by LP Lovell
She turns to face me. “Oh my god, why did you never tell me this?!” She gasps.
“It never came up in conversation I guess.” I shrug. I really don’t want to get into this conversation.
“I’m sorry, that just…took me by surprise.”
“It’s okay, but you understand why me staying with Theo while he has a baby with another woman would be difficult. Shit, I mean I barely know him Mole. Three months and now this.” I sigh and lean my head back against the head rest. “But he’s all I think of. There’s this constant pain in my chest, and every time I see him it gets harder to remember why we can’t just be together.”
“I know babe.” She rubs my arm.
“The thought of him having a baby with her makes me feel sick. It’s nobody’s fault. It just is what it is. I don’t want to be in his life and resent that child because that’s not fair on anyone, but I can’t promise that I won’t.”
“I get that, I do, but you’re one of the best people I know Lill’s. That baby would be lucky to have you, especially after what you told me about the mother.” She smiles at me before pulling the car back out onto the road. “Theo’s an idiot for losing you.”
“Like I said, it is what it is. How are things with Hugo anyway?” I say quickly trying to change the subject.
She shrugs one shoulder. “He’s a bit of fun.” She looks sad as she says it. Oh no, she had best not be interested in that walking government health warning. Fuck me.
“Good, you should keep it that way. Men like him aren’t worthy of you Molly.” I say passionately.
She offers me a small smile. “Thanks. I’ve missed you Lill’s.”
“I’m right here.” I say.
She nods. “You are, but you haven’t been you. I was worried he’d finally broken you. I would have killed him. You know that right?”
“I know.” I smile. “It takes more than that to break me.”
She stays focused on the road ahead. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“How did you get Theo to change his playboy ways?” Oh god.
“Um, did you not get the memo where he got a girl pregnant?” I laugh lightly.
She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. He changed for you, after the inseminating, prior to the pregnant lady.”
“Ew.” I scrunch up my nose. “I didn’t do anything. I guess he just finally met his match. He’d never been turned down. Men are simple creatures Mole, they’re like children, they always want what they don’t have.”
“Until they have it.” She frowns. Somehow I don’t think she’s talking about Theo and I any more.
“Until you move on to the next. Love them and leave them. Trust me, boys like Hugo and Theo are the ultimate love and leave. Learn from my mistake.” One look at her and I can already tell she won’t, because I knew exactly what kind of guy Theo was, and I still fell in love with him. Sometimes we just can’t help ourselves.
We pull up outside Shamrock’s, the front for the Underground. My heart hammers in my chest in anticipation. I need to dance, I need to drink and I need to fuck. People stood outside the bar stare at the Maserati which looks very out of place on the dirty Hackney street. The bar is grungy, with dirty windows. A neon sign blinks in the window, and burly men cover the pavement outside, all smoking. I open the door and swing both legs out the door. A lady must perfect such movements when wearing a dress that could pass for a top.
Molly and I get out of the car and there’s a high pitched beep as she locks it. I don’t want to leave the Mas out here, but on the other hand…fuck it. Every eye is on us as we walk to the door. I walk up to a huge guy who’s standing there, eyes wide, cigarette hanging loosely from his fingers.
“Do me a favour.” I put as much sex into my voice as possible. He’s almost drooling. “Make sure no-one hurts my baby.” He nods without saying a word. “Thanks. You’re a gem.” I wink at him as I sashay past them and through the door.
Molly laughs as she comes up beside me. “Poor guy.”
Despite our seriously under dressed state, no-one in the bar pays us much attention. The bartender catches my eye and inclines his head slightly. I step around to the side of the dark wood bar as he slips out from behind it and leads us through a door.
The door opens into a corridor, and at the end of the corridor is an old fashioned industrial lift with a metal gate across it. He slides the gate back and we step in. He walks away before we’ve even started to descend.
“Lilly…I know you’re not exactly in self-preservation mode right now, but seriously, are we walking into some sort of dodgy drug den?”
The lift hits the bottom of its descent and the metal gate is pulled open by a burley guy with sunglasses on. He must not be able to see a thing. He doesn’t speak as we step out and approach a set of double doors. The rumble of heavy bass reverberates through the concrete floor. I turn to Molly and smile. “You’ll see.”
I pull open the doors and my senses are instantly over whelmed. The music hits me like a wall. It’s hot in here as warm bodies pack together. The underground is essentially like a stripped out warehouse. The walls are stripped back brick, the floor exposed concrete. There are steel pillars dotted through the room, holding the structure up. The bar is lit up by industrial strip lights set underneath it.
“Wow, this is cool.” Molly shouts over the music.
I pull her to the bar and order some shots. There’s a big sign over the bar that says ‘shots only’. My kind of place. The place is packed and it takes a while to get to the bar. I order random shots and we end up shooting some bright red liquid that tastes like petrol. Molly scrunches up her nose as she shudders. I snort a laugh. I spot a small stage to the right and a door just behind it with a thick set guy stood in front of it. That must be back stage. I take Molly’s hand and sashay over to the wall of a bouncer. I put just a little more sway in my hips, a little flick of my hair. He watches me as I approach.
“Hi.” I say with a smile. “I’m a friend of Cruise’s. I couldn’t get hold of him to say we were coming, do you think I could go see him?”
“He didn’t say to me, so you’re not going back there.” He replies gruffly.
“We are good friends.” Molly adds.
He laughs. “Darling, do you know how many girls say that?”
“Darling…Do we look like whore groupies?” I put as much sex as possible into my voice. “If I wanted to fuck the band, I’d do it. I wouldn’t need to sneak in the back to do so.”
“Please.” Molly says quickly.
He sighs. “Fine, but if you cause trouble, then you’re out.” He grumbles.
“Thanks.” I wink at him as he opens the door and allows us through. We step into a dark hallway.
“Ugh, it smells like a men’s toilet in here.” Molly whines.
“Wasn’t sure a girl like you knew what a men’s toilet smelt like.” I nudge her playfully. She rolls her eyes. There are voices coming from a door on the left. I knock before pushing the door open.
Several set of eyes swing to the open door. “Fucking hell.” Doug says with a grin. “I swear you wear less clothes every time I see you girl.”
I shrug and flash him a wry smile. I wave at the guys before my eyes land on Cruise. He has a groupie sat on his lap. She’s covered in tat’s, but she’s hot.
“Cruise.” I stop in front of him. His eyes meet mine before they rake my body.
“Lilly? What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you, dick fuck. You know, you have a phone, you could use it.”
“Ah, Lilly, if Cruise isn’t showing you the appropriate love you could always come see me. My cock would love to be your bitch.” Doug grins. I roll my eyes.
Cruise shoves the groupie off his lap, who then glares at me. He stands and grabs my hand, pulling me into the corridor outside.
“What are you doing here Lilly?” He asks.
“I told you.”
“I didn’t call you f
or a reason.” He snaps. He paces in front of me. What is wrong with him?
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I can’t see you any more. You can’t call me. Nothing.”
I narrow my eyes. “We’re just friends Cruise. We’re not seeing each other.”
“I just, I can’t okay. I’m sorry. I really am, but I have to do this.” I can see he doesn’t want to do this. Which begs the question, why is he doing this?
“Why?” I ask. He says nothing. He hasn’t spoken to me since that night at Note. The pieces start to slot into place. “Oh, he got to you didn’t he.” I grit my teeth. Fucking Theo. “Did he threaten you?”
He shakes his head. “No, look it’s nothing like that.”
“Then he bought you off.” He stays silent. It hurts that Cruise could be bought off. “I know I haven’t always treated you very well, but I thought we were friends Cruise.” I whisper.
“We are.”
“Friends don’t sell each other out for money.” I choke out. God, why does this hurt? Fuck, why do I seem to keep opening myself up to people only for them to stab me in the back.
“Lilly. Look, he loves you. I mean the guy has issues, but he loves you. He’s going to roll over anyone who gets in his way.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t think that friends is enough for me, and you’re in love with him.” What the hell?
“We have always been casual Cruise.”
“Yeah, well I guess that it was easier when you didn’t give a fuck and you just used to use me.” He leans against the wall. “But then when you wanted to get to know me, when you told me things about yourself, when you were heartbroken and lonely…well I fell for that girl.” His blue eyes meet mine. “I want you in my life Lilly, I do, but we’re, well…complicated. The lines are blurred. And none of this changes the fact that you’re in love with him.” Jesus, he’s right I have used him, even now, I came here tonight wanting to fuck him so I could get over Theo. I had no idea he felt this way.
“I’m…I’m sorry. I don’t want to be.” I try to explain.
“I know, but he just gave me an out. At some point this was inevitable. You can’t see it Lilly, but you’re withering and dying without him. He’s it for you.”
“Did he tell you to say that?” I snap.
“What? No! It’s just what I see.”
I step close to him. “Theodore Ellis is an arsehole. I am fine without him.”
“Lilly I’m sorry…” He stumbles over his words.
“Just tell me, what did he offer you?” I ask angrily.
“A record deal.” He says quietly.
“And in exchange…”
“I cut all contact with you. I’m not even allowed to think your name.” He adds sarcastically.
“Well then good luck with your record deal Cruise. I wish you every success.” I open the door back into the room where the band is. Molly is sat on one of the sofa’s looking uncomfortable.
“Molly.” I lift my chin to indicate we’re going. She scrambles up and meets me at the door.
“Thank god.” She breathes. “They’re animals.”
I walk down the corridor with Molly.
“Lilly!” Cruise calls. I flip him the bird over my shoulder.
“What is that about?” Molly asks.
“Theo bought him off.” I say flatly.
“What?! Why?” she looks at me with wide eyes.
“Really Mole? Does anything Theo does surprise you any more? He’s fucking insane.” God, I want to rip my hair out. I can’t get him out of my life. I feel like a trapped animal. Every time I try and leave he blocks my exit until I’m just running around in circles. I always end up right back here, with no-one but him stood in front of me.
“In a weird way it’s kind of sweet.”
I stop just outside the door at the end of the corridor. “What?!” I shriek.
“Well, it’s just that he loves you, and he doesn’t want to see you with anyone else. I know it’s crazy possessive, but in his own weird way I think it’s sweet.” She gets this doey eyed look. I should know better than to expect Molly to see how insane this is. Life is just one big romance waiting to happen to her.
“You’re just as crazy as he is. Come on. I need to get drunk and then I need to get laid. I’m fed up of being cock blocked by that prick.”
An hour later and I’m blissfully drunk. Cruise’s band are playing, and Molly and I are dancing. I don’t look at the stage. I know Cruise will look ridiculously hot, and for the first time in my life I won’t be able to go after him. I kind of want to seduce him and fuck him just to spite Theo, but if he found out then the band would lose their big shot. I can’t do that to them. Cruise made his choice and truth be told I can’t even be angry at him about it. If I were in his shoes I’d probably do the same. Cruise isn’t my only option though.
I know how to play this game. I know it well. I dance close to Molly so that our bodies writhe against each other. I don’t take my attention off her. My methods are simple; have a good time and wait for them to come running.
I keep catching a glimpse of a guy standing to the side of the room. His tall frame is leaning against the wall, a bottle of beer in hand. He’s wearing jeans and a tight t-shirt which exposes the tattoo sleeves adorning both arms. He’s got that mysterious, untouchably sexy thing going on. He screams bad, the kind of bad that can make a girl forget all her troubles. Perfect.
After a few songs I feel strong hands grip my hips. Molly glances over my shoulder and then back to me. She offers a small shrug of her shoulder. Helpful. All that means is that he’s not a total munter.
I turn around and come face to face with Mr. Bad. He has a small smirk on his face that says he knows he’s getting in my pants. He’s hot, like a bad boy version of Theo hot. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. This right here is my ticket out of hell. This is what makes me numb, this is what makes me forget. I don’t just want to fuck him, I need it. I need the meaninglessness of it.
I move my hips just a little more deliberately as I wind my body up against his. He doesn’t dance. He just watches me move against him, those dark eyes shadowed by the darkness of the club. I turn around and slide down his body, dragging myself oh so slowly across his crotch. When I wind my way back up, he grips my hips hard. I feel his breath on my neck before his tongue flicks across the sensitive skin. I shiver slightly as my entire body lights up.
“Fuck.” He hisses in my ear. “I need between your legs.”
Chapter Thirteen
Theo
It’s one o’ clock in the morning. Hugo and I are at a card game at some merchant banker’s house. Hugo said these guys were easy pickings and he was right. I’m just about to rinse the fuckers with a flush when my phone rings. I look at the screen. It flashes ‘Cruise’. I do not want to discuss his band right now. Jesus that idiot must be drunk if he’s calling me at this time. I reject the call.
“Well, what have you got?” Hugo grins. He’s the last one left in the game with me. The other three look on pitifully as their money sits in the middle of the table. Young merchant bankers, they’re an arrogant, put wealthy breed.
My phone rings again. “Seriously?” I grumble.
“Dude, just pick it up. Someone obviously wants you. Hopefully it’s some pussy.” He mumbles.
The screen flashes with Cruises name again. I hit the green button. “What do you want?” I snap.
“You told me to back off and I did, but she came to my gig, and now she’s practically fucking this dude on the dance floor. You want her, then you come and stop this or I will. He’s a dealer, he’s bad news.” I don’t have to ask who she is. There’s only one woman we have a common interest in.
“Where are you?” I growl.
“The Underground.”
“You got her into the fucking Underground! What is wrong with you?!” I shout. Everyone at the table has gone silent.
“No, of course not! She came on her own, with Molly.”
He snaps.
“Jesus fucking Christ. I’m coming. Don’t you dare let either of them out of your site, you hear me!”
“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up. I’m not taking that dude on alone.” Fucking hell, Cruise is the biggest guy I know. If he won’t take him on, then he’s definitely not someone I want anywhere near Lilly.
“Sorry. I have to go.” I stand and pull my jacket on.
“But, we’re nearly done.” Hugo whines.
“Lilly and Molly are at the Underground.” I snap.
“Those bloody women.” He grumbles. “Sorry boys. Woman problems.” Hugo explains. He catches up to me at the front door.
“You sober enough to drive?” He asks.
“Probably not.” Is my curt response. I’ve had a couple of glasses of scotch. I’m over the limit, but I’m not drunk. Benefits of being a hard core drinker.
I jump in the Aston and start the engine as Hugo slams the passenger door. “Best not get pulled then.” He says as I pull away from the enormous London town house.
Fifteen minutes later and I pull up next to Lilly’s Maserati parked in front of Shamrock’s. Jesus this place is rough.
“Ah, some good memories in this place.” Hugo grins.
I roll my eyes. “We’re not here to relive your days of getting high.” I’m out of the car, through the pub and into the lift before the barman even notices we’re here. Hugo and I used to hang out here a lot, but nowadays it’s not my scene.
When we reach the basement, a bouncer the size of a house pulls back the metal gate and lets us out.
The Underground hasn’t changed much since I was last here a few years ago. It’s what I would call a low maintenance, high profit establishment. Its lack of shine is what makes it so popular.
I scan the packed room, but see no sign of Lilly or Molly anywhere. The place is a sea of moving people. The air in here is thick and humid from all the sweating bodies. Yeah, this definitely wouldn’t be my first choice of venue. What is Lilly doing here? How did she even know about this place? A hand grips my shoulder and I spin away from it, ready to punch the fucker.
