by Jade Blue
After 5 minutes and 32 seconds (yes I was counting), I felt Matt’s eyes on me. I didn’t want to look at him. Not because it would be awkward but we were too close to each other and if I looked at him, I would end up getting lost in his eyes.
‘Hey.’ He said. I couldn’t help but look at him. He was staring at me. His face filled with concern and curiousness. Normally, I would never know what he’s feeling but since we were sitting so close, I kind of did. His eyes were still so mysterious. Blue. They were so blue. Bluer than I’ve ever seen them. It was weird. The feeling I was having right now. It was the same feeling when I kissed him and even after.
‘Firstly….’ He said, still staring at me. ‘You need to not bite your lip like that.’
I frowned. I was biting my lip? Damn, I didn’t even know. And even if I was, I don’t understand why he was annoyed by it.
‘Why?’ I said, feeling kind of annoyed.
‘Just…Just don’t.’ He said, staring at my lips.
I rolled my eyes. ‘That is so typical of you. Telling me not to do things. You know, you have no right to tell me what I can’t do.’
He was looking into my eyes now. And the feeling was back again. This weird feeling.
I quickly looked back at the trees.
‘Can we just talk about what happened and then go our separate ways?’ I said.
‘Okay.’ He said. It was obvious he was hurt but I couldn’t do anything. I was hurt too.
He stopped looking at me and looked back at the trees.
‘Why were you in my room?’ He said.
I sighed,’ because I’m stupid.’
‘Why? What did you do?’ He said.
I looked at him. He was still looking at the trees at the far end.
‘Because I was embarrassed about what happened yesterday. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that.’
He looked at me and smiled. ‘You thought I was hurt?’
I nodded.
He laughed lightly. ‘I wasn’t hurt. I was just confused.’
‘What?’ I said, confused now.
He put shuffled a bit so he was looking at me properly. ‘Well, i never knew you had an anger problem and when you did that-‘
‘You got scared? You thought I was going to hurt you?’
He smiled again. That beautiful smile. ‘No, of course not. It was just so…’
I waited.
‘Relatable, I guess.’ He put his hand through his hair. ‘Well, I do that a lot. Get angry at tiny things so it was good to meet someone who’s like me.’
I was speechless. This isn’t what I was expecting. I was expecting them to think im weird, or crazy… not.. relatable.
He looked into my eyes. ‘You don’t need to apologise for something that I do too.’
‘Doesn’t it annoy you?’ I whispered. I couldn’t trust my voice so I had to whisper.
‘No.’ He whispered back.
We looked at each other for a long time, trying to see through each other. I couldn’t but I knew he could see through me.
I looked down at my hands again. ‘So is that all? Nothing more to discuss? Right?
‘Yeah I guess.’ He said. I can still feel him looking at me and I couldn’t take it anymore.
‘I should go.’ I said. I got up to go but then Matt quickly grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. I gasped as he pushed me closer to him.
Instead of shouting at him or hitting him or trying to get off him, I just stared into his eyes.
I didn’t know what he was thinking but all I knew was that he was staring at my lips.
We were so close that our noses touched for a second.
‘Matt, what are you-‘
‘Kiss.’ He said.
My eyes widened.
He looked into my eyes again. ‘Er, I mean, we forgot to talk about the kiss we had.’
‘Yeah, that was weird.’ I whispered. He was still holding me so tightly.
‘Yeah but well, it was…something…right?’ He said, reading my face.
‘Well,’ I whispered. ‘It was something…’
He looked at me a little smile spreading on his face.
But I wasn’t finished. ‘I think its better if we both forget about it.’
His smile vanished.
I looked down. I didn’t want to see him hurt. I didn’t want to feel pain. I just didn’t want to see him sad.
I quickly let go of his warm embrace and walked away. I wanted to look back. I wanted to do something but I know if I did, it would be obvious. It would be obvious that I really liked him.
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Wow.. its been a while.. hasn't it?
i'm sorry. I was everywhere. Anyways, theres a chapter coming soon, i promise
hope you like this thought,
comment anything so i could message you for the next update
okay, well fave-comment-and-dontstopbeingawesome
CHAPTER 23: ATLEAST HES HERE
It was awkward after last night. The few weeks after was just me avoiding Matt and Matt trying to talk to me. Whenever he did try to talk to me, I would just run to Finn which would make Matt not willing to talk. Avoiding Matt made me spend more time with Finn which was perfect.
It was never awkward or weird or crazy. It was just us being… us
.It was Friday night and we were in the games room playing snooker. ‘Hahaha, I told you I was awesome at this.’ Finn said. I stuck my tongue out to him.
‘Hey, I’m actually okay for a beginner.’I sat down on a chair.
It was only us two in the room.
It was 7pm and everyone was either doing their work or chores. We had homework and chores to do but Finn wanted to show me how to play snooker.
‘Okay, your turn.’ Finn said.I bit my lip as I looked at how I was going to put the ball In the hole.
I got the stick and positioned myself so the stick was near the ball, ready to be hit. ‘CeCe, you’re doing it wrong.’ Finn said. I frowned. Finn put his hand on my hand as he guided me to where the cue stick should be.
I felt a bit uncomfortable when he touched me but I didn’t want to say anything. I’ve already freaked one guy from this school. I didn’t want to freak another.
CHAPTER 25: MATT'S P.O.V
‘Hey, have you seen Finn?’ I asked Jack.
He shook his head and told me to try the Games room.
I sighed.
I needed help on my homework and I was trying to find where Finn was.
Where the hell is that guy? Okay, maybe I wasn’t finding Finn.
Maybe I’m finding CeCe because I want to talk to her.
And obviously, CeCe will be where Finn is.
They both have been together ever since CeCe and I had the incident a few weeks ago.I was walking down the hall, looking in every room to find them.
I didn’t mean to hurt CeCe and grab her by her wrist. I knew she didn’t like it but her body was telling me something else. Her body was telling me to never let go. And when she bit her lip, the feeling I had. Argh, the feeling was killing me. I didn’t know what it was but it felt amazing.
And every time I see her or see that beautiful smile of her, I forget that I have problems, I forget that I hate myself, I forget everything and just look at her.
I was near the Games room now. I heard some talking. I thought about what I was going to say to CeCe when I got rid of Finn. I walked in and I saw CeCe playing snooker. She was focusing on her pool ball. Finn was there too. Looking at what she was doing. She was holding the cue stick a bit weirdly.
‘CeCe, you’re doing it wrong.’ Finn said. I was about to say something when Finn put his hand on CeCe’s hand. I couldn’t say anything. I was angry. CeCe seemed to get a bit uncomfortable but she didn't say anything. She didn’t act like this when I touched her. Why did she let him touch her?
I was mad. So mad, I swear.
; I wanted to break Finn’s hand. I’ve never felt like this. All I knew was that I was confused and sad and hurt and just the unhappiest I’ve been ever been.There was a vase near me. I got the vase and through it on the floor angrily.They both looked up and saw me. I just wanted to go there and punch Finn. How dare he? She's mine, only mine.But i stood there, with a blank face.
I was good at hiding my emotions, i've been doing it for years.
CHAPTER 26: WAIT, WHAT
"Hey, Matt, whats up?" Finn said.Matt was staring at me.
I couldn't figure out what he was thinking but i sensed anger.
But why?And then i saw Finn's hand on mine and quickly moved and took a step back. Oh.'I just needed help on my homework.' Matt said. He sounded so... dead. 'Oh, okay. Hope you don't mind me going, CeCe?' Finn said.I gave a small smile and shook my head.
'No its fine.'He gave me a big smile.
'Come on.' He said to Matt.
Matt looked at him for a second and then looked at me again.
'One sec, I just need to get something.'
Matt nodded and went out the room.It was only us too. I looked at my hands.
I didn't want to look at his face and see the hurt look.Why was he hurt anyways? He didn't like me. I'm nothing to him. I looked down as i walked to the door.
I wanted to get out. I have to.As i walked passed him, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. The same thing he did before but this time, it hurt. I was close to his face.
I tried pulling me off him but he was too strong.
'Stop it! Let go of me!' I cried. But he just stared at me.
He then smiled harshly. 'Oh, CeCe. Its not fair.'
He laughed. 'Finn can touch you, but i can't?'I couldn't look at him.
I looked down, too scared. I was scared. Me? How?
'Please.' I said, tears flowing down my cheek.I looked at him.
He then looked into my eyes, and suddenly, his harsh expression changed. He looked terrified.He quickly let go of me. I was relieved as i touched my bruised wrist.
How dare he? He looked down and he went back slowly. 'What have i done?' He whispered.
He looked terrified and almost crazy.I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run away from him but at the same time, i wanted to hug him and tell him its okay. Whats wrong with me? Why do i feel sorry for him? He hurt me and I'm just acting like i'm the wrong here.
Before i could say anything or do anything, Matt ran out. I was too confused. I didn't understand but i wanted to.
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CHAPTER 27: CONFUZZLED
I looked out the window where some boys were playing football.
I didn't understand what was going on but my eyes were fixed on one boy.
Matt.
He was playing too with a straight face. Not even cheering when their team scored.
There was something about him that made me want to know more about him. Maybe because he's always been mysterious. Ever since i've met him, he's never talked about himself.
I remember he told me that my 'craziness' was relatable. That means, he must have gone through some shit that made him crazy too. And then it was so clear. I jumped with excitement.
I know what's wrong. He's missing his dad. That's why he got angry when i was close to Finn. He wanted to Finn to be by his side. I need to do something. Something that will help him feel better.
But first i had to talk to Matt's friends to find out more about his problem. I went down to where they were playing. I sat on the bench and watched the game. Who were Matt's friends? I have seen them but i can't remember which ones are the closest to him. Matt kicked the ball into the net which scored their team another goal.
A guy with ginger hair gave Matt a fist bump while smiling. Oh yeah, it was him. I think his name was Terry. I guess i should talk to him.
Finn was playing too. I waved when he saw me. Finn smiled brightly when he saw me and just walked toward me. No i don't think you understand, he just walked out of a game.
Matt watched him go and then saw me. I didn't look at him for long and he didn't look at me for long either.'Hey, what you doing here?' Finn said, getting a drink from the bench. 'I wanted to see you guys play.' I said. He took a seat next to me.'Hey, are you okay?' He said, looking at me with concern.
'You've been really quiet lately.''Yeah, of course.' I said, smiling. 'I'm just stressed with the exams coming up.''Finn, you're turn to be the goal keeper. Terry, have a time out.'
One of the teachers said. This was my chance to find out more about Matt. Terry sat a few benches away from me. While all the guys were busy playing the game, I went to Terry and sat next to him. I didn't sit too close because it would have been obvious that i was talking to him.
'Hey, you're awesome at playing footie, ya know.' I said, casually. He looked at me. 'Yeah, i know.' He then looked back at the game.
Was he angry at me? or just didn't want to talk to me?
'So, have you done Mrs Raymond's homework for Geography?' I asked, after a few minutes of silence.
'No.' He said, not even looking at me.
'Look are you mad at me?'He didn't say anything.
'Can I atleast know why?'
He didn't say anything again.
I looked back at the field.
Matt did another score.I looked at Terry.
'Is it because of Matt?' Terry quickly looked at me when i mentioned him. It was obvious that it was because of Matt.
'Look, can you tell me why? I need to know.' I said. I looked into his eyes.He looked down at the grass. It looked like he was making decision. To tell me or not.
'Oh come on.' I said, getting impatient. 'Did he say anything about me?'
Terry got up and walked away. I was going to admit defeat but i was too angry. I needed to know why Matt was so angry at me when i was with Finn. Or why he was saying all them things.
I quickly followed Terry, trying to call him but he wouldn't stop. He kept on walking. I'm sure everyone including Matt had their eyes on me when we left but i needed an answer.
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Sorry, a bit of a confusing chapter but comment me if you're not sure about something.
I know its a small chapter but it'll be ending soon.
You should know that i make really good beginnings of stories but then the ending kinda gets confusing. but hopefully not for this book.
anyways, thanks for waiting for what seemed like years lol
fave-comment-dontstopbeingawesome
CHAPTER 28: UNDERSTOOD LOUD AND CLEAR
I quickly gripped Terry's arm to make him stop. I faced him and showed him the tears that were in my eyes.
He had to understand how important it was for me to know.
'For Fuck's sake, tell me what is making you like this!' I screamed at him.He looked at me. 'Fine.'I sighed with relief. '
Matt, he..''Go on.' I said, feeling so impatient. 'He likes-'
'TERRY.' Matt came running to us, looking nervous as hell.
'Terry, its your turn to play.'Terry didn't look at Matt but he didn't even wait for a second and just left.
He likes what? What was Terry going to say?Matt looked at me. I quickly wiped the tears in my eyes. 'Damn it, this hayfever is getting worse.' I lied.
'What were you and Terry talking about?' Matt said. 'And why won't you look at me.'
'Nothing, i just-'
'You're freaked out about what i did before right?' He said. Before I could say no, he put his hand through his hair, looking really annoyed with himself.
'I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I don't know what happened to me.' He said, studying my face.
I looked down. 'its okay.'I gave him a small smile but he wasn't convinced that ive forgave him. 'I just...' I turned my back on him and looked at the trees across the field.
'Why?'
'Why what?' He said.'Why did you do that?'
He didn't answer.
So it must be because i was hanging around with Fin
n.
'Nevermind.' I said. I looked at him and gave him a small smile.
He was staring at me again.
I left because i didn't know what else to say. I could have told him that i knew the reason he was mad at me but that would'nt help.
As i was walking back, i spotted Finn. He was laughing with his friend. I was about to go when i remembered that i can't. If i hang around with Finn, Matt may feel left out.Instead of walking to him, i just walked back to the school.
I need to stay away from both Matt and Finn because I'm the one ruining their friendship.
Recap and Apology
RECAP -
Hey guys its been sooooo long since i have done an update and i am just really sorry. i have read your messages and comments and will start to be more strict with myself and complete my books. urgh please forgive me.
anyways, i will tell you what has been happening to help you remember if you read this book a while ago.
Cece moves to a new school where she makes friends with a friendly Finn and a mad Matt. The way Matt behaves when Cece is with Finn makes Cece assume that Matt is annoyed that she is taking Finn who is his bestfriend away from him.
