me change my mind either. Like I said before, I don’t think you really understand what a girl wants. I’ll stick to my closet.”

  I jerked my arm away and removed myself from the cage of his arms swiftly, and didn’t wait for his response. I walked away in a fog. A mixture of annoyance, pity and sadly- guilt. I had no idea why I should feel guilt for what he said but I did. I felt sorry for him. Sorry that he had to be so adamant and I had to say no. I hated making people feel bad. Hated it. He seemed so sincere. No lies. So soft with no sarcasm. I’d never seen him like that before.

  I walked back down the hall and when I got to the very end, just before the stairs I saw a small piano. Ah! All this time that was here and I never knew it!

  I immediately sat down and started playing ‘The Scientist’ by Coldplay. It was amazing the things you remembered. I hadn’t played in years before that once in the motel but every note seemed to flow easily, just like before.

  Calvin and Franklin joined me on the cramped bench seat. It made me sigh that sitting down, I was only mere inches taller than them.

  I sang the first verse and chorus softly, very softly, not wanting to draw attention but just so happy I remembered how to play it.

  Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry

  You don’t know how lovely you are

  I had to find you to tell you I need you

  To tell you I’ve set you apart

  Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions

  Oh let’s go back to the start

  Running in circles, coming up tails

  Heads on a silence apart

  Nobody said it was easy

  Its such a shame for us to part

  Nobody said it was easy

  No one ever said it would be this hard

  Oh take me back to the start.

  The kids listened for a minute and then wanted to help of course. Calvin gabbed on and on to Franklin about how I used to sing to him all the time. Exaggerating just a bit but I let him.

  I showed them what keys to press in what order and we banged away at the ivories together. You could barely make out my melody with those two going at it but it was so sweet, I could care less.

  It was a shame they were stuck down there like that.

  I picked up Calvin’s hand and put his fingers under mine. He followed my slow motions and I showed him how to play ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Sta
r’.

  He squealed with delight when we were done and then Franklin shouted it was his turn.

  I felt a slight tap on my shoulder and turned, bracing myself for Phillip but it was Calvin’s mom, Lana. She was smiling and signed to ‘thank you’. Hand to the chin then out towards me. I signed ‘why’, hand across the brow then out with a Y- thumb and pinkie out with all other fingers tucked in, and she motioned toward the piano.

  I smiled and signed ‘your welcome’, like an ok sign. I remembered a few more things over these past months, and signing with her the few times I had had jogged my memory.

  I thought she would leave, as she usually did but she pulled me up from the bench seat and hugged me, long and hard. I was so startled I could feel tears threatening.

  When I turned into her I saw Merrick standing behind her at the stairs. His arms crossed over his chest, leaning back against the wall with an amused smile playing on his lips.

  I wondered how long he had been standing there?

  She pulled back, peeking at me one more time. She signed ‘thank you’ and motioned toward Calvin. I realized she wasn’t just thanking me for the piano lesson, she was thanking me for being nice to Calvin, all this time. I nodded and smiled. Instead of trying to sign my abc’s to spell out each word for twenty minutes I looked at Merrick.

  “Will you please tell her that Calvin is...wonderful and no trouble at all. I really enjoy spending time with him. That he’s polite and sweet...and she should be very proud of him.”

  She smiled as she listened to the voice of my Keeper in her head.

  Amazing how this worked.

  She smiled at me widely, signed ‘I am’ and strode slowly back to the commons room.

  Calvin and Franklin were still banging away at the piano when Merrick walked over to me, putting his arms around my waist.

  “So how long have you been standing there?” I asked.

  “Long enough. You really are a saint, you know that?”

  “Absolutely not. Anyone would have done that,” I insisted and he leaned in and whispered in my ear..

  “Then how come no one else has.”

  His words stunned me a little. He was right. Why had no one else attempted to talk to Lana or buddy up with Calvin or Ryan or Kay for that matter. It was a little strange.

  “You have, you played basketball with him several times and I’ve seen you chasing him and Franklin, fooling around.”

  “Hmm...not the same. I needed the exercise.”

  “Oh sure. I guarantee you this body doesn’t need exercise,” I said playfully as I poked his six pack.

  He laughed but winced a little.

  “Oh! Sorry, forgot.” I rubbed the spot where I so stupidly poked his broken ribs but he just continued to look at me. Openly and honestly, looking into me.

  “Why do you do that? How can you look at me like... like you’re looking at me for the first time?” I asked.

  He just smiled knowingly, rubbing my necklace in between his fingers and kissed my forehead before he spoke.

  “Come on. We’ve got to talk about the next search and store run.”

  “Ok. Later, Calvin. Bye, Frank.” I waved over my shoulder as Merrick led me away with his arm through mine.

  Calvin waved frantically with that sweet genuine smile.

  The crowded room was still buzzing with voices, all talking different things. Merrick, Jeff, Marissa and I huddled together. Phillip was no where to be seen. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to bring up what I’d seen earlier.

  Marissa looked a lot better and it seemed my thought had come true. People were nicer to her somewhat, despite their doubts about her motives. She still wanted to come on the runs with us so I took that as a good sign.

  We talked about what to do and where to go next. I was thinking about how long it would take if we kept going this way. If there was only a way to mass produce a sign or flag of some sort that only Keepers would know about.

  Wait. Light bulb.

  “Wait. This may be stupid, and you can tell me if it is, but what about making like...a flyer. We take it to public places advertising the store but at the end of the flyer, put that thing you Keepers always say to each other on it, guard you brother, or whatever it is. That way it won’t be conspicuous and only the ones we want to see it, will find what they are looking for. What do you think?”

  Silence. Hmmm. It didn’t quite have the same ring in my head as it did coming out of my mouth. It was stupid. I started to shake my head to tell them never mind.

  “That’s...that’s actually really good. That’s perfect. I mean, it’ll be more tense around here with all the extra people coming unannounced but...Sherry, that’s a great idea,” Jeff said, seemingly going over it in his mind.

  “Really? It’s ok. You won’t hurt my feelings, I promise.”

  “It’ll work,” Merrick said. “It’ll be safer that way too. Going out on these runs every week are proving to be hazardous to everyone’s health.”

  I looked to see if he was laughing but he was not. He looked contemplative.

  “Ok, well it’s set then. That’s what our next run will be. Flyer printing and distribution. Great. No worries.” Jeff seemed beyond pleased and linked his hands behind his head.

  That made me feel better about it. If they thought it was good, it was.

  We would wait until Monday when everything opened back up again. It was Friday afternoon and the hall was almost done, beams in place, concrete poured and rooms sealed. Those unfortunate people did not get a real door like most of us. They got a plywood board fit to cut but it was better than nothing. They even put a couple more toilets and showers down there. Nothing fancy but plumbing was plumbing.

  Later that night I told Merrick about Phillip’s room. About how he practically had that whole huge hall to himself. There was no telling what else was down there.

  He looked puzzled for a bit but settled on the fact that Phillip was just a jerk and we already knew that. Once again, I knew it was his bunker to begin with but, still, he wasn’t playing nice.

  I decided to cook that night. Mrs. Trudy always insisted on cooking, it was her ‘thing’ she said and definitely her forte. She was a wonderful cook but this was growing to be quite a crew and it didn’t seem fair for her to always be in the kitchen.

  I saw her cranking up the record player from the kitchen doorway, pulling Merrick from his chair to show him how to dance.

  He looked a little nervous.

  I wanted to watch so badly but I couldn’t leave the noodles I was prepping if I wanted to finish anytime soon. I kept glancing up and they were twirling away. Paul and a still very pregnant Katie had gotten up to join them.

  As Billie Holiday sang and they danced, I took a quick peek from the kitchen doorframe after I stuck everything in the oven. The scene was so sweet looking in it’s normalcy it made my heart ache with gladness. How wonderful for their still to be such easiness and some amount of normal in such trying times.

  Merrick and Mrs. Trudy were laughing. I actually saw her throw her head back. The newbie’s were laughing too, Paul was bending Katie down gently, then swinging her out and back in. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and put his hands on her belly as they swayed. So sweet.

  Everyone seemed happy, for just a moment there were no problems, no heartbreak, no discussions to be had, no enemies in the field, just relaxing in a sweet moment.

  Not everyone was watching though, some were wrapped up in their own sweetness. Danny for instance had found his favorite corner with Celeste. She had her head on his shoulder and they bounced a little with the music, eyes closed. I saw him kiss her forehead and she smiled without opening her eyes.

  Mrs. Trudy saw me and summoned me to her by crooking her index finger. I shook my head playfully, thinking she was joking. She wasn’t. She yelled for me.

  “Sherry, get your pretty face over here.”

  “Mrs. Trudy. No. I can’t dance. Besides...I’m cooking.”

  “Sherr
y...” she said with a crescendo, telling me that she meant business.

  I looked at her and Merrick, begging her with my eyes to please don’t make me do this. Then Jeff and the others started in, urging me. I sighed and made my way out, still wearing the kitchen apron. My protest only called more attention to me.

  As I reached them I tried one more time.

  “Mrs. Trudy. Dinner?”

  “Sugar, I know how long ziti takes to cook, you ain’t fooling nobody. Now, put your hands up here.” She told me where, but this was not where her hands had been.

  She put my arms around Merrick’s neck and his hands around my waist.

  “That’s it. Merrick will show you how to do the rest.”

  Then she grabbed Jeff from his amused perch on the edge of the couch, his face dropping and his eyes going wide.

  He looked more scared than I did as she started to turn herself under his arm. Then I looked up at Merrick’s face.

  Everything else went away. He was so gorgeous, happy, and he was looking at nothing but me. I tried to forget if anyone was watching us or not. Immediately, I stepped on his toe and bumped into him while trying to get my bearings and rhythm as we jostled each other.

  “Sorry, sorry... I knew I’d be bad at this.”

  “Don’t apologize to me. You’re not bad at it, we just got started, relax.” He leaned down to whisper in my ear, giving me chills as his breath hit my neck. “You don’t have to be nervous. It’s just me.”

  I smiled at his ability to always make me feel better and surrendered, followed his lead, surprised by how much easier it was when I stopped trying to dictate which way I was going. Merrick had actually picked it up quite well it seemed. He was an excellent lead.

  “So...dancing,” I said.

  “This isn’t so bad. This is what you were getting all worked up about that day?”

  Merrick’s gaze was nothing if not fixed intently on mine.