Man and Superman and Three Other Plays

by George Bernard Shaw

  ANN Of course. All boys are foolish sometimes; but Tavy was always a really good boy.

  TANNER [struck by this] Yes: you’re right. For some reason you never tempted Tavy.

  ANN Tempted! Jack!

  TANNER Yes, my dear Lady Mephistopheles, tempted.6 You were insatiably curious as to what a boy might be capable of, and diabolically clever at getting through his guard and surprising his inmost secrets.

  ANN What nonsense! All because you used to tell me long stories of the wicked things you had done—silly boys’ tricks! And you call such things inmost secrets! Boys’ secrets are just like men’s; and you know what they are !

  TANNER [obstinatety] No I don’t. What are they, pray?

  ANN Why, the things they tell everybody, of course.

  TANNER Now I swear I told you things I told no one else. You lured me into a compact by which we were to have no secrets from one another. We were to tell one another everything. I didn’t notice that you never told me anything.

  ANN You didn’t want to talk about me, Jack. You wanted to talk about yourself.

  TANNER Ah, true, horribly true. But what a devil of a child you must have been to know that weakness and to play on it for the satisfaction of your own curiosity! I wanted to brag to you, to make myself interesting. And I found myself doing all sorts of mischievous things simply to have something to tell you about. I fought with boys I didn’t hate; I lied about things I might just as well have told the truth about; I stole things I didn’t want; I kissed little girls I didn’t care for. It was all bravado: passionless and therefore unreal.

  ANN I never told of you, Jack.

  TANNER No; but if you had wanted to stop me you would have told of me. You wanted me to go on.

  ANN [flashing out] Oh, that’s not true: it’s not true, Jack. I never wanted you to do those dull, disappointing, brutal, stupid, vulgar things. I always hoped that it would be something really heroic at last. [Recovering herself] Excuse me, Jack; but the things you did were never a bit like the things I wanted you to do. They often gave me great uneasiness; but I could not tell on you and get you into trouble. And you were only a boy. I knew you would grow out of them. Perhaps I was wrong.

  TANNER [sardonically] Do not give way to remorse, Ann. At least nineteen twentieths of the exploits I confessed to you were pure lies. I soon noticed that you didn’t like the true stories.

  ANN Of course I knew that some of the things couldn’t have happened. But—

  TANNER You are going to remind me that some of the most disgraceful ones did.

  ANN [fondly, to his great terror] I don’t want to remind you of anything. But I knew the people they happened to, and heard about them.

  TANNER Yes; but even the true stories were touched up for telling. A sensitive boy’s humiliations may be very good fun for ordinary thickskinned grown-ups; but to the boy himself they are so acute, so ignominious, that he cannot confess them—cannot but deny them passionately. However, perhaps it was as well for me that I romanced a bit; for, on the one occasion when I told you the truth, you threatened to tell of me.

  ANN Oh, never. Never once.

  TANNER Yes, you did. Do you remember a dark-eyed girl named Rachel Rosetree? [Ann’s brows contract for an instant involuntarily]. I got up a love affair with her; and we met one night in the garden and walked about very uncomfortably with our arms round one another, and kissed at parting, and were most conscientiously romantic. If that love affair had gone on, it would have bored me to death; but it didn’t go on; for the next thing that happened was that Rachel cut me because she found out that I had told you. How did she find it out? From you. You went to her and held the guilty secret over her head, leading her a life of abject terror and humiliation by threatening to tell on her.

  ANN And a very good thing for her, too. It was my duty to stop her misconduct; and she is thankful to me for it now.

  TANNER Is she?

  ANN She ought to be, at all events.

  TANNER It was not your duty to stop my misconduct, I suppose.

  ANN I did stop it by stopping her.

  TANNER Are you sure of that? You stopped my telling you about my adventures; but how do you know that you stopped the adventures ?

  ANN Do you mean to say that you went on in the same way with other girls?

  TANNER No. I had enough of that sort of romantic tomfoolery with Rachel.

  ANN [unconvinced] Then why did you break off our confidences and become quite strange to me?

  TANNER [enigmatically] It happened just then that I got something that I wanted to keep all to myself instead of sharing it with you.

  ANN I am sure I shouldn’t have asked for any of it if you had grudged it.

  TANNER It wasn’t a box of sweets, Ann. It was something you’d never have let me call my own.

  ANN [incredulously] What?

  TANNER My soul.

  ANN Oh, do be sensible, Jack. You know you’re talking nonsense.

  TANNER The most solemn earnest, Ann. You didn’t notice at that time that you were getting a soul too. But you were. It was not for nothing that you suddenly found you had a moral duty to chastise and reform Rachel. Up to that time you had traded pretty extensively in being a good child; but you had never set up a sense of duty to others. Well, I set one up too. Up to that time I had played the boy buccaneer with no more conscience than a fox in a poultry farm. But now I began to have scruples, to feel obligations, to find that veracity and honor were no longer goody-goody expressions in the mouths of grown up people, but compelling principles in myself.

  ANN [quietly] Yes, I suppose you’re right. You were beginning to be a man, and I to be a woman.

  TANNER Are you sure it was not that we were beginning to be something more? What does the beginning of manhood and womanhood mean in most people’s mouths? You know: it means the beginning of love. But love began long before that for me. Love played its part in the earliest dreams and follies and romances I can remember—may I say the earliest follies and romances we can remember?—though we did not understand it at the time. No: the change that came to me was the birth in me of moral passion; and I declare that according to my experience moral passion is the only real passion.

  ANN All passions ought to be moral, Jack.

  TANNER Ought! Do you think that anything is strong enough to impose oughts on a passion except a stronger passion still?

  ANN Our moral sense controls passion, Jack. Don’t be stupid.

  TANNER Our moral sense! And is that not a passion? Is the devil to have all the passions as well as all the good tunes? If it were not a passion—if it were not the mightiest of the passions, all the other passions would sweep it away like a leaf before a hurricane. It is the birth of that passion that turns a child into a man.

  ANN There are other passions, Jack. Very strong ones.

  TANNER All the other passions were in me before; but they were idle and aimless—mere childish greedinesses and cruelties, curiosities and fancies, habits and superstitions, grotesque and ridiculous to the mature intelligence. When they suddenly began to shine like newly lit flames it was by no light of their own, but by the radiance of the dawning moral passion. That passion dignified them, gave them conscience and meaning, found them a mob of appetites and organized them into an army of purposes and principles. My soul was born of that passion.

  ANN I noticed that you got more sense. You were a dreadfully destructive boy before that.

  TANNER Destructive! Stuff! I was only mischievous.

  ANN Oh Jack, you were very destructive. You ruined all the young fir trees by chopping off their leaders with a wooden sword. You broke all the cucumber frames with your catapult. You set fire to the common: the police arrested Tavy for it because he ran away when he couldn’t stop you. You—

  TANNER Pooh! pooh! pooh! these were battles, bombardments, stratagems to save our scalps from the red Indians. You have no imagination, Ann. I am ten times more destructive now than I was then. The moral passion has taken my destru
ctiveness in hand and directed it to moral ends. I have become a reformer, and, like all reformers, an iconoclast. I no longer break cucumber frames and burn gorse bushes: I shatter creeds and demolish idols.

  ANN [bored] I am afraid I am too feminine to see any sense in destruction. Destruction can only destroy.

  TANNER Yes. That is why it is so useful. Construction cumbers the ground with institutions made by busybodies. Destruction clears it and gives us breathing space and liberty.

  ANN It’s no use, Jack. No woman will agree with you there.

  TANNER That’s because you confuse construction and destruction with creation and murder. They’re quite different: I adore creation and abhor murder. Yes: I adore it in tree and flower, in bird and beast, even in you. [A flush of interest and delight suddenly chases the growing perplexity and boredom from her face]. It was the creative instinct that led you to attach me to you by bonds that have left their mark on me to this day. Yes, Ann; the old childish compact between us was an unconscious love compact—

  ANN Jack!

  TANNER Oh, don’t be alarmed—

  ANN I am not alarmed.

  TANNER [whimsically] Then you ought to be: where are your principles?

  ANN Jack: are you serious or are you not?

  TANNER Do you mean about the moral passion?

  ANN No, no; the other one. [Confused] Oh! you are so silly: one never knows how to take you.

  TANNER You must take me quite seriously. I am your guardian; and it is my duty to improve your mind.

  ANN The love compact is over, then, is it? I suppose you grew tired of me?

  TANNER No; but the moral passion made our childish relations impossible. A jealous sense of my new individuality arose in me—

  ANN You hated to be treated as a boy any longer. Poor Jack!

  TANNER Yes, because to be treated as a boy was to be taken on the old footing. I had become a new person; and those who knew the old person laughed at me. The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor: he took my measure anew every time he saw me, whilst all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.

  ANN You became frightfully self-conscious.

  TANNER When you go to heaven, Ann, you will be frightfully conscious of your wings for the first year or so. When you meet your relatives there, and they persist in treating you as if you were still a mortal, you will not be able to bear them. You will try to get into a circle which has never known you except as an angel.

  ANN So it was only your vanity that made you run away from us after all?

  TANNER Yes, only my vanity, as you call it.

  ANN You need not have kept away from m e on that account.

  TANNER From you above all others. You fought harder than anybody against my emancipation.

  ANN [earnestly] Oh, how wrong you are! I would have done anything for you.

  TANNER Anything except let me get loose from you. Even then you had acquired by instinct that damnable woman’s trick of heaping obligations on a man, of placing yourself so entirely and helplessly at his mercy that at last he dare not take a step without running to you for leave. I know a poor wretch whose one desire in life is to run away from his wife. She prevents him by threatening to throw herself in front of the engine of the train he leaves her in. That is what all women do. If we try to go where you do not want us to go there is no law to prevent us; but when we take the first step your breasts are under our foot as it descends : your bodies are under our wheels as we start. No woman shall ever enslave me in that way.

  ANN But, Jack, you cannot get through life without considering other people a little.

  TANNER Ay; but what other people? It is this consideration of other people—or rather this cowardly fear of them which we call consideration—that makes us the sentimental slaves we are. To consider you, as you call it, is to substitute your will for my own. How if it be a baser will than mine? Are women taught better than men or worse? Are mobs of voters taught better than statesmen or worse? Worse, of course, in both cases. And then what sort of world are you going to get, with its public men considering its voting mobs, and its private men considering their wives? What does Church and State mean nowadays? The Woman and the Ratepayer.

  ANN [placidly] I am so glad you understand politics, Jack: it will be most useful to you if you go into parliament [he collapses like a pricked bladder]. But I am sorry you thought my influence a bad one.

  TANNER I don’t say it was a bad one. But bad or good, I didn’t choose to be cut to your measure. And I won’t be cut to it.

  ANN Nobody wants you to, Jack. I assure you—really on my word—I don’t mind your queer opinions one little bit. You know we have all been brought up to have advanced opinions. Why do you persist in thinking me so narrow minded?

  TANNER That’s the danger of it. I know you don’t mind, because you’ve found out that it doesn’t matter. The boa constrictor doesn’t mind the opinions of a stag one little bit when once she has got her coils round it.

  ANN [rising in sudden enlightenment] O-o-o-o-oh! now I understand why you warned Tavy that I am a boa constrictor. Granny told me. [She laughs and throws her boa round his neck]. Doesn’t it feel nice and soft, Jack?

  TANNER [in the toils] You scandalous woman, will you throw away even your hypocrisy?

  ANN I am never hypocritical with you, Jack. Are you angry? [She withdraws the boa and throws it on a chair]. Perhaps I shouldn’t have done that.

  TANNER [contemptuously] Pooh, prudery! Why should you not, if it amuses you?

  ANN [shyly] Well, because—because I suppose what you really meant by the boa constrictor was this [she puts her arms round his neck].

  TANNER [staring at her] Magnificent audacity! [She laughs and pats his cheeks]. Now just to think that if I mentioned this episode not a soul would believe me except the people who would cut me for telling, whilst if you accused me of it nobody would believe my denial!

  ANN [taking her arms away with perfect dignity] You are incorrigible, Jack. But you should not jest about our affection for one another. Nobody could possibly misunderstand it. You do not misunderstand it, I hope.

  TANNER My blood interprets for me, Ann. Poor Ricky Ticky Tavy!

  ANN [looking quickly at him as if this were a new light] Surely you are not so absurd as to be jealous of Tavy.

  TANNER Jealous! Why should I be? But I don’t wonder at your grip of him. I feel the coils tightening round my very self, though you are only playing with me.

  ANN Do you think I have designs on Tavy?

  TANNER I know you have.

  ANN [earnestly] Take care, Jack. You may make Tavy very unhappy if you mislead him about me.

  TANNER Never fear: he will not escape you.

  ANN I wonder are you really a clever man!

  TANNER Why this sudden misgiving on the subject?

  ANN You seem to understand all the things I don’t understand; but you are a perfect baby in the things I do understand.

  TANNER I understand how Tavy feels for you, Ann: you may depend on that, at all events.

  ANN And you think you understand how I feel for Tavy, don’t you?

  TANNER I know only too well what is going to happen to poor Tavy.

  ANN I should laugh at you, Jack, if it were not for poor papa’s death. Mind! Tavy will be very unhappy.

  TANNER Yes; but he won’t know it, poor devil. He is a thousand times too good for you. That’s why he is going to make the mistake of his life about you.

  ANN I think men make more mistakes by being too clever than by being too good [she sits down, with a trace of contempt for the whole male sex in the elegant carriage of her shoulders].

  TANNER Oh, I know you don’t care very much about Tavy. But there is always one who kisses and one who only allows the kiss. Tavy will kiss; and you will only turn the cheek. And you will throw him over if anybody better turns up.

  ANN [offended] You have no right to say such things, Jack. They are not true, and not delicate. If you an
d Tavy choose to be stupid about me, that is not my fault.

  TANNER [remorsefully] Forgive my brutalities, Ann. They are levelled at this wicked world, not at you. [She looks up at him, pleased and forgiving. He becomes cautious at once]. All the same, I wish Ramsden would come back. I never feel safe with you: there is a devilish charm—or no: not a charm, a subtle interest [she laughs]—Just so: you know it; and you triumph in it. Openly and shamelessly triumph in it!

  ANN What a shocking flirt you are, Jack!

  TANNER A flirt!! I!!!

  ANN Yes, a flirt. You are always abusing and offending people; but you never really mean to let go your hold of them.

  TANNER I will ring the bell. This conversation has already gone further than I intended.

  RAMSDEN and OCTAVIUS come back with MISS RAMSDEN, a hardheaded old maiden lady in a plain brown silk gown, with enough rings, chains and brooches to shew that her plainness of dress is a matter of principle, not of poverty. She comes into the room very determinedly: the two men, perplexed and downcast, following her. ANN rises and goes eagerly to meet her. TANNER retreats to the wall between the busts and pretends to study the pictures. RAMSDEN goes to his table as usual; and OCTAVIUS clings to the neighborhood of TANNER.

  MISS RAMSDEN [almost pushing ANN aside as she comes to MRS. WHITEFIELD’s chair and plants herself there resolutely] I wash my hands of the whole affair.

  OCTAVIUS [very wretched] I know you wish me to take Violet away, Miss Ramsden. I will. [He turns irresolutely to the door].

  RAMSDEN No no—

  MISS RAMSDEN What is the use of saying no, Roebuck? Octavius knows that I would not turn any truly contrite and repentant woman from your doors. But when a woman is not only wicked, but intends to go on being wicked, she and I part company.

  ANN Oh, Miss Ramsden, what do you mean? What has Violet said?

  RAMSDEN Violet is certainly very obstinate. She won’t leave London. I don’t understand her.