Thorne (Random Romance)

by Charlotte McConaghy

  ‘Here’s where the sea ends,’ he repeated, and I nodded. ‘Here’s where the sea ends.’

  Jonah sighed. Finn sat opposite me and watched my face, waiting to see if Penn’s repetition would make me uncomfortable, as I assume it did most.

  ‘How many times must you say it?’ I asked Penn.

  He looked at me, surprised. So did the others, for that matter.

  ‘Seven.’

  ‘Four more then.’

  Penn finished and fell silent.

  ‘How many pictures are there on this table?’ I asked him.

  The boy’s eyes lit up. ‘Thirty-four,’ he answered proudly. He started counting them for me, pointing out each one with relish. I listened carefully and didn’t interrupt him.

  When Penn was done, I asked, ‘Do you live in the cliff?’

  He nodded, less excited.

  ‘How many steps away?’

  And just like that, he was bouncing in his chair with uncontained delight. ‘Four hundred and twenty-two. That’s if I follow the path, but when I go over the roofs it’s only two hundred and twelve.’

  ‘Do you count birds as well?’

  Penn shook his head, looking thoughtful at the idea. ‘Crabs,’ he explained with a grin. ‘But birds is a good one. There are plenty around here.’

  ‘Finn and I saw a pelican on the way. I reckon you could have fun counting those. How many types of crabs are there?’

  As Penn launched into an explanation about all the different kinds he’d read about and then spotted, I realised Alexi was standing in the kitchen, listening. Finn and Jonah were both watching us. I knew about counting: I fell asleep each night to the soft sound of it coming from the next room.

  When the meal was served, Alexi said a prayer. ‘We give thanks to Agathon and we honour all those lost in his name.’

  It surprised me – Agathon was the first warder of Kaya, the man who’d forged the bond back when the world was young. It seemed very strange to me that a family would worship him like a God, when he had brought them insurmountable pain. Then again, it wasn’t my place to understand Kayan ways. And I had witnessed first hand how much love existed between bondmates. After all, I was on a mission to preserve what Agathon himself had created.

  On my plate was a whole fish, its black eye gazing sightlessly up at me. It had been stuffed with something, and the smell of it was delicious – it had been way too long since I last ate.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Finn asked me.

  ‘Nothing at all. I apologise, I was just … I’ve never eaten fish whole.’

  She laughed as though this was hilarious. ‘Pick the flesh off with your fork, like this.’ Reaching across the table, she deftly dissected the fish for me. I caught the scent of her and it made something inside me far hungrier.

  I put a piece in my mouth and was instantly stunned by the flavour. It was full and spicy and creamy. Everyone at the table laughed at my expression.

  ‘It’s amazing,’ I told Alexi, who nodded as though this was obvious.

  ‘It’s Da’s famous spiced cod,’ Finn explained.

  ‘Famous spiced cod,’ Penn agreed around a mouthful.

  I grew quiet, enjoying my food and listening to their easy chatter. Alexi wore a wedding ring, but no one mentioned a wife. He wasn’t eating his own food, nor did he smile once, and I saw Finn watching her da at regular intervals, her expression unreadable.

  Penn was mostly quiet, focused on his food. A few times he said ‘famous spiced cod’ under his breath, and I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

  ‘So, Your Majesty,’ Jonah said.

  ‘Please, call me Thorne.’

  I watched his face. I could see in this boy a kind of bristling protectiveness. This was his house, his family, and it was his sister who had brought me here to threaten all of that. I understood. It was natural to protect what was yours.

  ‘Why are you here, Your Majesty?’ he said pointedly.

  I glanced at Finn. There would be no help there; she seemed to enjoy my unease.

  ‘I’m here for the treaty, Jonah.’

  ‘So you say. But do you know what they’re whispering about you in the city?’

  Not again. I cracked my knuckles under the table.

  ‘They say you’re a spy, come to take all our secrets home to your berserkers.’

  I wished they’d come up with something a bit more imaginative. My eyes grazed each of their faces and it occurred to me suddenly that this had all been planned. I’d been brought here into the lion’s den to be interrogated by this strange little family. Irrational anger bloomed in my chest, mostly directed at myself. Of course the girl didn’t have any other motivation to invite me here. She simply wanted to poke at the bear through the bars of his cage.

  ‘What do you think a berserker would want with a Kayan’s secret?’

  No response.

  ‘I haven’t come to spy, or to hurt any of you.’

  ‘Then why?’ It was Finn this time, and there was something hard in her voice. ‘Why come here?’

  The strangest words bloomed in my mind and mouth just then, but I bit them back, utterly bewildered by them.

  Instead I said nothing. I would not repeat myself. If anyone in Pirenti treated a man this way they would probably wind up dead or brutalised. Obviously, Kayans didn’t understand when they were offending a person’s honour.

  ‘He can’t bring himself to lie,’ Jonah declared.

  ‘I must excuse myself,’ I said, rising. ‘I thank you for the meal.’

  They watched me walk to the door in silence, and then she called, ‘Wait.’

  I wanted to leave without doing as she’d asked. I wanted never to see her again. But I turned and met her eyes across the room, bound by some strange power she’d cast over me.

  ‘Forgive us. We don’t mean to frighten you away.’

  A part of me hated her, which was strange because I had never hated anyone in my entire life. Well, except for my da. But this girl seemed to effortlessly bring out all the worst parts of me.

  ‘We’ll see you at daybreak.’

  I frowned. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you’ll be travelling with us to Sancia.’

  My mouth opened but nothing came out.

  Finn of Limontae stood and moved a few paces closer to me. In the candlelight she looked dangerous, her eyes glistening with something reckless.

  ‘It’s why you’re really here, Thorne of Araan. To break the curse of the bond. I want the same end. We might as well travel together.’

  And I realised that what I’d thought in the cave was right – she simply wanted danger in her life, wanted adventure and strife and excitement. Which was why the words I had nearly replied were so ludicrous.

  She’d asked me why I’d come here, and I’d very nearly replied, for you.

  Finn

  When I was five and my eyes changed for the first time to black, I asked Ma what it meant.

  ‘It means you have a soul, my love,’ she had answered.

  I hadn’t understood at the time, only when I got older. She’d always tried to teach me that it was as important for our eyes to turn black as it was for them to turn yellow and blue and red and green.

  But she hadn’t understood what that meant, not truly. She didn’t understand that the colour of loss, the colour of death, was unbearable, because she’d never had any cause to understand. When she was gone, I made up my own mind about a soul. About what it needed. I wanted no shame in my eyes. No fear or pain or hatred. And I certainly didn’t want loss.

  But that didn’t stop my eyes from turning black more than any set I knew, for what Ma had neglected to tell me was that black was also the colour of wanting. And when a soul was too big for its body, that soul sustained itself by yearning for things.

  And so it became almost impossible for me to look at myself in the mirror.

  After dinner Da retired to bed, exhaustion ravaging his body. Jonah hadn’t spoken since Thorne left, and for once
I couldn’t interpret his silence. It was an odd awareness – that he was thinking things I couldn’t read.

  Penn was still obsessively running his fingers over the carvings at the edge of the table. They showed the ocean dropping away at the end of the world, and I’d imagined falling off that drop so many times that I’d almost convinced myself it was how I was going to die one day.

  I walked into Da’s room, sinking onto his bed. Placing a cool cloth on his forehead, I watched him toss and turn in the grips of fever. It was like this every night and some days.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I’m sorry this has taken so long. But I will end this, I promise.’

  Needing air, I walked onto our balcony and made my way slowly down the steps. Another beautiful night, but something was tapping at the edges of my calm, whispering to me with a kind of sick urgency.

  I hadn’t truly believed that the rumour could be true. That there could be a way to break the unbreakable bond. But why else would Emperor Falco call us to his city? Why would he make such a spectacle of it if the whispers weren’t true?

  I reached the sand and let my bare feet sink into the coarseness of it. It was late and everyone had gone to bed. The beach was empty; the night was full. Moving to the water, I let the waves lap at my ankles and looked up to realise I was wrong. There was another figure on the beach, some few hundred yards down. And with a strange ache in my chest, I knew who it must be.

  I walked towards him and saw him turn in the moonlight. Catch sight of me. Stiffen in surprise. Neither of us spoke as I arrived to stand beside Thorne. We dipped our toes in the cold surf, not looking at each other.

  There was, inexplicably, something alive in the space between our bodies.

  I closed my eyes, squeezed them shut very tight as if to block out his overwhelming, silent presence. The waves were loud in my ears, too loud.

  ‘It’s gone,’ Thorne murmured.

  I looked up into his face.

  ‘I never thought it would be.’ His lips quirked. ‘Your smile.’

  I looked away. ‘It rests sometimes.’

  ‘I don’t like it when it’s gone.’

  ‘I thought you were angry with me.’

  ‘For seeing the truth of me?’ He shook his head. ‘No. I could never be angry with you for that.’

  ‘Then you’ll come with us tomorrow?’

  He was silent a long moment. ‘What benefit would travelling together bring us?’

  ‘You’d gain a guide. I know Kaya. I can get you there more quickly. And travelling with a group of Kayans is far less likely to earn you a knife in the back than travelling on your own.’

  He considered this. ‘And you? What do you gain from my presence, Finn of Limontae? Would it not endanger you and your brothers?’

  ‘We’re tougher than we look.’ I folded my arms, watching the ocean. ‘I already told you, Prince Thorne. I find you curious.’

  ‘And that’s it?’

  ‘I’d love to see the feathers you ruffle along the way.’

  ‘Entertainment,’ he said flatly. ‘That’s what you want.’

  ‘Don’t we all?’

  He shook his head but stayed silent.

  ‘Don’t you want to have an adventure?’ I pressed.

  ‘Not particularly.’

  ‘Why? Doesn’t standing still bore you?’

  He glanced at me. ‘We aren’t all afraid of the quiet.’

  My heart lurched. For a second, I hated him. ‘Then what are you afraid of, Mighty Prince of Pirenti?’

  ‘Heights,’ he admitted ruefully. ‘Deathly so.’

  I blinked in surprise. ‘Truly?’

  Thorne nodded and I laughed, relieved for it.

  ‘Penn is not your brother, is he?’

  ‘Not by blood.’

  ‘How have you come to be so close to him?’

  I shrugged. For some reason I didn’t like talking about Penn to other people – they were inevitably curious about him, but I always thought of him as private and ours. Which was stupid, I supposed. ‘He has no parents. Was being raised by his grandma, but she’s … difficult. Her mind went a long time ago, and as you can imagine that’s not a great environment for someone like Penn to grow up in. He was just another child of the cliffs at first. But he was lonely and we fell in love with him, and he just sort of … joined the family. Sometimes he lives with us, sometimes he doesn’t.’

  ‘Will he go with you to Sancia?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘You don’t think it … dangerous?’

  I glanced at Thorne. ‘I’ll give you a piece of advice, Prince. Don’t underestimate Penn.’

  He nodded, but I didn’t think he’d really believe me until he saw for himself what our little friend was capable of.

  ‘I want to swim,’ I announced, wading forward. I wanted to be away from him, from those eyes of his.

  Thorne’s hand jerked out to grab me. ‘Careful.’ He didn’t touch my skin. I was acutely aware of it. Instead his hand stayed safely in the folds of my shirt.

  I turned back to him, surprised. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because there are people in that house waiting for you to come home.’

  ‘You think the touch of the ocean would keep me from them? I grew up here, Thorne. I live in this water.’

  ‘So you don’t need to be careful?’ he asked quietly. ‘Ever?’

  ‘Why?’ I pressed again.

  He didn’t respond this time.

  ‘You’re so careful you’ll grow old and brittle,’ I warned.

  ‘Maybe so,’ he answered, sounding old and brittle, and I felt instantly bad. I wanted to know what his life was like, what he’d seen, what he’d lived through. He was too old for his body.

  He said, ‘But you are careless with life.’

  I swallowed, panicked. My eyes had gone green, edged with silver. His stayed the same. As they always would.

  I knew what colour all the pieces of us were meant to be, but I’d never known what colour the bits in between were. I’d never known how red they’d be. Never known what the touch of the air between two bodies felt like, never guessed it would be sharp and soft and brutal, or pale, pale blue.

  We stared at each other, and the moment stopped. Like the greatest fool in the world, my eyes slid to match his hue.

  And that was that. There would be no more quiet moments with this man. No more words spoken softly at night over the crashing of waves. There would be no more looks like these, no more eyes changing to blue or black. I would make certain of it.

  I took off my clothes, all of them, ignoring his intake of breath, and then I plunged into the sea. And I did it just to annoy him.

  When I surfaced he’d disappeared, the darkness swallowing him up, and I was alone again under a sparkling black sky.

  Thorne

  I’d never considered colour before, never understood that it could say so much, explain so much. But here with the Kayans, who understood colour to mean emotion, I was painfully aware of how inadequate my own imaginings of feeling had been.

  She was as wild as my first impression of her had been; her eyes shifted like leaves in a storm.

  But there were stronger things in the world than any colour an eye could shift to. Things like my beast.

  He could never be allowed to have her. So I’d walk away as many times as I had to.

  Chapter 5

  Finn

  ‘You are not bringing three packs.’

  I looked at my brother, then back at the three packs I’d stuffed full to the brim. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Explain to me how you’re going to carry them.’

  ‘Well …’ I smiled sweetly at him.

  ‘No way. I’m not helping you indulge your clothing fetish. You couldn’t possibly need this much stuff.’

  ‘We’re going to Sancia! It’s the fashion capital! How am I supposed to know what to wear before we get there? And who knows how long we’ll be away.’

  He shook his head with disbel
ief. ‘You’re bringing one pack, light enough to travel with.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘One.’

  ‘You, dreaded brother, are the bane of my life,’ I grumbled, moodily unpacking. In response he kissed me noisily on the cheek and I shoved him away.

  When we were ready (carrying one measly pack each) we stopped outside Da’s bedroom. He was tired today, too tired to get up. Jonah sat on the bed and spoke to him, but I waited by the door, something hardening inside my chest with suffocating severity.

  They both looked over at me, but I couldn’t go in. I couldn’t.

  I looked at Da across the room. ‘My girl,’ he said to me, then he touched his fingers to his lips and sent me the kiss. I did the same, touching my lips. My teeth were clenched so hard I thought they might shatter. Then I walked out of the house I’d lived my entire life in, and some part of me didn’t know if I’d ever make it back here.

  Thorne was waiting for us on the road. The sun was high and he had his face turned up to enjoy the warmth of it. I caught sight of him and felt a quick heat curl in my stomach. Travelling with the hated Prince of Pirenti … this trip was going to be fun. I’d see to it.

  Penn bounded ahead and jumped on Thorne’s back as though they were long lost brothers.

  ‘Traitor,’ Jonah muttered.

  The prince turned and saw us, lifting his hand. ‘It was generous of you to offer to travel with me,’ he greeted us. ‘I’d be grateful to take you up on the offer, if it still stands.’

  His eyes found mine.

  ‘Only if you carry my pack for me.’

  ‘Of course,’ he offered quickly.

  I laughed. ‘Gods, I’m kidding. This is going to be fun.’

  Thorne blushed.

  ‘You’d better be able to keep up,’ was all Jonah said to him. Between my manipulation and his rudeness, what a great impression we must be making for our country. I had no idea why the poor guy even wanted to travel with us.

  The four of us set off down the road, packs slung over our backs. I whistled in the morning sun, feeling lighter with each step.

  We came to the edge of the farm that belonged to Linas of Rora and I took a good look around before hoisting myself over the fence.