Deeper

by Ronica Black

  The doctor glanced back into the room through the open door where a nurse was adjusting his pillow. “Make it quick.”

  Gary held on to Patricia’s arm, halting her. “Do we know who he is?” he asked the doctor.

  “Juan Ricardo Stanford.”

  Patricia’s legs felt weak. “J.R.?”

  They hurried into the room. Patricia went right for the bed. She held a bandaged hand and waited for the eyes to open. When they did, she knew for sure.

  “J.R.?”

  “Henderson,” he croaked. “Am I in…hell?”

  “Not yet,” she said, trying to offer him a comforting smile.

  “Feels like it.” His eyes rolled left to right, taking in the room slowly.

  She wiped away a tear. Seeing him like this was heart wrenching. His head was still wrapped, but his face was mostly free of bandage. He looked so helpless. And somebody had tried to beat the life from him. It terrified her. “J.R., do you know what happened to you?”

  He licked his dry lips. His voice was hoarse from the tube that had been down his throat.

  “A man.” He raised his other bandaged hand to his neck. “He kept strangling me.”

  “Did you know him?” Gary asked.

  “We’re trying to find him, J.R.,” Patricia explained. “We think he’s the serial murderer.”

  “Said his name…was Jim. But I knew he was lying.” His breath whistled as he inhaled and exhaled. “Met him at Boom. Said he was into erotic strangulation and did I want to try it? Told him no, but I went with him because he was strange. Mac had asked me to sniff around. She’s going to blame herself,” he said. “But it was my fault. I should have been more careful.”

  “What happened?” Gary asked.

  “I don’t remember much after I got in his car. He said we had to meet someone.”

  “Do you know who?”

  “No. Don’t remember.”

  “Who was this guy, J.R.? Do you know anything that can help us?”

  He licked his lips as he wheezed. “Yeah. Before I got in his car, I memorized his license plate.”

  *

  Erin danced. She moved her body and willed her mind to float away up into the lights. When it remained firmly within her skull, she walked back to the bar.

  “Hit me again, Chastity,” she slurred, slapping the counter.

  Chastity eyed her wearily. “No más, señorita. You’ve had more than enough.”

  “Come on, be a pal.” Erin smiled but Chastity didn’t budge.

  “I already called a pal and she should be here any second.”

  “Who?” Erin felt her face contort in anger.

  “Adams.”

  Erin laughed. “Go ahead, she won’t give a fuck.”

  She stormed back out onto the dance floor. She didn’t need anyone to baby-sit her. She was fine. What was wrong with wanting to get a little drunk and have some fun? She needed it, deserved it.

  The door to the tiny lesbian bar opened, a cool breeze blowing in with it. Erin stopped and stared, as did all the other women.

  “I don’t believe this!” Erin marched up to the man standing there. “She sent you? She couldn’t even come herself?” She stalked to the bar stool and grabbed her sweater. “Thanks a lot, Chastity.” She brushed out the door. When she turned around, he was behind her, car keys in hand.

  “I’m only going with you because I know I’m too drunk to drive.”

  He pressed the button on his keychain, unlocking the doors, and she climbed into his gold SUV. She sat sulking, arms crossed over her chest as he started the engine.

  “I want to see her,” she demanded.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Reggie said.

  “Are you her whipping boy now?” Liz already had Tyson, now Reggie too? First he’d been hired to do the books, but then his accounting job had quickly led to script work. Could anyone tell Liz no?

  He smiled. “No, I’m not her whipping boy.”

  “Well, I’m sorry she made you come and get me.” She forced a smile back at him. “I’m fine, just a little tipsy.”

  “I see that.”

  She sat back and relaxed as the vehicle’s quiet rhythm began to seep into her skin. Her eyes drifted closed and when she opened them again a voice on the radio was shouting with conviction, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind. It is abomination. For whosoever shall commit any of these abominations, even the souls that commit them shall be cut off from among their people.”

  “Jesus,” she whispered as she grabbed her forehead. “What are we listening to?”

  It had begun to rain and she watched as the wipers went back and forth. She thought back to the night a long time ago when Liz herself had come to Chastity’s to get her. They’d ridden up into the mountains and Liz had confided in her. Erin started to tear up at the memory, but the alcohol had seemed to drain her dry. For the first time ever, no tears fell.

  The preacher on the radio continued ranting. “Homosexuality is a sin. The greatest sin man can commit next to murder. Brothers and sisters, listen to me…”

  “Can we please turn that shit off?” She was drunk, but not that drunk.

  Reggie stared straight ahead. “No.”

  “Don’t tell me you believe this stuff?”

  He pulled into a short driveway and put the SUV in Park. They were at a modest older home in the historic district. She’d always wanted to live in this neighborhood, loving the nostalgia and the unique architecture of the homes.

  Reggie continued to stare straight ahead. “It’s a sin, Erin. An abomination. And you will go to hell along with all the other faggots.”

  She tried to focus her blurring vision. A chain swung from the rearview mirror. An elaborate gold crucifix was nestled among various wedding bands. Her stomach rose to her throat and her vision swayed with the chain, back and forth, back and forth, making her dizzy.

  “Reggie.” Her mind fired suddenly, making connections. “You don’t really think that.”

  She fumbled for the door handle. The crucifix. She kept staring at it as if hypnotized. The wedding rings. Her mind fired images of deceased men discarded in the desert, dirty dry hands facing upward to the sky, pale bands of flesh around their left ring fingers. The Highway Murder victims were all missing their wedding bands. The recent victims both had crucifixes drawn on their backs. And Jay had one drawn on her hand.

  “I don’t think it, I know it.” He pulled a gun and aimed it at her face.

  The preacher continued, shouting, egging him on. “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.”

  “Their blood shall be upon them,” Reggie cried. His body shook and she could see that his lip was swollen and his skin unusually pale.

  Reggie was a killer. And he was going to kill her. If he had found her, then he must’ve gotten to Liz.

  “Where’s Liz? Did you hurt her?” She choked on the words, terrified of the possibility.

  “I don’t need to hurt her. Killing you will do the job for me.”

  “Where is she?”

  “I went to find her, but that big, black, scary bulldog of hers told me she was out searching for me.” His eyes narrowed. “Then came the call about you. You were too drunk to drive, a dyke bouncer had said. At Chastity’s. I overheard just enough before the bulldog tried to wrangle me up and keep me there.”

  Erin found the handle and shoved the door open. A gunshot rang out as she fell from the car. Pieces of glass sprinkled down on her head with the rain. She crawled to her feet, but Reggie had already rounded the car.

  “You’re all going to burn! All of you!” He tilted his head up to the sky, arms held out as if he were welcoming the rain. He laughed and opened his mouth, catching the falling silver drops. He licked his lips and looked as if he’d just taken communion.

  “I’m doing the Lord a favor,” he declared, pointing the g
un at her. “Ridding the earth of evil.”

  She saw his face set in determination and she knew he was going to fire. He pointed it away from her at the last second, firing into the night instead.

  She closed her eyes, feeling the cold rain, knowing the end was near. “I am love,” she said. “We are all love.”

  “What did you say?”

  She opened her eyes. “I love Liz. I love her. I even love you, Reggie.”

  “Shut up. You’re a sinner. God’s judgment shall rain down upon you.”

  “You love too, Reggie. I know you do.” She had nothing to lose, and with every word she expected to hear and feel the pop of the gun. “Look at you.” She pointed. “Your heart is bleeding.”

  His white shirt was wet and soaked through from the rain. A red stain was spreading out from under his heart.

  “If your heart is bleeding, then I know you understand.”

  He looked down at the stain as if it were betraying him.

  “That’s what it’s all about, Reggie. This life of ours. It’s about love.”

  She saw the glint in his eyes and dove to the ground as he fired. She came up quick, hammering her fist into his balls. He cried out and doubled over in pain. She grabbed his dark hair and slammed her knee up into his face. He fell backward, the gun skidding across the concrete. She picked it up and stumbled away from him. Her head spun and she felt sick to her stomach, like she’d been kicked in the gut and tossed off a tall building. She retched a few times, her body contorted in pain, trying to rid itself of the evil Reggie represented.

  Behind her a car door slammed. Calming, she sat back on the wet concrete, gun pointed at Reggie. She couldn’t afford to look away.

  “Erin!” Suddenly there were hands on her and someone was holding her tightly. “Oh, my God, Erin.” Liz’s face loomed into view.

  Was this real or was she dying? Had one of Reggie’s shots actually hit her? “Liz,” she whispered, her vision tunneling.

  “What happened?” Liz held her so tight and she was trembling. “I love you, I love you so much.”

  “You fucking bitch.”

  Liz stiffened and Erin saw Reggie standing over them. He didn’t have a gun, but he had a baseball bat. The red stain had run all the way down to his waist. Long trails of blood hung from his lip and nose.

  “You fucking dyke bitch. I should’ve killed every last faggot working for you. For God is almighty…”

  He raised the bat and Erin fired. Once, twice, three times. Each bullet ripped into him and he jerked with the impact. She was about to fire a final shot when he collapsed.

  Sirens wailed in the distance. Liz pulled her in tighter, crying. Erin sat in silence, dropped her hand, and let the gun fall from her grasp.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Hi.”

  Erin opened her eyes. The light stung her irises but she knew the voice.

  “How do you feel?” Liz was at the bedside, holding her hand.

  Erin grimaced. “Hungover.” Her head ached as she vaguely recalled being taken to a hospital. Then she remembered giving a statement and answering dozens of questions. She’d been exhausted afterward and she wondered how long she’d been asleep.

  Liz smiled but then her face clouded over with seriousness. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  Erin realized she was at Liz’s house, back in their bed. Everything still seemed so surreal. Especially the whole thing with Reggie. “Am I dreaming?”

  Liz stroked the back of her hand. “No.”

  “The whole thing with Reggie, then?”

  Liz nodded.

  “Damn. He killed Antwon and Joe?”

  Liz held her eyes. “Yes. And a bunch of others. They’re pretty sure he was the Highway Murderer.”

  Erin didn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say. Pieces of the puzzle had been flying around in her mind for a long time. It was strange to feel some of them settling into place. The crucifix. The wedding rings. The hatred.

  “They found a lot of evidence at that house he took you to,” Liz said. “He was a big closet case and a religious fanatic. He’d been killing men like him for a long time. And then he started in on my employees, to frame me. To ruin the business.”

  “He hated himself,” Erin said. It all made sense. He killed what he couldn’t stand in himself. “It’s all so sad.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Erin met her eyes. “He killed Jay, didn’t he?”

  “They think so.”

  “Why?”

  “To get to me.”

  “How did he get to her, though?”

  Liz’s eyes clouded over in pain. “He met her at the studio late one night. I was sneaking her in there. They must’ve talked without my knowing.”

  “God.” Erin squeezed her hand. “They don’t think Jay had any involvement, do they?” Please, no. Just please let it all be over.

  “No. Reggie kept a journal of his rantings and ravings. He said that he framed Jay by lifting a bloody tissue from the bathroom garbage.”

  “Jesus.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “It’s okay. At least we know.” Liz squeezed Erin’s hand in return. “At least I know where Jay is now. She’s at peace and free of pain. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to know that.”

  Erin hugged her, held her tight. “Yes, yes she is. She’s better now.”

  “I still dream about her, though. I dream that she’s lost and I can’t find her.” Liz cried on her shoulder, her body thin and frail.

  Erin held her until she calmed and when they eased apart, Erin gently examined Liz’s hands. One finger on her right hand was still splinted and so were two others on her left. But the cuts had healed nicely. “Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

  Liz gave a small smile. “I’m sure.”

  Erin touched her short, dark hair. God, how she loved this woman. She’d been through so much, yet she was still there, still alive and trying. Many would have given up or run away. But not Liz. Erin thought again how grateful she was that Liz was alive. An image of Reggie looming over them with a baseball bat flashed behind her eyes.

  “Why were you there? At Reggie’s. I mean, did you know?”

  Liz patted her hands, her expression one of concern. “The past couple of months I’ve noticed some changes with the books at the studio. Money started coming up missing. So I started investigating and it all kept pointing to Reggie. I tried to question him but the more I did, the faster he ran. I hired a private investigator and found out that he had the money in some personal offshore accounts.”

  “So you were there to confront him?”

  “Yes. I wanted my money and I was afraid he was going to leave the country. He nearly bankrupted the studio, which I now believe he was trying to sabotage all along. My P.I. found him at this house he was supposed to be renting out. He was using it as a fuck pad instead, something his wife knew nothing about.”

  “Were you the one who called the cops?” She could remember the sirens.

  Liz smiled. “My ankle bracelet did. But Patricia already knew. They’d got his license plate from one of your former colleagues. A J.R. somebody.”

  “J.R.?”

  Liz grew serious. “He was the John Doe they found in the desert with Jay.”

  Erin covered her mouth in horror. “No! Is he okay?”

  Liz nodded. “He’s roughed up good, but he’s awake and talking.”

  “Oh, my God, It’s all my fault.” Erin’s head felt heavy and her body ached for J.R. The room started to spin. “I can’t believe all this.”

  “I know.” Liz held her softly. “There’s something else I want to tell you.”

  Erin shook her head. “Really, Liz. I can’t take any more. I—”

  “I want you to come home for good.”

  Erin blinked, startled. “You do?”

  “Yes.”

  Erin reached up and touched Liz’s f
ace. She still looked so wounded and pained. But her eyes had a familiar spark in them. She was surviving, somehow, someway.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am.”

  “I can’t take another rejection, Liz. It will kill me.”

  Liz leaned in and kissed her softly. Her eyes were full of tears. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

  “Why did you? Why did you push me away?” Erin’s voice shook and tears fell onto her cheeks. She wiped at them hurriedly, upset at herself for crying. She was supposed to be stronger than that now. Nothing was supposed to get to her anymore. She inhaled deeply as Liz tried to explain.

  “Because I knew this whole thing with Jay was going to go bad. I didn’t want you involved. I was protecting you.”

  Erin stared at her, waiting. She knew there was more, needed to hear more.

  Liz sighed. “And I was scared of you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you make me feel, Erin McKenzie. And for so long I haven’t felt at all. You scare the shit out of me sometimes. The way you make me feel inside.”

  “It’s a bad thing?”

  “No, it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. But I’m not used to it. And when Jay came back, I really did start to worry for your safety. And that really scared me. I didn’t like those feelings of worry and anxiousness. I didn’t want to care so much about anything or anyone. You make me feel, Erin. And I’m just not very good at it.”

  Erin watched her, knowing she was serious. Liz had changed the past couple of months. Her insides were finally showing on the outside. She wasn’t some strong, cocky, self-involved woman. She was fragile and sensitive and kind. She was vulnerable.

  Human.

  And Erin realized she was too. And that was how they both needed to be. The tears fell freely then, and she let them.

  “Well, do you think you’ll get better at it?”

  Liz looked deep into her eyes. “I’m going to try.”

  “How hard?”

  Liz kissed her, so gentle and soft. “As hard as I can.”

  “Promise?”

  Liz met her lips again. “I promise.”

  Erin wrapped her arms around her neck. “Okay.”

  Liz smiled. “I love you.”