HOLDING ON

by KIKI MALONE

  “Fuck!” I bellow. “This can’t be fucking happening! She can’t have my babies. There’s no way.” I cringe a little, realizing how loud I am. I can’t wake the girls after the day they’ve had.

  I look at the bottle on the table. I really want more. Mikael must hear my silent plea and pours more into my glass.

  “I can’t,” I start.

  “I’m here. There are four men outside,” he states. “They know no one can come near. I don’t plan on drinking much more because I need to get updates from my men. Just imbibe, man. This one time. You deserve it. I’m here. Drink.”

  I started the glass he poured before he even finished talking. He knew what I needed, and I knew that if I did drink too much, he would take care of the girls.

  Mikael and I sit with our glasses in our hand, staring out into nowhere. We both, I’m sure, are thinking of ways to stop Maggie. This took us all by surprise and I don’t know what I could do to thwart her attempts.

  Finally, a wayward thought comes to my head.

  “I need a wife,” I blurt out. Mikael’s head shoots up and looks at me with confusion.

  “What the fuck?” he asks.

  “I need a wife. Someone who could be the mom the girls need. At least for now, until this shit gets straightened out.”

  I know exactly who would fit the bill. It’s going to take all the strength I could muster not to give in to her, but I have the perfect candidate in mind.

  “Elizabeth,” I state.

  “Who?” Mikael asks, genuinely confused now. I hadn’t told him yet about the sexy as fuck mechanic who has captured my eye and makes me sport a semi every damn time I think about her.

  “My mechanic,” I answer. She really isn’t my mechanic, but I am definitely going to claim her now.

  “No, man,” Mikael pleads. “You don’t need a wife. Stop this thought. Let’s not make any hasty decisions. Let my team find out what the fuck that bitch is up to first.”

  “If I’m married, like she is, there is no way the courts can judge us differently,” I tell him. I believe this, with all my heart. If I have a wife, the courts would see a whole family, the same as Maggie was going to try to portray. “I need to do this, to ensure my girls stay with me. After we get things settled in court, we’ll get a divorce. I can do this. I need to do this – for my girls. I saw the way Elizabeth was with my girls, just that one day, for a quick moment in time. I’m sure she would look really good to the courts.”

  “No, man,” Mikael states once again. “We’ll figure this out without you going to that extreme. Just give me some time. If I can’t get the answers you need, then you can consider doing something else. But, just give me and my team a chance.”

  “No, I’m doing this.”

  And with that thought, I walk out of the room and head to grab my phone. I need to make a call and I’m sure it wouldn’t be an easy one.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CARTER

  CONVINCING ELIZABETH

  WALKING OUT ON MY DECK, I give myself a little mental prepping. This is a big deal for me, and I know I’m not prepared for something this extreme. But I’ll never be prepared to lose my girls and that is what needs to be my priority.

  I look at my phone, trying to will myself to dial the number I know I need to dial. I’m hoping that calling the number she gave me goes straight to her and not to her business. I know that although I’ve prepared myself to speak to her, I’m not prepared to speak to someone else just to try to get in touch with her.

  The phone rings. And rings.

  Finally, her soft voice comes over the line, “Hello, you’ve reached Grace Family Auto Service, this is Elizabeth speaking, how can I help you?”

  I don’t answer. I get a bit tongue tied. Now that she’s on the line, I don’t know what to do.

  “Hello,” I hear once again. “Is anyone there?”

  I try to answer but can’t seem to find my voice.

  “Hello, I can hear you breathing,” she says angrily. “I don’t appreciate crank calls. Please, don’t call me again.”

  “Elizabeth,” I answer before she has the chance to hang up. “It’s Carter. Carter Montgomery.”

  “Oh, um, hi Carter. Is something wrong?” she asks, sounding concerned.

  “Yes. I mean no. I mean yes.” I don’t know how to answer. Last time we spoke, it was about car problems. I don’t want her to think she didn’t fix the problem with my car, but I don’t want her to think I’m okay either. I’m just so confused about how to answer the question.

  “Is it your SUV?” she asks, concern clearly lining her voice.

  Exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Just then, a thought comes to me. She’ll come out here if I tell her it’s my car. If I tell her it’s personal, she may not be as willing to listen to me. With my car, I know her concern would be genuine and will come quickly if I ask. With that thought in my mind, I continue.

  “Yes,” I lie. “I don’t know what it is, and I have to get somewhere. The girls—”

  I don’t get to finish my sentence, she cuts me off.

  “Tell me where you are, Carter,” she says. “I’ll be there as fast as I can.” I feel a bit like a dick but this is what I need. This conversation shouldn’t happen over the phone. She needs to see how serious I am and how serious this situation is. I give her my address and tell her that I’ll be waiting.

  Shit, now I have to figure out how to get rid of Mikael. He could ruin this for me.

  I head into the house and see Mikael sitting on the couch, studying his phone.

  “Hey, um,” I start. “So, Elizabeth is on her way here. She thinks I’m having car problems. Do you think you can, like, um…” I point to the front door.

  I really need him to leave.

  “No fucking way,” Mikael answers. “I’m not leaving you here. I’m not letting you do this, bro. There are other ways.”

  “Mik, this is my choice. It’s what I want. Please, I need you to understand. You need to let me do this. Think of those babies you love so much,” I say as I point upstairs.

  He looks at me, resigned to my fate. “I’m not leaving. You can use me as an excuse if you have to. How you got from point A to point B, but I’m not leaving. I don’t know this hooch, so I’m not letting you do this without at least vetting her.”

  I get what he’s trying to say but I don’t know that I want him to meet Elizabeth, yet. This could go the wrong way.

  Five minutes later, the doorbell rings. Holy fuck that was quick.

  I look at Mikael, and he just shrugs.

  Guess I set myself up for this, might as well get it over with.

  When I get to the door, I look back to where Mikael was sitting. He’s no longer there though; he’s literally standing right behind me.

  “Do you mind?” I grind out.

  “Not at all,” he answers. “Answer the fucking door before you look like an asshole,” he says and points to where Elizabeth is standing. Maybe getting a glass door wasn’t the brightest idea. I put it on my mental checklist to change that.

  “Hey,” I say as I open the door. “This is my best friend, Mikael. He came over when I needed him.” It’s not a lie. “He’s gonna watch the girls while we go talk outside.”

  The look Mikael gives me when I state that is priceless. I don’t give him the time or the chance to grill Elizabeth. I walk outside and shut the door behind us.

  “What’s wrong with your car?” Elizabeth asks.

  She looks beautiful. She’s wearing some sexy jeans and a tank top. On her feet are a pair of chucks that match her tank top. She looks like she’d been working. Parked in my drive is a cute little Miata. Huh, my girl likes a little sport on the side with her big bad wrecker.

  My girl. Where did that thought come from?

  I look at Elizabeth again and smile. Yeah, she looks like she’ll fit perfectly into my little land of chaos. I really hope she’ll help me. I’ll make it worth her while. Maybe in more than one way, too.
/>   “I need your help,” I tell her.

  “That’s why I’m here,” she answers, looking up at me.

  “No, not the kind of help you’re thinking,” I begin. “It’s a lot more than just my car. As a matter of fact, my car is fine. There’s something else I need. I noticed you’re not wearing a wedding or engagement ring. Please tell me I assumed correctly, and you aren’t married. Or seriously involved with someone?”

  “Um, no, I’m not,” she answers quizzically.

  She should be confused. I’ve only met her twice, but I know in my heart she’s the answer I need.

  “I need you to be my wife,” I quickly blurt out.

  “Sorry?” she asks, bewildered.

  “I need a wife. And my girls, they’re already smitten with you after meeting you just that one time. I know you can do it. Please tell me you’ll be my wife.”

  “That’s not the way things happen, Carter. We don’t know each other. We’ve never been out or spent time together, and how would you even think asking me to marry you would be appropriate. Here I was thinking something happened and you and your girls were in trouble. How dare you lure me out of here under such false pretenses.”

  She’s angry, her voice getting louder with each statement. I didn’t expect this. Hell, I don’t know what I expected, but it sure as fuck wasn’t this.

  “Hold on,” I say in a calming tone. I need to soothe the wild animal she’s looking to become. She’s a spunky little sprite. I find it turns me on even more. “Let me explain, please. You’re right. I did lure you out here with a lie. But it wasn’t all a lie. I do need you. I’m desperate and it could be damaging to the girls if I didn’t. Please, hear me out.”

  I grab her arm before she walks away as I tell her this. She continues to glare at me, but I know I now have her attention.

  “Can we walk over there?” I ask as I point to the playhouse. I don’t want to take a chance of the girls waking up and hearing or seeing anything.

  “Fine,” she huffs and snatches her arm out of my grip and walks over to the playhouse.

  “Elizabeth, I promise, you won’t regret listening.”

  About a half hour later, I finish our story. Tears are running down Elizabeth’s cheeks and I want to wipe them away. But she hasn’t given me permission to touch her, so I won’t.

  “Are you serious? How… Just how can a mother do and say those things?” she finally asks. “I would’ve given anything to be a mother and have such beautiful girls. I can’t believe a woman could be that evil.”

  She’s right. I never, in a million years, would believe a story like my own had I not lived it. It’s a horrendous one no one should ever endure. A woman that evil should only exist in horror movies. However, it is my reality and one that I need to keep my girls shielded from.

  “It’s true,” I answer. “Not something I share often, but you needed to hear all of it to understand. She suddenly showed up today, at my office. She’s insisting that she’s going to get custody of my girls after all this time, even after signing away her rights. My best friend, he owns a security company. He has people who work for him that found out she’s married. I know courts look at married couples more seriously than those who aren’t married. Never mind the fact she’s their mother. You know courts will more than likely side with a mother than they will a father. So, that brings me to why I called you. I saw how you were with my girls. I saw again tonight that one mention of me and the girls being in trouble, you ran over here quicker than I could blink. I know I’m making the right choice, but I need you to accept that also and help me. It’s a huge responsibility, but I see an amazing mother in you and I can’t lose my girls.”

  I know I’m babbling but I need her to understand the severity of the entire situation. I know I’m stating this as something temporary, but what I see in Elizabeth, I know I want so much more. I can see a lifetime with her. I know I just met her, but something inside me tells me she’s it for me and my girls.

  “I get it, Carter, I do.” She looks up and then around. She walks away from me and starts roaming the property. I hope she’s trying to see herself here. She can have anything she wants if she agrees.

  “I’ll pay you,” I blurt out.

  Those words sting more than I realize. I recall saying them years ago when Maggie was threatening to kill my girls, before they were even born. That thought, in and of itself, is what makes me sick to my stomach. I start to heave. I can’t lose, I can’t lose my babies.

  I fold over, into myself. Oh, my God. What if she doesn’t agree? What if she says no? Will I lose my girls?

  I’m having a panic attack, I can feel it and don’t know how to get myself out of it. I hear voices but can’t clear my head.

  My girls, they mean everything to me. I can’t do this. I will leave this fucking country and disappear. I can’t lose my girls.

  “Breathe, brother.” I faintly hear.

  I realize then that Mikael is now outside with me. It’s no longer Elizabeth. This makes my heartbeat pick up even more.

  “No, she can’t leave, don’t let her leave,” I beg my best friend. I realize then I’m on my knees and he’s right beside me, trying to get me to stand. “Stop her, Mik, please.”

  “She’s just inside, brother,” Mikael tries to tell me calmly. “She ran inside to get me. You were screaming, and she couldn’t get through to you so she came to get me.”

  I start to calm and realize that I must look like a pussy, but I don’t care. These are my children we are talking about, my entire world.

  “You woke the girls, bro,” Mikael looks at me with sympathy in his eyes. “There’s only one time I’ve ever seen you break like this. What happened?”

  “I can’t lose my girls,” I choke out. The mantra is stuck in my head. I don’t know how else to convey what I’m feeling.

  He nods his head in understanding. “Come on, man, let’s get you inside and cleaned up.”

  At that statement, I look down. I notice there’s dirt and grass on my hands and my clothing. I really must’ve lost it… bad. I don’t ever remember having such a break down. This is unacceptable. I need to be strong for my children. If anyone but Mikael, and hopefully, Elizabeth, had witnessed this, they could probably use this against me in court.

  I mentally slap myself and stand. Time to put my fucking jock strap on and knock these fuckers down.

  “Okay, I’m okay,” I tell Mikael. “I need to get inside and see the girls.”

  Walking into the house, I get myself ready for a barrage of questions. My girls may be little, but they are very smart.

  Instead, I hear laughing and giggling.

  I look to Mikael and he just shrugs his shoulders and continues inside.

  When I get to the playroom, my heart just about explodes, for a different reason than what just happened outside. Elizabeth is on the floor rolling around with the girls.

  All three of them are on top of her trying to tickle her, it seems. She’s playing with them the same way I do. It’s like she knew what they liked. Like she already knows them.

  “More,” yells Sofia and I see Isabella and Felicia trying to hold onto Elizabeth’s arms. They are trying to hold her down while Sofia tickles her.

  And Elizabeth, she’s letting them. I can see her pretending she’s struggling but they are pretending to hold her back. She’s trying to look serious as she tells the girls, “I’m gonna get you, you pretties. You’ll all be mine. You can’t keep me down.”

  This has to be one of the most precious moments I’ve ever seen with my girls when it comes to interaction with another female.

  This sets my resolve. Now, I know I’m doing the right thing more than ever when I asked Elizabeth to marry me and become my girls’ mother.

  “Okay, girls, time to go back to bed,” I say as I interrupt their playtime. It’s very late and although I love how much Elizabeth is already bonding with the girls, I have to keep them on a routine. I can’t let them run amok.

 
; “But, Daddy,” Felicia whines. She actually whines. My girls aren’t normally whiners. They usually just listen and don’t give me a hard time.

  “Come on,” Elizabeth tells them. “If you’re good and listen to your daddy, maybe he’ll let me read you a story.”

  Elizabeth gives me a look that dares me to disagree with her. She knows I’d do anything for my girls, so there’s no way I’d be the bad guy and say no to her reading to them.

  “Yay,” all three squeal. Another noise I’m not used to hearing from them.

  “Come on, let’s go to our room,” says Isabella as she grabs Elizabeth’s hand and starts to drag her away.

  “One story,” I say. Not that they care what I have to say right now, and oddly, I’m okay with that.

  Elizabeth turns to look at me as she walks out the door with my girls. They all look so happy. She gives me a wink and keeps walking.

  I turn to Mikael, who has a shit eating grin on his face. “What the fuck just happened?” I ask. I’m truly confused by this turn of events.

  “I think you just got your wish, buddy,” Mikael answers. He turns and heads to the front door. After he opens it, he looks back at me. “Let me know how it all turns out.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ELIZABETH

  IS THIS A DREAM?

  AFTER PUTTING the sweetest girls in the world to bed, I hurry to leave Carter’s house. I don’t want to face him right now. I need time to think.