When David Died: A True Story

by John Locke

  She did.

  So I said, “I’m honored.”

  And it was the truth.

  She said, “Call me back at this number when you get to the parking lot. If it’s real busy I’ve got a backup plan.”

  “Will do.”

  10.

  First Date

  WHEN I PULLED into the parking lot I was a bit concerned by the large number of cars. I’m not famous, but I am fairly well-known in Lexington, and it could cause problems if one of Alison’s friends happened to see me there with Nicki.

  I called to give her the news.

  “I thought that might be the case,” she said.

  “What’s your backup plan?”

  “If I tell you, will you promise not to get the wrong impression?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  “I’m at the Griffin Gate Marriott. Room 214.”

  “Cool.”

  “We’re just going to talk, okay?”

  “No problem,” I said, thinking just the two of us in a hotel room beats a crowded restaurant any day.

  She said, “I’ll leave the door slightly ajar so you won’t have to knock. That might call attention to yourself.”

  “Good point. Should I come right now?”

  “Please. I’ve already ordered room service.”

  I drove to the hotel, parked my car in a cluster of others, thinking it would be less conspicuous, then moved through the hotel lobby as quickly as possible. Entering the elevator, it dawned on me I was acting like a man about to cheat on his wife. I suppose that’s because in my mind, I already was.

  But Nicki made it perfectly clear this meeting was just going to be a talk. She ordered room service for the occasion. So it’s not cheating.

  When I got to the second floor I exited the elevator, walked to the room, pushed the door open, closed it behind me.

  One part of my brain thought the whole “talk and room service” comments might be a ploy, and I’d go in and find her lying on the bed in a negligee, or better yet, naked under the covers. But the truth was far less racy. The room was actually a suite, and the door I entered led to the couch and table, not the bedroom.

  Nor was Nicki naked or wearing a negligee. She was wearing black, skin-tight yoga pants and a crop top, and oversized white Nike Dunk Sky High sneakers with the laces untied. It was a simple look that came across sexy as hell. When she saw me she jumped to her feet and raced across the room to greet me.

  I didn’t know how to react: should I start the hug? Wait for one? Was she going to kiss me? If so, should I kiss her back?

  She hugged me, and as usual, held it longer than friends would.

  Much longer.

  When at last she backed away, she had tears in her eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” I said.

  “I’m just…so happy!”

  “Me too, Nicki.”

  We made small talk till the food arrived, then we ate and talked some more. Neither of us mentioned Michael or Alison, though we did talk about Jessie, and her friends, and the upcoming concert.

  When the talk died down Nicki said, “Let’s move to the sofa.” Once there, she said, “So David.”

  “Yes?”

  She blushed, placed her hand on my thigh. “Are you going to make me say it out loud?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Very well. I want to be your mistress. If you’ll have me.”

  I nearly choked. “What about Michael?”

  “He’ll have to find his own mistress.”

  11.

  “SO WHAT DO you think?” she said.

  “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. How would it work?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I mean, the logistics. The ground rules. The end game.”

  “End game?”

  “You said mistress, and I couldn’t possibly be more excited. I was just wondering if you’re thinking it might lead to something more.”

  “Like what?”

  “Marriage.”

  “You’re already married.”

  “Well…yes. What I mean is, I wouldn’t rule anything out where you’re concerned. I’ve been fantasizing about you for months. I was just wondering how far you felt this could—”

  “David?”

  “Yes?”

  “Let’s not put the cart before the horse.”

  “Okay.”

  “How about we start with a checklist. Do you find me attractive?”

  “God, yes!”

  “Check. Do you find me desirable?”

  “Incredibly so.”

  “Check. Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.”

  “How much?”

  “Completely.”

  “Check. Here’s the big one: I’m not sure what you may have heard about…my background. But if we’re going to do this, it has to be at my pace, or it’s gonna go badly. Can you be patient with me?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Are you willing to go at my pace?”

  “Yes. If at any point you’re not comfortable with whatever’s happening, just—”

  She shook her head. “That won’t be a problem because you’re going to let things develop at my pace.”

  “Of course.”

  “This isn’t going to be about fucking.”

  “It’s not?”

  “It’s gonna be about making love.”

  “I’m with you 100%!”

  She studied my face before saying, “I’m aching to make love to you. But you know what? Anyone can have sex. Dogs and cats can have sex. I hope you can rise above that and be patient and allow the sexual tension to grow more and more powerful each time we see each other.”

  “I’m open to whatever works for you.”

  “You won’t be sorry, David. I’m worth waiting for. I’ll be the best lover you ever had.”

  “I believe you. Um…how long do you think we’ll be putting off the uh…”

  “The sex part?”

  I nodded.

  “We’re not going to put it off at all.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m confusing you.”

  “Not at all. Well, a little. But seriously Nicki, however you want to do this, I’m with you. I’m just so honored you chose me.”

  “Thank you. What I mean is, we’re going to do something sexual every time we meet. It’s just that we’re not going to go all the way the first few visits. Will that work for you?”

  “Yes.”

  “One last thing: if we’re gonna do this, you’ll have to promise something.”

  “Name it.”

  “You can’t ever ask or tell me to do something sexual. In other words, I’ll have specific plans for each time we meet. Maybe one plan is we lie in bed naked, without touching. If that’s the plan, I have to be able to trust you completely.”

  “I understand.”

  “I’m serious, David. If that’s the plan you absolutely can’t touch me. Because if that’s the plan and you do, you’ll never see me again.”

  I cocked my head, wondering two things: first: is this what happened over and over with her and Michael? And second: is she just plain crazy?

  But it didn’t matter. By then I was in striking distance of epic pussy, and I’d have said yes to anything.

  And so I did.

  “Check,” she said. Then added, “I like what you said a while ago about logistics and ground rules. I have some ideas on that, if you’d like to hear them.”

  “I’d love to.”

  12.

  “FIRST,” SHE SAID, “I want us to talk about Michael and Alison. I want us to tell and ask each other everything we’d like to say and know about them. And we have to be 100% honest. In other words, if I ask if you love Alison and you do, I’ll think no less of you, and it won’t affect our relationship in the least. Because what we do in this world is separate from what you do in that world. But if you lie in order to justify our relationship, or because you think it’s what I want
to hear, I’ll know. And if that’s the case, you’re not the man I hoped for, and that will end it. So always tell the truth, because I’ll accept nothing less.”

  “I’ll always be honest with you. You have my word.”

  She paused. “So we’ll talk about Michael and Alison till there’s nothing left to say. But just today. After you leave the room today, whenever we’re together, we can never mention either of them, ever again. Agreed?”

  I nodded.

  “Second, when it’s over, it’s over.”

  “Okay. Uh…can you expand on that a little?”

  “If for any reason you change your mind about being with me—”

  “That will never happen!”

  “I hope not. But maybe you will someday, or maybe I’ll want to end things. If either of us wants to, the other has to accept it. This is a problem I’ve had with Michael, and I kept going back time and time again, and you know why?”

  I shook my head. I’ve never understood that. Maybe she just can’t say no.

  She said, “It’s because of you. I felt you were worth fighting for. And believe me, Michael and I fought a lot.”

  “Are you saying you stayed with him to—”

  “That’s right. Just to get you. I knew I wanted you the moment we met. And I hung in there, month after month, waiting for my next opportunity to try to get you interested in me.”

  “That’s why you kept hoping I’d call.”

  “Exactly. And that’s why I was angry when you didn’t. Because I had to stay with him until the next chance to be around you. It was torture, David.”

  “I can see that now. I’m so sorry.”

  “Third,” she said, “I’m going to do things with you sexually that I’ve never done with anyone else. Things I’ve never wanted to do with anyone else. But as they happen, I don’t want you to ask if I’ve ever done these things before, and especially with Michael, because I did not. I’ll tell you more about that when we talk about him.”

  “I’m very excited about everything you’ve said, Nicki. I can’t wait.”

  “Good. Me either. Fourth: we can never text each other. We’ll set up a specific time each week, and you’ll call me as close to that time as you can. If for some reason you can’t call, do not leave a message. This is for your protection more than mine. Fifth: I will never call you. There are too many things that could go wrong in your life if I do.”

  “What if I call at the appointed time and you don’t answer? Should I wait a few minutes and call back?”

  “No. If I don’t answer the first time you call, it’s because I can’t. We’ll just have to miss that week.”

  “That would be awful.”

  “I agree. So let’s both do our best.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “I only have one more, and it’s different than the others. I want to ask you a question, and I want you to answer it as honestly as you can.”

  “Ask it.”

  “How does it make you feel to know you’re gonna get in my pants?”

  I closed my eyes. “Like I’m in heaven. Like I won the Powerball. Like my whole life was building up to this.” I opened my eyes and looked at her, and I swear, I had tears in my eyes as I said, “I will never let you down. I only hope I don’t disappoint you.”

  “Number six is never forget how you’re feeling this very moment. Things will happen, David. Situations. Problems. At some point I might do something or say something that makes you furious. But if that happens, I want you to always remember exactly how you’re feeling right now.”

  “I promise I will. Can I kiss you now? I’m dying to—”

  Pow!

  What the fuck?

  She slapped me harder than I’ve ever been slapped in my life. Then she said, “Were you not listening this whole time? Did I not say you can’t ask me to do anything sexual?”

  “You did. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize—”

  —What I didn’t realize is she was bat shit crazy!

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I was planning to kiss you in a little while anyway. It’s just…” she sighed, looked away.

  “I know. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  She took a full minute to compose herself, then said, “How much time do you have?”

  “For you, all the time in the world.”

  She smiled. “Good. Let’s get this last order of business out of the way: our talk about Michael and Alison. Want me to start?”

  “Please.”

  “Here’s my baggage with Michael: I know he’s your son and my biggest worry is you’re going to think about him and me being together when you and I are together. And that would totally suck. So that’s why I have to tell you something that shames me to my core to admit: I never loved Michael. And—I’m just being honest now, because that’s the promise we made—I basically used him to get you interested. I’ve been the worst girlfriend in the world. I gave him the least affection possible, and if you have specific questions about what we did sexually that I fail to cover, I’ll answer truthfully, but just until you leave this room today. So anyway—and this is the truth—I’ve never given him oral, and in all the months we’ve been together we’ve had intercourse exactly twice. Both times lasted about 30 seconds, and afterward I threw up.”

  “You threw up both times?”

  She nodded.

  “Why do you think that happened?”

  “This is really painful to tell you because I can’t do it without getting mental pictures. But I owe you an explanation, so the plain truth is Michael reminds me of the worst thing that happened in my past. It’s not his fault, it’s a combination of things: the way he whispers when he’s coming on to me? The way he touches me? His sexual mannerisms? I don’t know. Could be all of these, could be something else. It’s like a mental block. I tried to overcome it lots of times, but I couldn’t. So of course he thinks I have deep-seated psycho-sexual issues, and I suppose I do where he’s concerned. I’ve always felt badly about it, but…what can I do? I simply never found him physically appealing. He’s touched me, but only a few times below the waist. And whenever he did that, or tried to, I got upset and broke up with him. Then, because of you, I came back. In the interest of full disclosure, I should add I used my hand to make him excited numerous times over the past year, to keep the peace. Do you understand what I mean by that?”

  I nodded.

  She said, “We weren’t really engaged. I agreed to let him tell people that—especially you, Alison and Jessie—so you wouldn’t keep pressuring him. You probably know Michael has a temper. He’s never hit me or anything, but he’s verbally abusive. You don’t have to agree, or comment, that’s just my opinion. And even though I never cheated on him, he always accused me of it. I think that’s mostly my fault, since I wouldn’t let him touch me. Is there anything you’d like to ask me about Michael or our relationship?”

  I thought about everything she said before answering “No.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I am. You covered it very well.”

  “Do you think you can forgive me for the way I treated him?”

  “There’s no need. You tried to make it work and Michael accepted the relationship you were able to give him, just as I will.”

  “Can you keep from thinking about him and me when you and I are together?”

  “Like you said, Nicki: what happens here is totally apart from what happens elsewhere.”

  She smiled. “Thank you, David. I was certain you’d understand. There’s just one more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  13.

  “IN A MOMENT of weakness, I let Michael talk me into taking nude pictures of me. They’re on his phone. The reason I’m bringing this up is, Michael has a temper, and sometimes he’s verbally abusive. He said if I don’t come back to him he’s going to put my photos on a revenge site.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Do you ever watch porn?”

  “No
.”

  “Well, there are porn sites where guys punish their ex-wives or girlfriends by posting their nude photos. Then the porn sites sell them to other porn sites and within days the photos are all over the world and there’s nothing the women can do about it.”

  “That’s horrible. I’m sure Michael didn’t mean it.”

  “Maybe not, but I can’t take that chance.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  “If you can get your hands on his phone you could erase them.”

  I frowned. “I’m not very skilled with cell phones.”

  “I can show you how. It’s super easy.”

  “You want to show me now?”

  “No. Because in order to delete the photos, you’ll have to see them. And I’m not quite ready for that.”

  I nodded. “Well, whenever you’re ready, show me what to do and I’ll make it happen.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Can I ask you a question, Nicki? You said you’ll always have a plan for what we’re going to do each time we get together. Are you going to tell me the plan each week when I call you?”

  “No, and please don’t ask. I want it to be a surprise.”

  “No problem. I like surprises.”

  “But if my plan is something you don’t feel like doing, you can say no. But that would probably set our relationship back instead of moving it forward.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t want that to happen. Um…just to be clear, we’re not talking about bondage, are we? Or domination?”

  “Omigod, no! Is that okay?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Good, because I’m totally not into those sorts of things.”

  “Me either!”

  “Let’s move on. Is there anything else you’d like to ask or talk about, as far as the ground rules?”

  “Not really. I think you’ve covered everything.”

  “Nothing more on Michael?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay, then let’s talk about Alison. Your turn to start.”

  14.

  I TOOK A minute to think about how to condense a twenty-five-year marital relationship into a couple of sentences, and came up with: “I do love Alison, but we sleep in separate beds when you guys aren’t visiting. She’s not a romantic person, and I think she probably loves me in general, but certainly not like she used to. We’ve never cheated on each other, but I’ve come close a couple of times.”