Everything Within and In Between

by Nikki Barthelmess

  Chapter

  Fourteen

  Brittany texts me the next day, basically popping the happy bubble I’ve been in since hanging out with Nina and Edgar at the park.

  Ri, I know you’re mad at me, but I love you. Don’t let this get between us.

  What does she mean by this? Brittany’s trying to play it like she got mad at me because I did drugs, but we both know the real problem is how she’s been acting.

  My phone dings and I’m about to tell Brittany off when I see it’s not her. It’s Mom. Asking if we can meet at Jack in the Box instead of the library. Jack in the Box isn’t far from my house, so I walk there after school. I open the door and see a family eating on the other side of the restaurant. No one else is here except a couple of middle school kids.

  I slide into a booth in the back, facing the entrance so I can see Mom when she arrives. Tap my fingers on the table.

  I look at my cell phone. No messages. I text her, I’m here, in the back. No answer.

  Fifteen minutes later my mom, windswept, opens the door along with John, who has his arm wrapped around her. We haven’t talked about him much. All I know really is that they’ve been together for a few years and John is helping my mom get on her feet while she looks for work. The owner of the bar my mom used to work for fired her when she rebuffed his advances. She hasn’t been able to find another job, or at least one where she says she’d be working for anyone less sleazy. I’m glad my mom has John to help her. But he works as a salesman at a cell phone store so I’m guessing money must still be tight.

  John leads her to my table. “Good seeing you again, Ri.”

  He takes a seat across from me and Mom slides into the booth next to him, setting car keys on the table.

  “Same.” I smile at John. She didn’t tell me he was coming. But I’m glad he did. It would be nice to get to know the man my mom loves.

  “So, I never asked,” I begin, looking at my mom, whose head full of curly hair bounces as she squirms in her seat. “How did you two meet?”

  John laughs and Mom blushes. “Oh, we don’t need to tell that—”

  “Oh yes, we do,” John interrupts. He chuckles again, grinning at me, his eyes shining. “Your mom here was a cocktail waitress in a casino in Vegas. I was working security in one of the clubs inside. On my break, I decided to meet my boys for some food, but one of ’em had his eye on this beautiful woman and wanted to stop by the tables to say hello.”

  Mom bounces in her seat, grinning. She seems giddy. Maybe John brings that out of her.

  John continues, “So, he struts up to your mom, looking like a fool.” He mimes by pushing his chest forward. “He opens his mouth, right, and before he even gets a word out your mom says—”

  “Nope,” Mom interrupts. “Nope, nope, nope.”

  John and Mom are both laughing now.

  “And she straight up walks away. Leaving him red-faced in front of his boys. So, I knew I had to introduce myself then. And you know what?”

  Mom is beaming at the story. I lean forward. “What?”

  “After I say hello and chat with your beautiful mother for a few minutes, real respectful, not creepy at all, I swear—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Mom says. “I gave him my number.”

  John nods with a huge smile on his face. “Yep. You know why? Because I got game!”

  Mom rolls her eyes at him playfully before looking at me. “Shouldn’t we eat something? Ri, are you ready to order?”

  I nod, and she slips out of the booth.

  I stand, but John holds a hand up to stop me. “What’s your order?”

  “Oh, um, how about an Ultimate Cheeseburger?”

  I unzip my backpack and pull my wallet out.

  “Oh no you don’t.” John says. “My treat. What kind of fries and soda?”

  I put my wallet back. “Curly Fries and a Diet Coke. Thanks.”

  Mom smiles at me, and she and John head to the counter. I pull out my Spanish textbook to keep me busy while I wait, but instead I end up watching them as they order. John is taller than Mom, but only by a hair. His shoulders are broad, his arms muscular. RIP letters with dates are tatted on his right arm. His cargo shorts leave more ink to be spotted, a tattoo of a nautical star on his right calf. He holds Mom around the waist, only removing his arm to reach into his pocket and take out his wallet to pay.

  After they come back and pass me my food, John eyes my Spanish textbook. “Your mom’s been telling me how good you’ve been doing in Spanish.”

  “Thanks to her help.” I beam at Mom before digging into my burger.

  After swallowing a bite, John shakes his head. “I can’t believe those grandparents of yours never taught you. And they think they know so much. Or did. May that old grumpy bastard rest in peace.”

  My mouth falls open. Those are my grandparents he’s talking about.

  “I may not agree with them, but they had their reasons.” I look at Mom, who now seems preoccupied with the straw in her soda, and then back at her boyfriend. “My grandpa wasn’t perfect, and neither is my grandma, but they’ve been there for me my whole life.”

  I swallow, stopping myself. My subtext was clear, even if I didn’t mean to say that.

  Mom looks back and forth between us, and after a tense moment of silence, I ask, “Aren’t you going to eat, John?”

  John’s food is mostly untouched on the tray in front of him. He takes a slurp from his straw and changes the subject instead. “So, I hear you’re a whiz with technology too. You’ve been making a video for one of your classes?”

  After a beat, I tell him about the Multimedia project I’m working on and how I’ve been filming at Leadbetter and doing the voice-over in class.

  “Maybe you’ll show it to me when you’re finished,” Mom says. “I’d love to see it.”

  Despite myself, I grin. Grandma never asked me to show her the video when I finished it. Speaking of Grandma . . .

  I reach for a napkin and wipe my hands, checking my cell phone. “Grandma gets off work early today. She might stop to check in on me before Bible study.”

  I grab my books and shove them into my bag. “This was really nice.”

  John grabs the keys off the table and Mom reaches for them. He stares at her for a second. “You know I like driving, baby,” Mom says. Before John can reply, she gets to her feet and pulls me into her arms.

  The hug ends too soon, but I need to make sure I beat Grandma home. I nod at John. “Thanks for dinner.”

  He follows Mom out of the booth as I hoist my backpack on. “Text me, Mom, when you’re ready to go to the library next.” I smile at John, who was mostly nice, except that dig at my grandparents. I try to shake it off, though. He loves my mom, and no one has hurt her more than her parents. It makes sense that he wouldn’t be their biggest fan.

  Mom tells me she loves me and says goodbye. I turn back to see her watching me as I walk out the door.

  When Carlos walks into Spanish class, in an attempt to be civil, I nod at him. I didn’t respond to his text the day after the party when he asked if I was okay. Hearing about him hooking up with Tasha was still too fresh. But I know he didn’t do anything really wrong other than lead me on. Still, it’s hard to act like nothing ever happened between us. As I open my textbook and get everything else ready for the start of class, Carlos leans in to whisper in my ear. “Hey, we haven’t talked since the party. You good, Ri?”

  Before I can respond, Nina, Cassie, and Edgar stride into the classroom. Nina holds a big canvas painting, which she attempts to tuck closer to her side as she approaches us. But Miguel appears behind her and slips the painting out from under her arm. “Don’t be so shy, Neen!”

  He lifts it up for Carlos, Edgar, and me to see. It’s a beautiful portrayal of the harbor at sunset. The waves reflect a purple sky over rows of boats, from tiny fishing vessels to humongous yachts.

  Miguel makes his voice high-pitched, impersonating Nina—badly, I might add. “Not until it’s fin
ished, not until it’s finished!” He holds the painting high, his voice dropping back to normal. “Well, this one is finished, so I’m doing everyone a favor. Showing off your talent!”

  Nina’s face flushes. “This is why I didn’t want to bring it. He wanted to show you guys. It’s my anniversary gift to him.”

  I stifle a laugh at Miguel’s unexpected sweetness before looking again at the painting. “It’s amazing, Nina. Really.” I nod enthusiastically.

  Edgar leans over for a closer look at the painting. Nina scrunches her nose as though she’s uncomfortable with the attention before handing it to Miguel. They and Cassie make their way to their seats behinds us.

  “Glad to see everyone getting along so well,” Carlos says, awkwardly. “Ri, wanna hang out after school today?”

  “You know, I think I’ll pass.”

  Edgar’s gaze shoots to mine but I quickly look back to Carlos. “You seem busy enough with Tasha, from what I heard, and I’d rather not complicate things.”

  Realization dawns on Carlos’s face. He looks at me and then Cassie, who rolls her eyes at him dramatically.

  Carlos has the decency to appear sheepish for a second, and I find myself very interested in inspecting my nails. Nina tsks and shakes her head.

  Miguel laughs. “They done with your ass!”

  Carlos scoffs. “Come on, güey, you’re gonna give me a hard time too?”

  When Miguel doesn’t back him up, Carlos sighs. “I’m not hooking up with friends who are girls anymore—you two have proven it’s too messy. I’m sorry, okay? Will you be done icing me out now?”

  Cassie lifts an eyebrow. “Like any of us would ever want to again.”

  At that, I’m really laughing. Carlos puts his hands up in the air, as if in surrender. “I get it. I need to think with my brain more and not other,” his lips turn up slightly, almost wistfully, “body parts.”

  Miguel puts a hand on Carlos’s shoulder. “Took you long enough, my man.”

  Carlos may be fine and all, but he’s not for me. And I’m okay with that.

  Señora Almanza hands each of us our latest quiz, and I have a big red A on mine. I show Edgar, grinning. Immediately, I think about showing Grandma. Or putting my test on the fridge. But then I’d probably have to talk to her, something I’ve avoided since Nina told me about Grandma blackmailing her.

  “That’s awesome, Ri!” He high-fives me, and I see on his desk that he got an A too.

  When the bell rings later, I gather my stuff quickly. “Edgar, walk with me to my locker?”

  Sitting next to us, Carlos gives me a knowing look and a smile. He nods at me before walking away.

  Edgar and I stop at my locker. I put my Spanish stuff in and grab the books I need for next period.

  “There’s something I still want to talk to you about, actually . . . about the party the other night. We didn’t have a chance to get into it the other day at the park,” Edgar says. “But you were different at Cassie’s.”

  Immediately, I can tell I was right before. Edgar has suspicions about the cocaine. I try to think of a response that won’t be a lie but also won’t give away what I was up to that night.

  “You were up there with Amy, right?” Edgar continues, looking uneasy. “You can take care of yourself, I’m sure, but I just don’t get a good feeling about her.”

  I stare at my textbooks in my locker and consider what he’s saying. I didn’t think Amy or Stephanie had a reputation for trouble. But I guess I was wrong. Even still, I tried coke once. Sure, I’d like to try it again, but it’s not going to be something I do all the time.

  I shrug. “I hung out with Amy and Stephanie for a bit, but it’s not like we’re actually friends.”

  Edgar opens his mouth but then closes it. My shoulders tighten a bit at the awkwardness between us.

  “You ready for lunch?” I say, shutting my locker.

  Edgar blinks and then opens his locker to grab something. We start walking together, and, yes, that could have gone better just now. But it’s not what I want to focus on. Instead, I think of the way Edgar looked at me when I told Carlos I’d pass on hanging out with him. And I smile.

  Chapter

  Fifteen

  Grandma is sitting at the kitchen table when I get home. Her hands grasp a coffee mug. The door clangs against the wall, since I flung it open, thinking I was alone.

  “Grandma! I didn’t know you would be home so early. Did Bible study change days again?”

  Grandma’s face is stern and tired, the lines around her mouth accentuating her frown. “Sit.”

  My gut tightens at her coldness. And then I remember how she threatened Nina to keep her away from me. The nerve of Grandma to be mad at me for anything, after she’s done all that she has. I eye the seat next to her for a second before I choose the chair farthest away.

  “I was at the store getting groceries for Mrs. Reynolds this afternoon, and I saw Brittany there with her mother.” Grandma pulls her coffee mug toward her but doesn’t lift it to her lips. Her eyes narrow, and I swallow, dread coursing through me.

  “I asked Brittany how she was doing, of course,” Grandma continues. “I told her I am glad you have her to keep you company with me working overtime so much.” Her face is hard, almost like she’s daring me to lie here.

  Which is really something, coming from her.

  I speak slowly but try to think fast. “Brittany and I have been seeing each other less.” I shrug, though my shoulders and chest feel tight. “We’ve grown apart, made a few new friends.”

  Grandma slaps her hand down on the table, and I flinch at the resounding thud of the wood. “She said you’ve been hanging out with the sort of kids who would land you in trouble!”

  Collecting myself, I try another tactic. “She would say that, wouldn’t she? It wouldn’t sound as good to say that she ditched me as soon as she got a boyfriend.”

  Grandma’s features soften into confusion. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

  I stare at her without budging.

  Grandma sighs. “Well, Brittany will come around,” Grandma looks as though she’s conflicted between anger and feeling bad for me. “And Tara told me she already paid for the golf lesson she hoped you would attend, so maybe that will help you two make up.”

  I scoff, and Grandma rushes to keep talking. “I expect you to be gracious and go, regardless. I will call Tara to check that you do.”

  I give in. There’s no use arguing. I don’t even know why I bother anymore.

  The house is quiet when I wake up the next morning. Per usual, I’m alone. I spent all night seething at Grandma and Brittany. I text the latter, Judas herself, before class. What the hell were you thinking saying that crap to my grandma?

  Brittany has the audacity to respond, What was I supposed to say? That we aren’t talking because you’ve been getting high?!!

  I want to throw my phone against the wall. Scream. Text all the terrible things I want to say to Brittany right now. But I don’t. I won’t give her that much. I won’t give her any of me anymore.

  At lunch, I see Brittany and Finn head for the parking lot, hand in hand.

  Cassie watches them go, sitting next to Nina on the other side of the patio table from Edgar and me. “What’s the deal with your friends? They’re not talking to you now that you’re hanging out with us?”

  I cringe. It’s true, sort of.

  “Maybe it’s the other way around.” I force a smile. “I think I’m the one who’s upgraded here.”

  Cassie laughs like she doesn’t believe me, but she doesn’t press me further. Her eyes fall on Carlos across the lawn, talking to Miguel and Amy, along with a few girls from leadership. No Stephanie or Tasha in sight. “I’m glad you dropped him. Saying you could do better would be the understatement of the year.”

  I stare at Amy. Her hair, rather than curled into soft waves, per usual, is pulled back in a messy bun. But not the kind that looks like you’ve put a lot of effort into looking like you don�
��t care. Just sloppy, pieces falling out haphazardly. And instead of one of her usual stylish outfits, she’s wearing sweats.

  I feel a tinge of some emotion I can’t name as my eyes linger on Amy.

  Nina looks to the group over there too. “You know, I think I’ll go see what’s taking Miguel so long.” She heads in their direction.

  Edgar turns to me. “What are you doing after school today, Ri?”

  It takes me a moment to pull my eyes from Amy. “Nothing much, what about you?”

  Edgar fiddles with the edge of the fraying paint on the bench table. “I was thinking we could study together, if you want.”

  Cassie pauses mid-bite in her sandwich to give me a knowing grin behind Edgar’s back. I ignore her.

  “That would be great.”

  “Pssh,” Cassie interjects. “I have to be at home for family game night today, but can I get in on this study action some other time? My parents said if I get straight As this semester, they’ll consider giving me their car instead of just trading it in when they buy a new one soon. And I didn’t do so great on the last homework assignment.”

  My eyebrows lift. “Oh? How come?”

  “Because, apparently, you all study without me.”

  I blink several times and look back and forth between Edgar and Cassie.

  Edgar cocks his head with a smile.

  Cassie laughs loudly. “Wait, what? Girl, please tell me you didn’t think you were the only Latina who doesn’t know Spanish?”

  My face warms and I blink quickly as I try to gather my thoughts.

  “Oh, um, sorry. I just . . .”

  “I’m a fourth generation Santa Barbaran,” Cassie says, and I look up to see her shaking her head. “My grandparents haven’t even been to Mexico, no less me.”

  I look at Edgar, who’s giving me an I told you so kind of look. But he didn’t. Tell me, that is, when I was nervous about oral presentations.

  It’s like Edgar reads my mind. “When you were worried about talking in front of everyone in class, I told you that we knew a lot of people who don’t speak Spanish.”