by T. S. Joyce
“Sooooo, you’re hanging with my boy tonight.”
“Yes, sir, we’re having a relaxing night. Feels like old times in a way.”
“And you probably just heard him talking about Changes and ghosts, huh?”
“Yes, sir, I know what he is now.”
“Well, in that case, I owe you an apology.”
“Oh, Mr. Jennings, you don’t owe me anything.”
“I wanted to tell you, Mae. I did. But by the time we figured out what had happened, you were already moved away, and we thought it would be better if you stayed gone.”
“Oh.” She couldn’t help the hurt in her voice.
“Not like that,” his dad said softly. “I thought you would be my kid-in-law. That’s where my head was at. I… Shit, I’m no good at this. There’s a reason I’ve been a bachelor for so long. I don’t know how to treat the fairer sex, and I’m sorry for it. So I’ll just say what’s on my mind and hope you understand. You deserved better than what Cole could give you. He knew it, I knew it, Drew knew it. So we all sat down together during one of Cole’s Changes, and we decided to let you stay distant. And if you think we came to the decision lightly, you’re wrong. It was hell on my boy and hell on me watching him.”
“Well, I appreciate the honesty. I’m happy to know now. I just wish…”
“Just wish what?” Cole asked.
She offered him as much of a smile as she could muster. “I wish for time.”
“Don’t we all, honey,” Mr. Jennings said.
“Oh yeah? Well, your ass isn’t spending any time with me,” Cole teased his dad with a wink for Mae.
“My ass is in the bayou trying to find a cure for your flea-bitten ass, boy. Show some gratitude.”
“A cure?” Mae asked.
Cole rolled his eyes. “He’s been talking to every known magic woman, good magic or bad, from here to the Mississippi River. Gonna get yourself cursed for no damn reason, you keep pestering those ladies.”
“I’m already cursed, boy! My son is a motherfuckin’ dog.”
Cole snorted, and Mae giggled, but tried to hide it by clapping her hand over her mouth. This really wasn’t a laughing matter.
“Mr. Jennings, is there really a cure?” she asked.
There was a sigh that blasted static through the line. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m heading home, but I’m driving and I don’t know if I’ll be back in time to see Cole before he’s gone pooch on me again. I’ll head back to Raina’s place when I get in. She’s been working on some stuff to try on him, too. Mae, if you’re still in town, you’re more than welcome to come with me and Drew. I been searching all through Louisiana for any answers, but so far, Raina is the best resource. She just hasn’t figured out how to un-dog him without killing him and Max both. If you’ve got any questions, she’s good at trying to help.”
“The Lachlan witch? The one who turned him into a dog in the first place?” Mae asked in a much sterner tone than she intended.
“No, girl. The one who saved my son. It might not seem like much, but Cole is still around. He’s still kicking, still breathing. I know it’s hard on you, coming in and having this all dumped on you while we’ve been dealing with this for years, adjusting and accepting. You’ve missed the three-year history and evolution of learning to manage this thing, and it ain’t fair. I know it ain’t. It ain’t fair to ask you to be understanding and forgiving. But Raina wouldn’t have it this way if she was given a choice.”
Cole narrowed his eyes. “Uuuuh, since when are you and Raina so close?”
“Since never. Mind your business, boy.”
Cole arched his eyebrows. “You ol’ stud, you.”
“Aw, fuck off, Cole. I’ll be back soon. Mae, I’m glad…” He paused and cleared his throat. “Well…tonight you made me glad.”
The line clicked and went dead, and Cole glanced in the middle of the kitchen floor again.
“What’s Max doing?” she asked.
“Same thing he always does. He looks sad and stares at me.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Max I remember,” she murmured. “He was always happy. Turning circles with excitement when you gave him attention, would fetch all day long until he collapsed, and always had that lopsided grin on his face. You know the one I mean?”
The corners of Cole’s lips curved up slightly, and his soft brown eyes took on a faraway look. “The one where his tongue would hang out the side.”
“Yeah. So why is he sad, Cole? It’s been three years. Why is he sad?”
Cole shook his head and frowned at the middle of the kitchen floor. “I don’t know. I guess I never thought about it before. He’s in the in-between. Take it from me, it’s not comfortable when he doesn’t have my body.”
“Are you a ghost when he has the body?”
Cole scratched his short beard with his thumbnail and sighed. “I don’t really know what I am. Sometimes I’m looking out through Max’s eyes, and I’m right there with him. I feel everything he’s feeling. I even feel in control of the body somedays. But then sometimes I come to, and I’m just standing in the woods, staring at the trees, and it feels like I’ve been there for a long time. Days maybe. So I guess I’m a ghost for part of it. I wish it was simple to explain to you. Wish I had good answers, but this isn’t natural and it isn’t science. Magic like this shouldn’t exist. I shouldn’t exist.”
“I’m really glad you do. I know what a world without you felt like, and it was awful and empty. I have a theory on why Max looks sad, though.”
“Yeah? Let’s hear it.”
“I don’t think he’s sad because he doesn’t have the body, Cole. That dog would’ve taken a dozen bullets for you. He was the least selfish creature I’ve ever encountered.”
“What are you saying?”
She leaned forward and slipped her hands around his, squeezed gently. “I think he’s sad that you’re having to live like this.”
A deep growl rattled his throat, and Cole frowned, shook his head to stop the sound. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He stood and strode around the counter. “Hey Siri,” he called out to his phone. It beeped. “Play some slow jams that will get me laid.”
And there was the shutdown. Mae shook her head and huffed a sigh as Siri appeased him. Cole pulled her off the chair. He led her to the empty space between the kitchen and the living room, and pulled her against his chest. “I just want to enjoy every minute we do have. What will worrying about the future get us?” he asked, swaying them side to side in a slow dance. “It’ll waste our precious time on the things we have no control over. Let tomorrow worry about itself, Mae. I’m here today. And for now, for this moment, let that be enough.”
And it was. For this moment, safe in his arms, it was enough. He was enough, and she was enough, and nothing outside of this mattered.
Work could wait, stress over Tabby’s death and estate could wait, all of the work emails could pile up, the world could get heavier, everything could keep burning, but this…this right here…this was what was important.
He spun her slowly. “Remember the first time we danced?”
She smiled at the memory as he pulled her back against his chest. “It was at that old country bar that shut down. What was it called?”
“Caddo Lights.”
“Aaaah yes. You took me there on our third date. I was surprised because you were so quiet, and that place was so loud. It didn’t seem to fit you. I didn’t think you would be comfortable there. But then you asked me to dance.”
He rested his cheek against her hair. Side to side. Side to side. “And you said you didn’t know how.”
“I was shocked to my soul when you said it was okay. You knew how to dance. You. Quiet, mature, steady, shy Cole Jennings. And you did. You taught me to Two-Step, and we danced all night. And you never got mad at me when I forgot the steps or when I stepped on your feet. I learned about your patience that night. I liked you even more.”
“Yeah?” he aske
d.
“Mmm hmm. You kissed me for the first time in the parking lot afterward.” Mae looked up at him so he could see her eyes when she said, “And I was yours after that.” And I’ll always be yours. She couldn’t bring herself to say that last part out loud, but from the tender look in his eyes, he must’ve known. “We’ve already lived the best part of our lives, haven’t we?” she asked softly.
“Not you, Mae. I have, but not you.”
He reached to her cheek and brushed away a tear there with the back of his knuckle. She hadn’t even realized it had spilled.
“You’ll go back to the big life you’ve built,” he said, “and you’ll forget about this place. It’s what I want. You’ll meet someone normal, someone who doesn’t have to leave you alone. Fuck.” He looked away, disgust etched into his face. He swallowed hard like he wanted to retch, but steeled himself and started again. “Someone who earns you. You deserve better than this place, and you know it. I know it, too. Everyone knows it. This place is a bear trap, and you were always too beautiful to get caught up in it.”
“You mean fragile,” she whispered, “don’t you?” Another tear spilled.
He looked so sad, but he was no liar. He nodded. “Yes. Too fragile. Too good for Uncertain. Too good for the likes of me.” Suddenly, he winced and squeezed her hand too tight.
She yelped in surprise at his steel grip.
Panic in his eyes, he looked behind him to the kitchen again. “A little longer. Please?”
“Are you talking to Max?” she asked on a breath.
“Please,” he gritted out in a deep, snarly voice she didn’t recognize. His eyes rolled back, and his body froze as if he’d been struck by lightning. He pitched backward and hit the floor with a crash.
“No, no, no,” she murmured as he seized on the floor. “Cole?”
His back bowed and he gasped. “You have to leave.”
“But—”
“Get out of here! Grrrraaaaaah!” Cole’s face contorted and twisted into something fearsome. His eyes landed on her, but they’d lightened to an inhumanly light brown, and his pupils were pinpoints. His canines lengthened as he gritted his teeth.
Mae didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know. All she could do was hold his head in her lap as his muscles tore through the thin material of his T-shirt. “Oh no, Cole,” she uttered in horror as his skin thinned and disappeared, exposing muscle and bone that was moving, re-shaping, ripping.
“Stay and watch then,” he panted out. “It’ll make it easier to leave.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks and dripped from her jaw as she hovered her hands above his skin helplessly. She wanted to put him back together. His spine broke, cracking and snapping as his torso imploded. A snarl rattled his throat, and then a whine, and she would’ve done anything to take some of the pain. Anything.
“What can I do?” she cried as fur rippled out of his new skin and his hands shrank to paws.
“You can remember me as I was,” he choked out. “Everything will be okay.”
“I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave!” God, he was bleeding everywhere. His Change was utterly gruesome. “I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to leave Uncertain. I can wait for you to come back.”
“No, Mae,” he snarled. “Please. For me. Live.” And then he closed his eyes in the final seconds of his transformation as his snout elongated and his teeth sharpened to points.
And then he was gone—her Cole. All that remained was a massive German Shepherd with the eyes of the man she loved.
Everything will be okay—the words from his note, all those years ago. But this time, she didn’t believe him. This time was different. He stood and shook out his fur, then trotted away from her, gained speed, and leapt for the window.
She screamed and covered her face as he shattered the glass going through. Shocked to her bones, she stood and stepped over the puddle of blood he’d made. Her shoes crunched on the shards of window glass as she rushed to watch him leave, but she couldn’t see him in the dark yard. He was just…gone.
Remember me as I am.
Everything will be okay.
Her shoulders shook with her sobbing. She’d just watched the man she loved die painfully into an animal. Nothing felt like it would ever be okay again.
Nothing was uglier than when a heart broke, but when a heart broke twice?
She’d lost him once, and now she’d lost him again. Cole wasn’t Cole anymore. He was other. He was a dog. An animal. A snarling, hunting, protective, teeth-baring, rip-roaring monster driven by instinct now.
And what was she? The same as she’d always been. Fragile in his eyes. Meant for a bigger life and too good for Uncertain? That’s what everyone kept telling her, but was she? She didn’t feel too big for this place.
She just felt…pain. Loss. Heartbreak all over again.
How could she move on with someone else? Who could ever make her feel like Cole had made her feel? Who could fit into her heart when she’d filled it completely with him? He was too big, and she was too fragile, and she didn’t want this life. She didn’t want to stay and she didn’t want to leave, so now she was stuck in the in-between, like Max.
She didn’t belong anywhere anymore.
Because the second Cole had stopped existing…she had, too.
Now they were both ghosts.
Chapter Thirteen
Mae stood on the pegs of the For Sale sign and straightened it as it sank into the mud in front of Tabby’s driveway.
Nothing was okay.
She’d been like a zombie for two days. Going through the motions. Eat, sleep, breathe. Work, sort of. She’d de-cluttered the house, taken pictures of the rooms, and written the description for the website for the house she’d inherited. It all felt gross and wrong, but what were her options? Let the house go to ruin while she worked in Baton Rouge? While she lived somewhere else, let Tabby’s house go unloved, uncared for, and unlived in? A family deserved this house, and the house deserved a family.
She made her way to the old wooden swing hanging from the branch of the old oak out front. How many hours had she spent here, swinging and thinking? Swinging and thinking.
Cole was missing.
She’d gone to Holt’s to find him, but Holt said he hadn’t seen him. He would call when he showed up, but so far, no call.
The engine noise of an old pickup made her lift her head from where she was staring at the ground in front of the swing. She grabbed the ropes and kicked herself back and forth. Mr. Jennings was early, but maybe that meant he had news. She stood, still holding steady on the worn swing ropes.
But when the truck came through the trees, it wasn’t Mr. Jennings at all. Her heartrate picked up when she recognized the man in the front seat. Seamus Holland stepped out of the truck, slammed the door hard, and jammed a finger at her. “You shoulda never come back here, girl.”
“W-what?”
“Everything was fine. Everything was working,” he slurred.
“Are you drunk? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I think you need to leave. This is my property now.”
“It ain’t your property and never was. You don’t belong here. You don’t fuckin’ belong here!” He was striding for her, and she released the swing and backed away.
“You’re drunk, Seamus. You need to go home and sleep it off.”
“Your fuckin’ guard dog is pissin’ me off.” He paced and ran his hand through his long, silver, greasy hair. There was dry blood caking his hand and his eyes were glazed over. “Dog. Dog, that fuckin’ dog. Hunting me and my people, and he doesn’t know who he’s messin’ with. Him and Liam both. Pushin’ me. None of you realize what I’m capable of!” he screamed, his face turning crimson.
“Okay. Okay,” she said, holding her hands out. “I think there’s been some misunderstanding. There’s no dog after you—”
“You lyin’ bitch.” He narrowed his eyes to slits and repeated, “Youuuu lyin’ bitch. That’s what you
all do. You lie. My daughter is the same way. Her momma was the same before her. Now there’s that other gator mate, Bre. Liar. And now there’s you. You don’t even belong here no more, and you lie. Protecting monsters. The whole town acts like me and Cal are the monsters, but we ain’t. It’s you. All of you getting sympathy for those killers. They’re animals. They’re nothing. And now your pet is destroying my property, hurting my friends.”
“Hurting them how?”
“Cal was attacked this morning, getting out of his truck. Didn’t do nothin’ wrong, and that fuckin’ dog came out of the woods and nearly ripped his leg off.”
“Seamus, I’m searching for a single fuck to give, but I have none. If Cal is hurt, he asked for it. You need to leave.”
“Or what?”
Seamus was terrifying. He really was. She remembered him from growing up here. He was one of those men who didn’t care about consequences. He felt like he was above the law, above morals, all of it. And right now, it was just her and him, and she didn’t have any weapons. And he was stalking closer.
Bluff. Don’t back up. Don’t show weakness. Don’t get cornered.
Mae lowered her voice. “You take another step closer, and I’ll gut you. Leave my land, or I’ll sic my fuckin’ guard dog on you and smile while he rips your throat out. I saw what you did to Liam. I saw it on the news. How many times did you and Cal shoot him? And you got away with attempted murder because why? Because shifters are considered animals? Because the laws don’t protect them yet? Self-defense, my ass. You poked at those gators until they reacted, and then bitched and whined about how you were treated! I hope they’re hunting you. I hope you disappear, Seamus. Who would miss you? Hmm?”
Seamus’s smile was slow and feral, chilling her blood as it stretched his face. “There she is. There’s the smart-mouthed girl I remember. That Uncertain girl. You can never really leave this place, you know. The swamps, they stick to you. You’re a Dafoe. You’re Tabby’s blood. Swamper through and through, but you picked the wrong side. You picked the gators and that mangy mutt shifter. Oh, I know what he is. I know who he is, too. Wasn’t that hard to figure out. Cole Jennings, and he’s been sniffin’ around you since you came back to town, hasn’t he? Like you’re a bitch in heat. You’re hoping that abomination is hunting me? Ha! You’re a traitor to your own people. At least you’d admit it, though. There’s that honest swamper I knew you still had in you.”
