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“So, we’re leaving tomorrow morning for the University?” Olivia asked as she pulled on a springy curl. “Don’t you think that, if this god is so conniving and smart, he’s figured out that Alex will be going there? I mean, even if he’s using Lucian and Seth for his ultimate evil plans, he’s still going to need Alex, right? Because he’s probably controlling Seth, or wants to. ”
Everyone grew quiet and I felt like a little ant under a magnifying glass.
I glanced at Apollo, but he was staring at the globe on the desk.
“Making any move is going to be as dangerous as sitting here,” Marcus said finally. “But in South Dakota, we will be safer. ”
“Alex will be safer there, too,” Luke murmured, staring at his hands.
I opened my mouth, but Lea spoke. “Well, I think our job is to make sure that Seth and this god don’t get to Alex. ”
My mouth really dropped open.
She smiled smartly at me. “Can’t have you going all psycho-Alex again and ending the world as we know it. ”
“She has a point. ” Deacon grinned.
I narrowed my eyes. “Wait. Guys, I don’t want—”
“What?” Aiden nudged me with his elbow. “You don’t want us having your back?”
“That’s not what this is. ” I stared at Apollo, but damn, that globe fascinated him. “If there’s going to be a god gunning for my butt—”
“It is a nice butt,” Aiden murmured as he studied the toes of his boots. A small grin was on his face.
I stared at him a moment. “Plus Seth is out looking for me, this… this is going to be really dangerous. I don’t want you guys risking your lives for me. ”
Lea snorted. “Damn, Alex, your ego is out of control. You know me. I’d sooner throw you in front of a daimon any other day, but if keeping you away from them means saving millions of lives, then I’m on your team. So this is bigger than you. ”
“I know this is bigger than me. ” My cheeks burned, and Deacon’s idiot grin wasn’t helping. “And I know you’d toss me in front of a daimon, but I don’t want to see any of you get hurt. ”
“Everyone here knows the risks, Alex. ” Marcus’ voice was stern, reminding me of the days back in the Covenant when he’d spent the majority of his time yelling at me. “No one is being forced to do this. ”
“And none of us would do anything else. ” Olivia offered a tentative smile. “All of us have lost people because of what’s happening. We all have reasons to make sure this stops and doesn’t happen again. ”
“Even me,” Deacon said. “I haven’t gotten my regular twelve hours of sleep since all of this went down, and that is damn tragic. ”
Aiden rolled his eyes.
“Everyone is ready to fight. ” Laadan crossed the room, smiling as stood next to Marcus. “This isn’t just your battle. ”
“It was never just your battle,” Solos corrected.
“In other words,” Marcus said, his jade-colored eyes meeting mine, “you’re not in this alone. You never were. ”
“And you’re not going to be,” Aiden finished quietly.
Wow. I think I sort of loved everyone in this room right now, even Lea. Tears burned my eyes, and I tipped my head forward so no one could see. The thing was that, ever since I realized how all of this could end—probably would end—I’d never felt more alone. But sitting here, hearing them…
“Group hug time?” Deacon suggested.
“Shut up,” I said, but I laughed.
Aiden slid an arm around my shoulders and tipped me toward him. Right in front of the entire room full of halfs, pures, and a god, he kissed my temple. “You’re just going to have to accept that this isn’t going to just be you. It’s going to be all of us. ”
I lifted my head and looked at all of them, at a loss as to what to say.
Luke smiled. “I know. We’re awesome. ”
I laughed again.
“And we were born to do this,” Olivia said, shrugging. “We’d be doing this in a month or so, anyway. We’re ready. ”
Lea slid Olivia a grin that said she was more than ready. “Bring it. ”
CHAPTER 29
I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep by the time the sun broke through the blinds the next morning. Listening to everyone tell me they were ready to face whatever was thrown our way… even hours later, I still couldn’t find the right words for how much it meant. But an unseen weight also had settled on my shoulders and it’d grown overnight, pressing me straight down through the mattress. I couldn’t stop any of them—and I wouldn’t just like they wouldn’t stop me—but a thousand things raced through my head.
And the main thoughts centered on any of them losing their lives in this. So many had already perished, and no matter how Positive Polly I tried to be, I knew deep in my core that something terrible, something violent, waited in the future. Death had come long before they’d pledged to see this through, and it was on the other side of the door, or in another state, waiting patiently, because nothing was as unwavering as Death. It probably had the most time in the world.
Even though I knew what awaited them—awaited us all—in the Underworld, I couldn’t bear the idea of seeing any of them fall. If I could, I’d seal them all up in the cage downstairs, even Aiden. No doubt that wouldn’t go over well, but I knew that, between what Apollo needed of me, what Solaris had warned, and how far gone Seth seemed to be, this would end in disaster.
When Aiden shifted beside me and dropped an arm over my waist, I grimaced. “Sorry. ”
He snuggled closer. “About what?”
“I kept waking you up. ” I pressed back against him, looking over my shoulder. Two silvery eyes peered from behind a mess of dark hair. “I know I did. ”
“Not that much. ” Aiden rose up on one arm. His body was relaxed, but concern radiated in his gaze. “How much did you sleep?”
I thought about lying, but I shook my head, and then wiggled onto my back. “We’re leaving in a few hours. ”
Aiden nodded as his eyes searched mine.
Twisting my fingers together, I tried to smile. “How long will we be on the road?”
“We’re looking at about ten hours. ”
Yikes. “Deacon’s riding with us?”
“Yes. So are Luke and Marcus. Solos is taking the girls. ”
Something stirred restlessly in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t want to name it. “You think that’s okay?”
Aiden placed his hand over mine, stilling them. “Olivia and Lea are very good. You know that. ”
They were. Especially Lea—she was like She-Ra. And Solos and Marcus had gone out earlier, picking up two throwaway cell phones to help us keep in communication.
“And you know Solos will never let anything happen to them. Neither will Laadan. ” As he spoke, he eased my hands apart and threaded his fingers through mine. “We have six hundred miles of no man’s land to get through. We’re going to be okay. ”
That thing in my stomach tipped over. “I’m not afraid. ”
“I didn’t say that you were. ”
My eyes narrowed.
Aiden cracked a grin. “But you are. ”
“I’m—”
“Do I need to find a sensory deprivation chamber again?” When my cheeks flushed at the memory, his grin spread into a full smile. Deep dimples appeared and, instead of my stomach tumbling, my heart did. “It’s okay, Alex. ”
“What is?” My voice sounded terribly fragile, and normally I would’ve hated that, especially considering I was this big bad Apollyon, but with Aiden, I didn’t need to pretend. Sometimes I forgot that, though.
“To be afraid, Alex, it’s okay. What we’re facing is some scary… shit. ”
I smiled then. “You cussed. ”
“I did. ”
My smile quickly faded though, because we were facing some scary shit. Crap that Aiden didn’t even know the half of. “Are you scared?”
For a moment, he didn’t answer. All that could be heard were the slow, steady ticking of the ancient wall clock and the distant chirping of the birds outside the rustic log walls. “Yes. ”
Hearing him admit that was both relieving and frightening. “You’re never afraid. ”
Aiden shook his head, his smile slipping into a wry one. “You know that’s not true. There’re a lot of things that terrify me, Alex. ”
I met his eyes. “Tell me. ”
Stretching out beside me, he tugged me over so my cheek was pressed against his chest. “I’m afraid that Deacon is going to get hurt… or worse. I’m afraid that we will lose more people. ” There was a pause and his heart picked up under my cheek. “I’m terrified of what you’re going to face—what you have to do and how it’s going to affect you. ”
My breath caught around a denial as I curled my fingers into the sheet tangled around his hips. “I’ll be okay. ” Those words were bitter on my tongue.
His chest rose sharply. “I don’t want you to be okay. ”
I lifted my head so I could see his eyes. They were a dark gray and shadowed. He tried for a smile, but like mine earlier, it looked pained.
“I want you to be more than okay. ” Aiden cupped my cheek gently. “I don’t want you to have nightmares for the rest of your life, and see Seth’s face instead of your mother’s. I don’t want this to haunt you. ”
Suddenly, everything felt too real and I was too close. Sitting up, I put some space between us, but I still felt hot and suffocated. “I know what has to be done. ”
And I also knew what that likely meant for me.
He followed, capturing the newly gained distance. His face, those beautiful lips were only inches from mine. “I know, Alex. I also know that you’re going to do it, because I cannot even think for one second that you will fail. You can’t. You won’t. ”
At the pain and determination in his voice, I pressed my lips together. Failing and succeeding kind of ended the same.
“Look at me,” he ordered.
I hadn’t realized I’d looked away, but I felt his hand on my cheek. He guided my chin up until our eyes locked and I couldn’t move.
“But I also know that killing Seth isn’t going to be easy, and I don’t mean on a physical level. I know deep down you care for him. Maybe a part of you even loves him. ”
Horrified of what he must think, because he’d nailed it right on the head, I shook my head. “Aiden—”
“I understand. ” The small grin that played on his lips was real. “I know it’s not the same as what you feel for me, but it doesn’t make it any less strong or important. ”
“He…” I didn’t know what to say. Aiden was right. Part of me still loved Seth, and it wasn’t in the way I felt for Aiden, but it wasn’t any less real or powerful. Even after all that Seth had done, I couldn’t forget all that he had done before that. It had been the same with my mom, but in the end, I had taken her life like it had been fated all along.
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