She was disappointed. It was her special day, after all. She opened the refrigerator, hoping to find a birthday cake baked for her, but there was only regular food. She took out some meatballs and set them on the stove to heat. When she went into her room to change clothes, she heard the screech of brakes and the slamming of a car door. The knock on the door came right after. She went downstairs and opened it. An enormous bouquet of flowers hid his face from her. Laughter burst out of her mouth. “You look ridiculous,” she called out.
“So do you. Come here.”
“Where?”
“Stop asking questions and come.”
She went back into the kitchen to turn off the stove and took her flowers from him. When they reached the sidewalk, he opened the door of the car his father had loaned him.
“I’m not sure I should be driving with you,” she said.
“If anything happens, it will happen to both of us,” he said.
You’re right, she said to herself.
They drove in silence, sustained by the closeness between them. It didn’t matter to her where he was taking her. What was important to her was that he was with her, within reach of her body.
They finally reached the center of town. He was a terrific driver. With the confidence of an experienced driver, he parked the car next to the curb, then ran around to her side and opened her door for her. “Madam,” he said exaggeratedly, holding out his hand to help her out of the car.
“Clean my shoes, please,” she said in ladylike tones. “There’s a spot of dust on them.”
He got down on one knee and spit on her shoes.
“Crazy person!” she screamed at him.
“There, they’re clean,” he announced. He stood up and held out his hand. She linked her arm with his and they strolled down the street, mock importance on their faces. He stopped in front of a restaurant and opened the door for her. She stepped inside and he followed her. She saw them immediately. Her parents, her brother and sister, and his parents were all sitting around a table waiting for them. When they came closer, they all began to applaud and sing “Happy Birthday” to her. She blushed with joy mixed with embarrassment.
“Did you think we wouldn’t celebrate your birthday?” asked her mother.
The meal was great. While they were waiting for dessert, they each gave her their presents. Her younger sister gave her a box with colorful cards and envelopes so she could write letters; her brother surprised her with a baseball, and her parents announced that they had signed her up for the dancing classes she wanted so much. David’s parents gave her a beautiful leather purse with a small bag inside for makeup. But the present she wanted the most didn’t come. David was happy like everyone else, but he didn’t give her a thing.
The atmosphere during the meal was relaxed. They all had shared experiences and mutual friends, and the conversation flowed freely. As long as they sat in the restaurant, she kept hoping he would surprise her and give her something, but the bill had been paid and the families were getting up to leave. Her mother asked if she was joining them in the car, but David answered that he would drive her home.
When they were alone in the car she kept silent.
“Don’t you think I deserve a thank you?” he asked.
“For what?”
“For the surprise I made for you. I arranged the whole thing.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“You seem to be disappointed. Is something wrong?”
“Everything is fine. It was great,” she said. She plastered a smile on her face, but it wasn’t very convincing.
She didn’t even know what she had expected; she only knew she was disappointed. She was so absorbed in thought that she didn’t notice they had driven up to the forest. “Stay here, I’ll be right back,” he said.
It was already evening, and the pink sky held on to the last rays of sun. He came back and once again opened the door for her. He took her hand and ordered her to close her eyes. When she resisted, he ordered her again to close them.
He steered her along, making sure she didn’t bump into any obstacles in their path. He finally made her stop and told her to open her eyes. They were standing next to the rock. Candles were lit in a circle around it, ten of them. When the wind blew, their lights danced to and fro. She gasped. The disappointment she had felt earlier was replaced with excitement. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks. David stood behind her and waited for her to pull herself together. Suddenly she noticed some type of object sitting on top of the rock. She climbed up and sat in her regular place. David sat down next to her. It was an album tied with a green ribbon. She untied the ribbon and opened the album. Inside were pictures of them from the time they were young—some photos in black and white and some in color. Beside each photo were a few words written in humor that only she understood. They sat like this, looking at the album together. David held a candle in his hand to so they could see clearer. On the last page was a single sheet with only three words written on it, the words she had been waiting for all her life, “I love you. David.”
The kiss that followed was, for her, the essence of life. Everything she had hoped for came true.
She would never forget this birthday as long as she lived. He had brought her from the world of a child into the adult world. She was in love with this nineteen-year-old boy, she had heard the words ‘I love you,’ and she had even had her first kiss. She was the happiest girl in the world. Nothing was missing.
Since that day, they had met every day—they talked, giggled, kissed. Sometimes, if he could, he would pick her up from school or from dance class.
One day, while she was leaving the dance studio, something strange happened to her. David, who studied philosophy and art at the local college, informed her that he wouldn’t be picking her up that day, as he usually did. He had a class that evening. He usually studied four times a week and helped his father the other two days at his accounting office, resting only on Saturday, the Sabbath.
That evening, the dance teacher gave a longer lesson than usual. They were practicing for the performance that was to be held on Independence Day. When she left the studio, it was already dark outside. She began to walk toward the bus stop, but suddenly a car stopped beside her.
“Excuse me, how do I reach Main Street?” asked the driver.
She bent down to see him and explained how to drive there.
“I don’t suppose you’re going there, are you?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Then come on, I’ll take you,” he offered.
“No, thank you. I’d rather take the bus.”
“What, are you afraid?” he asked with a smile.
“No!” she answered. She stood up and continued to walk toward the bus stop. While she was waiting for the bus, she thought she saw the car parked on the other side of the street. From that distance, she couldn’t make out if there was anyone in it.
She didn’t even tell David about it because she didn’t lend the incident any importance. On subsequent occasions when she left the studio, she thought she saw the car, but she convinced herself that it was just her imagination.
***
It was her dreamy gaze that attracted him at first. Over time, he noticed her long legs and the slow way her body moved, like a weightless kite. She didn’t notice him at all. To her, he was invisible, transparent. He was angry at her because of it. Once he even bumped into her on purpose. She excused herself as if it was her fault. Despite her frail appearance, he knew she was strong, and that attracted him even more. He believed that their becoming a couple was inevitable—that he only needed to help her realize.
One day, he passed by her house. She was just coming out of the house. She almost ran into him, but her gaze was focused entirely on the boy walking beside her. At that moment, she looked different in his eyes than the dreamy girl he had conjured in his imagination. She walked with confidence, her hand in the boy’s and her gaze fixed on his face, oblivious to the world around her. It
looked like electricity was passing between the couple, creating a closed circuit where only they existed.
At that moment, he wanted to run toward them, to hit the boy and drag her with him. But he, of course, didn’t do that. An unfamiliar feeling took over. A lump was stuck in his throat and tears of anger ran down his face uncontrollably. He had never had to fight for a girl before. The pain that coursed through his gut surprised him and he hated himself for his weakness. For an instant, he hated her as well, for exposing his vulnerability.
***
The performance took place on a stage especially constructed in the center of town. When she came down from the stage, she ran immediately to where David was sitting, a proud smile on his face.
“You were fantastic,” he said and kissed her nose.
“Everyone was great,” she said to him.
“That may be true, but I only saw you.”
When they moved away from the stage someone said hello. She turned to him but didn’t recognize the face.
“Hello,” she answered with trepidation.
“You don’t remember me,” he stated.
“No.”
“You helped me find my way to Main Street a few weeks ago.”
Little by little, she remembered the young man sitting in the car. For some reason, she felt uncomfortable and wanted to get away from there. “Oh—yes. Good night,” she mumbled. She held firmly on to David’s arm and pushed him to keep on walking.
“Who was that?” he asked.
“I don’t really know,” she answered. “One day when I was leaving the studio, he stopped next to me and asked how to get to Main Street. I answered him and then he suggested giving me a ride.”
“And…”
“And what? I told him no, of course—that I’d rather take the bus.”
“Great. Good girl.”
Without a word, they turned to each other and rubbed noses. They went the rest of the way in a comfortable silence.
A week after the performance, when she arrived home from school, a bouquet of flowers waited for her on her doorstep. She smiled to herself. David surprised her every once in a while. One time she had discovered a love letter he had slipped into her purse without her noticing; another time she came home from school, went into her bedroom, and found tiny paper hearts spread all over her bed; and one day, when she arrived at the dance studio, the secretary handed her a brown box with a gold lock that looked like a pirate’s treasure chest. The box was full of chocolates and an inscription from him. He was a hopeless romantic.
Now, as she looked at the bouquet of flowers on the doorstep, a huge grin broke out on her face. She picked up the flowers and looked for a note among the stems. She finally found a little white note that said, in unfamiliar handwriting, “To the most beautiful dancer.” It was signed with three question marks.
That’s not typical of David, she said to herself. That evening, when he came over, she asked if he sent her flowers. He was surprised and asked to see the bouquet and the note that was attached.
“It’s not from me,” he said angrily.
“I know, so who’s it from?”
The question remained unanswered and was forgotten as time went on.
***
Winter had come and with it the rainy season. They spent most evenings in her room, now that Nichka had a room of her own. She was seventeen now, a stubborn and opinionated young woman.
One weekend, her parents announced that they were going to Florida to visit her aunts and uncles, and Nichka received their permission to stay in the house and study for her math exam.
After they left, the silence felt strange to her. There was always someone at home, always sounds of life pervading the house: the clatter of pots, Didi’s chattering on the telephone, the clicking of her father’s calculator, the sound of the refrigerator opening and closing. The lack of noise filled her with a sense of unfamiliar loneliness. She picked up the telephone and called David. He said he’d be over within the hour.
They sat in the kitchen and made themselves dinner. It was one of the few times that they had been alone at home. The air was full of excitement that neither one would admit to. When they finished washing the dishes, they went up to her room. He asked if she wanted to go over the material for the upcoming exam with him, but she said no.
The tension they had felt in the kitchen accompanied them now in the room. David sat on the bed and Nichka began to arrange her desk. She was mumbling to herself and didn’t stop walking around the room.
“Nichka,” he said in a low voice, “enough.”
She stopped, standing with her back to him, and then turned around and sat down next to him on the bed. They gazed in each other’s eyes. No words were necessary. He reached out his hand to her and she to him. Their lovemaking was a perfect work of art. She thought she was going to burst with exhilaration. It was a total loss of control. Her body moved on its own until she almost didn’t recognize it. The touch of his skin on hers pleasured her to the point of pain. This was exactly what she was waiting for. She had not one ounce of disappointment or regret; everything was perfect. She heard breathing sounds and couldn’t determine whether they were hers or his. She felt his breathing combine with her own.
After they had calmed down a bit, as they lay there together, holding each other, he said to her, “Nichka, let’s get married.”
The answer seemed obvious to her, as if he had asked her to go with him to the movies.
He suggested they get married when she graduated from high school. She nodded and thought to herself that it didn’t matter when it happened. To her, they had always been married.
A week later, he told her that he spoke with his parents and announced to them that they intend to get married as soon as she finishes school. He said his parents thought they were too young and that he didn’t yet have a profession or the money to take such a decisive step.
“So, what do they suggest?” she asked, and felt a cold wind chill her bones.
“Nonsense. They suggest some nonsense,” he said, trying to avoid the question.
“David, what did they suggest?”
“That I go to my uncle in Florida for two years and work with him.”
“Doing what?”
“He’s in the textile business; he has a factory there. He offered to take me under his wing and teach me the secrets of the trade.”
“And what about your studies?”
“My parents said that I can’t make any money from philosophy. As soon as I have a profession and am earning money, I can deal with the things I love, but first I have to have a profession.”
“And what do you say?”
“What I told them—that I’m not prepared to leave you here.”
That’s how the conversation ended between them, but the conversation continued in her head. The words were swirling around her head like steam from a boiling pot of water. Eventually she told him they needed to talk. They were in the forest, on their rock, which looked smaller than she remembered. They hadn’t been there all winter, and the weeds had grown like wildflowers.
“You need to go.”
“What?”
“You have to go, David.”
“I’m not going, Nichka.”
“David, listen for a minute. Let’s say we get married in another year. I don’t have a profession, and I also want to study, and you can’t earn any money from philosophy. That way, within two years, you’ll have learned a profession and at least we’ll have an income from something. What’s two years compared to a lifetime?”
“Nichka, I can’t be so far away from you!” He was practically begging.
“Me either, David, but we don’t have a choice. Think about it—after a difficult period we’ll be together forever.”
“You’re so logical,” he said with a touch of guilt.
She swallowed before saying it again, “We don’t have a choice, David. It has to be this way.”
That night, after he left,
she couldn’t stop crying. She had an unexplainable fear that he would never come back to her, but she tried to push those thoughts down and away.
Two months later, she accompanied him to the airport with his parents. The separation was unbearable. The feeling that she would never see him again wouldn’t let go of her even now.
“You didn’t forget anything?” She tossed out a mundane question.
“Nichka, just say the word and I’ll cancel the whole thing.”
“Stop talking nonsense,” she said making an effort to smile.
“My Nichka… I’ll call every day, just to hear your voice.”
She gave him a sad smile and said, “Go! This is too hard.”
Before he detached himself from her, he took an envelope out of his pocket and handed it to her.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Read it at home,” he answered. Then he bent down, kissed her, and walked away. She wanted to run after him. She still had so many things she wanted to say to him. But the voice of reason left her weeping in her place, while his figure grew distant and faded.
She opened the envelope when she got home. Inside was a sheet of paper with the poem Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe written on it. When she read the poem the first time, she was shocked. She didn’t understand why he had left her such a sad poem. Then, when she had read it over and over again, she understood what he was trying to say to her. At the bottom of the page, in his familiar handwriting, he wrote, “In life and in death—together.”
A week after he left, she began to look for a job. The afternoon hours were the most agonizing. They had always been together during this time. After several interviews, she was accepted to work at a restaurant on the main street that was open all day. When asked how many days a week she would like to work, she answered with hesitation, “Every day.”
She began to work; she arrived home from school at three o’clock, and at five was already at the restaurant. Her parents weren’t crazy about the idea, but she was determined and stubbornly dismissed any attempt on their part to dissuade her from her decision.
Life in a Box Page 32
