Tilly Trotter Wed (The Tilly Trotter Trilogy)

by Cookson, Catherine

  ‘During that week I escaped the house three times and rode towards Wheelock. At our third meeting he took me in his arms and kissed me. It was as quick as that. But Father soon got better and I became hard put to slip away; I don’t think we met more than six times during the next twelve months. And Eddie knew better than to show his face here, for he had heard enough about Señor Portes’ – her voice held a sneer on the Señor – ‘to know that he’d be kicked off the place for no other reason but that he was a man who was interested in me.’

  When she stopped and rose to her feet and went towards the fire, Tilly turned her head slowly and looked at her and she could hardly hear Luisa’s voice as she went on, ‘When I was eighteen something happened, it was inevitable, we loved each other, keen mad about each other, so I told my mother about Eddie and my mother told him. God above!’ Her head drooped on to the back of her shoulders as if she were straining to say something; and she stayed like that for a moment before she went on, ‘He acted like a madman, he became almost insane . . . not almost’ – she now shook her head – ‘he did go insane, and over the name Bailey. Then it all came out: Eddie could have been one of a thousand Baileys, but no, he was the Bailey, or a descendant of the Bailey who had been the instigation of that poor Portes ending with a rope round his neck.’

  She turned now and looked at Tilly. ‘It’s funny,’ she said, ‘how little things stick in your mind. I remember, as I watched him raging up and down the room, dashing things off the table on to the floor, I remember thinking he could make those steps into a dance. Wasn’t that silly?’ She gave a small laugh, then went on, ‘You don’t know how silly it was because I stopped him dancing by saying, “I have got to marry Eddie Bailey because I am going to have his child.”

  ‘I thought he was about to kill me. I remember crouching on the floor and Mother leaning over me to protect me from him. I can see him now grabbing at her arm and flinging her aside. She was thin and small and she spun like a top across the room. And then he was bending over me; and I looked up at him and you know what I said, Tilly? I said, “You are a filthy, dirty bugger of a man!” It was the first time I’d sworn in my life, and I ended by yelling, “You lay a hand on me and I’ll drive this knife into you!” and, you know, I had a knife in my hand. He had scattered the cutlery off the dining table and the knife was there to my side, and I would have used it, I know before God I would have used it, because I knew he was going to grab me. But at that moment Mack came into the room. How long he had been there or what he had heard I don’t know, but he saved me from killing him because I had the knife held like that’ – she demonstrated – ‘and pointing upwards at the bottom of his belly.

  ‘I kept in my room for almost three days. Then Mother told me that Mack had got word to Eddie about the situation, and that he was prepared to come over and get me on the Friday. That was two days ahead when Father had arranged to ride out with the hands for a round-up.

  ‘Well, Friday came.’ Luisa now paused and slowly seated herself again in front of Tilly. ‘Mother and I watched them all ride out of the compound. We saw the dust settle. Then we waited for Eddie coming. It was almost half an hour later when he galloped into the yard leading another horse. I was all ready with my bundle, I’d thrown some things into a sheet, and there I stood in that room’ – she jerked her head again – ‘my heart beating fit to burst. Eddie came in through the doorway and we looked at each other across the space. It was the first time he had seen my mother, and it was the first time she had seen him. He said, “Hello, ma’am,” and she answered, “Hello, Mr Bailey.” It was all so slow and easy-going, there was no need to hurry, we had four days to get away, so we thought. Eddie spoke a little to my mother and told her he’d always take good care of me, and she thanked him. The tears were running down her face. It was as he picked up my bundle from the floor that Father appeared in the archway leading to the corridor. There were no words to explain the feeling of terror I experienced even before he fired. The bullet caught Eddie in the chest just below his left shoulder. He staggered and fell on to his side. But he was no sooner on the ground than he drew his Colt, and as he did so Father went to fire again, and at this Mother rushed at him. He could have thrust her aside but he didn’t, it all happened in a split second. She was pinned to his chest when the bullet from Eddie’s gun hit her. Then father let blaze. He emptied the other five bullets into him.’

  Tilly’s mouth was open and it remained so for some time before she gasped, ‘Oh, Luisa! Oh, Luisa dear!’ When she put out her hand, Luisa said, ‘It’s all right, it’s just a memory now, but I’ve told you because I don’t want you to feel too bad about what that swine of an English fellow spilled.’

  Tilly now asked gently, ‘The baby? Your baby?’

  ‘Oh, I lost it, and, you know, I don’t remember losing it. I screamed for days, they told me, then I went quiet and hardly moved or spoke for two years. It was another four before I recovered, if I ever have.’ She smiled a sad smile now. ‘The awful thing about it is, I couldn’t move away from this place when I did recover. Ma One became my mother in a way and Mack . . . what has Mack become?’ She shrugged her shoulders now. ‘A prop to keep hold of.’ She became thoughtful for a moment before saying, ‘I said it was all a memory, but what still fills me with bitterness is the fact that evil men can be honoured for their actions, because in some quarters Father was upheld for having killed the man who had left me with a child. Some of the sanctimonious hypocrites, and there are a number along this line, and the Curtises are among them, so are the Purdies, they upheld Father’s action. It was, they said, just exactly what they would have done in the same circumstances should one of their daughters have been deflowered. That’s the word they used, deflowered. Yet the things that go on in some homesteads! But they rarely creep out because the name must be kept clean, except when a brother might get drunk and attack the fellow who is making eyes at his sister, whom he himself has already had. And you hear them talking about the sacredness of womanhood! Oh my God! they would have you think that these things only happen in the forts . . . Anyway, my dear—’ She once more rose to her feet and, putting her hand on Tilly’s shoulder, she said, ‘This is the end of your sojourn at the Portes’ ranch. Matthew was telling me that he’s got a place in mind. You must ride out there and see it, and soon, because after this he’ll make your life unbearable.’

  Tilly, too, got slowly to her feet, saying, ‘I don’t know how I can face the men after what’s happened.’

  ‘Oh, they’ll think what they think, you can’t stop men thinking; and they being men, you’ll lose their respect. But what do you care about that? You’ve got Matthew, and he’s one in a thousand. And you’re a lucky girl. Aye, you’re lucky, for what he feels for you is something that doesn’t happen to many women. He might become hard to live with as the years go on because in a way he’s as possessive as my father and . . . ’

  ‘Oh, don’t say that.’ Tilly’s voice was loud now, and Luisa answered, ‘Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that he’s like him in any other way, except that he’ll never bear the thought of anyone else sharing you.’

  Tilly moved her head slowly, saying now, ‘Yes, yes, I know that only too well, for even now I’ve got to be careful in the affection I show to the children, especially Josefina. Poor Josefina.’

  ‘Oh, she’s not so poor, she’s got a home now that she’d never had with her mother, because Leonilde’s a little whore if ever there was one . . . But now, now you’d better go up for I’m thinking Matthew might be needing more attention than the fellows can give him. I’ll be up later. And tomorrow get yourselves off if possible to look at that place. I’ll keep an eye on Katie and the children; they’ll come to no harm.’

  They went out of the room together and into the dog run and as they neared the end of it they both stopped, for there, as if he had been waiting for her, stood Alvero Portes.

  The man’s face looked grey under his tan and his eyes appeared black round balls lying
in their sockets but looking fiercer than Tilly had yet seen them. She watched his thin neck swell, his Adam’s apple jerking up and down behind the tight high collar of his blue serge coat; then he spoke directly to her. He did not shout but his precise tone and the way he threw the words from his mouth seemed to spray them far and wide over the compound and halt the men there.

  ‘You unclean thing!’ he said. ‘A witch indeed! for only one such could enslave a man like my nephew, after having entrapped his father. You will leave this place . . . ’

  His words were cut off now by Tilly’s voice which was indeed a scream. ‘How dare you! Just how dare you put the name unclean to me, you filthy, horrible man! You who raped your own child. You . . . you dare to call me unclean! You!’ The saliva was actually running from the corners of her mouth, she was consumed by a rage that was so fierce she had no control over it; and when it prompted her to spring on this hypocrite she obeyed it. Her fingers clawing at his face, he was for a moment utterly taken off his guard, so much so that he staggered back, bringing up his forearm to protect himself. But what he would have done next had not Luisa, Ma One and Emilio pulled her from him is doubtful; likely he would have felled her to the ground; but just as a short while previously the men had had their hands full restraining Matthew, now the same was happening with Tilly. The veneer of this pseudo-lady that Mr Burgess and Mark, between them, had created was stripped away, revealing almost a wild woman. And in this moment Tilly was wild, her whole being was retaliating against the injustice meted out to her by the villagers, the McGraths in particular. She was once again on the ground fighting as if for her life against the weight of Hal McGrath; she was in the stocks being pelted; she was in the courtroom being exposed as a witness; she was holding her Granny in her arms after the cottage had been burned down; she was in the kitchen of the Manor being subjected to the taunts and hate of the majority of the staff; she was suffering the humiliation of being turned out of the house; she was being brought low by Miss Jessie Ann’s disdain and for the second time being forced to leave the Manor; she was in the market place avoiding Mrs McGrath’s stick that then blinded her child; she was standing stiff-faced and straight-backed under the sneers and insults of the ladies of the county; and finally, here she had to suffer the hate of this dirty lecherous old beast who dared to say that she was unclean.

  She ceased struggling, then shook off the hands that were clinging to her, and stood gasping for breath. She was speaking again as she looked at the man who was standing holding a white handkerchief to his face and whose features had seemed to assume those of the devil, and, her voice loud once more, she cried at him, ‘Witch, you say I am. All right, as a witch I’ll say this to you: One day you’ll wish for death, you’ll be so alone you’ll wish for death.’ And on this she turned and, pushing Luisa and Ma One roughly aside, she marched out of the compound and up the hill and almost burst into the room.

  Rod Tyler, Mack and Doug turned as one to look at her. Matthew was the last to turn towards her for he had been sitting in a chair, his head bent forward, but he immediately got to his feet when he saw her.

  She was gripping the side of the table and looking past the men towards him and she said, ‘You’d better be prepared to get out of here as soon as possible because I’ve just left my signature on his face.’

  ‘What!’ Matthew came haltingly towards her. He was gripping the arm that the bear had torn as if it were causing him intense pain. Standing in front of her, he said, ‘What did you say?’

  She had to take a tight hold on the table to steady herself but when she spoke each word was on a tremble. ‘He . . . he told me to get out because I . . . I was unclean, and I don’t know what came over me . . . oh, yes I do’ – she now shook her head – ‘I became inflamed with the injustice of it, one more piled on top of the others, and I . . . I told him what he was, a filthy old man.’ She now turned her head and looked at the three men who were gazing at her, and when she caught the eye of Mack he bowed his head and she said to him, ‘You know to what I am referring, don’t you?’ She didn’t wait for an answer but, looking at Matthew again, she said, ‘We . . . we must get away to . . . to that place, no matter what it is like.’ Then glancing at Mack again, she asked, ‘What’s it really like, this place?’

  ‘It’s a fine place. You could make it as good as this any day; but it’s fine as it stands, and they want out soon as possible.’

  She nodded at him, then said, ‘That settles it then,’ and, releasing her hold on the table she went up the room and slumped into a chair.

  Moving uneasily now, the men nodded towards Matthew, and it was Doug who said, ‘You all right, Matt?’ and Matthew answered, ‘Yes, yes, I’m all right. Thanks.’

  Without further words, one after the other filed out, and now Matthew, going to Tilly, looked down at her as he muttered, ‘You actually hit him?’ She lifted her head wearily and, her voice expressing her feelings, she said, ‘No, I didn’t hit him, I clawed at him. I drew blood and I hope he carries the marks for a long time.’

  ‘Oh Tilly! Tilly!’

  She gave a weary laugh. ‘Very unladylike.’

  ‘To hell with being ladylike! What I’m thinking is that I’ve caused you to suffer this, my dear.‘ He sat down near to her and, taking her hand, said, ‘Nothing’s gone right since we came here, but once we’re on our own things will be different.’

  She looked down at their joined hands. ‘Rumours spread. Fifty miles here is equal to a mile at home! I’ll be known as a tainted woman, father and son.’ She raised her eyes to him and the pain in them made him stretch out his arms to her, only for him to wince, and at the sight of his twisted face she said, ‘Your arm . . . your arm, has it broken open?’

  ‘No, no.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s just that I haven’t used it, not in that way for some time.’ He smiled wryly now.

  She looked anxiously at him as she said, ‘You’ll be able to ride?’

  ‘Of course. Of course. And we’ll go first thing in the morning, taking Manuel with us. He’s an intelligent fellow and he knows the countryside well. There’s not a chance of any of the others coming with us, not at the moment anyway. But when we’re settled I think Doug will join us. He was saying as much just before you came in. Of course as I’ve said before, I think it’s Katie that is the attraction, but what matter, he’s a good fellow is Doug.’

  ‘How long will it take?’

  ‘To get there? Well, I don’t suppose the way we travel we’ll do more than forty to fifty miles a day; two days on the road there and we’ll be able to settle matters in a day, and no matter what it’s like we’ll take it for the present, then two days back. Well, we could be settled in eight or nine days.’

  ‘I can’t believe it.’ She leant her head against him now and her words were low, scarcely above a whisper, as she asked, ‘You wouldn’t want to return home, would you?’ She waited for his answer without looking at him, and when it came his words, too, were low as he said, ‘Never to live there, Tilly. Somehow this is my country. For good or bad it’s where I want to be. I feel at home here as I’ve never felt in any place before. I can’t explain it to you; I knew when I first set foot in it I wanted to live here and die here. But listen, my darling.’ He lifted up her chin and looked deep into her sad eyes. ‘Don’t worry any more because once settled on our own, our life could become ideal.’

  He bowed his head towards her, and when he placed his lips gently on hers she murmured to herself, Ideal. Ideal. But the picture the words presented brought no glow to her mind.

  Nine

  She was amazed at the beauty of the land. They had ridden for the last half-hour through shoulder-high grass and had just emerged on the high bank of a river. She was so impressed with the sight that she could find no words with which to express her feelings, but, like Matthew, she sat gazing down on the slatey-blue water winding its way swiftly between golden banks that looked from this distance like sand-strewn beaches; and away in the near distance like a vivid p
ainting lay a line of purple hills. She had never seen such vivid colouring. On the journey from Galveston to the ranch they had passed through fine country but this was different, this had the appearance of a mighty mural, in fact, she thought it looked too beautiful to be real.

  ‘Wonderful!’

  She turned her head and looked at Matthew and repeated, ‘Wonderful! Yes, wonderful!’ Then she asked, ‘Will . . . Will it be like this all the way?’

  ‘No, I’m afraid not.’ He shook his head. ‘Over there’ – he pointed to the right – ‘the land is like an endless pancake except for a few cottonwood trees and grass.’

  ‘It would be lovely to have a homestead here.’

  ‘Not good for homestead, mistress.’

  ‘No? Why?’ She turned to Manuel.

  ‘All hills, no pastures; hills no safe.’

  ‘Oh.’ She was about to ask, ‘In what way not safe?’ when Matthew said, ‘Well, we’d better be pushing on; the light will soon be fading and we’re some way from the trading post.’

  For the next hour they rode by the river, and curiously the hills seemed to remain the same distance away throughout the journey. Suddenly from twisting and turning through hillocks large and small, the land fell into a great flat expanse of nothingness again, and there, not a hundred yards from the river bank, stood a substantial timber-built trading post. In front of it were small groups of people, some standing, some leaning against what looked like a stout single pole fence that did not surround the post, merely ran along in front for a short distance. Others were squatting on the ground. And tethered to the fence were a number of small horses.