My Eros (Sub Rosa Secret Society)

by Tee, Marian

  "I could," I allow, "but it's just not my style."

  Keia rolls her eyes. "In any case..." She takes her seat behind her desk and shows me what I can only assume are results from the tests she ran on me. "This was just forwarded to me, and..."

  She taps pointedly on the part that says TOXICOLOGY, and I straighten in my seat. "Are you saying I was poisoned?"

  THE DOCTOR'S LIPS TIGHTEN. "Unfortunately, yes. An inordinate amount of toxins has been detected in your bloodstream, but while the tests are unable to pinpoint how or when such substances have entered your body, the results are pretty conclusive. You have been poisoned, and I'd like to ask if you can think of any possible incident when this may have happened."

  "I was drugged that night," I say slowly, "and I was also made to undergo tests. The results revealed traces of opioids, but no one mentioned anything about toxins or poisons."

  "I know." Keia's tone is sober. "I remember reading that in your case file."

  "My parents took me straight home after...after that night, and I had a fever and an upset stomach for almost a week following it. I told my parents I had a feeling I was poisoned, and they thought the same thing. So we had another round of tests done, but all of the results came back negative, and when the detectives leaked this to the press, everyone decided I had just made myself sick because of guilt."

  The doctor mutters a litany of Greek curses under her breath, and it almost makes me smile. For someone with excellent bedside manners like hers, it is kinda funny to see the good doctor being able to cuss like a sailor.

  Keia is still fuming when she addresses me again. "The technology that's still in use in the state of California is next to obsolete. It's completely incapable of detecting any substances found outside this world, and that is the reason why your results at that time came back negative." The doctor then grabs her phone, saying, "I should call your parents—-"

  "Wait!"

  Keia arches a brow at my direction.

  "I'm already eighteen, so...if I ask you not to tell my parents, you can't play the minor card with me...right?"

  The doctor appears surprised. "Don't you want your parents to know?"

  "Not if it's going to hurt them for nothing."

  "I suppose I see your point..."

  "Then we're in agreement? You won't tell my parents or anyone else? This will just remain between us, right?"

  "I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality, so I'll have to say yes. This will stay between us, but..." Keia casts a frowning look at my direction. "Please do take extra care from here on. While things always turn out fun and interesting every time you visit, it would be a lot nicer if you were to come here on your own two feet."

  I start to tell her she's exaggerating...until I realize the doctor's speaking nothing but the truth.

  The professor was carrying me in his arms the first time I came here while yesterday had me coming in on a stretcher. I'm hoping third time won't be the charm in my case, but in today's Post-3rd world...you just never know.

  THE LIBRARIAN GIVES me a friendly smile of recognition as soon as I walk past the doors, and this time I remember to take note of her name - Ginny with the tortoise-shell glasses - as I walk up to her counter.

  "Hello again. Back so soon?"

  "It's already been a week," I can't help pointing out, but this only makes the librarian laugh.

  "That's twice on a weekend, which is two times more than almost all of Rosethorne's students."

  "Guess that makes me a nerd," I say with a shrug. "And speaking of nerdy things..."

  Ginny raises a brow. "You need another idiot's guide?"

  "I do need a guide," I allow, "but I'm not sure if the kind of book I'm looking for actually exists."

  "I'll need a little more information than that in order to help you."

  "Let's say I've had my memories magically wiped out..."

  Ginny's expression turns sober. "Only the divine can do that."

  "I know that, but..." I give her a hopeful look. "Maybe there's some kind of book—-"

  She cuts me off with a single word. "No."

  "But—-"

  Ginny's gaze narrows at me. "You've come across some video or article online that promises to help you undo the outcome of a ritual."

  I lift my chin. "I feel like you're judging me—-"

  "You have, haven't you?"

  Grr.

  I hate it when someone sounds so smug...and has the right to sound like it.

  The librarian throws her hands up in a gesture of exasperation. "I can't believe you've fallen for those!"

  "I haven't!" But of course, I so did.

  "Get-magical-quick schemes are called schemes for a reason," Ginny stresses. "They'll tell you everything you want to hear, but at the end of the day all you'll get is fool's gold. What one divine being has done, only another one with divine blood can unravel...and there's no book in this world that can change that."

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  "Is there any other thing I can help you with?"

  A thought suddenly enters my mind, but I hesitate. When I told Nia I have no plans of finding out who was ultimately responsible for framing me, I had meant it. All I care about is keeping my parents safe and making sure they can lead normal lives again.

  But is that really possible if the same man behind all of those murders...just tried killing me again?

  "Halyna?"

  I slowly shake my head and hear myself say, "Nothing for now." I need more time to figure out what I want to do next, and until then I don't want to make any major moves that could attract unwanted attention.

  I say goodbye to Ginny soon after that, and when I get back to the suite, I find Nia's note magnet-taped to our cute little refrigerator, telling me that she went out to take photos. I've actually only discovered that part of my roommate a few days ago, and it's something I find really cute. Nia the tough cookie...also happens to be hiding the heart of a sensitive artist. Who would've imagined, right?

  I try to get more reading done, but my thoughts keep circling back to the man with red eyes.

  Henry told me earlier that the security cameras in the club had been destroyed, most likely by the same man who's stabbed me. Henry also said having a BOLO issued against the man would help speed things up, but for that to happen—-

  I need to remember more, but in order to do that—-

  (Oh god)

  Terror comes out of nowhere to strangle me, and I find myself suddenly struggling not to choke and panic.

  (Oh god, help me)

  I'm not sure how I got here.

  I just know I'm trapped once again in a nightmare where my world is bouncing—-

  Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

  This can't be real.

  (But it is)

  This can't be happening.

  (But it is)

  Invisible fingers of fear are still wrapped around my throat, and I feel them tightening the moment I realize the arms holding me have started to lift me up, up, up—-

  (Oh god, no)

  I don't want to see those eyes again.

  (Help me, god, help me)

  The urge to scream and cry burns inside of me, but because I know I might as well kill myself the moment I make a sound—-

  (Please, god, please)

  But it's too late.

  There's no longer any reason to stay silent. He's already looking at me with his red, red eyes—-

  Eyes that are windows to nothing—-

  Because he's soulless.

  I jump out of his arms, and my knee hits the edge of a stairstep.

  The pain is vicious, and a choking gasp rattles out of my throat as I roll and tumble down the steps. I'm not sure how long or how far I've fallen.

  All I know is that it's not long or far enough.

  Because already I'm back in my cage, the man with red eyes catching up to me with such ease I'm almost tempted to believe there's no point of escaping. His wiry arms are now holding on to me more t
ightly than ever, and the moment the world starts bouncing again—-

  Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.

  (No, god, no)

  I don't want to go back to that room where all those dead bodies are. I don't want to wake up in a pool of blood. Don't want to relive that one moment where I believe what everyone's saying about me, and I want to kill myself just like I've supposedly killed everyone else.

  I squeeze my eyes shut, and memories come pouring in.

  So many memories of his faceless presence—-

  So many memories of the heat of his embrace and the warmth of his words—-

  (I need you, god, please)

  A strong, howling gust of wind blows into my unconscious like a tornado that rips my nightmare apart, and my lips part in a soundless gasp as the world stops bouncing—-

  But instead of seeing those red eyes again, I feel myself starting to fall fast and hard.

  Until it feels like my soul has crashed back down into my body.

  I gasp as I wake up—-

  I'm back in my chair. I'm back in my suite. But not everything's the same.

  Because the wind I heard in my nightmare—-

  It's here.

  Howling the same way it did.

  Making my windows explode into pieces the way it destroyed a bouncing world of shadows.

  That wind which saved me from my nightmare—-

  Has now taken the form of a beast with snow-white fur and eyes of gold and blue.

  I stare at it in shock even as a memory drifts into my mind.

  I remember asking Nia if it was possible for me to summon a god whose name I didn't know, and I also remember my roommate sharing with me the passage from an old, old book.

  Cling to your memories as if they were its divine name, and your god shall hear your call.

  Cling as hard as you can, and if the divine chooses to answer your summon—-

  Know that this comes with a price, for from that point on your god shall also be your master.

  The words didn't make sense the first time I read them.

  But now they do.

  And the words are as perfectly clear as the taut lines of strain etched on the leonine features of the beast. So perfectly clear that I can feel its grimness as the god's soundless voice penetrates my mind—-

  What have you done?

  Chapter Fifteen

  My room suddenly feels claustrophobic. There's just something about the size of the god's bestial form, you see, just something about its larger-than-life presence that easily overwhelms the senses of an ordinary mortal like me.

  While moonlight gifts its snowy white fur with a metallic luster, the same beams are responsible for making its razor-sharp canines glisten viciously. Their length is eye-catching in the worst way possible; just so extraordinarily long it's no hardship to imagine them piercing a human neck from one end to another.

  The part of me that sees the beast for what it is - a creature whose jaws can snap my head off at any moment - is secretly quaking with the urge to fall on my knees and cower in fright. But then there's the other part of me that sees past its spine-chilling visage. That part of me remembers that a god exists under all that fur, and it's that part of me that makes me feel I'm suddenly drowning in a sea of helplessness and hopelessness.

  Why are you looking at me like that?

  What's wrong?

  He's still spelling out his thoughts in my mind without using his voice, and the despair inside of me grows. He truly doesn't want me to know anything about him, and that says everything, doesn't it?

  Are you alright?

  I'm full of shame at first, and then I'm furious. The fact that he's both a beast and a god is forgotten in the surge of my rage. What have I ever done to make this god want to play with me so? Why does he waste his time doing and saying all these things to make me think like he's truly concerned about me...only to fucking ghost me just when I've started to get used to him?

  Speak to me—-

  I cross my arms over my chest and glare at the beast. Make me.

  There's a beat of silence, and then the god says in my mind—-

  You just did.

  The amusement in his voice is unmistakable, and it has me gritting my teeth and wanting to give his divine groin a good, hard kick. "It doesn't count," I snap at him. "I only spoke in my mind at that time—-"

  While now you are speaking out loud.

  Shiiiiiit. He's right again, and he totally got me now. He was able to make me speak, and...

  Are you alright?

  "Why do you keep asking me that when you don't—-" I snap my mouth shut in time, and I'm secretly aghast at what I've almost let slip.

  Don't what?

  I force myself to look away...only to have my gaze clash with Nia as she opens the door to our suite. Her jaw drops as she takes in the hole where our window used to be, and in the corner of my eye, I see the beast disappear just as my roommate recovers from her shock.

  She rushes in and comes to a frozen halt when she sees that the window on her side of the room is missing as well. "What the hell happened here?"

  Tell her you heard students saying something about Aura.

  Nia's gaze flits from one window-less hole to another like it's a mathematically impossible equation she's been asked to solve. "Did someone window-crash into our room?"

  "Uh..."

  Tell her.

  The quiet insistence I sense in the god's tone gets to me, and I hear myself say, "I...overheard a couple of students mention something about, uh, aura?" A part of me is already waiting for Nia to burst into laughter as soon as I finish speaking, but instead my roommate visibly relaxes, and my wariness turns into confusion. "You understood that?"

  Nia looks equally astonished. "You didn't?"

  "Uh...obviously?"

  "Aura is one of the wind deities," Nia says with a wrinkle of her nose. "She lives around here, and she has a certain reputation...well, anyway, the main point is, if Aura's involved, we're lucky we've only had our windows broken."

  I can't help looking at our floor, which has practically turned into a mosaic work of art with the sheer amount of broken pieces of glass scattered all over it. "This is lucky?"

  "Trust me. Where Aura's concerned, this is absolutely nothing, and...oh." Nia looks at me in concern. "Are you okay, though? Were you here when it happened?"

  I instinctively shake my head, not wanting to have to utter another lie, and the other girl sighs in relief just as we hear another knock on our door. It's the building manager, telling us she's received reports from other students about "a loud crashing sound", and just as it was with Nia, the older woman doesn't seem surprised when my roommate explains about Aura's involvement.

  We're told to stay put and to wait for maintenance, and minutes later, I have a new item to add to my Most Surreal Things About Rosethorne list.

  Maintenance turns out to be a couple of quasis, and in just ten minutes and one quick restoration ritual, it's as if nothing has happened. Our windows are back where they belong, and a lot cleaner, too. The way everything's so efficiently resolved feels anticlimactic, and I find myself dazedly parroting Nia's thank-yous and goodbyes as the quasis take their leave.

  "They always remind me of those clean-up crews in the John Wick movies," Nia remarks as she closes the door, and I find myself privately agreeing. The quasis' manners were courteous and professional, but you also kinda get the feeling they're completely indifferent to the whole thing, and it does make you wonder. Do they even care if their next cleanup involves human corpses?

  Nia helps me clean my wound after my shower, and it's while my roommate meticulously wraps a fresh set of bandages around my middle that a hollow feeling carves into my chest. So much has happened in just the past hour or two, it's almost as if I've only imagined the god crashing through both real and imaginary windows to yank me out of my nightmare.

  I try to convince myself that I'm okay with the god coming and going just like that, but as soon
as I slip under the covers, my eyes start to sting—-

  Shit, shit, shit.

  I'm about to get out of bed, intending to make up an excuse so I can cry in peace in one of the cubicles in the shower room, but just as I start to get up, a strong pair of invisible arms wrap around my body from behind, and a shriek of surprise escapes me before I realize what's happening.

  Nia, who's still at her desk working on her photos, jerks in shock and twists around in her chair, demanding, "What is it?"

  "I...uh..." It takes me a while to answer, with my senses still reeling from the familiar heat of the god's body pressing against my back. Even though I can't see him, I can feel him - and I feel enough to know that he's once again entirely naked.

  "Hales?"

  The god pulls me closer under the covers, and my whole body goes up in flames.

  "Is anything wrong?"

  It's so, so hard to concentrate, and I end up blurting the first thing that comes to my mind. "I...uh...had a nightmare?"

  Nia stares at me incredulously. "You literally just got under the covers seconds ago."

  "I'm a fast sleeper?"

  I feel the god smiling against my hair, and it makes me feel pissed and giddy at the same time even as I scramble to convince my roommate, who's now looking at me like I've a couple of screws forcibly loosened by Aura.

  "It's the painkillers," I finally remember to add. "The divine herbs in it are just making me..." I pretend to yawn for added effect, and this seems to do the trick as the frown fades from Nia's face.

  "Now that you mentioned it, I remember Keia saying it's super effective." A sly smile unfolds over her lips as she asks, "Maybe you can use it as well to heal other kinds of pain?"

  I look at her blankly. "What other kind of pain?"

  Nia presses the back of her hand against her forehead in a dramatic gesture of misery. "Boo-hoo, my god no longer wants me—-"

  Heat bursts in my cheeks when I realize all too late what she's talking about. "Shut up—-"

  "Never," Nia says with a snicker. "Do you know how hard it was to control myself the entire weekend? But now that you seem fine—-"

  "I'm not!"

  "I've been meaning to ask you - was it true? What you said? Have you really never seen your god?"