“Yes.” He blew out a breath, grabbed his mug and took a long sip of his coffee.
“What if you decide you want someone better? What if you wake up and realize I’m someone who somehow landed a great job, but is really nothing but a tattooed girl from the wrong side of the tracks with an alcoholic mother?” She stared at her feet. “What if you wake up one day and realize I’m not good enough for you?”
“Of course you’re… God, you think I would do that?”
She shrugged a shoulder. “Do you think I would do what you fear?”
Ryan sighed. “What if…”
“Exactly.”
“I see you with my son and it freaks me out, and at the same time it feels right.” He stared into his coffee. “I mean, you’ve only been around him twice and already he can’t stay away from you. You’re like some sort of drug, but a good one.”
“I’m not sure that’s a flattering reference considering what you told me about Tammy, and my experience with my mother, but I’ll take it for what it’s worth.” She laughed.
“So, what do we do now? You realize I’m a package deal here, right?”
“You having a child doesn’t bother me. I think Jacob is a bright and sweet little boy. As far as us? I don’t know. What do you want exactly?”
“I want you.” He met her eyes. “I want you in my life. But I don’t know what that looks like or how it’ll work. I’m fuzzy on anything beyond that.”
“Dating?” She peered through the darkness at the backyard. “As in, exclusively, monogamously, dating?” She put out her cigarette. It surprised her how calm her voice sounded because her heart had launched into a rapid beat, and a lump lodged itself in her throat. Was this really happening?
“Yes.”
She cleared her throat and reached for some calm. “Wow.” She pulled her hair over one shoulder. “I didn’t expect this. You’re sure?”
“Very.”
Fuck, she needed to sort out her thoughts. Yes, she’d fallen for him, but she hadn’t meant to. She didn’t belong with a guy like Ryan and was convinced, even if he thought he wanted her, he’d change his mind. She’d be hurt either way. God, I need Jodi. Maiya wanted him. Of course she wanted him. I just don’t think he really knows what he wants. He was a risk she wasn’t sure she would survive. “Let’s see how this week goes.” Picking up her coffee, she stood. “Let’s just see, okay?”
“I’m sure about this, Maiya.” He stepped to her. “But I guess we’ll see how the week goes.”
Anxiety coursed through her. Damn she was going to have a heart attack if she didn’t get out of there. “It’s late. I better get back to my hotel. We have work tomorrow.”
“Okay.” He sighed and brushed her hair away from her face and then kissed her cheek. “Let me walk you out.”
She kissed him goodbye at the door and he held her close a lot longer than in the past. Maybe he was afraid she didn’t want what he did. Even so, how could he want her? She’d been smart enough to earn an education and make something of herself. But, so what? Getting a college degree and a good job didn’t change what existed inside. Her family defined dysfunction. She was still Maiya Rossini, a girl who grew up in a trailer park on the shit-side of town, had a mother who was drunk more often than not and a brother who died far too young. She’d never forgive herself for Jeremy’s death. Her mother damn sure wouldn’t, either.
Getting into her rental car, she headed for the hotel. “You’re so selfish. It’s your fault he’s gone, Emmie!” Her mother’s words echoed in her mind. Maiya did her best to focus on the road and turned up the radio, trying to drown out her mother’s voice and the memory of that horrid day.
She didn’t need this shit. Didn’t need, or want, the memories that having these feelings for Ryan brought up. The man had no idea what he was asking her for. He was too good for her, and deserved someone so much better. And sweet Jacob? Well, that little boy deserved a mother who was respectable.
Maiya knew in her heart she could never live up to what they needed. She would fall short. It didn’t matter if she’d fallen for him or his son; she had to find a way to walk away. None of it mattered. Fuck! She slammed the heel of her hand on the steering wheel and then gripped it tight. Maiya was screwed six ways from Sunday because not only had she fallen for Ryan, she didn’t think she was strong enough to walk away now. She wanted him, and he wanted her. Didn’t she deserve that? Didn’t she deserve a happy life?
Maiya blew out an exasperated breath and pulled into the hotel-parking garage. No, she didn’t. Things were quite clear to her now. She didn’t deserve any of it. As far as she was concerned, sticking around made her worse than unworthy. It made her selfish, just like her mother always said she was.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The following afternoon, Ryan walked into the break room to grab a cup of crap coffee and found the best thing he’d seen all day standing in front of him. His Maiya. He moved to her. “Hey, baby.”
Placing her palm on his chest, she halted his movement before he leaned in and gave her a kiss. “Hold it right there, lover boy. We’re at work. No kissy kissy here.”
He grabbed a cup for his coffee. “True. Okay, how about you meet me in the conference room at three?”
“Very funny. So, when are you going to tell people around here about Jacob?” She turned and leaned against the counter.
“I don’t know. I guess I figured after I got this project done.” He sipped the hot brew. “Ugh, this stuff is crap.”
“Tell me about it.” She toyed with the hair draped over her shoulder. “You didn’t have to keep him a secret, you know.”
“I thought it was best to wait, that’s all.”
“Can’t wait to see how it will go over if news of you and me gets out.” She rolled her eyes.
He set his foam cup on the counter and crossed his arms. “Is there a ‘you and me’? I mean, an official you and me? Like officially?”
Her gaze fell to her feet. “Dunno yet. Giving it the week, remember?”
“You’re being stubborn.”
She glanced at him. “Maybe. Or maybe I’m being smart.”
“Bahh! No fun. Come out with me tonight?” He ran a fingertip down her arm.
Maiya sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. Aha! She craved his touch as much as he craved touching her. The urge to grab hold of her and kiss her until she didn’t remember her name overwhelmed him. He leaned close to her. “I fucking love how you respond to my touch.”
“Pfft. Whatever.” She pushed him away. “Knock it off. You’re not playing fair.”
“Nope, and I won’t. Ever.”
“Where do you want to go tonight?”
“It’s a great place; you’ll love it. The atmosphere is out of this world.”
“Oh lord. Where?” She sipped her coffee.
He laughed. “Chuck E. Cheese.”
She slapped her hand over her mouth and then grabbed a napkin to wipe her chin. “Sounds positively romantic. Damn, I almost spit coffee across the floor.”
“I know. That was awesome.” Leaning in, he kissed her cheek before she could stop him. “I’ll pick you up at six.”
“Dammit. Stop that before someone sees.” She giggled. “Fine, I’ll be ready at six. Jeans will be suitable attire, yes?”
He wagged his brows and smiled. “Yes. Then I can peel them off you later.”
“You’re incorrigible, you know that?”
“And you love it. See you at six, baby.” Turning on his heel, he walked out.
Maiya was waiting for him outside the main entrance of her hotel. Damn, she looked good. Her hair was down and curled around her shoulders. A royal blue fitted T-shirt met the low waist of her faded jeans—which hugged her curves to perfection. The shirt had the word Angel in pink glitter across her gorgeous breasts. A little set of red devil horn
s framed the letter A. Pretty damn accurate from his perspective.
When she got in the SUV, Jacob greeted her. “Hi, Maiya.”
She turned. “Hi, sweetheart. Are you excited about playing some games?”
“Yup. Daddy says I can have twenty tokens this time. And Auntie Cyn is coming too. She’s bringing her boyfriend.”
Maiya looked at Ryan. “Oh?”
“Hey, babe.” He leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
She glanced in the back seat at Jacob and then back to him. “I’m meeting your sister?”
Ryan put the vehicle in gear and navigated from the lot. “Yeah, that okay?”
“Of course. Just shocked is all.” She put on her seat belt. “Where in the birth order is she?”
“She’s right before Jimmy. Two years older than him.” He rubbed her thigh. “You’ll like her. Though I think her boyfriend is a knob.”
“A knob?” She laughed. “Awesome. If I’d known I was meeting more of your family I would have dressed a little nicer.”
“Why? You look fine. She’s going to love you. I’m sure Jimmy already told her all about you.”
“Uh, oh. That could be disastrous.” She wrung her hands in her lap.
Ryan covered her hands with one of his. “Baby, don’t worry. She’ll love you.”
“I’m not exactly the girl you bring home to Mom, Ryan.”
“Like hell. Can you trust me?” He glanced at her. “Trust me?”
She blew out a breath. “I do. I really do. I just— Okay.”
It shocked him to see her unsure of herself. My God, she was Maiya Rossini: Confident, kick-ass businesswoman. Strong, smart and the definition of sexy. That she would worry about being liked was surprising. He supposed meeting someone’s family was nerve-racking for anyone the first time, but her reaction seemed like something more.
Maiya checked her lipstick and hair in the visor mirror when he parked in front of the building. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. She hadn’t been prepared to meet more of his family. She would’ve worn long sleeves at least. Jimmy had been a surprise, but he was pretty much her kind of people.
She dug in her purse, trying to calm the nerves bouncing through her. Except Jimmy had been raised in the same nice family Ryan had, and he wasn’t some loser like the guys she knew who resembled him. Either way, Jimmy had been easy to meet, but a sister? Good Lord. It terrified her. Glancing at Ryan, she realized he was watching her, a grin the size of California across his sweet lips. Now she felt even more self-conscious. “What?”
“You look beautiful, baby.” He rubbed her thigh. “And, damn, you’re pretty cute when you’re nervous too.”
She cringed. “Is it that obvious?”
“Ahhh…yes. Your face is like an open book. I love it. Much better than the mask you’ve shown me before.”
“Wha…?” She frowned. “What mask? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She opened her door and got out.
“Your story, tell it like you want to.” Chuckling, he stepped out of the truck then opened the back door and helped Jacob out.
She walked around the back of the vehicle and put her hands on her hips. “Great. I’ve lost my edge. It’s your fault, you know.”
Jacob came running up to her and wrapped his arms around her legs.
She looked down and then back at Ryan. He was grinning again. Damn, he was too gorgeous with that crooked smile on his face. “Hiya, sweetheart.” She picked up Jacob. “You’re spoiling me with all these hugs.”
Jacob kissed her cheek. “I like hugging you.”
She gasped. “Kisses for me too?” She tickled his side.
Squirming in her arms, he giggled. “Daddy gots to give you a kiss. It was my turn.”
“Is that so?” Ryan got closer. “So you think you can steal kisses then?”
“Yes!” Jacob yelled, gripping her shoulders and bouncing.
“Whoa, easy there. I don’t want to drop you.” She laughed.
Jacob rubbed his little hands down her arms. “You have tattoos like Uncle Jimmy. That’s cool.”
She smiled. She hadn’t given thought to the fact that Jacob hadn’t seen her tattoos on display yet. “I do, yes. So you like them?”
“Yup!” Jacob bounced again.
“You can put him down if you want, baby.”
“Nope. I got him. Lead the way.” Relief spread through her. Maiya moved forward, Ryan’s palm on her lower back and Jacob in her arms. The child was a fantastic distraction from her nerves.
If someone had told her a month ago she’d be kinda-sorta…dating?—did I just think that?—a man completely not her type, holding his five-year-old son in her arms and going to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner with them both, she would’ve told them they were out of their flipping gourd.
Life was beyond strange and full of amazing sometimes. Maiya nuzzled Jacob’s neck and the nerves that had been screaming her name fell silent. She could do this.
They stepped inside the establishment and the overwhelming noise from the kids running around playing battered her ears. After getting the obligatory hand stamps, they made their way to the food counter and ordered a couple of pizzas.
Ryan purchased a whole mess of tokens for Jacob and they found a booth to sit in. Several kids surrounded the many arcade games filling the large, purple-carpeted space. Others climbed into the plastic maze of green tubes suspended from the ceiling and exited the many yellow slides, only to make their way back up the tunnels again.
Parents wandered around in search of their kids, who had to be in there somewhere. No wonder they stamped the kids’ and parents’ hands with matching stamps. There was no other way to ensure a kid didn’t leave with someone they shouldn’t. Maiya had never visited the popular kids attraction and stared with wide eyes at all the activity surrounding them. “This is complete and utter madness.”
“Hell yeah it is. Jacob loves it too. What kid wouldn’t though?”
“Can I go in the maze, Daddy?”
“Sure. Take your shoes off and leave them here. I’ll be watching for you to come down the slide.”
Jacob took off running and then disappeared into a plastic tube. A few minutes later he popped out of one of the yellow slides, waved to them and ran right back in the cylinders again.
“Yeah, he’ll be in there until I have to drag him out to eat.”
Maiya focused on the slide Jacob had come out of the first time, waiting for his little head to appear. She didn’t like not being able to see him the whole time.
“Here comes trouble.” Ryan’s gaze focused over Maiya’s shoulder.
“Uh, huh. Look who’s talking?”
Maiya turned in her seat and a woman, bearing a slight resemblance to Ryan, came up to the table. Ah, this must be Cyn… I hope.
The woman kissed Ryan on the cheek. “Good to see you.” She looked at Maiya. “Hi, I’m Cyn, Ryan’s sister. You are?” She held her hand out for Maiya to shake.
“Cyn, this is my…” He hesitated, as if not knowing what label to give her. “This is my good friend, Maiya. Maiya, this is my sister.”
Awkwardness settled around Maiya. With a nervous smile, she clasped Cyn’s hand in her own and shook it. “Pleasure to meet you.”
His sister was on the petite side, with a shapely body. Her short hair was cut into a bob, framing her face, but was darker than Ryan’s, more of a chestnut brown.
“Likewise.” Cyn slid into the booth next to Ryan.
“Where’s Carlos?”
Cyn snorted and rolled her eyes. “Where he always is. ‘Busy.’ Whatever. Where’s the little man?”
“You need to dump that guy.”
“Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don’t already know.” She looked at Maiya. “Love it when my baby brother gives me relationship advice. As if hearing it from my older
siblings and my mother isn’t enough.”
Maiya rolled her eyes. “I hear you there. The minute my mother starts asking me questions about my relationship status, I make a break for it.”
Ryan leaned his elbow on the table. “Jacob’s in the tubes playing.”
“Sweet. I’m gonna go hunt his cute butt down.” Cyn kicked off her shoes and headed toward the tubes in search of Jacob.
Maiya pulled her hair over one shoulder. “She’s gorgeous.”
“Yeah she is. Her boyfriend is a major asshole though. Wish she’d leave him.”
“So you said.”
Ryan glanced behind them. “Pizza should be here in a minute.”
“Good. I’m starving.” As Maiya finished her statement, the pizza arrived.
“I’ll go find Jacob and Cyn.”
“No, I’ll go.” She stood.
“I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away.” He grinned.
She leaned close to his ear. “You know you’re a complete dork, right?” Laughing, she pulled away.
“Yes, but I’m your dork.” He tugged her down for a kiss. “Go find my boy and sister before this pie gets cold.”
“Yes, sir! You get drinks.” My dork, huh?
“Yes, ma’am!”
She gave him a salute and then went in search of Jacob and Cyn.
They sat at the booth eating the pizza and chatting. Jacob bounced in the seat like there were ants in his pants, and asked every two minutes if he could go play again. Ryan made him sit and finish one slice before taking off with him to play the Skee-ball machine. Alone with Cyn—oh, Lord—Maiya braced herself for a possible onslaught of questions.
“I have to say, your hair is freaking gorgeous. And your tattoos? Wow. Amazing work.” Cyn smiled, glancing over Maiya’s arms.
Maiya widened her eyes, shocked at the compliments. “Thanks. I guess I’m a bit on the wild side.”
“You were expecting me to grill you on your intentions regarding my brother, huh?”
Maiya laughed. “Guilty.”
“Eh. Ryan’s a big boy. He likes you. That much I can tell.”
Unworthy Heart: The Donnellys, Book 1 Page 23
