by T. S. Joyce
“Honest? You’re a poacher, Seamus. You have no concept of honesty. Now get—the fuck—off my land.”
He lifted his chin higher. “I made a mistake with Liam.”
“Yeah? And what was that?”
“I didn’t pull the trigger enough times.” His grin was disgusting. “Won’t make the same mistake twice.” He turned and stumbled toward his truck. “Sleep light, Swamper Girl. You know what they say about ghosts.” He turned and walked backward unsteadily for a few steps. “They come back in the night.”
“If you come back in the night, then you can call yourself a ghost, Seamus, because you’ll be dead. Please crash into a tree on your way home. Die slowly.” She gave a two-fingered wave and gave that awful man her back. It took all she had not to look back and make sure he wasn’t following her. Mae walked to the house, and all the fine hairs on the back of her neck rose as she felt him watching her. Don’t look back. Men like Seamus liked people to be scared of them. Show him weakness, and he would pounce like a hunting panther. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. It was the nature of a predator. But stand strong, and he would think twice about an evil deed.
Chills, chills, chills rippling up and down her spine, so after she reached the porch and let herself inside, she locked the door and pressed her back against it, clenched her hands tight enough to dig her nails into her palms. She shook like a leaf, breath too heavy from fear, and she didn’t move from her post until she heard his engine rev up and then fade away.
Everything had fallen apart.
Lip trembling, Mae slid down the door and sat on the floor.
I’m fine pretending for a little while. That’s what she’d told Cole, and she’d been so wrong. She wasn’t fine. She’d fallen in love with him, all over again, but stronger this time. All of the old feelings had never really disappeared. They’d grown brighter and clearer when she’d thought he was dead, and getting to know the new Cole, the stronger Cole, the loyal, protective, caring, mature man he’d turned out to be had tethered her heart to him completely.
She missed Tabby. She would’ve told her everything, and Tabby would’ve given her some good advice and a dirty joke and stopped Mae’s tears in no time. She missed her new life. She missed her old life. She missed feeling safe like she had with Cole.
She missed… she missed…him.
Mae drew up her knees and rested her face against her forearms.
She missed Cole more than a heart had any right to miss a man.
Her life was too quiet now. Too empty.
If you ever need support…well, we’re here. You have it. Bre’s words whispered through her mind. That’s what she’d told her a hundred years ago. It had only been a few days since the bonfire and the best night she could remember, but it felt like a century.
Desperate to feel safe again…to feel anything other than this bone-deep sadness, she stood and made her way to the bedside table where her phone was plugged in.
Then she texted a woman she barely knew. A nice woman who had offered an ear once. A woman who would understand Mae’s loss.
Hi Bre. You gave me your number and said if I ever needed you…to text. Send. I think I need you.
Ten seconds later, her phone screen lit up like a firework in the sky. Where are you?
Home. Send. Mae frowned. Why had she called it that? This wasn’t home. She had an apartment that was back home in Baton Rouge. Quickly, she typed out, I mean Tabby’s house. Send.
I’ll be right there.
Ten minutes later, the sound of a roaring engine rattled the woods around Tabby’s house. It was an old brown and cream Bronco that parked next to Tabby’s Cadillac. Bre and Morgan both got out of the truck. The relief at not being alone was almost tangible.
“I’m sorry,” Mae said as soon as the girls reached the bottom stair of the porch.
“For what?” Bre murmured, climbing up to her first.
Self-deprecating, Mae rolled her eyes and shrugged. “For being weak.”
Bre was wearing a white tank top, a long gray cardigan, booty shorts and gray snow boots, even though it was just beginning to cool down for the fall season. She didn’t say anything else, just pulled Mae in for a hug. It was one of those tight ones that held the pieces of a person together. The healing ones. And Mae hugged her back. A few seconds in, Morgan wrapped her arms around them, too. Mae shouldn’t be able to breathe at all being crushed like this, but she finally could draw her first deep breath in three days. “I feel like all I do here is cry.”
“Nah, you’re tougher than you think,” Morgan assured her, releasing them. “Coming home to something like this is rough, Mae. You deal with everything that’s happening to you however you want. No one can judge you, because who has lived in your shoes?”
Bre pushed her back to arm’s length and squeezed her shoulders gently. “She’s right. Who, Mae? Who could handle any of this?”
“You both could.”
Bre shook her head. “Our mates mostly Change at night. That’s all we give up. Nights. Yours disappears for weeks. It’s different. It’s harder. You miss him more, you are alone more, you have questions he can’t answer until he Changes back, and that’s impossible on anyone’s head.”
“Am I…am I Cole’s mate?” Why did she feel such a swell of hope in her chest with the utterance of that simple word?
“Yeah, Mae,” Bre murmured. “We can all see it. Your heart got stuck, just like mine did to Holt, and just like Morgan’s did to Liam. There’s no going back or making that bond softer. It is what it is. You are who you are.” She arched an eyebrow and lowered her chin. “You love who you love. And that man loves you right back. It’s clear as day.”
But he had still run away. With a sigh, Mae’s shoulders slumped. “Seamus paid me a visit.”
“What?” Bre straightened and checked the clearing behind her. “When? What happened?”
“Just threats. He knows what Cole is. Apparently Cole is hunting him. He attacked Cal.”
Morgan huffed a breath and gestured for her to go inside. Lowering her voice, she said, “We’re all hunting them.”
“Oh,” she said, stung at being left out. Left out? Of a hunt?
As if Bre could read the hurt on her face, she stepped inside after her and closed the door behind all of them. “We were going to come over here tomorrow and have a family meeting. We were trying to give you a few days to breathe.”
“Family meeting?” she repeated, wiping her damp cheeks.
“Yeah, but don’t smile like that,” Bre muttered. “You didn’t exactly hit the jackpot. It’s two alligators, a poacher’s daughter, a knocked-up news reporter, and a dog-boyfriend.”
Morgan narrowed her eyes at Squirts, who was striding through the living room, pecking at the edges of a flesh-colored rug. “And a mangy chicken.”
“And a witch,” came a voice from behind them.
Mae gasped and spun to find the Lachlan Witch sitting at her kitchen table. Raina Lachlan.
“H-how did you get in here?”
“Not by magic.” The tall woman crossed her long legs and arched an eyebrow. She wore long braids and red cat-eye glasses. Her lips were the same shade of crimson. She was just as beautiful as she was intimidating. Mae had grown up on all the terrifying rumors about her ability to control the gators of the swamp and make anyone disappear. Rumor had it she could curse people as well. “You left your back door unlocked, Mae. Can’t do that here. Not anymore. I tied my boat off on your ramp out back and was in your house in under a minute. The Uncertain that you left isn’t the same anymore. Not for you, girl. You been runnin’ with shifters. People notice everything in this town. And while a lot of the town has turned protective over our lot, there are still some who don’t like what the boys are.”
“Like Seamus?”
“Like Seamus and many others.” Raina glanced at Squirts, who was squirming in Mae’s too-tight embrace. “Bre called me when you said you needed help. Why is there a chicken in the house?”
Mae sniffed. “She likes to be a house chicken. And Cole isn’t my boyfriend. Anymore. Bre said that, but it’s not true. We’re just friends.” But a sob bellowed up, and she said thickly, “I think. I don’t know what we are. I only got a couple days with him, and it’s not enough. Tabby is gone, and I’m pretty sure this house is haunted. I talked to Cole’s dad, and Mr. Jennings is so nice and he told me three years ago that he would walk me down the aisle if my parents didn’t feel like driving all the way from Alaska to me and Cole’s future wedding, and he kissed me—”
“Cole’s dad kissed you?” Morgan interrupted, looking scandalized.
“No, Cole kissed me …I’ve been crying for three days like a little baby, and this isn’t me! This isn’t me! I’m the tough one. The hard-hearted, get-shit-done, I’m-from-the-motherfuckin’-swamps girl who is supposed to be this great, successful realtor, but I don’t even want to sell this house, and I’ve been ignoring all the emails from work back in Baton Rouge. I can’t stop looking for him. Bre, I can’t stop looking for him. In the woods, on the road, in the doorway, I can’t stop looking for Cole, or Fargo, or whatever he is now. And I don’t understand why he’s staying away from me. I worry about him and miss him. He bled all over the floor when he Changed, and I can’t get the stain out. I can’t get the vision of the pain in his eyes out of my head, and I wish it was me! I wish I could be the one who hurt. Not him. Not Cole.”
She stooped and picked up a startled Squirts, who had made the mistake of wandering into snuggling range, and hugged her to her chest. “And how can I move on? Huh? How can a heart move on from ‘the one’? Cole isn’t dead like I thought. He’s not gone. He’s just different right now. And I don’t know what to do. I know I’m supposed to leave and not look back, that’s what he wants me to do, but how can I cut these memories out of my head? How can I cut these feelings from my heart? If I had a magic knife that would do those things, I would, but I don’t have one.” Mae wiped her wet cheek on her shoulder. “I’m asking as a friend, and please be honest with me.” She swallowed hard. “What should I do?”
Raina sighed, and her frown landed on the opened suitcase in the corner of the living room. Mae still hadn’t moved it, because moving it to the bedroom and unpacking had felt like a choice to stay.
Raina looked to Bre and then to Morgan, but whatever she said with her eyes, Mae couldn’t interpret it. A hundred things passed between the three women in the span of a few moments that Mae didn’t understand.
And without a word, Bre made her way to the suitcase, closed the top, and zipped it up.
“Bring the chicken if you want,” Morgan said softly. “You shouldn’t be alone.”
Raina stood and made her way to the front door and out of the house. Morgan followed, and then Bre, dragging Mae’s suitcase.
“But…I have to sell the house,” she said, stalling.
“We will take care of the house. You asked us what we think you should do. Get in the Bronco,” Bre said without turning around. The suitcase clattered against every porch step going down.
“But…I need to lock up. And…and…say goodbye.”
“Cole’s not here, girl,” Raina called from where she was opening the truck door. “Tabby ain’t here. There’s nothing left in that house to say goodbye to. We’ll come back and lock everything up.” She stood there, holding the truck door open for Mae.
A part of her had wished they’d asked her to stay here. With them. A part of her was hurt they were so quick to advise her to leave. Family, huh?
She knew she was being ungenerous with her thoughts as she grabbed her purse and headed down the stairs with Squirts. “Will you take care of the other chickens?” she asked Morgan as she passed her.
Morgan wouldn’t look up from the ground, and Mae could’ve sworn she saw a tear fall into the grass, but maybe it was a trick of the porch lighting. “Sure,” Morgan answered.
Mae turned before she climbed into the back seat of the Bronco so she could see the house one more time. She could do most of the sales work from her computer, but if felt strange leaving this place. Her head was so muddied, spinning with thoughts, and so hurt she couldn’t think straight.
In the Bronco, she twisted in the seat next to Morgan as Bre drove them away so she could watch Tabby’s house disappear.
What was she doing? Where would she go? She didn’t have a flight booked, didn’t have a plan. “There are so many loose ends here,” she murmured over the sound of the engine.
“We can take care of them all,” Raina said. “Just let us know what needs to be done. We’ll be your team here.” Raina turned in the passenger’s seat. “I’m sorry, Mae.”
“For what?” she whispered.
“I know exactly what I took from you in the swamp that night.” Her eyes were rimmed with tears. “It’ll stay with me always.” She turned back around, and the silence droned on as Mae’s thoughts were a hurricane inside her. How did she voice her feelings when they were so complicated and layered? But she’d listened when Cole and his dad had talked about Raina, and… “It’s okay,” she told the woman. “I know you didn’t want this. You saved his life the only way you could.”
When the Now Leaving Uncertain sign flashed reflectively in the headlights, Bre slowed down. Now Leaving Uncertain. But she wouldn’t ever leave uncertainty.
Mae’s breath shook, and she felt sick. She was panicking. It was all too much at once, and when Bre stopped the Bronco on the side of the road, she didn’t understand.
After the three women got out, Bre pulled the driver’s seat forward and gestured for Mae to get out, too.
“What’s going on?” she asked, settling Squirts on the seat and making her way out of the rig.
It was Raina who answered, illuminated by the headlights.
“You’re free, Mae. You asked us what we think you should do, but it was never up to us. What right do we have to tell you either way? We all chose shifters. My mate isn’t here anymore, but if I had to do it all again, the pain, the fear, and the danger…” Her face softened into a smile before she continued in a quieter voice, “The joy, excitement, the devotion, adoration…the love. I would do it all the same. It’s your choice to go or stay, and no one has a right to be a part of that decision but you. You’ll bear the pain of separation. You’ll bear the joy when you’re together.”
Bre gestured to the Now Leaving Uncertain sign. “When you see that, how does your heart feel?”
“Sad,” Mae answered honestly.
“Do you want to leave?” Morgan asked.
Mae dropped her gaze to the edge of the road where the asphalt dropped off an inch into the weeds. She imagined Cole’s smile and shook her head.
“Do you need to leave?” Bre asked.
Again, Mae shook her head.
“Tell us exactly what you imagine your life will look like if you stay here,” Raina said.
“Lonely.”
“For Cole, yes,” Bre agreed. “But you’ll never be alone.”
Mae lifted her eyes to Bre, searched her freckled face. “What do you mean?”
“You’ll have us,” Morgan said. “It ain’t much, but it also ain’t not much. I know all about bein’ alone, and not havin’ that support system. That was my story before I found Liam. But I figured out real quick, it wasn’t just Liam that I found.” She twitched her head toward Bre and Raina. “He came with perks.”
“You didn’t bring me out here to take me to the airport?” Mae asked.
“No, silly, we like you,” Bre said. “You make Cole/Fargo/what-the-fuck-ever he is happy. He’s one of us, and so are you. Whether you’re here or in some city making a big name for yourself selling mansions. So spill it. What do you think your life will look like?”
“I’ll miss Cole all the time he’s Changed, and when he’s a man, I’ll count down the minutes until I lose him again. My life will revolve around dread.”
“That pain is something you’ll adjust to,” Raina said. “And my theor
y is, now that he has someone to come back to, he’ll work harder on quicker Changes. He already called me asking for any new remedies. I don’t have one that won’t kill him yet, but hopefully someday we will figure something out. I have a plan, but it’s just not the right time.”
Hope blossomed in her chest. There was a possibility that it wouldn’t always be like this? She couldn’t get too excited because she was a realist, and black magic wasn’t an exact science, but it was nice to feel something other than defeat right now.
“What else?” Raina asked.
“Ummm, if I stayed here, I would keep Tabby’s house, her chickens, and her boats. Figure this town out again.”
“Family dinners,” Morgan murmured. “You would always be invited, even if Cole is sitting next to you as a dog instead of a man. We would try to give you a rich life while he’s Changed, so you ain’t just waiting around for him to turn into a man again.”
Bre pressed her hand on her stomach. “Someday, if you stayed and had a baby, you would already have a village behind you for help.”
Mae’s face crumpled, and her breath hitched. “I would love that. Little baby with Cole’s face.”
“And your brains,” Bre deadpanned. “And pray to God he doesn’t come out lookin’ like a puppy.”
Mae laughed thickly. And then she admitted something she hadn’t wanted to admit out loud before now. “I’m scared that if I leave, I’ll never really leave. My heart will be here, with him, and I’ll be cursed to a half-life.”
“I think so too,” Raina said softly. “It ain’t easy being a mate to one of these boys. It won’t ever be a normal relationship. It’ll be harder, but with hard situations, the reward is also greater. The time you do have with him? It will be so potently happy because your heart will realize you have to fit your joy into a few days instead of a few weeks. You can be happy here in Uncertain, Mae. Your happiness just ain’t gonna look like anyone else’s. One thing I learned in my years with Dean,” Raina said. “You can’t make a shifter pay for what he is. If you stay, you can’t punish the dog in Cole. Sometimes it’ll hurt, and you’ll want to lash out. You’ll want more time, but you gotta be a team with him. A cheerleader. So he can Change, do his monstrous deeds, and protect the swamps and the gators the way he knows how without your anger weighing on his head. So if you choose to stay, you gotta really stay. No one-foot-in-the-door, one-foot-out business. That’ll hurt you and Cole both, and we won’t watch you suffer. You gotta make that decision and go all in, or go back to your life in the city and let him go. You clean-cut that bond you’ve built with him, or you make it unbreakable. Whatever you choose, we’ll back you.”
