Hidden Desires: A Romantic Suspense Novel

by Lexie Davis

  “Dude, I’m not fooled. I know what you mean about the whole trust as much as you can bullshit, but it’s just an excuse to distance yourself from my sister. You need to let the past go.”

  Jackson wadded up the bed clothing and tossed it toward the door. “And how am I supposed to do that?”

  “Do you want to have a relationship with my sister?”

  “Of course.” Jackson didn’t know what it was, but being with Autumn was different than with any other person. He wanted to call it love because he’d never found it in the fourteen years they were apart. Last night only proved that much when they united again in her bed.

  “Then you’ve got to be honest with her. If I know my sister like I think I do, you holding back and not giving your all is telling her that when this little fucker is caught, you’ll tuck your tail and head for the door. She’s scared of losing you again, and she wants you to make the commitment to her that proves you’re not going anywhere.”

  “What’s the commitment?”

  “Dude. Have you really never learned any of this stuff?”

  Jackson pursed his lips. “If you recall, I didn’t have a mommy to take care of me the same way Faye took care of you.”

  “Fine. If you love her, tell her. When she needs you, be there for her. Love isn’t something that’s only said with the L-word. You’ve got to show it as well.”

  “So you’re saying I’m in love with her?”

  “No. I’m saying if you’d stop being a stubborn bastard, you’ll fall harder for my sister than a boulder from the top of Mt. Everest.” Davis sighed. “She’s not the bad guy. And most importantly, she’s not your father. Just remember that. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll be down Friday night.”

  Jackson disconnected from his friend and stared at the unmade bed. You’ve got yourself in some deep shit, Cooper. How the fuck are you going to get out of it?

  After he put fresh sheets on the bed, he traipsed down the hall and knocked on Autumn’s bedroom door. “Autumn, we need to talk.”

  The door swung wide. She stood in fresh pair of green scrubs with her hair in a hot pink towel. One eye was lined with makeup as if she’d been putting it on when he interrupted her.

  Jackson walked inside and closed the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at his feet. “Look, I’m sorry.”

  She snorted and rubbed her wet hair a little before .pulling the towel from her head “A few minutes ago, you didn’t even know what you did wrong. Hell, you blamed me for it. And now you’re suddenly sorry? Sorry for what?”

  She wasn’t about to crack. Jackson licked his lips and tried again. “I don’t open up, Autumn. Not just with you, with everybody. I think Davis is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me, and even telling him stuff, I still have a hard time. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t trust you because I do. Trust is a hard issue with me because growing up I could trust no one. I wasn’t raised in a loving environment where good things happened on a regular basis. I just don’t know how to give you what you need, I guess.”

  Autumn stared at him without saying a word. Jackson couldn’t read her thoughts but prayed to everything holy she wasn’t ready to pound her fists into him.

  “Did Davis tell you to say that to me?”

  “No. He told me I needed to be open with you. So I’m going to work on it.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “That’s the best I can do.”

  “You said you trust me. If that’s so, then tell me what happened that made you cold inside.”

  Jackson licked his lips. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ve only told two people face-to-face what happened, and they were your brother and your father. Both times, I was piss-assed drunk. I may have even cried, I don’t know.”

  Autumn came to him and sat on the bed. “It’s not fair to me, you know. I’m not forcing you to do anything—you’ll do it in your own time—but secrets rock the boat for relationships.”

  “You have secrets of your own.”

  She stared down at her feet. “Yes, I do. Is that what this is about? I tell you something, you tell me something?”

  Jackson reached out to touch her thigh. “No. Please stop taking offense to everything I say.”

  “Fine. Where do we go from here? We haven’t really solved anything.”

  “At least we’re on speaking terms. That’s good right?” Jackson smiled at her and finally she smiled back at him. “I mean you haven’t punched me yet. So my luck is faring better than Gallagher’s.”

  Autumn laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jackson closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. She made everything bad, disappear by doing nothing at all. That was something to hold on to.

  * * * *

  “My sister’s in love with you.” Jeffery hadn’t spoke to Jackson the entire time they worked at the clinic and instead waited until the very moment Autumn left with Kristin to drop this bomb on him. “She told me herself she loves you, and she wants a relationship with you.”

  When Jackson kept quiet, he added, “Don’t you have anything to say?”

  “I know you love your sister and want to protect her, but our relationship is our business.” Jackson waited for a retort and was granted silence.

  After a few minutes, Jeffery finally asked, “Is she just another fuck for you, Jack? Are you just having your fun like you did before? I need to know because I’ll be the one to clean the mess up.”

  Jackson pushed the mop along the floor in the waiting area. “She was never just a fuck. Even back then.”

  “Then what is she? Special?”

  Jackson pursed his lips. Autumn was special. He couldn’t even begin to count all the ways. “You know she’s special.”

  “Then why the hell did you crush her heart?” Jeffery sat the paint brush down. “She went after you. We spent two days looking for her, and when I finally found her, she wasn’t herself. She was bitter with anger, much like this morning when the two of you were going at it. She cried on my shoulder that night, confessing everything that happened between the two of you.”

  Jackson thought back to that night when she came to his house. He’d only been gone a month, and when Autumn showed up on his doorstep, it scared him a bit. He didn’t know how to deal with women beyond taking them to bed. He’d admit it to her that he was scared of what she proposed. He wasn’t ready for a relationship. Hell, he barely knew how to take care of himself, much less a girlfriend—or wife, like she’d hinted. So he did the most brash thing he could think of and felt like shit for it now.

  “Autumn is an intelligent woman. She’s free to make her own choices, but she is still my little sister and always will be.” Jeffery wiped his hands on his pants. “She has a tender heart, and I don’t want you or any other punk screwing it up. It took a while before she became herself again, the sweet, loving Autumn we all know. Don’t fuck with her feelings, Jack. I’m serious. There will be repercussions this time, and none of them are in your favor.”

  Jackson wrung the mop out and pushed the bucket toward the front door. “Don’t threaten me, Jeff. The last person who did wound up dead at the end of my gun.”

  * * * *

  Autumn and Kristin spent most of the day at Greensburg Mall picking out stuff to buy. Kristin was a huge help. She told her what kind of colors to have and what styles. When she got her clinic up and running again, Autumn knew it be much nicer than before. And most of the stuff they picked out was within her budget.

  “Thank you for coming with me,” Autumn said on the drive back. I really needed some girl time away from the guys.”

  “Anytime.” Kristin sat in the passenger seat staring out the window. “I don’t mean to pry, but are you and Jackson okay?”

  Autumn shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  Kristin turned in her seat. “Are you romantically involved?”

  She held back her grin. “Yes.”

  “Is tha
t what it was about? Jeff gets cranky when I turn him down, and we usually have a big fight about it.”

  Autumn bit her tongue. She really didn’t need to know about her brother’s sex life, even if Kristin was her friend. “Sex is the least of our worries.”

  “You said some pretty mean things to him.” Kristin bit her lower lip. “Jackson’s a good guy.”

  Autumn didn’t know what she was getting at and left it alone. They pulled into the clinic parking lot around three. Both of the men outside working on the graffiti. Both men had lost their shirts since they’d been gone, and sweat now coated their backs as their muscles contracted with every movement. Autumn smiled to herself. This is ridiculous.

  She parked the car and grabbed her purse. “We’ll leave this stuff in the car and unload it later.”

  They climbed out and made their way to the men.

  “You guys are actually working well together. What gives?” Autumn rubbed her hand down Jackson’s sweaty back.

  “We’ve been busy.” Jackson wiped the sweat from his face on his arm. “What did you girls buy?”

  “Plenty.” Autumn smiled. “I need to talk to you alone. Follow me inside.”

  Jackson glanced toward Jeffery and Kristin and then back at Autumn. “Am I going to get yelled at?”

  “If you don’t follow me.”

  Autumn led him inside the clinic, grabbed him a cool water bottle from the back and turned to face him. “I found something really neat today.”

  “What?” Jackson wiped the access water from his mouth.

  “There was a machine at the mall that makes dog tags.” Autumn giggled. “And I made us some.”

  Jackson stared at her like she was crazy. “You made us dog tags? Honey, if you wanted a set, I would have given you mine.”

  “Not following me. I engraved them to say what I want.” Autumn grabbed the set she made for Jackson and handed it to him. “Read it.”

  He glanced down at the metal tags on a chain. After he read it he lifted his eyes and busted out laughing. “You are amazing.”

  Autumn grinned. “Fits doesn’t it?”

  “‘Horny’ and ‘boy’ do fit me, yes.” Jackson wrapped his arms around her. “What’s yours say?”

  “It’s a secret.”

  “Not fair.” He pulled back and looped the necklace around his neck. “Is it something dirty, too?”

  She shrugged. “My secret.”

  Jackson leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Thanks, babe. I love it.”

  Autumn picked up the dog tags as a joke originally. She hadn’t thought that Jackson would actually wear them, but he had looped them around his neck. Maybe some time away from each other really did them well.

  “Are you still mad at me?” Jackson asked.

  “Not really. I don’t like what you said, but I can’t change the way you feel.” Autumn ran her hand down his chest. “You’re all sweaty.”

  He chuckled and tipped the bottle to his lips. “Yeah, you slave driver, you.”

  “You’re pretty hot.” She grabbed the dog tags and pulled his mouth down to hers. “It kind of makes me want to lick you all over.”

  Jackson opened his arms. “Have at it.”

  “I love you, Jackson.” She didn’t know what came over her but she said those three little words that scared him off the first time. “I’ve tried to deny it, but it’s there. I love you.”

  She licked his lower lip and then closed her eyes to kiss him fully. He tasted raw and male, something she’d grown to love over the past few days. She knew she was a fool for saying those words to him. But this relationship hadn’t exactly been the smartest for either one of them.

  “I’m sorry I said those mean things to you. I didn’t mean them.” She let the dog tags go and glanced away with tears in her eyes. “I’ll feel really bad if you don’t forgive me.”

  He cupped her cheeks in his hands. “That’s what people do when they fight. And thank God our first fight is over. Now we can make it our goal to never do it again.”

  “It’ll happen again.” She gave him a small smile and rubbed her hands along his biceps. “Do you forgive me?”

  “Yes, Autumn. Stop worrying your pretty head about it.” He kissed her nose and then her lips. He moved his mouth over her face planting butterfly kisses everywhere. “Does this mean we get to have make-up sex?”

  “Funny, Jax.” She wrapped her arms around him. “Really funny.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Two days of nothing but work and Autumn was about to go out of her mind. A call came in to deliver twin calves, and it took all four of them, plus Summer to succeed.

  Autumn glanced at the baby calves sleeping next to their mother and sighed with relief. Two healthy newborns just entered the world, and she helped them along the way.

  Granted it took the men’s strength, Summer and Kristin’s quick hands, and her common sense to get them here, but they did. Two beautiful, black-coated newborns were lying next to their mother.

  “Uh-oh. You’ve got that look.” Jackson’s eyes went wide.

  “What look?” She packed up her tools in the stall, she and Jackson being the only ones left in the barn.

  He propped his arms on the gate and met her eyes. “The look that says you want to have a baby. That look.”

  She shook her head and stuffed the items in her pack. “You’re crazy.”

  “Then why are you looking at those calves like you want to take them home with you?” He opened the gate and squeezed in the stall to help her clean up. Both were covered in birthing fluids and neither smelled the best in the world. Showers were definitely next on the agenda.

  “I don’t have that look.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “It just gives me a reality check when I do this. I mean that’s another life. A little baby who is now in this world with the rest of us. It makes all the bad days worthwhile, you know?”

  He nodded. “Did you always want to work on both small and large animals?”

  “I hadn’t really thought about having a mixed practice since most only do either one or the other. In school, I was stuck doing my rounds at the small animal clinic and then a call came in for a cow in labor and bleeding out. I was apart of the critical care team, and I got such a high from it. I’d love to open up my own critical care center specializing in both large and small creatures. That was actually one of my dreams.”

  Autumn yawned, tired from the day and the events within it. A hot bath and cozy bed sounded better and better as the moments went by. Jackson lifted her case for her and carried it out into the main alleyway.

  “So you don’t want a baby? Am I safe to breathe again?”

  “You’re not funny.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and leaned close to her ear. “Maybe not, but I am up for the challenge of perfecting the craft. You know, baby making and all. In fact, we could do it here, right now in the hayloft.”

  “Lord. Does your libido ever take a holiday? I’m covered in birthing slime and blood and you’re ready to jump me.” With one e arm around his waist, she laid her head against his shoulder. “That is seriously twisted. Maybe you’re the one who wants to have a baby.”

  Jackson stiffened. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  “Honey, no offense but with your previous lifestyle you could have created a bunch of little Jacksons. It never once crossed your mind?”

  “I used condoms. I wasn’t getting any chick pregnant.”

  “Condoms break.”

  “Yeah, but mine didn’t.” He rubbed her arm. “Can we stop talking about it?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’m curious now. You used condoms with every chick you slept with. Every time?”

  “That’s what I said.” He dropped his arm and grabbed her hand. “Why is it so hard for you to believe?”

  “Because you didn’t use anything with me.”

  Jackson stopped, his face pale with a look of horror. “Should I have?”

  “
A little late for that now, isn’t it?”

  Jackson’s eyes widened and dropped to her stomach.

  “I’m not pregnant, though,” she said.

  His shoulders drooped with relief. “Thank God.”

  “But I still don’t get why. If you used it every time with everyone else, why not with me?”

  He smiled. “Because you’re Autumn. My brain’s in my dick when I’m around you, and in all honesty, you are the only person I’d ever consider having children with. With the others, it wasn’t an option.”

  “STDs don’t factor in? You could have picked up something.” Autumn started walking again tugging him along with her. “I could have contracted some horrendous disease that made your eyes bleed or something. You never know nowadays.”

  “Bleeding eyes? That sounds painful.”

  “Or what if this horrendous disease made your dick fall off? That could happen, too, you know.”

  Jackson shook his head. “If you had a horrendous disease, you wouldn’t have even considered having sex with me for the fear you’d spread it. My manhood is safe.”

  “How can you be so sure? Maybe I contracted it to pay you back. Created it, like a mad scientist.”

  Jackson laughed as they walked around the farm house. Autumn couldn’t help it. Being with him made life fun again. Even if they were talking about a girl’s ultimate nightmare, they were laughing and having fun with each other.

  “I must repeat myself,” he said pulling the tailgate down and sliding the vet box in the back. “You are Autumn. The very same Autumn Faye Callahan who couldn’t possibly harm another soul on the face of this earth. I know you too well, sweetheart. You’d find a cure or go celibate for the rest of your life. No question.”

  “That’s a lot of trust you’re putting in me. Did your feelings change from the other night?”

  “I told you I was trying.” He glanced over her shoulder and she knew the rest of her crew was done using the farmer’s bathroom to clean up. “Looks like we’re ready to go.”