He froze and changed the subject. My father bought my dealer a G Wagon. To throw it in my face it’s a match. I knew he wouldn’t answer so I left it.
“Okay. Enjoy the ride. I will not see you later.”
“Hey Aeric. I know something.”
This is guilt. Fucking drug dealer guilt. I look at him and glimpse a soul.
“What do you know my man?”
“My folks’ neighbors are the parents of this guy named Mason who is a nurse for Naomi’s mother. I think he’s gonna tap that ass. Old people talk in their yards. You know how that shit goes.”
I listened, then came the anger. I told him to follow me straight to The Comfort and to park his truck and come with me. He showed me where he lived with his parents. Then we drove to Mason’s apartment. Naomi’s car was parked outside.
He asked “what do you want to do?”
“I’m going to take you back. I never want to see you again.”
“Motherfuckers always say that.”
“This one is telling the truth.”
“I got a gram I can comp you now. You’ve already spent ten grand.”
“You keep a balance sheet?”
“Homey, I’m a fucking business.”
“Homey, huh?”
“It’s the word.”
I took him back like I said I would do. I then sat in my truck and called my father and asked him about the G Wagon. He was in a board meeting but he left it. This was his way of dominating others. They have to have him inside those rooms, so when he leaves he’s wasting their time. He makes them sit and wait like children. He’s the money they have to have. My father is the bottom line.
“So Aeric, how goes it my son?”
“You bought my dealer the very same vehicle that I drive around here every day?”
“And had the motherfucker delivered. You could call it a company car? I’ve hired that lad to consult.”
“Consult on what?”
“Websites and shit.”
“Dad, he sells cocaine to people.”
“I know nothing about that Aeric.”
“He’s been selling coke to me.”
Silence on the end of the line. He’s a pro. Knows what he’s doing. He could blackmail the fucking Pope.
“So since I’m off drugs and you don’t really need him are you going to let him live, knowing the connection you’ve given that kid and what that contact will do?”
“Copeland Industries is completely legitimate and would never be involved in those affairs.”
“Of course not. Of course you wouldn’t.” I said goodbye and then I hung up.
Seven days later the kid was found floating face down out on the lake. The vehicle was never recovered. Never reported stolen. If it ever existed for this kid to enjoy that time had come and passed. It was viewed as a drowning, due to overdosed barbiturates, and there were no signs of a struggle. Apparently, the kid was swimming naked by himself and on foot eight miles from his house. No one was curious or looked into it and no suspicions floated to the surface. This was my father at work. The way he swung the bat and hit the ball were a history I was familiar with. A family was ruined because they’d lost their son and then the case grew cold in Lake Waco. A thousand yards away from the shore, the answer bobbed in the corpse of that kid.
The day after his funeral, which I did not attend, I got a message on my phone from a stranger. It read THIS SATURDAY AT EIGHT O’CLOCK. THEY’LL BE EATING AT THE JOINT NEAR THE CIRCLE. I texted back WHO IS THIS? YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER. THIS IS AERIC. I sat back down on my couch. I wanted a drink and to snort a line, but neither would help with the pain. When I sobered Naomi would still be there and what I’d done remain unforgiven. The phone then dinged again. It said MASON AND NAOMI YOU DICK. That’s it. Just their names. I then went on a three-day bender.
The place where they were going to eat wasn’t the one near the graveyard. It was another called Laurent’s. The text was right. It was a “joint near the circle.” But it wasn’t the one where we’d eaten. I drove by there and saw all of their improvements and realized that my money had been used. They had a new façade on front of the house and it looked as if they were up to code. I felt like I’d saved a family establishment and done Naomi and her mother a favor. I drove back to the spot where we’d first made love, parked and went out to the gravesite. This is one of three she wanted me to see, but we’d decided to make love instead. I stopped doing coke and drinking this morning but I stink and feel really terrible. I took off my shoes and the grass was cool in the dark of the early evening. I sat by his grave and read the marker:
Lawrence Sull Ross
Brig Gen Cavalry Corps
Confederate States Army
Sep 27 1838 Jan 3 1898
“You, dear sir, are dead.”
No response. I’m talking to a grave.
I waited there until around 8:30 when I knew they would be talking and eating. When I got to Laurent’s I parked my rental car, rented because Naomi knew my cars, and I didn’t want her to know I was stalking. Following she and Mason on their date. My phone rang and I answered calmly. Instead of hiring a series of desk clerks, I let our maids rotate the shifts. They make extra money, seem to like the position, so I’ve kept it amongst these ladies. My night shifter then spoke through the speaker.
“Mr. Copeland. This is Tommi.”
“Hey Tommi. What can I do for you?”
“Your truck is on fire out in the street where you left it a few days ago.”
“On fire? Burning? Burning?”
There was a pause for Tommi to check.
“Yes, like, ah, there was an explosion and flames shot up. Though everything is fine on this side of the street, over there, it’s ah, well, on fire. Like on TV and shit. Excuse me.”
Why don’t I care. I really don’t. I’d rather stay here and watch Naomi through the window on a fucking date with Mason. My God she looks amazing. She had on that outfit nine days back and I snuck a quick photo of her in it. She’s biting a bread stick while in the middle of a laugh and I think as a picture of what joy really is, she is capturing it there in Laurent’s. What does Mason do that I cannot do and why can’t I fucking do it? I…
“Mr. Copeland…ah…um…your vehicle is still burning and ah…”
“Tommi, Jesus, call me Aeric.”
“Aeric, I haven’t called anybody. I mean, ah, I had an uncle that did these insurance jobs and if this is one of those…”
“No Tommi, it isn’t one of those. Please call the fire department.”
“Are you coming to speak with them?”
Tommi knows how indecently fucked up I have been and when I am they tend to avoid me. They’ve already seen it too often. We’ve been open for less than six full months and they already treat me with disdain. I can’t blame them. I need to be shot.
“Yes Tommi, when I’m finished with what I am doing I’ll run by and deal with them. I’ll call my insurance people and do all that shit after I leave this spot.”
“Okay, well, you know we’re not on the road and I mean, it’s, like, ah, really burning, burning…”
“Tommi, let it burn to the tires.”
“Okay, Mr. Copeland, I mean Aeric. So don’t call the fire department?”
I still don’t care. Can’t make myself care. I’m not even wondering why the truck exploded. Was someone trying to kill me? Did I sabotage my own stupid self? Fuck it, I’d rather stare at Naomi.
“Tommi, just let it burn. I mean if it doesn’t look like it will affect The Comfort or our patrons’ comings and goings. Someone will eventually notice.”
“I noticed.”
“Someone besides you. Although you noticing is very important.”
“Aeric, are you alright?”
“No Tommi, I am not.” I never would be again. Losing heaven will do that to you.
I then said goodnight and turned back to my staring, which made me happy in the strangest way. Naomi was gesturing, one of my favori
tes, with both her hands above her head. It meant I can’t believe that happened. Right now she was saying “he did what?” or “nope, you’re lying to me.” I closed my eyes and imagined I sat where Mason sat and I became what Mason could give her, what he offered that Naomi wanted. For a second I wasn’t me. Wasn’t unreliable, but consistent, funnily predictable and there. Someone Naomi would want as a father. A stable person she could trust. I was not, if only for a moment, a pathetic drunk bastard who had to have coke to awaken and often function. I was that man, who when another woman offered, said “no, I’m sorry, I am taken.” An old woman once told me that “men were projects and when they failed they felt all failures. They didn’t want to let their women down.” She wasn’t a Copeland, not her, and my time with her wisdom was brief. She actually believed in men, though the ones she had known were never mediocre and had to carve out their lives with their hands. I then looked at my own two hands. They were large and they were soft. Perfectly built for nothing. They couldn’t soothe or love and hadn’t carved a damned thing. Right after my brain commanded them, my hands took the lead in the trouble and the hurt that I caused on a daily basis. In a way they were used to crush Naomi.
I feel no other failure but my own.
Naomi
Mason is hilarious and always entertaining but he doesn’t have Aeric’s sharpness. The edge of excitement that Aeric possesses is void with Mason. He predictably behaves because he knows it might offend you if he drifts into some obscenity. Goes off course to tell a dirty joke. I know that I can trust him and that he’ll always defend me, because his family is straight from the fifties, like those black and white television shows. Mason is a product of that. They are structured and safe, loving and kind, without dirt on their shelves or in the floor. Even their dog doesn’t shed in the summer. When I peed at his house, was by myself in the restroom, I heard soft music playing. I came back out and asked “do you hear music?” His mother responded “yes dear, it’s piped through a tiny set of speakers in the restroom, so your experience in there will be a good one. My mother did that, but my grandmother didn’t, because she had no electricity.” All three of them laughed and I laughed with them, because I didn’t know when to laugh. If someone is concerned about my business in there then they must be EXCEPTIONALLY caring. That or have bodies in their basement. I also checked in the basement to see if there was grease or some motor on blocks seeping oil. Nope, not a damn thing. His daddy’s tools and floor are surgical clean and every item is numbered in a ledger. Every tool tagged with a description. There’s no old lawnmowers or anything half done or random piles demonstrating disorder. I bet his father has women on the side. I even asked Mason about it. This was while we were eating at Laurent’s.
“Mason, tell me the truth. Have your folks done drugs or had sex outside of marriage? Does your father keep women on the side?”
The look of horror on his face said it all. My God, is he really that good? Was his family that perfect?
“Naomi. I could never think that. How could you say such a thing?”
“Are they really that happy and perfect?”
“I think so. I hope so anyway. With that many years in the mission field and with the love and stability they gave me, I consider them both to be Saints. You know their parents and their parents before them have both served the Lord in the field. In and out of this great country. Naomi, we’re people of God.”
That should be endearing but it wasn’t. Not now. Not after Aeric. He did think that my mother was raucous and profane but then laughed at all of her stories. That’s a good sign I guess. Let’s see, he ogled my ass and also showed an interest in Woodstock. Those are two pluses in his column.
After our date at Laurent’s we went back to my house to talk. Mason sat on the couch and even asked for a beer, which for him was the same as shooting heroin. I thought to myself I wonder if he’ll ravage me or try anything at all that is sexual? And if I would be able to let him? Aeric hadn’t proposed a thing after Vishy and then I mauled him without any warning. I’ll never forget the graveyard. Right now and in the past several days, Mason has done nothing to make me want him, though I am physically attracted to his body. Though he’s smaller and shorter than Aeric, they’re shaped almost identical. He has a slim waist and broad shoulders. Nice teeth and a beautiful smile. Mason is ideal for any female and I can’t imagine him being rejected, or ever having a broken heart. There’s nothing sad or contagious about him. Is that a good word, contagious? I mean, when you see him, if you’re a male, you think “that man right there is ideal. He’s who I want to be. That fella has it going on.” But if you’re a woman you sense no experience. Mason’s never been punched, or been in a wreck. He still makes up his bed in his own apartment and scrubs his commode twice a week. He flosses after every meal. I heard him ask someone by the pool who was smoking a rather thin cigarette, to please move to the other side. Mason came back in and looked at me and said “I’m concerned with maintaining my solid genetics and can’t have DNA damage.” Who the hell thinks about that? He only drinks decaf coffee. Mason’s never skipped a physical or the cleaning of his gleaming white teeth. He said “tooth decay can be dangerous.”
“Mason, are you a virgin?” I asked because I was almost sure he must be at this point.
He didn’t answer. I didn’t push. Because he wasn’t Aeric and we couldn’t talk about things like that. I was sure he’d mumble a prayer if I tried.
It was always Aeric. In my thoughts. He was there reminding me what was good with us. What he had ruined. My heart hurt as I let myself wish he was different. But I knew he was out there watching me with Mason. And that had been enough to get me through the night.
Aeric
I parked at The Comfort, inspected my truck and then walked to Naomi’s real slow. I have no idea why the fucker blew up and I honestly don’t give a shit. If I could’ve been in it when it burst into flames that would’ve been fine with me. Now I’m sitting in an abandoned lot across the street from Naomi’s house. Mason is driving away. 12:45 on the dot. When he’s gone I cross the street in the dark. The screen door is closed but the door is still open and she’s standing behind it looking. Naomi lifts her left hand and motions me forward and I slouch through the yard and enter. I am growing increasingly pathetic.
“Come in Aeric. You don’t have to do that.”
“I feel like I have to do that.”
“Sit down. How are you doing? My God, you look like a wreck.”
“I am. I wrecked myself. Did you…”
“Yes, I saw it burning. Tommi sent me a text.”
“No, before you ask it, I have no idea why that happened. My father controls everything that I do but I don’t think he wants to kill me. Probably a recall or something.”
“I Googled. There isn’t a recall.”
“Then Naomi, I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m glad you weren’t in it.”
“You are?”
“Aeric, of course I am. The mess would be my responsibility. You’re so large and the heap of ash by itself would weigh at least fifty pounds. How could I spread that evenly? It would be the same as sowing a field.”
She smiled and it made me look at my lap and then she quietly said “Aeric, go take a shower.”
I came to my feet and walked towards the door and started to shut it behind me. “Naomi, I’m sorry, I know that I stink. I wasted three days drinking and using and this is what the fuck it looks like. And apparently smells like to.”
“You can shower here. There’s towels folded on the bed.”
“Really? Here? Now?”
“Go get clean and then we can talk. I’ll be glad to put your clothes in the washer. Do you have somewhere else to be?”
“I do not. I’ve…been…”
“…stalking. I know. I saw you.”
“I’m sorry,” was all I said. All I could say.
I went into the shower and undressed. Laid my clothes outside the door. When I looked into the m
irror there were bags beneath my eyes and my breath smelled like booze and smoke. Like I’d been dancing at a bar in the district. I got underneath the water and was actually surprised that my head didn’t hit the jets. It was roomy like the one at my house in Seattle and the tile was amazingly finished.
“You like that? I did it myself. I learned to lay tile from my uncle.”
When Naomi stepped in she slid behind me and began to soap my back. What I wanted to say would take a million words so I said nothing at all.
“When I saw you tonight I wanted this. You,” she whispered against my skin.
I turned to Naomi, softly kissed her, as she gripped my growing erection. Going down on her knees she put it in her mouth and then rose to bend above it. All I could see was the back of her head and when she spoke my legs grew weak.
“Don’t you dare come in my mouth. Not unless I tell you to.”
“I’ll do whatever you say. I feel privileged to have this opportunity.”
“You’re not interviewing for a position on Wall Street.”
“I once did and I didn’t get the job.”
Naomi proceeded to gulp down my cock and I had to look away. She went back to her knees and stared up at me throating and slicking the shaft, her nostrils flaring because the width and the length were too much, though she pumped it with her hand to help. Her eyes sparkled and I was weakening.
“Sweetheart, I can’t hold it.”
“Yes you can Aeric. You have to. We’re just getting started. I want this inside me. Hold it and save it for my pussy.”
Naomi got to her feet and wrapped her arms around my neck. I kissed her mouth and face and neck. Then down the front of her body. I sucked on each nipple and bit its hard tip and then dropped between her legs.
“Honey, raise one for me. I’ll hold you up while I eat you out.”
She put a leg on my shoulder and I licked up the slit and tongued at her moist clit. As the water hit my back she made me suck it harder until I was short of actually gnawing it.
The Book of F*ck Page 7
