“But the Darkside—”
“Isn’t their fault,” I insisted. “They didn’t cause it. They didn’t choose it. They’re stuck here. Just like us. That’s like blaming Brendan and Drake on the things the old queens did. It’s stupid.”
“Calm down before you do yourself some damage.”
“I’m tired.” My eyes closed of their own accord. “Anya,” I whispered after a few moments, “do you think the baby will be okay? Normal, I mean.”
“Yes,” she said vehemently. “Your baby will be wonderful.”
“Do you think she’ll have rainbow wings?”
She giggled and drew the blanket around my shoulders. “I have no idea, but she’ll be beautiful either way.”
***
I awoke in the night. The room was dark except for the pale lilac glow from the moon and a single lantern hanging beside the window. Anya was asleep next to me. Carefully, so as not to disturb her, I climbed out of bed and moved to the window. I would never get to go on another crazy adventure through lands I didn’t know, never get to flirt and kiss and try to figure out who I liked best. I rubbed the curve of my stomach. I would never get to meet my baby.
Restless, I checked the door. It wasn’t locked. Outside, the hall was empty. I hesitated, listening, but I heard no footsteps, not even breathing. I walked down the stairs, determined to explore when nobody was around to stop me.
I made my way to the second tower and passed empty rooms until I found the partner to mine. The door was locked. I pressed my ear against it, wondering if another prisoner was within. I whispered a hello, but nobody replied. I heard wheezing, but maybe it was just the wind.
Next, I went to Sadler’s floor. I peeked around the corner. Soldiers stood guard outside his room. I wondered if one of them was Rumble. I slipped along the hallway to the next row of doors. They all belonged to those in favour with Sadler.
I froze when I heard movement. Leaning around the wall, I saw two figures at the end of the hall. Glic was pressed against the wall, the glaistig at his throat. He moaned with pleasure as she sucked his blood. Shivering, I backed away and went another direction.
I wandered around until I found the right staircase that led to the third tower. It was hidden in darkness, half blocked by a tapestry hanging from the ceiling. That part of the building hadn’t yet been repaired. Most of the rooms were wide open, with chunks of the wall having fallen away.
I reached the topmost room and found another closed door. I expected it to be locked, too, but the handle turned easily. I stepped inside and waited until my eyes adjusted to the gloom. The room was dusty and full of old things. But in the centre, completely free of dust and dirt, stood a tall mirror with a gilded frame. The glass shone and glittered.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer to it. I saw only my own reflection. Then, the scene behind me began to change rapidly. I stood in a meadow, then a forest then a flower garden, and then in a blood-soaked field of a battle.
I touched the frame. It was warm and pulsing. At the top was an empty space the same size as the piece of glass embedded in the doctor’s staff. So how had I seen the mirror before? Had Sadler left it somewhere? Had it moved by itself? I had no idea. But the images shifted in the reflection, and I found myself longing to see what was there.
I sat on the stone floor, ignoring the dust and dirt and chill. I saw myself dressed in black, those stupid rings on my fingers and the uncomfortable crown on my head. I saw my face grow hard and cold. I saw myself live. I didn’t see my child.
Shivering, I kept watching. Sorcha, dying in childbirth, Arlen, alone and suffering in the middle of a desert, and Deorad, standing tall. That was impossible. The mirror had proven true once, but how could it say a dead man was living. Unless…
I watched carefully, trying to commit every detail to memory. I saw soldiers wearing black, green, and silver. I saw myself holding a bloody sword, specks of crimson on my face. I saw wings freshly cut from a faery’s body—silver dashed with blood. I would have recognised them anywhere.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop watching. And no matter how hard I looked, still no child. What did that mean? Would only one of us survive?
Footsteps sounded behind me. I sucked in a breath. I didn’t look around.
“Every night, I look, and still it denies me,” Sadler said. “It never shows me what I want to see. The only time I’ve ever seen a thing in this mirror… it’s been twice now. The first was before the provings, before I knew about my grandson, that he still lived, at least. I saw you in the mirror, innocent and childlike, winning over the fae. I knew then that I had to do something.”
“What was the second time?” I asked.
“The second time I saw you by my side on the dais, your belly full with child. I thought it was mine until I realised you were already… there. I tried to bring about what I saw, but it never happens the way I plan it. That’s the spite in the thing.”
I watched Brendan stab Drake through the heart. “This isn’t the first time I’ve seen the mirror.”
“How could you have seen it before?”
“I thought you put it there. In a field, in the middle of night. I saw how everyone died. Except for me. I lived a long time.”
“What else do you see in there?” he asked eagerly.
“I see your son.” I wrapped my arms around my body. “I see him alive.”
“Such a mirror,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “I’ve sent the doctor away. Best to keep the temptation far from me. At least until…”
“The withdrawal will be a kicker.”
“It won’t be the first time,” he said dryly. “Nor the first fae it’s happened to.”
“Right.” I tried but failed to pull my gaze away from that bloody mirror.
“You’re safe for a time. No need to tempt fate now.”
“All we do is tempt fate.”
“Some of my people left with… them. They didn’t like what they saw, what they felt. They’re afraid.”
“Of me?”
“Of me. Of kings. Of the taint. They want a different life. And so they left. But it’s all because of you.”
“And so your power weakens.” I sensed his anger, but he didn’t speak. I didn’t care. “You have a poor army. You put on a good show, but if they come for you, your army doesn’t stand a chance.”
“Not one bit of a chance. That’s what a king is for, to find the work-around. I might not have the army, but I have you. I’ll have your child, and I have superstition working on my side.”
“You’re going to ruin the fae,” I said. What was with that room? There was something eerie about the way we spoke in front of the mirror, as if we couldn’t say anything but exactly what we were thinking. “You and Drake will be their downfall. Turns out Brendan really is the better king, and you’ve become the monster.”
“I have. It gladdens me. He was right all along. Weakness is our downfall. This is the only way to survive in the Dark Court, in the path of chaos. I answer to a different god than the golden king of old. He’s not the only one who has made a deal with a higher being.” He left me alone then.
I waited until the sun began to rise and the strange moonlit magic faded, then I went back to my room and crawled into bed. I needed rest. I had a lot of work to do.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Rat brought me a huge platter of food for breakfast.
“I’m eating for two, not twenty,” I told her.
“Is it not good?” she asked.
I looked at eggs and sausages, fruit and pancakes and laughed. “It’s great, but where did it all come from?”
“The human realm.” Rat stoked the fire. “And it’s all for you.”
I put enough on a couple of plates for Anya and me. “Take the rest outside.”
Rat looked at me, her pinkish eyes widening. “Outside? Why?”
“Uh, to the big monstrosities that house way too many starving refugees. Ring a bell?”
>
She blinked rapidly. “But it’s for you.”
Anya giggled. “Her eyes will bug out of her head if you keep talking. Rat! Get the food out of here and hand it out to the people sleeping in the tents. Tell the kitchens that humans eat a lot and do the same with every meal.”
“But I—”
Anya bared her teeth. “Are you going to disobey your queen?”
Rat clamped her mouth shut and scurried from the room. She returned with another maid and set about transporting the food. Anya followed to make sure they did as I said.
“Obedient little sheep,” she said when she returned. “And maybe one or two could be persuaded to help you leave.”
But what would happen to them when I left, I wondered.
The rest of the week was spent recovering, but it was soon time to go back to court. Fewer faeries sneered at my appearance. Some seemed relieved to see me, probably because Sadler would make them all suffer if I died before he planned. He mostly ignored me, and the doctor was gone, so court wasn’t as tough as it had been. The midwife tutted and moaned about me attending, but I wanted to learn as much as possible in case I did manage to escape.
Anya and I pushed our limits outside the castle, trying to figure out any weak points we could take advantage of. Although fewer guards stalked me unless I moved too close to the gates, Sadler’s army kept a watchful eye on the boundary line.
As the days passed, it became apparent that the Dark Court was changing. Colour returned. Faeries began to smile at me. The refugees calmed a little when they believed that Sadler had a plan to provide for them. No news came of war or invading troops. We were all at a kind of stalemate, biding our time until the baby arrived.
In my room, away from listening ears, Anya passed on rumours about Sadler.
“They say he secretly spent time in the human realm after his wife died, that he aged without noticing because he was too busy overdosing on human pain. It looks like old habits die hard.”
“He mentioned having made his own deals with a god. Think that’s why he’s healthier now?”
“Borrowed time,” Anya whispered. “A gift that can be lost. That’s good news.”
I didn’t know about that. “A mirror appeared in the Darkside after you got hurt. Drake didn’t believe me, but I saw it. It showed me things. A sliver of it was missing. The doctor was using it on me.”
“A mirror?” She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I woke up in the middle of nowhere, hearing Grim calling my name, but it was the mirror trying to trick me. When I touched it, I felt like I lost a part of me, like it was pulling something out of me. And the doctor’s been using the sliver of glass to provoke my emotions. I don’t know how it works, but it seems like something they’ve done before, and they enjoy doing it.”
She shivered. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“The mirror is upstairs. It still shows me things.”
“Keep away from that mirror,” Anya said. “It’s evil.”
I looked away. “I saw everyone die. I felt like it was my fault. Like me being around triggered bad things. Sadler saw me as his wife in the mirror. That’s why he took me. What if that’s the first step? What if he sees something else? Maybe I need to leave the faery realm before it’s too late, Anya.”
I thought she was going to brush it off, just like Drake and Brendan had, but she nodded. “I don’t know everything, but if it is prophetic…”
“The first time I saw it, I saw myself all in black, wearing Sadler’s rings and that stupid crown.”
“And now, here you are.” She sighed. “We need to figure out a way to leave before it’s too late. When the child is about to arrive, you won’t be able to run.”
“Can we see Dubh today?”
She nodded. “Let’s. I don’t like this place. I hope we leave it sooner rather than later.”
As we stepped carefully down the stairs, me slower than usual because I was extra-aware of the baby, I glanced at Anya. “Do you really believe in Brighid?”
“We’re lost without her. Look at Líle. Look at the kings.”
“If she really is looking out for me, then what does she want? What is it that I’m supposed to do?”
“I have no idea. But I’m excited to find out.” She danced in front of me as we stepped outside of the castle.
I gripped her hand to still her. “Anya, I’m going to die. This is a death sentence. I think maybe I’ve been supposed to die since the moment I set foot into that festival on the very first night. I think my time is running out.”
“I won’t let that happen.” Milky tears rolled down her cheeks. “I won’t let them kill you.”
“I’ve been thinking…” I glanced around to see if anyone was close by. “Anya, when they come to kill me, I’m going to do whatever I can to draw attention to me. You need to be gone when that happens. Take the baby if you can, but you can’t hang around. I’ll do what I can to distract the guards, but you need to take Dubh and go. If you wrapped the baby up tight then—”
She pressed her palms against her ears. “Stop it!”
“Anya! You have to face up to it. It’s going to happen. There’s no way we’re getting out of here unnoticed. Something major would have to happen.” I made a face. “Like me killing Sadler at the dinner table in front of half the realm. What was I thinking, going for his eye?”
“They would have killed you for it! I thought you were going to die as it was.”
“Oh, shit. Ronnie’s at the stables.”
She was sitting in front of the stables, flowers stuck behind her ears, muttering to herself. When she saw me, she beamed.
“Ronnie,” I said, “how are they treating you?”
“I’m just waiting for my baby.” She stood and reached for me.
Anya slapped her hand away.
“They won’t let you have the baby,” I told her. “They’re never going to let you have her.”
“Him!” she screamed. “He’s a boy!”
I stepped back, half expecting her to hit me, but she ran off in the opposite direction.
“She’ll never recover.” But Anya sounded as though she didn’t care.
Inside the stables, we passed a number of beautiful horses, including the ginger one that had been given to Sadler.
When we came to Dubh, I started to cry. “Dubh,” I whispered.
He whinnied and lowered his head to nip my shoulder.
“I missed you, you big jerk.”
“Careful, my lady.” A boy stood a few feet away, a pitchfork in hand. “He’s a spiteful one if he takes a dislike to you.”
“I’ll be fine. Can I… walk him outside?”
“Please,” he said, sounding relieved. “I can’t ride him. He won’t let me. And you can’t ride him, but if… no. Maybe I should ask for help from—”
“You don’t deny our queen,” Anya snapped, her sharp teeth gleaming even in the low light.
The boy stuttered something before helping us prepare Dubh to go outside. The horse was antsy after being locked in a stable for so long. The boy led him out and reluctantly handed me the reins before leaving us alone. A black cat wound her way around my ankles. I stared down in surprise.
Anya frowned. “You were supposed to stay hidden.”
Bekind mewled in response.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s all go for a walk then.”
I removed the reins and harness from Dubh when nobody was looking. Free, he ran the length of the courtyard, scaring a half-dozen soldiers in the process.
“Come on, Dubh,” I called out. “Stop screwing around.”
The soldiers stared as the giant faery horse trotted after me like an obedient dog.
“They think I’m badass because of that horse,” I said.
Anya giggled. The cat darted off into the distance. Dubh trotted around, leaving Anya and me behind.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Bekind,” I whispered.
“I didn’t think you would see her. She’s supposed to be our spy.”
I thought about the locked room. There had to be a secret hidden in there. Maybe Bekind could help me find out what it was.
When we passed the gardens, the head gardener approached, twisting his hat in his hands. “We planted a rose bush for you. But the soil is so bad here that it might not grow.”
“I probably won’t be alive long enough to see it anyway.”
He shifted on his feet. “We’ve been looking for those white flowers, too, but we haven’t seen them yet.”
I shrugged. “Thanks for trying. Maybe I was just imagining them.”
He gave me a funny look then went back to work.
“White flowers?” Anya asked.
“Long story,” I said, suddenly feeling tired. “There’s a swing over there. Can we sit?”
“Should we go back inside?”
“I want to be outside in the fresh air. I just need to sit for a while.”
She led me to the swinging seat. It seemed so out of place in the miserable Chaos Court that was not so much chaos as depression.
I swayed on the seat. “I wonder who put this here.”
“Aren’t you scared?” she asked as Dubh and Bekind made their way toward us. “You seem so relaxed. I find the place unsettling.”
“It’s about as weird to me as Brendan’s court. To me, the faery realm is the faery realm. I’m probably more familiar with the Darkside anyway.”
“Remember the oblivion waters? Remember when…” She sighed. “I miss Arlen.”
“You could sneak away. They don’t watch you.”
She ignored me. Bekind leapt onto my lap and curled around my stomach.
“Bekind,” I whispered, “on the top floor of the tower is a locked room. Want to help me check it out?”
She purred in response.
“No, Cara,” Anya said. “You can’t wander the castle.”
“I have to. I have to know what’s here. Besides, Sadler already caught me. He didn’t tell me to stop.”
“He’s insane,” she said in a panicked tone. “He might turn on you next time. If there is nobody around to stop him…”
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