My Eros (Sub Rosa Secret Society)

by Tee, Marian

  All of the buildings (there's so many of them!) look old and regal. Solid structures of brick and stone that are more wide than tall, but with a kind of beauty that haunts more than it inspires. And if windows are eyes of the soul, then for those buildings in the distance, their eyes are made of shiny, colorful stained glass that seems to reflect everything while showing nothing of what's behind them.

  A thorough security check on my Uber is conducted when we reach the first set of gates, and I'm asked to show my admission letter at the second pair of gates. If that doesn't tell you enough about the size of this place, well, let's just say that this property can definitely stand toe to toe with any Ivy League school...and that honestly worries me.

  It's common for major colleges and universities to have campuses, but Rosethorne is for high school students. Is this normal for schools for wealthy kids...or is its ownership of acres upon acres of prime mountainside land the ultimate proof of divine patronage?

  Halfway to the final set of gates, I see a sign that has my jaw dropping. The school has its own wildlife reserve? What in the world—-oh my Lord, is that a bobcat I'm seeing? And now, there's a pack of coyotes...and wait, are those black bears drinking water from a lake?

  My head starts to pound at just how surreal this place is, and the pain worsens to the point that I have to close my eyes and just...breathe.

  So...Rosethorne has its own animal park.

  That's...cool. And odd as heck, but...it's nothing to freak out about. Nothing at all. And who knows? This may mean Diana is Rosethorne's chosen goddess, and since it's a well-known fact that the Divine Huntress cares more for animals than men, maybe that's why I'm here? Maybe she's somehow heard I've always fed the stray cats in our little town in California, and that's why she's willing to overlook my questionable past?

  I really hope it's Diana who's being honored here. She's the one female goddess who doesn't give a damn about physical beauty, and maybe with her in charge, I won't get into trouble again because of my stupidly nice looks.

  I know this makes me sound like a vain and ungrateful brat, but this stupid, stupid face of mine...

  I remember it was around when I've just entered high school that I gradually became aware my looks were above average. And at first, it made me happy and excited, of course. It got me thinking about dating and stuff like that, but then came Benny, who delivered pizza just that one time to our house. He was in his thirties, popped pills like they were breath mints, and had been in and out of jail more times than I've seen my dentist.

  Benny went from pizza delivery guy to stalker in an instant, and when my parents reported him to the police, he just...snapped. He deluded himself into thinking my parents were holding me against my will, and that if not for them I would totally want to be his girl. And so he started planning and biding his time, and when I left for school one day, he broke into our house with the intention of killing my parents. It was only sheer luck that a neighbor saw Benny lurking around rather suspiciously, and the police came just in time to shoot Benny in the back before he could start chopping my parents into pieces.

  It took over two years of therapy just to get past the trauma, and I've only started to forgive myself...when it happened again.

  There was this girl in school. Her name's Cen, short for Cenchreis, and no, I have no idea how it's pronounced. Just between you and me, I hate how it's been all the rage lately for American parents to give their babies Greek names that are impossible to pronounce. Last I heard, you get cool points if the name you chose is found in Edith Hamilton's book, and you win extra points if the same name was mentioned by Homer.

  But anyway.

  Every school has its own resident bunch of mean girls, and my old one isn't any different. Our mean girl was Myrrha, and for some reason, she's always taken extra pleasure from bullying Cen.

  Now me, I prefer to keep my head down as a rule, and I've always thought it better to ignore all the drama happening around me. But then one day, I saw Myrrha forcing Cen to eat her lunch through her nose, and something about it really, really rubbed me wrong.

  So I did something totally not Halyna-like.

  I stood up for Cen, gained an enemy in Myrrha, and to this day it still feels like one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life. Cen and I never really became friends after that. We only said hi to each other from time to time after what happened, and when she invited me to hang out at her place a few weeks after, I only said yes because I didn't have the heart to say no.

  When we got to her place, I remember thinking how nervous Cen seemed, but at the time I put it down to her usual timid ways. I remember her insisting that I drink something, and one half cup of coffee later, I was unable to keep my eyes from drooping. My memories went from hazy to total blackout at that point, and when I woke up, I was in the school's old music room, and everyone around me was dead.

  I told the police about going to Cen's place, but the other girl denied this, and that's how I ended up being a murder suspect. Charges against me were eventually dropped due to lack of evidence, but it never really made a difference to anyone. I was already a mass murderer in their eyes, and nothing would ever change that.

  Months have passed since then, and it's when we started to prepare for our move to Vermont that photos of Cen and Myrrha started popping up on my socials, and yeah, that was a huge eye-opener for me.

  I never imagined the girl I thought I was helping would end up sleeping (or in this case taking selfies) with the enemy, and Cen's betrayal made me wonder if foolishness could be something I've genetically inherited from my biological parents.

  But kidding aside, I've become cynical since then, and for some time now, I've also been working hard to make myself cold-blooded.

  I'm done being a good girl.

  From now on, Halyna will only look after Halyna, and Halyna alone.

  MY UBER DRIVER DROPS me off at 44 Rosemary Square, and I must've looked as miserable as I felt because the old man actually gives me a pat on the head and gruffly tells me to take care of myself.

  I wave as he drives off, and I just stand there watching his car eventually fade from view, mostly to delay the inevitable. I know it's just sentimental nonsense, but I really feel like the moment I turn around, it would also mean I'm turning my back on my old life for good. And I don't know if I'm truly ready—-

  "Ms. Mariposa?"

  Now, that I can't ignore, and so I reluctantly put an end to my inner emo state and turn around.

  A woman is leisurely descending the building's front steps, and upon reaching me, she introduces herself as the school registrar.

  "Please call me Ms. Roo," she tells me with a smile, and I have to quickly swallow back a nervous laugh at her words. Whoever Slew Auntie Roo, an old horror movie, is one of my favorite comfort flicks, and Ms. Roo here? She looks exactly like the actress in the movie, with her short, big curls and pleasantly round figure.

  Ms. Roo asks for my school ID (just for formality's sake, she assures me), and after that, we take the wheelchair ramp going up so I don't have to bear the weight of my luggage.

  She asks about my first impressions of Rosethorne, and all I can think of saying is that it's big. This makes her laugh, and I get the feeling she thinks I'm joking...but I'm not. Rosethorne as a school is completely alien to me, and I'm still somewhat overwhelmed, every time I think of the fact that I need an actual map just to get from Point A to Point B in this school.

  The heavy wooden doors of 44 Rosemary Square make me think of castle entrances, and the interior that welcomes me is just as impressive. A giant candle-bearing chandelier hangs suspended from the dome-like ceiling, and there's a spiral staircase at the end of the hallway that makes me think Game! Of! Thrones!

  Our footsteps fall noiselessly on the antique-looking carpet rolled over the wooden floor, and it's thick enough to silence even the wheels of my luggage. Everything here is so hush-hush, I feel like anything above a whisper would be considered outright disrespect.
>
  The walls are bare of any paintings, but in lieu of it is a series of medieval suits of armor, and each one of them is propped opposite a stained-glass door. Of these doors, the third one from the entrance belongs to Ms. Roo, and she invites me to take a seat as we go through my paperwork.

  "You'll have to repeat the entire fourth year, I'm afraid," the registrar reminds me with a note of sympathy, "and I believe Agatha has also told you we have Grade 13 here?"

  I nod and smile, telling her that I'm okay with all of those things even as my heart sinks. I'll be almost twenty by the time I graduate...while kids in my former school would be halfway to finishing college.

  When I'm done scrawling my signature on several dotted lines, Ms. Roo asks if we can talk a little, and of course I say yes. When you've got a past like mine, it's always just easier to say yes.

  Ms. Roo starts by telling me that Agatha has forwarded my case file to my school. It's only been shared with key personnel, she hastens to clarify, and I just as quickly tell her that I already expected that.

  She then tells me she's sorry for what I've been through, and that she hopes I'm able to embrace the opportunity to start fresh with Rosethorne. I tell her that's exactly what I hope to do even though it's a blatant lie. As the new Halyna, I only plan to be nice to people who are nice to me, and anyone who gives me shit better be ready to have shit thrown back at them...in tenfold. That's the plan, but of course I don't tell Ms. Roo that.

  This little talk we're having is just us going through the motions because it's expected of us, and the meeting eventually comes to an end without either of us saying what we really wanted to say. Because if I were in her shoes, what I'd really love to ask is if it's true.

  Did you really kill all of those people?

  I'm pretty sure she's dying to ask that, just as I'm equally dying to ask how far and deep Rosethorne's ties to the divine go.

  But since we can't say any of those things, we have to make do with shaking hands and Ms. Roo seeing me to the door.

  Once outside, I see the sun has started to set, but it's still bright enough that I have to shield my gaze. Back home, or back in what used to be home, the weather at this time of the year would've been a lot more humid and warmer. But here, it's almost chilly, and it's only the wheels of my luggage rumbling behind me that breaks the disconcerting silence.

  To get from here to what would be my second home for the next two years, I take out my phone and click on the school's official app. It's got a built-in map, and mm, lemme see...

  I guess I'll need to take either the street on my left or right - or maybe I can just try my luck with the labyrinth?

  So far, the only mazes I've gotten to try are those pop-up ones during Halloween, but even when counting those, the labyrinth I spy up ahead is still the biggest I've seen.

  I walk farther down the road until I'm just a few steps away from its entrance. The labyrinth looks even more daunting up close, with walls soaring ten feet high and covered by vines and what looks like roses of the Erotes.

  The flowers are native to the Old World, and if I remember correctly, these eerily beautiful blooms can only grow with a blessing from the divine. In the day, its wine-red petals fold close in slumber, but come night, these nocturnal flowers would slowly unfurl to life, and it's their distinct fragrance that's now teasing my nostrils. Think...Poison by Christian Dior, but with a tinge of roses, and as its scent plays around me, I almost feel like I'm being seduced to do something bad, like...

  Okay, fine, I'm going to the labyrinth.

  Yes, I know, it's not bad bad, but you need to remember how I used to be a good girl who actually liked being a good girl.

  It's true!

  Well, okay, Leslie says I was more a boring girl than a good one, but that's beside the point, and anyway, that part of my life is all behind me now.

  Halyna is only for Halyna now, and so up goes my chin as I enter the labyrinth and deliberately do something "bad" for the very first time.

  The grass underneath my feet is unexpectedly soft and dewy, wisps of green that fold easily and silently under the wheels of my luggage. The thickness of the walls is also unexpected, albeit in a not-so-pleasant way. I'm guessing it's about three feet thick, give or take a few inches, and the sight of it has my imagination nose-diving into creepy territory. What if this labyrinth...is no ordinary labyrinth? What if this is just as elaborate and deadly as the one that houses the Minotaur, and this labyrinth is merely meant to lure foolish mortals like me and turn us into the monster's next meal?

  I almost turn my back then and there, but since acting like a wimp won't help Halyna look after Halyna—-

  Stop being silly, and just move!

  Deeper and deeper I go, and a shiver slithers down my spine when I realize how the air has turned icy cold in the past few minutes. Pre-3rd, people only used to have to worry about weather patterns. Now, you feel a sudden breeze or a dip in temp, and you start to wonder if you've accidentally pissed off a wind god.

  Which I haven't.

  So I should be safe.

  Or at least it's what I tell myself as I reach another fork in the path.

  Eeny, meeny, miney, moe...

  I take the path to the right, and then another right, and my nose starts to itch. The scent of roses is so much more potent here, and I find myself curiously looking around—-

  Shit, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

  A shadow emerges from the other end of the path, and I can feel color draining from my face as the shadow grows larger until—-

  Shit.

  A beast slowly reveals itself: leonine in appearance but monstrous in size, and with the kind of presence that instantly makes me feel like I'm standing at Death's door. I desperately want to think it's as harmless as a green-chomping brachiosaur, but I just know it's not. The beast has 'not-to-be-messed-with carnivore' written all over it, and while its white-as-snow fur should've struck me as cute and fluffy, all I can think of is how the blood of its victims would look so much more vivid...when splattered across the creature's gleaming white coat.

  My stomach starts to churn as the beast's gaze bores into mine. Its eyes are heterochromatic; one gold, one blue, and right now the creature is staring at me in a way that makes my heart threaten to leap out of my chest.

  Old World beasts are known to wander into modern-day Earth when they accidentally pass through portals. I'm 90% sure that's the case here, but the 10% can't help but worry it's something worse...like a god that has shapeshifted into a beast.

  Pre-3rd, humans still believed in werewolves, were-bears, and what-nots. Post-3rd, however, the gods have laid all of those myths to rest. Only those with divine blood are able to shift into another form, and so if this beast isn't just a beast, but something else...

  I can't let it - him? her? - know I'm afraid.

  No matter how badly I want to flee, I also know that if I want to live, I need to stay. Gods in general are an unpredictable bunch, but one thing you can count on is how much they love anything that's new and interesting, so...

  "Hello." It's a struggle to keep my voice from wavering, and it's an even bigger struggle when the beast-slash-god snarls in response, and I have to grit my teeth to keep myself from jumping back.

  "I didn't mean to intrude," I force myself to go on, "and I beg your forgiveness for that."

  The beast doesn't answer this time, but since it has yet to eat me, I'd like to think I'm doing good. The way I figure it, gods are used to humans cowering before them, so me standing my ground should pass as a novelty.

  Right?

  ...

  Wrong.

  Because the beast suddenly leaps into the air, and when I see it rise high, high above the air - high enough that I can't even count how many feet it's above ground - I don't even have to think about what I should do next.

  I'm already down on my knees in the next second, my eyes squeezed shut, and my head bowed in a plain bid for mercy.

  My generation grew up
knowing we were no longer on top of the food chain, and on our very first day of school, we were all taught to recognize moments like this. It's that moment when you know shit has hit the fan, and all you can do is wave the white flag and hope for the best.

  It's just Post-3rd Survival 101, and I can only flinch and squeeze my eyes more tightly closed as I hear its huge paws strike the ground just inches before me.

  The sound of its breathing is harsh against my ears, and my heart bangs wildly against my chest as I sense it circle around me ever so slowly—-

  Aaah!

  My heart thuds as I feel its gaze intensify. I can sense it coming closer, and it's all I can do not to back away.

  Seconds pass, and then suddenly—-

  Its breath teases the strands of hair behind my ear, and the ticklish sensation takes me completely off guard that my knees abruptly fold, and I start to fall.

  My eyes involuntarily fly open as my butt hits the ground, and though I've already prepared myself to be confronted with the sight of the beast up close, what I see instead—-

  I don't understand.

  —-is a pair of beautifully polished leather shoes.

  W-what's happening?

  A mist comes out of nowhere just as my head jerks up, and a cry escapes me as my world turns grey. I scramble up, fearing all the while I'll accidentally bump into the beast, but it's only the coldest air that brushes against my skin.

  I want to scream, and I nearly do...until I realize the mist has started to fade, and once my vision clears, it's only then I realize.

  The beast is gone, and I'm all alone.

  Chapter Two

  It takes a while before my knees finally stop shaking. My heart, however, is still racing, and I'm not surprised to see my fingers trembling as I grab hold of my luggage once again. If this is the Crones' way of telling me that being bad isn't in my future, well...message duly received, and they're not going to get any arguments from me.