From Lukov with Love

by Mariana Zapata

“I mean….”

  “If you don’t think you can do it….” He trailed off with a shrug of those shoulders I’d put my hands on five thousand times in just a couple of months.

  If I didn’t think I could do it….

  Shit.

  I watched his face, but nothing about it changed; he just kept looking forward. I felt… off, and weird. “What does it mean if we are? Do we have to do something or…?”

  “I don’t know,” was his brilliant-ass and unexpected response. Because how did he not know? I’d seen him hundreds of times surrounded by people, smiling, hugging, acting like he loved attention and had been born to be the center of it every minute of his life.

  But had I seen him actually talk to people before for longer than a few minutes?

  Huh.

  I wasn’t sure I had.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said before I could stop myself.

  That had him glancing at me, and if his voice was huskier than normal, I didn’t notice it. “Okay,” was his response.

  What the hell did this all mean? What was I supposed to do? I wasn’t the type to hug for no reason, and I didn’t have time to hang out or whatever it was that “friends” did. I hadn’t lied. I didn’t hate him. I hated my ex and a few other people, but I just didn’t like Ivan. He was argumentative, arrogant, blunt….

  I’d just described myself, hadn’t I? Shit.

  This was never going to work. This was why I didn’t have friends, or more than a couple because—

  Then I remembered this was Ivan. Ivan who had the same schedule I did. Ivan who didn’t have time either. Or did he? I didn’t know what he did when we weren’t together.

  Could we… be friends? Or at least try to bicker less?

  What I really wanted to know was would he even want to?

  “This is only for a year,” I said, reminding him about something he already damn well knew. They were the same words he’d used on me every time he wanted. The same words he’d literally used on me hours ago just this morning, before practice and ballet.

  “I know that,” he muttered.

  “So what’s the point?”

  “Fine, forget it,” he mumbled, turning the car down onto the street leading to my mom’s neighborhood.

  “You’re the one who brought it up,” I muttered in return.

  “Well, I changed my mind.”

  “Well, I don’t think you really get to change your mind after you said it.”

  “I did.”

  I blinked, not liking how insulted I felt all of a sudden now that he’d “changed” his mind. I didn’t even want to be his friend. It would have been the last thing I wanted or expected, but now….

  I didn’t like him telling me what to do. That had to be it. That’s what I was going to tell myself. He didn’t get to choose what I did with my life and time more than he already had. “Too bad, shitface. I guess we can try.” I might have broken into a sweat just saying that.

  He made a noise as he turned the wheel. “You guess?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  He made a face but said, “I’ll think about it.”

  I scoffed, forcing myself to look forward. “You’ll think—” I cut myself off as I saw the two-story house coming up on the right. There were three cars I recognized parked in the driveway. Fuck me. “We’re here,” I said, pointing at the house.

  Ivan steered the car to the open spot in front of the house, and the second he did, I rushed to say, “Okay, thanks for bringing me,” hand already on the door, my other hand going to the straps of my bag.

  I watched him turn off the car more than I actually heard him turn it off.

  What the hell was he…?

  Ivan raised his eyebrows after turning to me. “Can I use the bathroom?”

  Chapter 9

  I blinked.

  I blinked, and every single word I had learned over the course of my life stopped existing. Because in that moment, as I sat there on top of butter-smooth leather seats with my hand on the door handle to a car that cost more than most people’s homes, I wasn’t sure what the hell to say. I wasn’t even sure I’d heard him correctly.

  “Say what?” I basically croaked for what I was pretty sure was the first time in my life.

  The man sitting behind the steering wheel didn’t even bother answering my question. What he did was reach to the side… and open his door. Then he said, “Can I use the bathroom?”

  He…?

  He wanted me to invite him in? Was that what he was seriously fucking asking me? Was he not so subtly telling me he wanted to go inside my house? Where my family was? To pee?

  I blinked again, the “no” on the tip of my tongue, filling the back of my throat and so large it went down my esophagus too. It was a stupid-ass response, one I knew I was more than likely going to regret, but I gave it anyway. Because: be better. “If… you want to.”

  Ivan’s reply was to get out of the car and slam the door closed, all while I still sat there, wondering what the hell had just happened. Then, just as quickly as Ivan had gotten out, I did the same, grabbing all of my things and closing the door as gently as possible. He was already waiting for me halfway up the paved pathway leading to the front door, hands tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants, his black fleece pullover matching his low-profile black tennis shoes perfectly. Mostly though, it annoyed me that he hadn’t taken a shower either, and I looked like I needed one while he… didn’t.

  “Who’s here?” the nosey bastard asked.

  I slid him a side-look as I walked around him onto the grass to head to the front door, shoving my arm into the opened zipper of my bag to look for my keys. I’d already taken in the cars parked in the long driveway. The Cadillac was James’s, my brother’s husband. The 4Runner was Tali’s, and the Yukon was Squirt’s husband’s. “My mom, her husband, Ben, my brother and his husband, both my sisters, Aaron, my sister’s husband, and their kids.”

  “Which sister?” he asked.

  I eyeballed him again as I slid the key into the lock, wondering on a scale of one to ten how shitty of an idea this was going to be. With my luck, probably a thirty. Because today would be the day that he invited himself inside to use the bathroom.

  God help me.

  “The redhead or the sweet, quiet one?” he asked, like I didn’t know the difference in my sisters.

  “Aaron is Ruby’s husband; she’s the nice one,” I replied, my words coming out choppy and stilted because I didn’t get when the hell he’d paid enough attention to know my two sisters. It had been years since Ruby, the younger of the two, had gone with me to the rink. Not since she’d been pregnant with their first baby. Tali still tagged along every once in a while to sit there and judge me, but not as often as she used to. And I couldn’t remember either one of them ever going to his parents’ house to pick me up after I’d hung out with Karina.

  “You have another brother, don’t you?” he asked, just as I pulled the key out of the lock and went to turn the doorknob.

  How the fuck did he know I had another brother? Maybe Karina had mentioned it before. She did used to claim she had a crush on Seb. “My oldest one. Sebastian.”

  Ivan dipped his chin down before taking a step forward, closer to the door—and me—as I shoved it open. Instantly, I could hear quiet laughter coming from the direction of where the kitchen was.

  I was going to regret this. I knew for sure I was going to regret letting him in. But if I told him I didn’t want him to come inside, it would just make me look weak or like there was something I was trying to hide from him. Plus, that was kinda mean.

  I waved Ivan inside as I stood beside the door and closed it after him. “Let me show you the bathroom,” I offered.

  He made a face, his attention going in the direction of the laughter. “Shouldn’t you go tell them hi first?”

  Should I, maybe. Did I want to? No.

  “I should tell your mom hello, shouldn’t I?”

  Oh God.

 
There was a reason I had never brought a boyfriend over to my house to meet my family. And now... well, now I was going to bring one of the most important people I would ever meet and have a relationship with over to see these psychos, even if it was only for a moment to greet my mom.

  Thinking about all the horrible things I had said in front of my brothers and sisters’ old boyfriends and girlfriends over the years was almost enough for me to regret the hell they were more than likely going to pay me back with now.

  I wasn’t fool enough to think they were going to be on their best behavior because a gold medalist was coming in to say hi.

  At least I sure as hell hoped that’s all he was doing. From a single sniff, I could tell dinner was well on its way to being done. It smelled so good.

  With a shrug, I tipped my head to the side so he would follow me. I passed by the living room and found it almost empty except for Ben, who was standing at the liquor cabinet, filling three different glasses with what looked like gin and tonic. “Hey, Ben,” I called out, stopping behind the couch to greet him.

  He didn’t look back as he closed the bottle in his hand. “Hey, Jas,” he whispered, glancing over his shoulder before his eyes hit where I was standing and he stopped talking. His whiskey-colored eyes widened, and I knew he was fully aware of who was standing not even six inches away.

  “Why are you whispering?” I asked.

  He pointed upstairs. “The kids are napping in our room.”

  Oh. Deciding to go peek into my mom’s room later, I focused on the person beside me. “Ben, this is my partner, Ivan. Ivan, this is my mom’s husband, Ben,” I introduced them both, not sure what to do with the way Ivan blinked slowly before finally taking a step forward and saying, “Nice to meet you” like a normal, polite human being.

  Huh.

  I noticed Ben slide his eyes in my direction, giving me a “what the fuck, Jasmine?” look before taking Ivan’s outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you, too.” He paused. “Want a drink?”

  “I’m driving, but thanks,” he replied easily.

  “Let me know if you change your mind,” Ben replied, giving me another bug-eyed look.

  Ivan nodded at the same time I waved to him so he’d follow me into the kitchen. I recognized my sister’s laugh, followed by Jojo saying, “Shut up.”

  Stepping into the wide doorway of the kitchen, I took in my siblings and their significant others sitting around the island and focused way too hard on something in the middle of it. My mom on the other hand was peeking into one of the double wall ovens and poking something inside. Glancing back at Ivan, I raised my eyebrows at him and then went into the kitchen, expecting him to follow behind me at the same exact time. Jonathan threw his hands in the air a split second before the sound of a few things falling on the granite filled the room.

  “No!” my brother hissed at the same time my sister Tali went, “How did you screw that up?”

  “You know he sucks at Jenga,” I threw in, coming up behind the body I knew belonged to my sister. She turned around just as I touched the top of her head.

  “Jasmine,” Ruby, my slightly older sister, squealed, her hands moving toward me before stopping halfway between our bodies, like she was hesitating. She always did.

  I didn’t even sigh; I just wrapped my arms around her and noticed it took her all of a second before she hugged me back.

  “I come over all the time, and you never hug me like that,” Jojo piped up from his spot across the island.

  I was still hugging Ruby when I glanced over at him and said, “Because she’s never come into the bathroom while I was showering and dumped a pitcher of ice water on me.”

  “You’re still mad about that?” my brother asked, planting his elbows on the island and smirking so wide his gap-tooth grin came out.

  “You did it last week,” I reminded him. “And two weeks before that.”

  “I was only trying to help you—” he started to say before James, who was sitting beside him, elbowed him in the arm, hard enough to get his attention as he rubbed his arm. “What was that for?”

  James’s eyes were on the spot behind me as he elbowed his significant other again.

  Now or never, right? “Ivan gave me a ride home because my car wouldn’t start,” I explained, watching as all of them, even my mom who was at the oven, all turned to try and look behind me. “Everyone, Ivan. Ivan, this is everyone.”

  My brother squeaked. James elbowed my brother again. My sister, Tali, blinked. The hand that Ruby had on my lower back jerked. My mom did nothing, and neither did my sister’s beautiful blond husband who was sitting in the seat directly to my right.

  “Hello,” Ivan, who was apparently wearing his polite pants, called out.

  It was my mom that replied, “Hello, Ivan,” as she came around the island, wiping her hands on the apron she had on over her clothes. “It’s nice to see you again.”

  He replied something I couldn’t hear when Ruby’s hand on my back moved, and she leaned in to whisper into my ear, “He’s so tall and handsome in person.”

  I glanced at the man beside her, who had turned back around to face the island and begun collecting the wooden blocks that were spread all over the counter. “I’m going to tell Pretty Boy you’re eyeing another guy.”

  She scowled and pulled away. “You’re a pain, Jasmine.”

  I smiled at her and touched the top of her head again. She had been the last of my brothers and sisters to move out, and even though it had been six years since it had happened, I still missed her like it was just yesterday. Even though I was pretty close to Jonathan in our own screwed-up way, it was Ruby that I had always been the closest to. My mom said it was because we were polar opposites and balanced each other out. Like Karina. I always thought it was just because she had the most patience with me, and I had always been really over protective of her despite the fact she was five years older than me.

  With the back of my hand, I reached to the right and tapped her husband’s shoulder, taking in the baby monitor sitting in front of him on the table. It was one of those fancy video ones.

  He peeked over at me in the middle of collecting Jenga pieces and grinned. “Jasmine.”

  I gave him his own little smile. It was hard not to. “Aaron.”

  “I’ve been meaning to tell you how happy I was when Rubes said you got another partner,” the man replied in his honey-sweet Louisiana accent. “I knew it would only be a matter of time.”

  My smile grew a little wider, and I nodded at him, tapping his shoulder one more time to tell him thank you. In return, the man my brother had joked around that he’d sworn he’d seen on the cover of a book before, smiled at me, like it was enough. It had only taken Aaron about five minutes to convince me that he deserved to be my sister’s first boyfriend. I’d been prepared to hate his guts. But in those first five minutes after she’d brought him to the house to introduce him to us all—six months before they eloped, and six and a half months before we found out about it—he had asked her to show him all of the cosplay outfits she had made over the years, and I knew she had found a kind, decent man.

  If he hadn’t been, my mom and I had been ready to whoop his ass one dark, rainy night when he couldn’t identify us.

  “’Sup, man,” my brother, Jonathan, said from close by.

  Peeking over my shoulder, I found that Jojo had gotten up from the island and was towering over my mom at her side, hand already shaking Ivan’s.

  “How’s it going,” Ivan replied. “Ivan.”

  Like Jojo didn’t know who he was.

  “Jonathan,” my brother said, sounding totally cool, and not at all like he’d talked about Ivan’s “skater butt” in the past. “This is my hubby, James,” he continued on, hooking his thumb behind him to point at the island. James waved.

  “You’re my fourth favorite figure skater,” James said, shooting me a wink.

  Fourth?

  Even Jojo wondered the same thing. “Who’s one through three?” />
  “Jasmine.”

  “Two and three?”

  “Jasmine.”

  My dead heart gave a little burn of emotion, and if I was the kind of person to blow someone a kiss, I would have done it to him. “I’d push you out of the way if you were about to get run over,” I told him and meant it.

  He smiled and winked at me again. “I know you would, Jas.”

  I smiled back at him before glancing at Ivan to see him watching me. I was about to ask him what the hell he was looking at but stopped when I remembered I had agreed to try and be friends with him. What the hell had I been thinking?

  “Would you push me out of the way of a car?” Jojo asked.

  “No. But I’d pick some pretty flowers for your funeral.”

  He scowled and stuck his tongue out at me. I stuck mine out right back. His middle finger came up to his face and scratched at the tip of his nose. I brought mine up and rubbed it across my eyebrow.

  “Jasmine, come on,” my mom moaned. “Not in front of guests.”

  “But he—” I started to say, pointing at Jonathan before stopping myself and shaking my head.

  My brother’s “hehe” was really low, but I still heard him.

  “Dinner is almost ready. Are you going to shower, Jasmine?” my mom asked just as Tali approached Ivan and introduced herself. At least that’s what I assumed when she hugged him.

  I was watching them as I nodded, “Uh-huh.”

  Ivan gave my sister a smile I hadn’t seen before… and it made me feel weird. Tali was a younger version of my mom. Beautiful, slim, with that red hair, pale skin, and bone structure that no plastic surgeon in the world could replicate. I couldn’t think of a single time I had been out with her and hadn’t caught someone staring at her or hitting on her. She was so used to it she didn’t even notice it anymore. And I had stopped caring that she was so pretty a long, long time ago.

  Some were just better looking than other ones. Maybe I wasn’t as pretty as my sister, but I could kick her ass, and that had always made me feel better. But Tali would be the one to help me bury a body… if I ever needed to.

  “Go shower then,” my mom demanded. “I don’t want the lasagna to burn.”