Queen

by Claire Farrell

  Something blue and bronze flew past him and almost toppled me over.

  “You’re to care for it,” the servant said. “By order of the king.” The servant bowed and walked away.

  I wasn’t even offended by being called “it.” I was too busy making sure Anya was real and alive. “I’ve been so worried,” I told her.

  She brushed tears from my cheeks, half-laughing, half-crying. “She says she’s been worried,” she told Arlen with a snort. “How does she think I’ve been feeling?”

  I hung my head. “He sent me away. He didn’t want me here.”

  “Come in.” Arlen shepherded us into the room. “Staff talk too much in times like these.”

  I walked into a massive suite of rooms—definitely not the living quarters of servants or slaves.

  “Holy shit,” I said. “This is as big as my house.”

  The corners of Arlen’s mouth twitched. “Not quite.”

  “Do you still hate me?” The last time I had seen them, Anya had been close to death, and Arlen had been pretty damn angry with me.

  “Not quite,” he repeated, but he gave me a small smile. From him, that was like a bear hug.

  “So you’re Brendan’s Second,” I said. “What does that mean?”

  “Second-in-command,” Anya said. “The voice of the king. Arlen is untouchable.”

  Arlen slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Not even kings are untouchable.”

  “Brendan gave us these quarters when we returned.” She glanced at Arlen. “And he gave us permission to… follow our hearts.”

  “Well.” The bedroom door was open. I felt uncomfortable, given the messed-up sheets and the fact that Anya’s hair was in disarray. “Maybe I should go somewhere else while you do… um, that.”

  “No, no. We’ve a lot to catch up on,” she said. “Arlen, pour her a drink. She looks so pale.”

  “Just water,” I said. “I can’t drink anything stronger.”

  Anya gave me a quizzical look.

  I dropped into a chair and stared at my hands. “The thing is… I found a way back because I need Brendan’s help.”

  “Did something happen?” Arlen asked. “Were you attacked in the human realm?”

  “How could that be?” Anya asked. “He made us blind to her, too. The bastard.”

  I looked at her, surprised by the vehemence in her tone.

  “I haven’t forgiven him,” she said unashamedly. “Not for a lot of things.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I met his wife.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  “That’s not very important right now.”

  “Who attacked you?” Arlen demanded.

  “Nobody. It’s who might attack somebody else.” I rubbed the back of my neck, embarrassed. Telling them made me feel ashamed, and I couldn’t quite figure out why. I wasn’t the first person in the world to be careless, but it seemed like a stupid problem to add to a realm in danger of war.

  “Cara,” Anya said. “Tell me. You’re scaring me. Are you sick?”

  I shook my head. “I’m having a baby.” I looked from one to the other. Both of their jaws dropped. My cheeks burned. “And it’s his baby, so I figured I might be safe, but it looks like a lot has changed.”

  “Are you serious?” Arlen demanded.

  I stood and showed off the little bump that I was actually pretty proud of.

  “All this time?” he asked. “Even in the Fade?”

  I gasped. “Do you think the Fade did something to the baby?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He slapped me on the shoulder. “You will be the stuff of legend someday, Cara Kelly.”

  Anya wrapped her slim arms around me. “Congratulations. I know that’s not… but still, it’s… how do you feel?”

  “Terrified. I didn’t know what to do when I found out. I didn’t want to have the baby at all. You know how it goes. Faery and human blood, a drop of leanan sídhe for good measure. It’s not the thing dreams are made of. But then I saw the baby, and I fell in love.”

  “You saw the baby?” Anya asked, puzzled.

  I pulled the scan photo out of my bag. “See? This is the heart. You should have heard it. So bloody strong. In the hospital, the nurses said the baby was perfectly healthy, but I got the feeling some things weren’t quite the same as human babies. And then I remembered when the fae came for me. They’ll come for her, too, someday. Brendan swore he owed me a favour. I came to collect. A carriage showed up and brought me here.”

  Anya snatched the photo out of my hands to stare at it. “So Brendan knows?”

  “I think pretty much everyone knows. When I was telling Brendan, Sorcha and Nella walked in, closely followed by Drake.”

  “What did they say?” Anya asked. “I mean, was Drake upset? Was Sorcha upset?”

  “She already knew. He said nothing. He did nothing. He didn’t react at all, really.”

  The pair exchanged a glance.

  I shrugged. “Brendan said he’d do what he can for the child.”

  Anya’s eyebrows furrowed. “And Drake does nothing.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said. “I don’t need him. Brendan promised to help, and I trust him. He invited me to dinner tonight, too.”

  “Oh, no,” Anya said. “We’ll eat here. There’s no way he can expect you to—”

  “I’m going,” I said as firmly as I could manage with a shaky voice. “Drake blanked me, utterly and completely, didn’t even acknowledge the fact I was there, never mind that I’m pregnant. So I’m going to sit at that table and force him to notice.”

  Arlen cleared his throat. “This dinner isn’t really the place to—”

  I glared at him. “Are you going to stop me?”

  “No. But I don’t think it’s good for you to dwell on the things we can’t change.” He exchanged another glance with Anya. “And it will be hard for you to sit and watch him with his wife.”

  “I’m not going to let him forget this baby,” I said. “I don’t care if that’s weak, or if you think I’ll embarrass myself. I owe her this much.”

  “I’ll organise a dress if you’re sure you want to go.” Anya reluctantly returned the scan photo. “We’ll send for help shortly. We have plenty of time.”

  “But what’s going on around here?” I asked. “I heard talk of war councils and three courts all wanting different things. What’s happened?”

  Anya made a face. “What hasn’t happened?”

  “It has been eventful,” Arlen said. “When you left, Drake told us we wouldn’t be able to find you. Brendan didn’t hesitate to sort out his throne and establish his court. He’s aiming for peace. Sadler calls his court the Court of Chaos. He wants to join forces with Drake and get rid of Brendan. Drake wants an alliance with Brendan to destroy Sadler. Brendan is determined to prevent a war. It’s a mess.” He sighed and took a seat then pulled Anya onto his lap. “It’s no use. No matter how many councils he calls, Sadler is as stubborn as Drake. Drake will talk, but Sadler won’t show up. It’s been a disaster.”

  “But there won’t be war between Drake and Brendan, right?”

  Arlen shrugged. “Who knows? With the banshee whispering in Drake’s ear, anything can happen.”

  “And the daoine sídhe are divided,” Anya added. “Dymphna stayed with Drake, along with some of her kin, but others stand beside Brendan. There’s no telling how that will resolve itself. Even the banshees are unsettled by how everything has played out.”

  “And Líle?” I asked. “Grim, Realtín, and Bekind? Did they all make it back?”

  “Everyone returned. Líle… regained her health,” Arlen said.

  His slight hesitation worried me. “What’s wrong?”

  “She’s with Drake. She’s not completely the same. The effects of the trip have worn on her.” Anya sighed. “She doesn’t talk to us anymore.”

  “And the others?”

  “The leanan sídhe has been busy trying to persuade Drake to destroy his grandfat
her. Bekind has followed her. Nella was supposed to release Bekind, but she’s making her wait,” Anya said.

  “Grim and Realtín are well,” Arlen added. “Grim is an advisor to Brendan. He and Realtín are currently travelling as ambassadors. Most of the realm is divided over who to support. It’s Grim’s job to be persuasive.”

  “And the fact that Brendan sent a free brownie and a sprite speaks volumes about this court,” Anya said.

  I liked that. I just hoped they were safe on their travels. “And the Darksiders are sticking together, I take it?”

  “That’s true,” Arlen said. “But if enough fae wish for peace, something might come of his work. More likely, Sadler will wait until he can’t any longer, then he’ll force a war.”

  “What’s he waiting for?” I asked.

  “His grandson,” Arlen said. “He badly wants Drake. For what reason? Who knows?”

  A knock at the door interrupted us.

  Arlen answered, pulling on a shirt. “I have to go downstairs,” he said over his shoulder. “I’ll send up someone to organise the clothes and… whatever.” He returned to kiss Anya’s cheek. “Looks like we’re wanted for dinner after all.”

  “I don’t mind,” she said with a smile.

  When he left us, I turned to Anya, feeling giddy. “What the hell? First, you never even told me you were in love with Arlen, and second… wow! I mean, he’s smiling because of you.”

  “I know,” she said, grinning. “We’re getting married. I know that sounds sudden to you, given that we weren’t even allowed to acknowledge each other for a long time.”

  “You never know when things are going to change. Marriage, though. That’s pretty freaking grown up where I come from.” I patted my stomach. “Then again, so is this.”

  “I can’t believe you were growing a child inside of you on our journey. When I think of the things we did.” She gasped. “The fenris, the fighting, and Brendan told us about you falling off a horse. Cara, you must have the luck of the gods to still live to tell the tale.”

  I made a face. “Sometimes I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing.”

  “He doesn’t love her. It’s not a love match by any stretch of the imagination.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He didn’t act like someone who was going to be married. As soon as it was all over, he pushed me out of sight. All to marry a banshee. Some deal they must have made.”

  “Are you angry?”

  I stared at the fire, watching the flames lick upward as if trying to escape. “I’m heartbroken,” I whispered. “This child will never know him. Sorcha will see to that. She knew all along. No wonder she made her deals.”

  “It wouldn’t surprise me. So much has changed. Our little family is shattered and broken. All because you weren’t here.”

  I shook my head. “Nobody needs me for anything.”

  “You didn’t see how it was, everyone deciding which king to align with. It hurts me that Líle went to Drake. All she wants is war. She was never that person before. I don’t know where she lost her way or if she still believes in the Mother.”

  “It’s my fault,” I said. “I went on that journey, and she was forced to go along. She bore the brunt of it, apart from you. Was it bad?”

  “The Miacha helped me. Dubh brought us there, and they cared for me. I barely remember the first few days. I have scars, but nothing was so badly damaged inside that it couldn’t heal.” She glanced at my stomach. “Except for one thing…”

  I waited for her to finish, then I realised. “Anya, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s the way it’s meant to be,” she said. “Maybe I’m meant to help you with your baby. Maybe a life for my child would be too hard to bear. I’m not going to mope about it. I’m just sad for Arlen that he doesn’t get to teach a son.”

  “He’ll get to teach Brendan’s son someday,” I said, then I immediately regretted the words. “And he looks happier than I’ve ever seen him. I don’t think he cares as long as he has you.”

  She smiled. “I know that’s true, but sometimes I hurt for him.”

  A knock at the door startled us both.

  “That must be for us. It’s a life of luxury in this castle, Cara. Mark my words. You’ll love it.”

  Less than an hour later, we were relaxing in the baths. It was good to be back in the faery realm. I was startled to realise it felt more like home to me than the human realm ever did. And it could be my child’s home someday.

  “Do you think something weird will happen with the baby?” I asked. “Because of the whole faery/human mix thing. I mean, do people like me have normal births?”

  “I think so. I have rarely heard of problems.”

  “But you have midwives.”

  She clapped her hands. “I can be your midwife! I’ve done it before, once, and I can learn more about it.”

  I watched the girls pour fresh water into our baths.

  “None of them are pixies,” I observed.

  “I couldn’t let them wait on me.” For a second, she looked hurt. “They wouldn’t stand for it anyway. I would be found under the water, drowned. That’s the way it is.”

  “Who’s really in charge?” I asked. “Sorcha or Drake?”

  “I wish I knew. Arlen said Drake’s changed, that he’s like a statue, listening to everything and only speaking when he has to. It must be hell on earth to live with her.”

  “Was there a big wedding?”

  “A brief ceremony. That was unusual. Traditionally, when a royal wedding is held, all royals and pure-blooded faeries in the land are automatically invited. It was less of a celebration than a business transaction. Sadler wasn’t there, though. And it’s strange because we heard he isn’t the same man anymore, not so old and frail.”

  “What do you mean? He looked like he was on his deathbed when I last saw him.”

  “He’s different now. There’s no hope of him passing away quietly of old age, we hear. Apparently, he looks younger, walks easily, and he’s strong. There are rumours that his court is so powerful, it regenerated him. That can’t be true, but still, he’s a new man.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “It is. Anyhow, Drake had a small wedding, but he didn’t show up to the feast, and it was cut short after that.”

  “Looks like you and Arlen are the only happy people in the realm.”

  She laughed. “Grim and Realtín seem quite happy, too. They miss you, though. I wonder if they’ve heard. Realtín will force Grim to return if she knows you’re back. They were angry with Drake, too. He tried to talk to them, but they aligned themselves with Brendan, partly out of spite.”

  “I can’t see Grim being spiteful.”

  “No, that’s true. It was Realtín who did it out of spite.” She laughed. “That’s our sprite. But Grim? You should have seen his face. He said Drake wasn’t the man we all thought him to be. He said it in front of everyone. Drake hasn’t really been showing any emotion lately, but his face fell when Grim dismissed him. I almost pitied him for a moment.”

  “And Brendan? How is he as a king?”

  “Fair. Calm. Different. He’s consumed with the idea of peace. He has more patience than most, it seems. But he’s not stupid, either. He’s preparing his troops in case Sadler attacks.”

  “Sadler can’t win against two courts, surely.”

  “We don’t know what goes on in the Darkside.” She shivered. “You remember how it was. They live in the dark, in the ground. There could be millions of them on his side, ready to tear us apart.”

  “And the Darkside is growing all of the time.”

  The girls returned to wash our hair and bodies. When we were completely oiled and fragranced, they helped us dress. I had the choice of jeans or a fancy gown. I chose the jeans. If I was going to be pregnant, then I was at least going to be comfortable.

  Anya frowned at the jeans that swam around my waist. “You’re far too thin. Haven’t you been eating?”

  “I’ve been a lit
tle stressed.”

  We headed back up to her room. To make me feel a little less left out, she had worn jeans, too. She looked great, practically glowing. The way I was supposed to look.

  “You’re safe now.” She gathered me into her arms. “You know that, don’t you? The king has promised you something. He won’t go back on his word. As long as you’re in this castle, nobody can harm you.”

  I wished I could believe her. I was pretty sure there wasn’t a place in the realm I would be safe. But I was near friends again, and that felt good.

  “I miss Zoe,” I admitted. “I wish she could see this place.”

  “She wouldn’t understand it.” Anya poked at the fire. “And she might not… survive being around us. You have fae in you, and so will your child. I can’t imagine you being unable to survive anything. It’s the way nature made you.”

  “I don’t want the fae ruining her life, too. But she was really counting on seeing this baby, on helping me raise her. And I just left her. Again.”

  “She’ll understand some day. You’ll see her again.” She handed me a tissue.

  I wiped tears I hadn’t even noticed were dropping.

  “Don’t ruin your makeup,” she chided. “You want to look strong and beautiful in front of Sorcha.”

  “Shit,” I whispered. “I forgot I had to face her tonight.”

  “I’ll be with you. If you change your mind and need to leave, let me know, and I’ll pretend to be sick. But don’t let her see your tears. Never give her that.”

  “I won’t.”

  She cupped my cheeks in her hands. “And he doesn’t deserve them.”

  We waited in her room until it was time for dinner to begin. “Is Dubh around?” I asked.

  “He’s with Grim and Realtín,” she said. “Fastest horse in court. Brendan likes to keep his ambassadors safe.”

  I joined her in laughing. “I can’t imagine Realtín being an ambassador for anyone. Surely, she scares off more allies than she brings in.”

  “Grim’s there,” she said as if that solved everything.

  A bell rang. “Well,” Anya said, looking about as sick as I felt, “I suppose it’s time for dinner.”

  She checked my hair and makeup before taking my hand. We walked downstairs together, ready to face the now-married father of my unborn child.