The Social Media Murder Corp

by Stephen Signorelli

  Destruction: You know what is evil? Chopping off the hands of natives in the Congo because they didn’t deliver enough rubber. Evil is herding Jews into ovens because they are Jews. Evil is burning a Jordanian pilot alive in the name of God. Evil is starving Ukrainians to death because you want to beat them into submission. Evil is purposely infecting African Americans with Syphilis.

  Danger: We aren’t evil, we don’t sit in government offices or in places of worship or in boardrooms and think of ways to hurt, kill, or generally fuck over the rest of civilization. YOU do that!

  Destruction: And those who profess they do good, you are all liars and hypocrites, and cowards. You scream and shout from behind the safety of a laptop but if the chance came to go out into the streets and effect REAL change you would drink more of your overpriced latte from Starbucks and find an excuse not to go outside.

  Danger: The wealth and power that lords over you people is in the hands of so few people they could all fit in a hockey arena, yet NONE of you seizes the advantage and vanquishes them! No, God forbid you miss The Voice or Keeping up with the Kardashians or Honey fucking BOO BOO!!!!

  Destruction: You were all handed a magnificent gift: the gift of civilization, and you squandered it. You perverted it, you destroyed it. You deserve everything that has happened to you and everything that is yet to come!

  Danger: We aren’t done. We will never stop, never.

  ModDood: Well this AMA has gone completely off the rails.

  Danger: We knew this was going to happen, and we are prepared.

  Destruction: A slight demonstration of our power, and what is yet to come. Remember, this is YOUR own fault!

  ModDood: Wait what are you talking about?

  Danger: ModDood, you treated us with respect and we appreciate it. Therefore, we are giving you one minute. Get out of the building.

  Destruction: Don’t type, don’t think, GO….NOW!

  BizNixt: OMFG THEY ARE GOING TO BLOW UP REDDIT! YES!

  Kneelift: OMG THIS MAKES MAH VAG WET!

  SychoSlam2: omg this is great they are going to blow up Reddit! Run ModDood run lol!

  MakDonuts: YES!!! This is historic!! Reddit is gonna blow up!

  OsamaBinFookin: Holy crap I didn’t even realize Reddit had a building LOL

  SJW4Eva: THIS IS ALL THE FAULT OF THE WHITE MALE PATRIARCHY!!!

  BroniesSuck: STFU and make me a sammich!

  Danger: And nothing of value was lost!

  Destruction: Drink Mountain Dew bitches! See ya!

  --------CONNECTION LOST------------

  An explosion today at 4 Times Square in New York City, otherwise known as the Conde Nast building, appears to be the work of The Social Media Murder Corp. Shortly before the end of their controversial Reddit Ask Me Anything question and answer session, the now confirmed female duo of Danger and Destruction became agitated and informed the participants of the AMA that they had one minute to evacuate the building. Shortly afterwards, several explosions ripped through the offices of Conde Nast, parent company of Reddit. Casualties are light, with reports saying that due to the warning by the duo that a large portion of those inside the offices managed to evacuate to other floors. The building itself is in no danger of collapse, as the explosions were small and localized in the Conde Nast offices and not in any structural support areas of the building itself.

  Authorities are unsure as to how or when the SMMC managed to get the explosives inside the building or how they managed to set them off. Repeated attempts to garner a response from representatives of the FBI or the DOJ have been rebuked. A participant in the AMA identified himself as Attorney General Eric Holder, but that has not been confirmed.

  A transcript of the AMA itself is available on this station’s website.

  Danger leaned back on the pillow propped up against the couch and smiled to herself.

  “Building go boom!”

  Destruction sat down next to her and rested her head on her sister’s shoulder.

  “That AMA didn’t go exactly as planned though.”

  “I dunno sis, I think we got our message out.”

  Destruction sighed.

  “Yeah we did but, I don’t know, I expected some serious questions. Most of them were stupid.”

  “The one with the poem was good!”

  Destruction laughed.

  “Yeah that was ok.”

  Danger flipped through the TV channels as she spoke.

  “We didn’t kill hardly anyone. I think only like 5 people died. Maybe we should have brought the whole building down.”

  “No way could we have gotten that much C4 into that building. It would have taken a year of planning just to place the devices where they wouldn’t have been found, let alone getting into the place. Sometimes the preparation is just not worth the effort. Besides, we accomplished what we wanted.”

  Danger laughed.

  “Yeah we done blew up Reddit!”

  “Yeah but only temporarily. They will be back online tomorrow. At least we sent a message, not everything we do can be a spectacular fireball of anarchy.”

  The sisters watched TV for a while.

  “Are we going to go back to Cambodia this summer like we talked about?” Danger asked hopefully.

  “Yes, we are. We need a vacation.”

  “Yay! It will be good to go home for a bit. Oh my God next year we will be in High School!”

  “I know right? Freshmen! It’s going to rock!”

  “We are totally going to rule our school, totally.”

  “Yeah. And we got four years to plan for college and decide what we are going to major in.”

  Danger thought for a moment.

  “Can we major in Anime?”

  “No,” Destruction laughed, “We could major in animation, and then create anime.”

  Danger frowned.

  “I just want to watch anime for four years and get a degree in it.”

  “Somehow I don’t think that is a program available in college sis.”

  “Hmm, maybe I can be a veterinarian! Then I could help kitties like Mr. Fluffywoogums!”

  Destruction stroked her sister’s hair.

  “Whatever you want to do sis, I am sure you will be awesome in it.”

  “We are going to go to the same college right?” Danger asked softly.

  Destruction smiled.

  “Of course, you really think I would ever allow us to be separated?”

  Danger snuggled in close to her sister.

  “I love you,” she sighed.

  “I love you too,” Destruction said softly as she kissed the top of her sister’s head.

  The State Department

  The man who smoked Camel cigarettes was having a bad day. The incident at the Conde Nast building had left his office in anarchy. The AMA they had been ready for, the explosion was not expected. They had every computer expert at their disposal monitoring every IP address that signed into the AMA. They poured over every stream of information that came in. They tracked and traced every node and every IP on Reddit that evening, and they had still come up blank. Oh they had found the IP’s used by the SMMC, it was just they could not trace it. The IP was buried under layer upon layer of anonymous routers, IP strippers, and Spoofers that any attempt at tracing them ended up running into a brick wall.

  He had been put in charge of the SMMC case from almost the moment they become known to the public. He had spent millions of dollars in resources and man power in an attempt to capture them, and had nothing to show for it. Every lead, every source had been for nothing. Time and time again he thought he had the first shred of hard evidence for finding them, only to realize he had been played for one more time.

  He had devoted every waking hour to the pursuit of the girls. He had sacrificed his home life, his health, and his sanity to the pursuit, for nothing.

  He sat at his desk and stared at the reports laid out before him. No traces of anything on the remains of the explosives recovered from the Conde Nast bui
lding explosion. It was almost as though the devices had materialized out of thin air, like magic.

  He rubbed his temples as he lit another cigarette. This would cost him his job, he knew that. He was already under enormous pressure to show something for the Government’s efforts on stopping the girls, and he had nothing to show. This latest fiasco was more than likely the nail in his career coffin. He would get re-assigned to some desk job to serve out his time then quietly retired, with a pat on the back and a gold watch.

  He would not go out that way. He had devoted too much, sacrificed everything, and to have nothing to show for at the end of the day was something he could not accept.

  He opened the drawer of his desk and pulled out an old laptop. This one was installed with a special OS that acted as an anonymous router and firewall. He opened his email client and began to type a message.

  One Year earlier

  “What the fuck is this?”

  “It’s a video, picked up on You Tube and Live Leak. You Tube has already pulled it, but it’s still on Live Leak.”

  “What are they….holy shit did they just kill that person?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What, this isn’t a hoax?”

  “Nope, it’s real. The person identified in the video was reported missing 2 days ago.”

  “This sucks, but why am I looking at it? This is something the police and FBI should be taking care of, not the State Department.”

  “There are concerns.”

  “What sort of concerns?”

  “Sleeper cell concerns.”

  “Seriously? Al Qaeda?”

  “We can’t be too sure. We want you on this, this is your case now. Here is the folder, the police and FBI contacts are in it. Observe mostly, it probably is just some demented psychopaths BUT if it is anything more pounce on it.”

  “Waste of time.”

  The man lights up a camel cigarette as he shakes his head.

  “Total waste of time,” he says again.

  “Look at it as a chance, an opportunity.”

  “Bah, more like a punishment. I’ll do my best but I am telling you, this is nothing.”

  “Then it’s nothing, so don’t worry about it.”

  The man took a long drag on his Camel cigarette as he studied the file in front of him.

  “What the fuck is a ‘Social Media Murder Corp’?” he thought to himself.

  Over the next few days the man watched the video of the killing over and over. He coordinated with the local police and FBI as they investigated the incident. After several weeks they had still not recovered a body, and worse still, every effort to track the IP address of the uploader of the video had failed.

  Then came the second incident.

  Then the third.

  And now he had a problem.

  Aftermath of the Arctic Mall incident +7 days.

  The man who smoked Camel cigarettes really wished he had one right now. He had gone from just a few cigarettes a day to a full on 3 pack a day smoker, unfiltered. Now all he wanted to do was smoke, but he couldn’t. It had been a week since the SMMC blew up the Arctic Mall and the men seated around the table wanted answers and they wanted them now. He rubbed his temples and sighed, it was time to get on with the show.

  “Right, we all know why we are here. Let’s start.”

  “We cannot trace the explosive residue or the devices. We have found fragments of the devices used, but not many. And the fragments we HAVE found offer nothing as to where they came from.”

  “The surviving surveillance footage is useless. They was a Comic Book convention at the Mall and as a result, we have footage of literally hundreds of people in masks and costumes. The Mall is old and did not have cameras everywhere, so we have little of it to begin with anyway.”

  “The survivors all have gave us the same statement: two masked individuals were seen shooting people during the aftermath of the explosion. The individuals were in robes matching the robes worn by the SMMC in their videos. The video uploaded by the SMMC after the event confirms the eyewitness account as to the validity of the SMMC’s claim of responsibility.”

  “We have two bodies that were recovered that were shot point blank, from less than 3 feet away, situated at the epicenter of the blast radius. These particular victims were wearing crudely constructed replicas of the SMMC robes. Based on the wounds these individuals suffered and their placement on the ground, we believed they were shot immediately BEFORE the explosion which destroyed the mall.”

  Camel frowned.

  “Why do you suppose this is?” he asked.

  “Perhaps they recognized the pair?”

  “How? In the robes and masks?”

  “Perhaps they did something to unduly anger the pair, resulting in the point blank gunshot wounds.”

  Camel closed his eyes and thought.

  “The epicenter of the explosion was centered on the food court fountain, correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “Which is was also the location for this convention, right?”

  “That is correct sir, yes.”

  “These two victims we are discussing, were attired in crude knockoffs of the SMMC, correct too?”

  “Yes sir, crude but definitely a representation.”

  Camel tapped his fingers on the table.

  “They were there the day BEFORE, scouting out the location,” he said, “they met the two victims that day, and when they returned to plant the explosives they were recognized, hence the fact that the SMMC were also caught in the epicenter of the explosion and NOT safely outside the Mall. I don’t think they planned on shooting their way out, I think they planned to go inside the mall using the convention as cover so they could go in wearing their robes, which no one would give a thought to due to the convention. They placed the devices, and on their way out were confronted by the two victims, resulting in the gun fire, explosion, and subsequent rampage afterwards.”

  “It makes sense,” an older man seated across the table stated, “they took a chance on getting themselves blown up as well, I highly doubt this was their intention.”

  Camel smiled.

  “The two victims, interview their families, talk to any friends they had who were NOT killed, ask if they mention meeting anyone or talking to anyone odd or strange at the convention the day before the explosion. Kids love to talk, we may catch a break.”

  “I will have my team get right on it,” a blonde haired younger man stated.

  The meeting broke up and the man who smoked Camels was back in his office, watching the SMMC video of them celebrating the Arctic Mall incident.

  “Fucking bastards, I will find you both, and when I do I am going to put a round in both your heads personally. I will make sure it’s me who finishes you off, purely because of the stress you have put me through.”

  SMMC home, present day

  “OMG it HURTS!” Danger cried as she held herself in the Yoga plank position.

  “C’mon sis, one more minute and you got a half hour! Your best time yet!” Destruction said excitedly as she watched her sister hold herself in the painful plank.

  “My abs and butt are on fire!! And I feel like I am gonna puke!” Danger sobbed.

  “Hold on 45 seconds! You can do it sweetheart I know you can! You are strong and powerful and you have never EVER given up on anything! Now hold that plank!” Destruction yelled, trying to motivate Danger.

  Danger winced as her body burned, her abs and legs and ass searing with the pain of a thousand needles. The twin’s workout regimen was brutal and effective. Both 14 year olds were in the peak of human condition. Both had cardio that bordered on the supernatural, both were lean and had six pack abs, and both were far stronger than any 14 year old had a right being. They had incredible balance, and knew how to use their bodies to peak performance. They regularly did parkour, yoga, gymnastics, and ballet. Danger played soccer on her Middle School team and Destruction ran track.

  “Ten seconds!” Destruction yelled exc
itedly.

  “Ow ow ow!!!” Danger cried in protest as her body screamed in pain.

  “Five….four…three…two…ONE….YOU DID IT! PLANKED FOR A HALF HOUR!” Destruction cried happily as she threw her arms in the air.

  Danger collapsed onto the yoga mat, her face dripping with sweat and her body burning with pain.

  “My butt hurts!” she cried as she laid panting for breath on the yoga mat.

  “OMG I am SO proud of you sis! Fuck me that was intense, it looked really painful!” Destruction laughed as she lay next to her sister on the floor.

  “It hurt, everything hurts, even my toes!” Danger complained.

  “That just means its effective, no pain no gain right?”

  “Yeah, you are right. Besides, its five more minutes than YOU can do doo doo head” Danger laughed.

  “OMG YOU are the doo doo head!” Destruction shot back as she tussled her sister’s hair.

  “OW! Even my hair hurts!” Danger said as she softly rubbed her head.

  Destruction laughed and got up. The twins had their own gym room in the house that measured 35x35. It was packed with weights, yoga mats, pull up bars, two treadmills, and two stationary bicycles. They would swim in their pool outside and run along the track they had encircling the property of their house. During their runs Yuki would sit out on the balcony and watch them, the twins happily waving to her every time they ran past her.

  Destruction stretched her arms behind her head and grabbed onto one of the pull up bars, she began to do chin ups as Danger recovered from her planking.

  “That…..was….impressive…..sis….honestly,” Destruction said as she did her chin ups.

  Danger was sitting up now, massaging her legs.

  “I read online some Chinese guy did it for four hours.”

  “What…..that’s……really….badass,” Destruction said with a grunt as she continued her pull ups.

  “Yeah it is, I wanna hold it that long someday. That would be awesome.”

  “I ….am sure…someday….you…will,” Destruction said with a gasp as she finished her pull ups and dropped to the floor, stretching her arms.

  Danger was now punching and kicking the huge body bag the twins had mounted in the room. She hit the bag repeatedly, over and over again with strikes from her fists, elbows, and legs. She mixed up her routine, striking from a standing position then from the ground then jumping in the air.