by Rue Volley
“Jack, you know how apathetic you are when you don’t take them,” Victoria said as she cut into her small piece of meat on her plate. She took a bite and chewed slowly, I couldn’t help but watch her. I could see a little trace of blood on the corner of her lip.
“The problem is that I feel nothing when I take them, and it isn’t me. I want to feel, I want to feel everything,” Jack said, his voice rising a little bit. I could tell that she upset him by trying to push him to take the pills.
Victoria waved her fork at me. “Like this one? How many will it be, Jack? Abigail is but one in a long line of true loves, is she not?”
I felt his hand tighten on mine.
“No, she isn’t.”
Victoria laughed and she set her fork down next to her plate. “What about Rose, Jack? She needs your love and support now. The family needs that from you. We need your love and your loyalty.”
Jack looked up at Rose and tilted his head. “Rose is more than capable of living her own life, we all are, mother. When will you stop acting as if we will die without each other?”
He stood up and pushed his chair back. Miss. Cox stepped toward him, but Victoria held her pale hand up.
Victoria dabbed a white cloth napkin at the corner of her mouth and looked at me. She set it down and fingered at it. “Miss. Cox is not just Jack’s assistant, she takes care of him, right my dear?”
Miss. Cox nodded to her and then walked up to Jack. She placed a hand on his face, and he closed his eyes. Her words sounded soothing, her tone calm.
“Please, come home, Jack.”
He stepped back from her and reached his hand out toward me. Rose stood up and knocked her drink over as Jerod ate and laughed. He waved his utensils around in the air.
“Abi, this is about as normal as it gets so just accept it, but I would suggest that you leave while you have the chance. Of course, you’re welcome to ride my cock too if you like.”
Rose hit Jerod in the jaw with a closed fist. His laughter stopped as he tilted to one side. She looked at me while I took Jack’s hand. Her eyes angry and her demeanor changing by the minute. Suddenly she straightened her shoulders and grinned at me.
“I’m sorry, Jerod can be so rude.”
I nodded to her as Jerod wiped his bloody lip with his napkin. He laughed under his breath and shook his head.
Rose grabbed her pills and tilted her head back, tossing them into her mouth. She chased it down with a half a glass of Jerod’s water. She set the glass down while she simultaneously took a slow and even breath. She raised her head and smiled at me. “Please excuse me, I know that seemed barbaric, but he shouldn’t speak to you that way.” She eyed him for a quick second. “Or anyone, for that matter.”
“Manner’s, Rose,” Victoria said quietly as Rose sat back down in her chair. She stared at the food on her plate.
“This looks lovely,” she spoke so calmly it was as if nothing had happened.
She looked up at me. “I’m sure that you can understand why I hit him. Haven’t you fantasized about it?” She looked at Jerod and he took a heavy drink of his wine and then started to laugh.
“Welcome to my family, Abigail,” he said as he toasted the table.
Rose rolled her eyes. “Always so damn dramatic,” she muttered while I had to conceal my smile. I couldn’t help it, there was something about her that I liked. Maybe it was her aggressive nature, or perhaps it was how she had survived these people when I knew that so many wouldn’t have been able to. I admired her strength and her left hook.
She picked up her fork and knife and cut into the meat on her plate.
Jack pulled my hand in his and I stepped closer to him. “I think you should leave,” he said.
Victoria smiled. “Well, it was sweet of you to visit. Jack, see her to the plane, will you?”
Jack pulled me along with him, my hand held tightly in his own. We walked quickly down the hallway, through the atrium and out into the brisk air. I felt as if a weight had been lifted as soon as I broke free. He stopped and turned toward me.
“I can’t leave with you, Abigail, but I will return. I just have to deal with this first. Can you understand?”
I nodded to him. He leaned in and touched my face, studying my eyes and then my lips.
“This is me, I promise you. This is who I really am. No matter what happens, just remember me as I am today, okay?”
I hugged him, feeling an ache in my heart. His words cryptically floated up into the air around us. Was it a prediction of the future? Or was it his way of saying goodbye? I couldn’t tell, and I didn’t think that I even wanted to know.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SOME THINGS ARE WORSE THAN DEATH
__________________________
I flew back to the private airport outside New Weston, alone. Jack had remained right where I had left him, at his request. In the house that wanted to be a home.
Amongst wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Each one of them damaged. Each one of them created by Peter Landon. It made me hate him even more.
I stepped up to the black limo and turned back to look at the plane as it immediately taxied back down the runway, returning to him. I wished that I could too. I saw the lettering on the side of it that spelled out the name Charlotte. I blinked a couple of times and my thoughts floated back to Jack. I couldn’t help it.
He asked me to leave, he needed to handle the situation at hand and quite honestly I would only serve as a distraction. I feared that he would go back on his medication, obviously he was prone to doing much more without it than when he was on it.
But that was the Jack that I knew and loved.
It was also the one who loved me. Who finally uttered the words that I longed to hear.
I paused, wishing for a laugh or two, but none came. Humor had seen me through right up until it failed me in the cemetery that night.
It’s what I get for ignoring the problem and allowing for life to distract me.
I slid into the backseat as the driver held the door open for me. He got in and started to drive. It was a strange feeling to be carted around without having to tell people where I needed to go. It wasn’t a life that I was used to, but it was Jack’s world that I had stepped back into and I shouldn’t be surprised.
It was so foreign to me, and it was what enticed me to begin with.
I looked over, and my phone lay on the backseat. I grabbed it, forgetting that I even had it with me when we left the hospital. I opened it, and there were messages waiting for me.
I scrolled through and hit Avery’s first.
UMMMM. WTF. I TALKED TO YOUR MOM. I’M ON MY WAY.
I closed it and bit my lip, scrolling through more. I saw Sam and opened his up, fearful of what it would say.
ABI. CALL ME. PLEASE. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. IT’S IMPORTANT.
Then I saw a few missed calls from my mom, and I felt horrible. I pressed the button and listened to the ringing. Finally, on the fifth ring, she picked up and sounded out of breath. I grimaced as she groaned.
“Mom?”
“Oh, baby! Hold on.”
I heard the phone drop and then some rustling. I could only imagine the craziness, but I didn’t want to.
She returned to the phone. “Okay, that wasn’t what you think it was, I’m working out. Yoga.”
“Okay. Listen, Mom. I’m sorry, I left my phone in the limo.”
“Where did you go? I was worried about you. Jack said that he wanted to talk to you.”
I sighed. “Um, on a private jet and then we—” I paused, I decided to skip the skydiving incident. “We went to his mansion, a house I had never been to before. We couldn’t get there by car, we had to fly in.”
The pause bothered me. I thought that perhaps I had drummed up the old Mom. The one who would yell at me and remind me of how dangerous things can be, but she didn’t come back angry, in fact her voice sounded smaller.
“Oh.”
“Mom?”
She
hesitated. “Someone’s at the door.”
I pulled my hair up into a bun and wrapped the hair tie around it. “Okay, I’ll be home soon, but I need to stop by Sam’s parents’ house. I have to talk to him, is that okay?”
“Sure, yeah, okay. You do that.”
I tapped my index finger on my lip. “Okay I’ll be—” and click. She hung up on me. I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it. “What was that?” I muttered as I leaned back into the seat and tried to relax.
I needed to get a plan in motion for this talk with Sam. I knew he was upset, and he also had the wrong impression about all of it. I didn’t even know if my mom had told him or not. I think she would have mentioned it when I told her I was going to see him.
I closed my eyes and tapped the phone on my forehead. I opened them back up and eyed the bruise on my wrist. I shook my head. I rubbed it, the last thing I needed to do was show up with more damage done to me and for Sam to find out that I was with Jack.
I ended up at Sam’s front door, fidgeting with my hands and then rubbing them on my jeans. I knocked lightly at first and then stepped back. I took a breath and leaned in, knocking harder, and still no one came to the door.
I won’t lie, I was actually relieved. Maybe this should be postponed, I wasn’t even sure. I turned to walk away, and the door opened up behind me.
“Abi.”
I turned back around and waved at his dad. I quickly lowered my wrist, it was briefly exposed and showing off the stitches. That was the last thing that I wanted to do.
I placed my hands behind my back and interlocked a couple of my fingers. I felt so uncomfortable, and I was sure that the whole town knew that I had ended up in the hospital and why. It didn’t matter what I said. The damage was already done. I’m sure that it all stemmed from my attempted suicide on the bridge when I jumped to my death. Of course, the big finale had occurred at the cemetery when I cut my wrist and drank my own blood. There was no getting around that one.
“Hi,” I said. Sam’s dad looked me over.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded to him and pulled my wrist out. I held it up, and he narrowed his eyes.
“I wasn’t trying to die. It was stupid, I was drunk. It was an accident.”
“Ahhh,” he said as he nodded to me. Sam’s dad was never big on any conversation at all. That was enough for him, and I appreciated it.
I pushed a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “Is Sam here, by chance?” I held my phone up and shook it. “He text me, said he needed to talk to me, so here I am.”
He paused and then stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him. He stood there and sighed. It was unlike him. I tilted my head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, well, Sam’s inside.”
I tried to look past him. “Okay, can I see him?”
He crossed his arms over his chest and stared me down. “I don’t know if that’s the best thing right now.”
“The best thing? What’s going on?”
Sam’s Mom peeked out the window and then stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind her. “Hi, Abi. How are you?” she leaned in and touched my arm. She had a sad look on her face. Perhaps she sided with the gossipers in town. I couldn’t be sure.
“I’m good.”
“Oh, of course, and your mom?”
I looked down and then back up to her. “She’s good. Listen, is Sam okay? He sent me a text and said he needed to talk to me.”
“Well honey, Sam’s inside.”
I nodded. “That’s what he said,” I pointed at his dad.
I leaned to one side, trying to look through the glass on the door. I didn’t see anyone in the hallway.
“Listen, I’m sure the whole town is buzzing about me and how crazy I am, but I’m not. I mean, I can be crazy, just like anyone else can be, but I’m not suicidal,” I simulated cutting my throat with my finger, showing off my stitched up wrist and bruises while Sam’s Mom inspected it in horror.
“Oh, dear,” she muttered.
“No, oh man. I just, listen. Can you tell him that I was here? Just let him know that I’m going home, to Mom’s, I mean. Not New York, I—I’m not sure when I’m going back there.”
“Well, neither is Sam.”
“What?”
The door opened, and Sam stepped out. His Mom turned and tapped him on the chest. She smiled at him. He looked tired. I could see dark circles under his eyes, and he was wearing a wrinkled t-shirt. It wasn’t like him at all.
“Sam, are you okay?”
He looked at me and then back to his Mom. “It's alright, go inside.” He kissed her on the forehead, and she went into the house. His dad joined her. He slowly closed the door and kept an eye on me. I must seem like a degenerate to him now.
I looked up at Sam and bit my lip. “What’s going on?” I lifted my arm to move my hair behind my ear and he saw my wrist. I lowered it and placed it behind my back.
“Let me see.” He reached behind me and pulled my wrist out. He inspected the cut and then noticed the bruises.
“Abi.”
I pulled it from him and rubbed it. I sighed. “This isn’t about my accident, you look like you got hit by a train, what happened?”
“Liv left me.”
“Oh—oh man, I’m sorry, Sam.”
He looked down and shoved his hands deep into the front pockets of his ripped up jeans. I looked down at his bare feet.
“It’s okay. She wasn’t happy with how I reacted to Jack.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That was just you defending a friend, or you thought you needed to. You didn’t, by the way. Jack had nothing to do with this at all.” I lifted my wrist, and he grabbed my arm. He pulled me forward and the kiss that followed was longer than it needed to be. He stood up straight, and I remained frozen in place.
“He doesn’t love you, Abi. He will never love you and this,” he moved my wrist, “This is just the beginning.”
I jerked my hand back from him and rubbed it. “I don’t know why you have to ruin this, Sam.”
“Ruin what? The fact that I love you?”
He ran down the steps and out into the street in front of his house. He held his arms out at his sides and stared up at the sky.
“I love Abigail Watson!” his voice echoed and then he repeated it as he turned.
A dog started barking off in the distance, and a neighbor yelled back at him, “Good for you buddy!”
He lowered his arms and started walking toward me. I walked down the steps and stopped right in front of him.
“I love you too, Sam, but—”
He laughed. “Always a but, and I bet it ends with Jack doesn’t it, Abi? All things end with him in your life.”
“I—I don’t know what to say to you right now, this isn’t what I wanted at all. I wanted my Sam.”
His sharp laughter echoed as it bounced off of the houses around us. He raised his arms up into the air out of frustration. “Oh, you mean the one you keep in a box, the one you take out every now and then and dust off when you need me? That Sam?”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “That’s unfair and you know it.”
“Really?” he reached out and grabbed my arm. He looked at my wrist. “This? This isn’t love, Abi. It isn’t, and I don’t know how to get that through your head. He will take everything from you and never give back.”
I pulled my arm away from him. “You don’t know anything about him or me. You have built this world around me, around an Abi that you made up in your mind. I never lied to you Sam, I never told you that we would be anything more than friends, but I need you in my life, I need my Sam, not this one. I don’t even know who you are right now.”
He leaned toward me. “Maybe now you’ll find me fuckable, like Jack. Oh no, wait, I have to hit you, right? I have to cause you pain because that’s the only twisted shit that will get you off now.”
I hit him across the face with my open hand. The sting linger
ed in my fingers as the pain ripped its way through my heart. I immediately regretted it, but he had pushed me.
He touched his cheek, his eyes were glossy. “I didn’t mean—”
The bile started to rise in the back of my throat. I began to walk away from him.
“Abi, wait! Abi!” he called out behind me.
I started to run, and I didn’t stop until I reached my house, blew past my mom and up the stairs. I slammed the door shut behind me and slid down it, crying harder than I expected to, but I think I just witnessed the death of a friendship that I desperately needed in my life.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
PROMISES THAT YOU NEED TO KEEP
__________________________
“No.”
Avery took the bottle from me as I tried to pour another glass of wine. I shook my head in disgust.
“I'm alright. It’s just a drink.”
I stood up and walked into the living room. I dropped down onto the couch. My hair was a mess, my pajamas were a couple of days old and I was badly in need of a shower.
I didn’t even care.
Jack had disappeared. No calls, no text. It was starting to feel just like it did before. I was tempted to hunt him down, but fear kept me at home. Hiding out in my mom’s house and pretending that the world was fading away.
Or I wished that it would. It would be so much easier.
Avery walked into the living room with a glass of orange juice in her hand and a plate with two pieces of buttered toast on it. She sat down next to me and placed the plate on the table, shoving it to my side. She set the orange juice down, and I ignored it.
She leaned forward and picked up a piece of the toast and turned to me. She lifted it up, her eyebrow rose, her expression was more motherly than that of a best friend.
“You will eat.”
I clicked the remote in the direction of the television. I didn’t even care what was on, it was just background noise, all of it. She jerked it from my hand and tossed it across the room. I looked at her and sighed. “I’m not hungry.”
