by Holly Jaymes
Then, a few days later, I discovered that I was pregnant.
I didn’t want to tell mom. I was worried about her mental health and how this news would affect her. But I had no choice. I was living with her, and soon enough, she would find out anyway.
When I told her about the pregnancy, she wanted me to be sure who the father was. I told her it was Isaac. I hadn’t slept with William in several months. Then she said that a baby was exactly what I needed. She thought that having a child would help ground me and that she believed I would make a wonderful mother.
I couldn’t tell Isaac, and mom agreed with me. He and I were never really in a relationship, and he was not the kind of man who would be ready to be a father. I didn’t want to force this news on him, and mom agreed that I had to take responsibility for my actions. I would have to bring up this child on my own. She was more than willing to help me.
I missed Isaac, and I wished I could talk to him.
I didn’t assume I knew him well. The truth was that I barely knew him at all. However, in the little time that we spent together, I felt a connection with him. I felt like he ‘got’ me. But I put that thought to the back of my mind. It must have been just my silly imagination.
Isaac wasn’t concerned about me. He probably had forgotten about my existence already. Here I was, in another city, carrying his child. I was going to bring up my baby well. I was going to provide for it the best life that I could.
I tried to be happy, as happy as mom was about my pregnancy, but at night I laid awake in bed and thought about Isaac. I thought about how my whole life had revolved around him and now it always would.
I knew I would just have to forget about Isaac. This child would be born in eight months, and I would make sure that he or she would want for nothing. Isaac would have to be kept a secret, between mom and me, but that was a small price to pay.
My own feelings for him would never change, that much I knew but at least now I would always have something to remember him by.
Chapter 17
Isaac
I was in Amherst, driving in the direction of the address I had written down on a small piece of paper. That night when Cliff called to remind me of our upcoming trip to the Bahamas, I had a sudden revolutionary idea.
The next morning, I called our college, where everyone knew me. After that, it didn’t take me long to coax the woman on the phone to give me Margo’s old address. The only one she had on file was her parents’ home address, and I decided that would have to do.
I jumped in my car, canceled all my future classes and started driving. I wasn’t even sure if I would have my job at the end of this. I missed too many classes lately and had been showing up late for the others. If they fired me from the position, I knew I wouldn’t be able to blame them.
But I was obsessing over Margo. I knew that I would be restless and miserable until I saw her. The lady at the college said she couldn’t give me a phone number, so visiting her parents’ home personally was my best option right now. I hoped that they still lived there.
When I arrived at the home, I parked outside and got out quickly. I had been driving for over two hours non-stop, but I rushed to the front door and knocked. I didn’t know what I was going to say. I just wanted answers.
On my second knock, an older woman opened the door. She had Margo’s red hair, but it was a faded red.
“Mrs. Clarke?” I exclaimed excitedly.
“Yes. Who are you?” she asked, looking over me curiously.
“Isaac,” I told her. A look of recognition entered her eyes. I was sure that Margo had told her about me.
“How can I help you, Isaac?” she asked and I gulped, looking around over her shoulder for any sign of Margo.
“I’m just trying to get a hold of Margo. I have no idea where she is. Would you be so kind as to give me her address or her phone number or anything I could use to get in touch with her?” I knew I sounded like a crazed person, but I couldn’t control my emotions. I was so close to finding her!
But the look in Mrs. Clarke’s eyes told me that she was going to stand in my way.
“If you are unable to get a hold of my daughter, it probably means that she doesn’t want to be found. I have no intention of betraying her privacy,” she replied and crossed her bony arms over her chest.
I ran a hand through my hair and tried to reason with her.
“I understand what you’re saying, Mrs. Clarke, and I don’t want to invade her privacy. I just want to know what I did or said to drive her away. Do you understand?”
I was being firm with her, but I had no sense of decency anymore. I’d spent three weeks thinking about Margo and two hours in a car, hoping that I could get some clues.
Mrs. Clarke stared at me with a sour expression on her face.
“No, I don’t understand. I wish you would just leave her alone. She doesn’t want to see you. I thought she had made that very clear to you already,” she snapped at me.
“Mrs. Clarke…look!” I growled.
“Mom! It’s okay,” I heard Margo’s voice from inside the house and looked up to find her standing there, some distance behind her mother.
“Margo!” I exclaimed and tried to get past Mrs. Clarke, who was still standing stock still between us.
“Mom, let him come in. It’s okay,” Margo said, without making a move. I stared at her. She was in loose jeans and an old oversized t-shirt. She’d tied her hair up in a messy bun and even without makeup on, she looked like the most beautiful creature on Earth. I wanted to tell her that and so much more. I needed to get close to her.
“Mom!” Margo scolded her mother again.
Finally, Mrs. Clarke sighed and stepped aside. I rushed into the house but stopped in my tracks a few inches away from Margo. I had no idea what was going on or if she was even glad to see me.
“Margo, I don’t think this is a good idea,” I heard Mrs. Clarke say. Margo and I had our gazes locked. She was staring up at me like she had seen a ghost when all I wanted to do was kiss her.
“We should talk somewhere, in private,” I suggested to her. Margo looked over her shoulder at her mother, and suddenly, she seemed guilty like she was hiding something.
“We can talk here,” she said, and I took another step towards her.
“Margo, we need to talk. I think you owe me some kind of explanation,” I insisted.
She gulped and then nodded.
“Okay, we can go to my room,” she said. I didn’t look in Mrs. Clarke’s direction again, because I knew she was fuming. I followed Margo up the stairs to her childhood room.
The walls were covered in old posters of musicians and film stars, and there were racks full of books and CDs and cassette tapes. It felt like I’d walked straight into the nineties again.
Margo blushed.
“Mom didn’t change or move anything since I left home,” she said. I smiled at her.
“It’s nice. I get to peek into little Margo’s mind,” I told her.
She walked over to her bed, which was covered in frilly pink linen and I did the same. We sat down beside each other.
“What are you doing here, Isaac?” she asked me. It took everything in me to stop myself from reaching for her and touching her.
“You should know why I’m here. You disappeared, just vanished. I had to call up your old office to find out that you quit your job. I couldn’t reach you on our cellphone. I needed to know what I did,” I replied.
Margo’s green eyes were now full and watery. She shook her head.
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything. This isn’t about you. I had to leave Boston. I couldn’t work there anymore. I couldn’t be a journalist anymore, after how badly I screwed everything up,” she said.
I reached for her hand. I decided to take the chance. Surprisingly, she didn’t pull it away from me. I brushed her hand with my thumb while I peered into her eyes.
“I thought we could talk to each other. I thought we had a connection that night at my pla
ce. I would have been there to listen if you were going through something,” I told her.
Margo’s eyes brightened as she rapidly blinked like she was trying to blink tears away.
“You have your own life to deal with. I didn’t think I was important to you,” she said. I squeezed her hand.
“I don’t know how to explain this to you, Margo, other than just telling you the truth bluntly. I’ve missed you. I was looking forward to seeing you again. These past three weeks have been hell because I didn’t know where you were.”
I couldn’t believe I was actually saying those words. I was surprised at myself for even being able to come up with them. They seemed foreign in my mouth. I couldn’t recognize my own voice. I had never said anything like that to someone else before.
Margo gulped. Then she looked down at her lap embarrassedly.
“Wow. I wasn’t expecting to hear that,” she said, and a small laugh escaped her lips.
“This is hard for me to admit, but there it is. I’ve admitted it,” I told her. She looked up at me with a jerk.
“What do you want me to do about it?” she asked and I saw that her eyes had darkened. Her mood had changed.
“Are you being serious right now? I just opened up to you, and you’re pushing me away. If you’re not interested in me, then just tell me the truth. But that would be a lie because I know you want me, Margo,” I said. I was glaring at her, holding her gaze firmly. I was not going to be fucked around again. This time, we were going to put an end to this game.
“I’ve always wanted you, Isaac. I’m sure you’ve known that too. But I can’t…we can’t…it has to end here,” she said, looking away from me.
“What is that supposed to mean? Why does it have to end here?” I growled.
“Because I’m pregnant!” she shrieked.
Margo’s shoulders were heaving, and her nostrils were flared. I glared at her in confusion because those words hadn’t registered in my head. Margo was pregnant? She was having a child? Whose child?
I felt like someone had just punched my gut and there was no air in my lungs. This couldn’t actually be happening. The woman I wanted so desperately, was slowly disappearing out of my reach.
Chapter 18
Margo
It was out there now. I had no way to take it back. I’d said the words I am pregnant.
Isaac was sitting on the edge of my bed with me. He looked tired. I noticed extra stubble on his face. It was unkempt. His clothes looked shaggy too. I could sense that he wasn’t his usual super confident self. Was it actually possible that he missed me? Was it possible that my absence from his life had an effect on him? Was I just fooling myself to think that way?
On the other hand, he was here. He’d found me, and he had come to speak to me. That had to mean something.
I stared at him, waiting for an answer. He had just been staring at me like he was in shock.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked, in a murmur.
“Yes,” I replied.
“Like actually pregnant?”
“Yes, I’m going to have a baby in eight months.”
Isaac gulped. I could see him calculating the time in his head.
“Margo, I’m going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me. Please don’t tell me what you think I want to hear,” Isaac said.
I waited for his question. I knew what it was going to be.
“Am I the father?” he asked, after several moments of silence had passed between us. I held his gaze. It was the moment of truth. I had nowhere to hide.
“Yes. It’s your baby.”
As the words left my mouth, I felt panicked enough to try and run away. I jumped off the bed, and as I made to go, Isaac caught my hand and pulled me back.
“Not again you don’t. You stay right here, Margo Clarke!” he exclaimed.
He held me to his chest, keeping me pinned up to himself. I had no other choice but to look up at him and to meet his eyes. I wasn’t prepared for a moment like this. I had decided that I would never see Isaac again.
He was searching my eyes as he looked down at me. Both of us were trying to come up with the right words to say.
“Why, Margo? Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.
I wriggled in his arms, but he had a tight grip on me.
“Because I knew you wouldn’t want any part of this. I was prepared to do this on my own,” I cried. Isaac finally released me. I stepped away from him. Hot tears pricked the back of my eyelids. I knew I was going to cry, but why? Was it because I didn’t want to hear him reject me?
Isaac shook his head. I watched as he lifted up a hand and rubbed his face with it.
“I can’t believe this, Margo. You were going to hide from me, hide my child from me and let me lead the rest of my life completely ignorant that I’m a father,” he growled.
I could see he was angry. But I was surprised to see that he wasn’t horrified.
“I didn’t want to burden you with this. I wasn’t sure what you wanted. You seem to have your own life. You’re busy with your…” I continued, but he came closer to me again. Isaac laughed. It was a nervous, confused laugh.
“You think that being a father would be a burden for me? You thought that if you told me I would reject you and my child?” he asked, peering into my eyes.
“I don’t know you at all, Isaac,” I said, and one fat tear rolled down my cheek. Isaac nodded, then reached for my cheek and brushed the tear away.
“You’re right. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you, but I want to change that,” he said.
It sounded too good to be true. My teenage love, the first guy I ever had feelings for, was standing right in front of me, asking me to be with him.
“Do you think we could do that? Could we get to know each other and raise this child together?” Isaac continued. His voice was low, like a deep guttural growl He was looking me over, studying every inch and cell of me. How was I supposed to explain to him what this meant to me? He wouldn’t even begin to understand. I had loved him for half my life.
I bit down on my lip as he drew closer. Hooking a finger under my chin, he tipped my face up so I could look at him.
“I know this might come as a shock to you, Margo, but I have feelings for you. I don’t know what they are, because they’re new to me. All I know is that I’ve missed you and I want you, and I don’t want to spend any more time away from you.”
My throat had gone dry. I couldn’t find the right words to say. It felt like a childish dream.
“I’ve always had feelings for you, Isaac, since college,” I said.
I had barely spoken the words, and Isaac’s mouth was on mine. He was kissing me deeply, thirstily, like we were two long lost lovers. I kissed him back, pressing my body to his so I could feel his heart beating in his chest.
Isaac’s hand was on my back, stroking me, weaving through my hair, pulling it undone from its bun.
When I pulled my mouth away from him, we were both breathless. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips.
“You are not an easy woman,” he said with a smile. I laughed when he said that. “Let’s go talk to your mother. I have a feeling she doesn’t like me very much.”
We laughed together as we left my bedroom to go and talk to mom. I knew she would like him, once she got to know him, and once she found out how he felt about me. As for me, I knew there was no going back now. From here, it was only going to move forward with Isaac. I finally felt like my life wasn’t a mess. It was beautiful.
Chapter 19
Isaac
During the wedding ceremony, I stood beside Sawyer since I was his Best Man. Cliff and Vince stood beside me, and there wasn’t one person at the beautiful venue who wasn’t bursting with joy. Every chance I got, I tried catching a glance of Margo who was sitting in the front row. She was the most beautiful woman in this place.
I was happy for Sawyer and glad that he had found a woman like Faye. They deserved each other. T
hey were madly in love. Their little daughter, Evie, was in the arms of Faye’s friend, Susan.
Sawyer and Faye exchanged vows that they had written for each other. Then they kissed and were declared husband and wife. The crowd went wild as they ran back down the aisle together. When I saw Margo, I saw how happy she was too.
I was worried, when I invited her to come to the Bahamas with me, that she might feel out of place or rushed. Instead, she fit right in, and my friends seemed to love her.
Cliff, Vince, and Sawyer were all equally surprised when I turned up at the hotel with a woman on my arm. Despite their shock, they were polite with Margo. I could sense the atmosphere of approval between them.
It wasn’t until the wedding was over, and Sawyer and Faye had shared the first dance that I finally got a chance to talk to them.
Cliff and Vince cornered me at the bar.
“So, Margo!” Cliff remarked, thumping my back. I knew we were going to have to have this conversation sooner or later, and I was prepared to make my case.
“Yeah, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you guys a heads-up. We were still figuring things out ourselves. I know what you’re going to say…” I was speaking too quickly, trying to get my point across to them before they had a chance to interrupt. But Vince managed it anyway.
“Oh yeah, what exactly are we going to say, Isaac? Other than that we’re deeply offended you told us nothing about her.”
Vince and Cliff were both blocking my path, with their hands in the pockets of their tuxedos. Over their shoulders, I saw Margo near the dance floor. She seemed to be having a conversation with Sawyer and Faye, and she didn’t look like she was uncomfortable in their presence either.
“That this is crazy. That I don’t know what I’m doing. That this is going to end in disaster,” I blurted.
