A Game of Dons

by Nic Saint

  Deanna swallowed. “That was Chazz’s idea, not mine.”

  Alice blinked. “Chazz Falcone?”

  Deanna nodded.

  “Chazz is a badass,” said Johnny.

  “No way,” said Alice in a low voice.

  “He thought it might rattle Eddy,” said Deanna.

  “And rattle him it most definitely did,” said Jerry, displaying a rare grin.

  Chapter 34

  “I don’t believe this,” said Fee.

  “It’s true,” Deanna confirmed.

  “But how?”

  “The moment I called Virgil I remembered someone else who still owed me a favor. My aunt’s ex-husband and my godfather.”

  “Godfather?”

  “Chazz was briefly married to my aunt Beatris. She was a beauty queen when they met—Chazz has a thing for beauty queens—and since it was around the time I was born, he became my godfather. He’d visited Roxana a couple of times in the hospital, and also helped us pay the bills. He once told me that if I ever needed help dealing with Eddy Grabarski, I should call him. So I did.”

  “And he told you to parade Vic’s body all over town?” asked Alice.

  Deanna picked up a book from the dashboard. It was called Chaos Theory: A Practical Application. “As luck would have it, Chazz was reading this book when I called him.”

  “And then he made us read it,” said Johnny with a groan.

  “He said that’s where he got the idea. Eddy Grabarski has been trying to muscle into the New York real estate scene for years, using his own blunt methods.”

  “Not unlike another person we know, right, Jer?”

  “Shut up, Johnny.”

  “Chazz has been trying to fend off Grabarski for years, but it’s hard to fight fair when the competition doesn’t,” said Deanna.

  “Chazz used to play dirty, but he’s gone straight,” said Johnny. “He used to be a real rogue. Oh, I could tell you stories about Chazz that would make your toes curl.”

  “Johnny, shut up!”

  “So Chazz hatched a plan on the spot. He would give me Johnny and Jerry on loan, and together we’d turn Eddy Grabarski’s life into a living hell.”

  “It just seems a little… extreme,” said Fee.

  “It seemed extreme to me, too,” said Deanna. “But Chazz convinced me it was the only way to get back at Eddy. Surround him with chaos. Make him lose focus. Rattle him and put him on edge. And that’s when Chazz would employ his secret weapon.”

  “His secret weapon?” asked Alice.

  Deanna smiled. “Your dad, Alice. He, too, has been wanting to get his hands on Eddy for years. Only the man is too well-protected. We needed him to take his eye off the ball. And then Chazz discovered Curtis had already put the perfect man in play. Flint Dickens.”

  “The plot thickens,” said Fee, as she tried to keep up.

  “Don’t tell me Chazz is Flint’s godfather, too,” said Alice.

  “No, he’s not.”

  “He’s my cousin,” said Jerry balefully. “Not very talented, I admit.”

  “Also, Flint is a computer genius,” said Deanna.

  “I wouldn’t exactly call him a genius,” Jerry said.

  “Well, he is. He used to work for one of those internet startups. Only he picked the wrong one and when it went belly-up he lost his job.”

  “But not his skills,” said Johnny.

  “Such as they are,” muttered Jerry, who didn’t seem particularly fond of his cousin.

  “So while Johnny and Jerry were winding Eddy up by dangling his son in front of his nose, I went around town pretending to be Gertrude, and getting the Grabarski brood all atwitter. I discovered by accident that I look a lot like Gertrude, and after that it was like stealing candy from a baby.” She ticked off on her fingers. “I took Gertrude’s car, shoes, dog, hair styling appointment, messed with Heike’s gym club, canceled his big present…”

  “But how did you know about all of that?” asked Fee.

  Deanna’s eyes sparkled mischievously. “Chazz offered one of Eddy’s housemaids an obscene amount of money to give us the lowdown on everything Grabarski. She was only too happy to give him the deets of Heike and Gertrude’s itinerary. And then I went to work.”

  “Driving the Grabarskis crazy,” said Fee, nodding.

  “The final piece of the puzzle was turning Heike’s birthday bash into a free-for-all, creating the perfect opportunity for Flint to burgle Eddy’s office and steal the files from his laptop, which we knew where to find through the housekeeper, then sending it all to Curtis.”

  “So he could arrest the whole lot in one fell swoop,” said Alice.

  “Exactly.”

  “When Chazz told us we were going to have to babysit a dead man I thought he lost his marbles,” said Johnny. “Isn’t that right, Jer? I told you the boss lost his marbles, didn’t I?”

  “Yes, you told me,” said Jerry, rolling his eyes.

  “But Chazz said it was a brilliant idea.”

  “And it was,” said Deanna.

  “Whose idea was it to cancel the cake and exchange it for this one, with Vic popping out of it?” asked Fee.

  “Chazz’s. The ultimate distraction—and payback for everything the Grabarskis have put my sister through over the years. So do I feel sorry about making Eddy suffer? No, I don’t.”

  “So that’s why Flint was in Eddy’s office,” said Alice.

  “And a good thing he was,” said Fee. “Otherwise Rick would have been dead right now.”

  “That was a contingency we didn’t consider,” said Deanna. “When Eddy figured out who was behind the posing of his son all over town, he put a hit out on Chazz’s son Rick.”

  “My boyfriend,” said Fee.

  “All the more reason to put Eddy behind bars for the rest of his life,” said Alice.

  She was right. And so was Deanna. Eddy Grabarski didn’t deserve pity for what they’d put him through. The man was obviously a ruthless killer, and had to be stopped.

  “So Flint clearly is a better IT guy than a robber,” said Alice with a grin.

  “My cousin is a terrible, terrible robber,” said Jerry with a pained expression.

  “Yeah, no talent at all,” Johnny agreed. “It takes skill to rob a convenience store,” he explained, before catching his associate’s eye and quickly adding, “Not that I would know.”

  “So where is your sister now?” asked Alice.

  “Home with my parents. I told her not to leave the house until this whole thing was over, and this time she actually listened. I guess the incident with Vic finally made her think.”

  “I’ll bet she’s going to be super grateful having a sister like you,” said Fee.

  Deanna smiled. “I hope so. She owes me big time.”

  “So that’s why my dad didn’t go after Virgil for helping you bury that body,” said Alice. “He knew the history between your sister and Vic.”

  “Virgil is a good man,” said Deanna seriously. “One of the few good men left.”

  “There are more good men,” said Johnny, puffing up his chest.

  “Yeah, there are lots of good men,” echoed Jerry, also puffing out his scrawny chicken chest.

  Deanna laughed and pressed a kiss to Johnny’s cheek, then to Jerry’s. Both men blushed to the roots of their hair, and Alice and Fee couldn’t help but laugh along.

  “Curtis is another good man,” said Deanna, giving Alice a grateful look. “And so is Chazz,” she added with a nod to Fee.

  “Talking about good men,” said Alice, and she gestured to Rick and Reece, who came walking up from the house. They looked curious to know what they’d missed.

  “Oh, hi,” said Rick, when they’d reached the van. When he caught sight of Deanna, he did a double take. “Say, aren’t you…”

  “Yes, she is,” said Fee. The dogs had started yapping again, so she added, “I think it’s time to call it a night. Chazz will want to know what happened, and the dogs will want to go for their wa
lk.”

  “And I should be getting home,” said Deanna. “My parents will be worried sick. But first…” She reached down and picked up the smallest dog of the pack: Gertrude’s Maltipoo. She handed it to Rick. “Could you give Apple back to her owner? I don’t think I should show my face in there.”

  Rick stared at the doggie. “Why me?”

  “Oh, you know, Ricky,” said Johnny, starting the engine. “You’ve been taking such good care of Spot 1 so we know you’re a dog lover at heart.”

  Rick eyed the dog curiously. Apple regarded the human with similar interest, then gave a sharp bark and a little pink tongue stole out and licked the reporter on the nose.

  “See?!” said Johnny. “You’re bonding already!”

  “Don’t bond too much,” said Jerry. “That dog belongs to Gertrude, so be sure to hand it back to her. It’s not because her father is a crook that she should suffer as well.”

  “Wise words, Jer,” said Johnny.

  “Give my love to Virgil,” Deanna said, and pressed something into Alice’s hand.

  “Will do,” Alice said, and then the van started backing up, and they waved the trio off.

  Alice opened her hand. She smiled when she saw it was Virgil’s police badge.

  “So what happened?” asked Rick.

  “Yeah, what’s going on?” asked Reece.

  “It’s a long story, boys,” said Alice.

  “And an unusual one,” Fee added.

  Reece grinned. “My kind of story! Have you sold the movie rights?”

  “Or the publication rights?” Rick chimed in.

  “It’s not our story to sell, you guys,” Alice protested.

  “I don’t care,” said Reece. “I’m buying.”

  “No, I’m buying,” Rick said.

  “Talk to your dad, Rick,” said Alice. “He’s the one who’s behind the whole thing.”

  “My dad? No way!”

  Chapter 35

  “Let’s go, Virgil,” said Marjorie. “And no dawdling.”

  “Yes, Mom,” said Virgil.

  They’d arrived at the police station that had been Virgil’s home for so many years, and for the first time ever he felt nervous about going in. He didn’t want to be arrested, but his mom had a point: if you allowed private citizens—and when he wasn’t wearing his uniform and carrying his badge he was a private citizen—to take the law into their own hands, society would simply descend into chaos and anarchy. And that wasn’t okay.

  “Let’s hope this time someone will take this seriously,” said Marjorie. “And if I have to I’ll take it up with the Mayor. Maybe he’ll think law and order is not a laughing matter, like those clowns in there.”

  They took the few steps and then went inside. At least Mom had had the decency not to put the handcuffs on this time.

  “This hurts me more than you, Virgil,” she said not for the first time. “But it’s the right thing to do. And remember, I’ll be waiting for you when you’ve served your sentence.”

  “Thanks, Mom. That’s very sweet of you.”

  “Of course. I believe in a punishment that fits the crime, but I also believe in redemption. It’s all part of being an upstanding citizen. Now tell your colleague what you’re here for.”

  To Virgil’s surprise Louise Rhythm was seated at the desk. “Louise?”

  “Oh, hey, Virgil,” she said, smiling that infectious smile of hers. “So you finally decided to show up, huh? About time. And where are those donuts you promised me?”

  “Um, I’m actually—”

  “Virgil is here to be arrested, Detective Rhythm,” said Marjorie. She didn’t approve of badinage, or idle banter between colleagues. She believed in getting the job done.

  “I’m afraid that’s not my call, Mrs. Scattering,” said Louise.

  “Not your call? You’re a cop, aren’t you?”

  “That, I am, and proud to be one.”

  “So do your duty! Arrest my son. He broke the law.”

  “What is it you think he did, Mrs. Scattering?”

  Virgil noticed how his colleagues had all gathered around, standing in a semicircle. He didn’t like the way they were looking at him, and imagined this was what Al Capone must have felt like the day he was arrested. Or that Bernie Madoff guy.

  “He aided and abetted a known felon,” snapped Marjorie. “He helped bury a murder victim on the instigation of the guy’s murderer.”

  “Are you talking about me, Mrs. Scattering?” suddenly a voice rang out.

  Virgil looked up, and was surprised to find Deanna standing there, looking as pretty as ever, arms folded across her chest.

  Marjorie narrowed her eyes at the woman. “Are you the person who corrupted my boy? Made him commit a terrible crime?”

  “I’m afraid that’s me, Mrs. Scattering. But that’s not the whole story.”

  Marjorie held up her hand. “Spare me the details. You criminal elements always have a good excuse.” She pointed to Deanna. “Arrest her while you’re at it, Detective Rhythm. She’s the one who’s behind this whole mess. She’s a cold-blooded murderer.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that,” said Louise.

  Marjorie eyed her disapprovingly. “Do you want me to talk to Chief Whitehouse? Cause I will if I have to.”

  “Do I hear my name?” asked the Chief, who’d suddenly emerged from his office.

  “Ah, Curtis. Finally. I hope you’ll see sense today.” She gave Virgil a slight shove. “Here is my son. He’s come to serve his sentence. And there is the woman responsible for his downfall.”

  Curtis produced his darkest scowl. “Of course, Marjorie. I’ll arrest them both, shall I?”

  “Now you’re talking sense.” She turned to Louise. “See? There’s a man who’s not afraid to uphold the law.”

  Virgil suddenly noticed more familiar faces in the crowd: Alice and Fee and Rick and Reece. Huh. What was going on here? Had they all come to witness his darkest moment?

  “The thing is, Marjorie,” continued the Chief, “that far from being the bad guy in this story, your son is actually the hero.”

  “Huh?” said Marjorie. She clearly hadn’t been expecting that, and neither had Virgil.

  “Oh, yes, he is. He came to the rescue of a woman when she needed him most. He did the right thing, showing courage, compassion, resourcefulness and character. And for that I can’t commend him enough. And yet I’ll try.” He spirited a little trifle from his pocket. “I think you lost this, didn’t you, Virgil?” he said, and placed Virgil’s badge in his hand.

  “Why, thank you, sir,” said Virgil, surprised. “Where did you—”

  “Never mind where I found it. Suffice it to say you’re not in trouble, son,” he said warmly. “You never were.” He then produced another little trifle from his pocket.

  “What’s that?” asked Marjorie, who seemed even more confused by this turn of events than her son.

  “The mayor, on my recommendation, has decided to confer the Medal of Valor upon Virgil. For acts of outstanding personal bravery intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent personal hazard of life under circumstances evincing a disregard of personal consequences.” He smiled. “The official ceremony will take place a week from today, at Town Hall, in the presence of the Mayor. But until then I wanted you to have this.”

  He handed the medal to Virgil, and he saw that it was something a child had cut out of cardboard.

  “Deanna’s little girls made it.”

  Virgil stared at Deanna. “Little girls?”

  “After I left police academy to take care of my sister, I met a wonderful man—Roxana’s doctor. Our union was blessed with three girls, and when I told them about the brave man who helped their mommy and aunt defeat the bad men, they made this for you.” She gave him a radiant smile. “Thank you, Virgil. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

  Virgil felt a sudden lump obstruct his throat, impeding speech. “I-I don’t know what to say,” he stammered, fiddling with
the cardboard medal, which depicted a cop with a battering ram of a chin and a big Adam’s apple. It wasn’t hard to see the likeness to him.

  “You’re a hero, Virgil,” said the Chief, “and it’s an honor for me to work beside you.”

  At this, all his colleagues suddenly burst into loud cheers and applause, and this time Virgil couldn’t hold back the tears, which flowed liberally down his cheeks.

  “I don’t get it,” said Marjorie. “What’s happening?”

  “There was never a murder, Marjorie,” said the Chief. “Just a tragic accident.”

  “But…”

  Alice took her aside, placed her arm around her and said, “I think you better sit down for this, Marjorie. It’s kind of a long story.”

  “But one you’re going to like,” said Fee.

  “And one for which I’m already negotiating the movie rights,” added Reece.

  “After I finish writing the article for the New York Chronicle,” said Rick.

  Virgil, who was still sniffling, and who’d just had his first hug from the Chief in his life, said, a tremor in his voice, “This is the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  And then he placed the medal around his neck. Someone had put on some music, and it now sounded throughout the precinct. And suddenly Deanna materialized in front of him, holding out a hand. “May I have this dance, Detective Scattering?”

  Virgil blinked and stammered, “Y-yes, of course, I—but I don’t know if…”

  Marjorie glanced up at her boy, who’d gone from being a criminal about to be arrested to the hero being feted by the town, and gave a curt nod.

  It was all Virgil needed, and the next moment he and Deanna were dancing a funny little jig, while Marjorie listened intently as Alice and Fee regaled her with the story of the dead gangster and his father, the soon-to-be imprisoned mobster.

  He might have stepped on Deanna’s toes once or twice, but she didn’t seem to mind, and when Marjorie finally looked up, it was with a look of admiration and hero-worship in her eyes. “Virgil!” she shouted over the sound of the music. “You’re a hero!”

  And that, he was. A hero with two left feet, perhaps, but a hero still.