Chasing Xander

by Lexi Lawton

  What the fuck? The thought of her on her knees, some guy’s dick in her mouth, had his temple throbbing with jealous anger. He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. But he couldn’t say a damn thing considering his track record with women and sex. “Have you ever been touched?”

  “No,” she whispered. “At least, not without some sort of clothing on. God, I cannot believe we’re talking about this.” She stood and crossed the room, her discomfort evident.

  “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” He wasn’t sure he could handle hearing anymore.

  “I know.” She sighed. “It’s not exactly easy to admit the farthest I’ve gone is dry humping in the front seat of some guy’s Mustang.”

  He leaned back on the couch and let out a long breath, unable to decide if he was happy she had some experience or not. Nope. He preferred thinking she was completely innocent, untouched, which was fucked up considering his history with virgins.

  She stood next to the counter that held the coffee maker and gripped the edge. “I guess I just don’t understand why me being a virgin is so repulsive.”

  “It’s not repulsive.” He approached her and pried her hands from the counter. “You wouldn’t give up your virginity to just anyone, would you?”

  She scrunched her face. “No, of course not.”

  “Well, it’s the same way for guys. Taking any girl’s virginity is a big deal. Taking yours?” His heart raced at the mere thought, and he blew out a breath. “God, Ky, I want that more than anything. But for the rest of your life, I will always be your first, and that first time can be great, or it can be awful. And that’s all on me. It’s not something I take lightly. I want it to be perfect for you.” His stomach clenched. It was time to tell her about Trisha. “There’s something you need to know.” He took her hand and led her back to the couch. “About that kiss earlier…I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have happened—”

  She yanked her hand from his. “You are not apologizing for kissing me. God, please tell me that’s not what you’re doing.”

  “No. God no.” He shook his head adamantly. “That kiss was incredible. I’m apologizing for how it happened. I have never forced anyone to touch me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what got into me. I’m sorry.”

  He sat and rested his elbows on his parted legs, head down. She had no idea what he was about to tell her, but once it was out there, he wouldn’t be able to take it back. What if she thought he was a complete dickhead and decided she could do better?

  She settled next to him and put her hand on his back and her chin on his shoulder. “I don’t regret that kiss, or how it happened. You have nothing to apologize for.”

  He turned his head to look at her and was awestruck by the sincerity in her expression. Fear clawed at his chest, choking him. What if he came clean about his past and lost her as a result? Tentatively, he put his hand on her knee. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her and forget all about this conversation. But he couldn’t do that. He needed to be honest with her.

  “My first week at college, freshman year, I met this girl. Trisha Scott. We had a few classes together, hit it right off. But she had a boyfriend. She was in a long-distance relationship with her high school sweetheart.” He huffed and shook his head. “I knew it wouldn’t last, so I decided to wait it out, and when they broke up, I’d be there to pick up the pieces.”

  Kylie shifted away from him. “Is that what this is all about? You’re still hung up on this other girl?”

  “No.” He clasped his hands in front of him so he wouldn’t reach for her. “About two weeks into the semester, I went to my first-ever frat party. She was there, and drinking pretty heavily. She told me she’d had a huge fight with her boyfriend, and they broke up. Then she said she was attracted to me, that she wanted me. An hour later, we were in some random bedroom having sex. I’d asked her over and over if she was sure she wanted to do it. And she kept saying yes. She said she wanted me, kept repeating it over and over.” He paused to take a breath and swallow the bile fighting to get out. “I mean, I knew I was her rebound guy, but I was okay with that. I wasn’t okay with finding out, after the fact, after it was too late, that she was a virgin.”

  “Oh.” She cupped her hand over her mouth. “She never told you?”

  “No.” He straightened and turned to face her, knowing he couldn’t avoid her gaze any longer. No matter what he saw in her expression, he had to accept it. To his relief, the only thing he could decipher was shock and compassion. “I felt like a complete dick. But I was a coward. I didn’t bring it up that night, and neither did she. A few days later, I found out from a friend of hers that she hadn’t actually broken up with her boyfriend. I tried to apologize to her for how everything had happened, but she wouldn’t even look at me.” He shook his head and glanced away, allowing the familiar guilt to wash over him. “Trisha started telling everyone that I stole her virginity. She didn’t say I’d raped her or anything, but still. The last thing any guy wants is to get a rep for taking advantage of women.

  “Eventually, she spoke to me long enough to tell me that I’d ruined her first time. She said her boyfriend had some super romantic night planned for them, and I’d destroyed her life.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “On top of all that, the frat house where it happened…they refused to let me pledge. Said they didn’t want that kind of reputation.”

  “Oh, Xander. I’m so sorry. What she did to you… It wasn’t fair. She should’ve told you. And she needed to take responsibility for her own actions.” She put her hand on his thigh. “She chose to sleep with you, and just because she regretted it after the fact doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”

  He nodded. “After that, I swore I’d never get involved with another virgin. I avoided relationships like the plague.” He put his hand over hers and gave it a squeeze. “So, when you told me you were a virgin, I panicked. I couldn’t stand the thought of doing anything to make you hate me the way Trisha did. I wouldn’t ruin your first time like I did hers.”

  “I think you’re forgetting one very important thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  She swung her leg over his lap and straddled him, her hands resting on his shoulders. “I’m not Trisha,” she whispered. “I would never do what she did.”

  He slid his hand along the side of her neck and brought her mouth to his, hesitant at first, still fearful she might push him away. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she sighed softly. He would never tire of hearing that sound, and he knew if he didn’t get past his hang-up and claim her, someone else would. His tongue parted her lips, sliding into her mouth like he owned it, twisting and turning around hers. This kiss was nothing like the one he’d given her earlier. This one was much softer. Less frantic and more passionate.

  He could drown in the sweetness of this kiss. He nipped at her bottom lip, sucking it erotically before reclaiming her lips. She pushed closer to him and gently scraped her fingernails along the nape of his neck and into his hair. Shivers spiked through him, zapping his nerve endings, giving him new life. He groaned in response before pulling away.

  He took her face into his hands, his thumb rubbing along her lips. “That was how I wanted our first kiss to be.”

  “Me, too.” She smiled, resting her forehead on his. “So, what happens now?”

  “I don’t know.” He ran his hands up her thighs, then back down. “I won’t lie. I’m scared. What if we do have sex and you don’t like it? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we do this and you decide it was a mistake.” He laced his fingers behind her back and yanked her closer. “I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to lose your friendship, and I sure as hell don’t want to be some guy who took your virginity, some guy who you look back on and label a mistake.”

  She momentarily closed her eyes. “I won’t.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I want you, Xander. Nothing about this feels like a mist
ake. You won’t ever be a mistake. But if things don’t work out, then I can say my first time was with someone I truly cared about.”

  “You really mean that?” He studied her, letting the truth of her words settle over him. She’d never lied to him, and he had no reason to believe she was now.

  “Yes.” She nodded.

  “Good.” He tightened his hold on her. But he still wasn’t going to rush things. He was going to work up to sex, let them get to know each other’s bodies, and give her time to change her mind—if that’s what she wanted. Her emotions were raw right now, having just lost her grandmother. He could wait. Because when it finally did happen, he wanted to be sure she had no doubts. And no regrets.

  She shifted on his lap, and his cock twitched with need. Grasping her waist, he inched her forward, and she bore down on him, his erection snug between her thighs. “Can I ask you something?” she said.

  His gaze dropped and focused on where their clothed bodies met. Her yoga pants, stretched to accommodate her position, left little to the imagination, and she wasn’t wearing panties. He flattened his palms on her knees and rubbed his hands up her legs. Now that they’d both come clean about their sexual pasts and there were no lingering secrets between them, he was at peace, content to still take things slow.

  “Xander?”

  “Hmm?” he said, distracted. His thumbs followed the apex of her thighs, stopping short of actually touching her.

  “Have you slept with anyone since we met?”

  His head snapped up, eyes wide. “No.” And it had been the longest month and a half of his life. “Have you?” He smirked.

  “No.” She laughed.

  “So, you’ve really never been touched?”

  She shook her head and rolled her hips forward, rubbing against him.

  He groaned and moved one hand up to cup the back of her head. He brought her face closer, teasing her lips with his tongue. “I think it’s about time we change that, don’t you?”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Her heart beat like an out of control racehorse as she gazed into his dark, lustful eyes. Was this it? Was she finally going to have sex with Xander?

  He traced a path down the side of her face, his touch setting fire to her already hot skin. “I assume that means you’ve never had an orgasm before, either?”

  She shook her head, her throat suddenly like sandpaper. “No, but feel free to change that, too.”

  One corner of his mouth quirked up into a smile, his dimple making an appearance. “You can bet your ass I’m gonna.” He teased her with a sensual, much too short, kiss.

  She sighed. “I thought we’d moved past wagering on my ass.”

  He laughed. “I’m trying to be sexy and seduce you, and you making me laugh isn’t helping.”

  “When have I ever made anything easy for you?” She trailed her fingers down his bare chest and across his abs.

  “Never.”

  “Exactly. So why would I start now?” Pressing her palms firmly against his stomach, she lowered her head and kissed his chest. His skin was hot and smooth.

  “Mm.” He flexed his fingers on her waist and then moved them around to grab her ass. She let out a surprised gasp, which turned into a needy moan when he held her down on him as he lifted his hips, showing her just how much he liked what she was doing. A victorious smile tugged at her mouth. He might have all the experience, but clearly he wasn’t immune to her touch.

  Slowly, he lifted her shirt, his hands exploring tentatively, despite how self-assured his touch was. He grazed the underside of her breasts, and she sucked in a breath, her body pulsing for more. He brushed his thumbs across her nipples, quick and feather-soft, but she felt the reverberations all the way down to her toes. He did it again, this time a little harder, and the tiny sting of pleasure was a direct shot to her libido. Arching her back, she let her head fall to her shoulders and bit down on her bottom lip, but she couldn’t stop the moan that erupted.

  “God, I love that sound.” He nuzzled her jaw, and then his mouth was on her ear, nipping and kissing. “I want to touch you, Ky.”

  “Yes.” She nodded a little too eagerly. “I want you to do that.”

  His deep chuckle tickled her senses. “If you want me to stop, just say so, okay?”

  “Okay.” Yeah, like that was going to happen. She’d been waiting for this for weeks, and she wasn’t going to stop him now that he’d finally started.

  He placed another kiss on her neck and then moved to her throat and collarbone, his lips leaving a path of goose bumps in their wake. There was another flick to her nipple, and then he slid one hand around to her back while the other coursed down her stomach. She sucked in a sharp breath, her stomach hollowing, making it that much easier for his hand to slip into the waistband of her pants. His erection was hard and thick beneath her, taunting her. “Xander…”

  “We still good?”

  She licked her lips and nodded. He’d said we. She didn’t know why, but hearing him say that, knowing they were doing this together instead of him doing it to her made her heart flutter erratically. “We’re good,” she whispered.

  He eased his hand inside her waistband, and his fingertips teased around her most sensitive area. Her heart was in her throat, and she held her breath, but then Xander slipped his tongue between her lips, and she was powerless to do anything but exactly what he wanted. Not that she wanted to do anything else. He circled her clit, slow and steady, applying just the right amount of pressure in all the right places. White-hot sensations ricocheted through her, making her mind go blank, leaving her unable to do anything but feel.

  His fingers dipped lower, teasing her entrance, and he let out a throaty groan. “Fuck, Ky. So wet and hot.”

  Her body jerked against his hand. He dragged his finger back up her folds. His touch was diabolical, torturous, and oh so perfect. Her breaths turned to pants, and she dug her fingernails into his biceps.

  “Xander,” she gasped, rocking against his hand and rolling her hips, desperate for more.

  He grunted, his stomach and thighs tensing beneath her. She reached between them and fumbled with the button on his jeans. Quicker than she could get his zipper down, he grabbed her wrist, stopping her. “Don’t,” he said, his eyes darker than a stormy sky.

  “But I want to touch you, too.”

  “Not this time, sweetheart.” He gave a quick shake of his head, as if that would somehow appease her. He should know her better than that by now.

  She pouted. “Please?”

  “If you so much as look at my cock like you want it, I’ll fucking explode. There’s no way I’ll survive you touching me. Not yet.” His voice was tight, his breath ragged.

  Whatever argument she planned to make was quickly forgotten when he traced her lips with his tongue as his fingers traced her opening.

  Her hips moved in sync with his fingers gliding up and down her folds, her body seeming to have taken on a life of its own. His cock jerked beneath her, and she bore down, his hard length giving her the pressure she needed down there while his fingers worked her clit. “Oh God,” she panted. “Yes.”

  “Kylie, honey, please…”

  Her ears rang, making it impossible for her to hear what he was saying. She clutched his face and crushed her mouth to his, whimpering against his lips. The sensations pouring over her were too much. She could barely think, and she never wanted to stop moving on him, feeling his erection nestled between her thighs. Her vision blurred, and the room started to spin. She tried to focus on kissing him, on the feel of him holding her, on the pleasurable pain in her thighs from being spread across his lap. But the more he touched her, the more difficult it became. Her legs tingled, her face went numb, and every muscle in her body tensed. Pressure built inside her until, suddenly, it released. His hand stilled, cupping her sex. She writhed and squeezed her legs closed as she rode the unfamiliar waves of pleasure, crying out his name.

  “Yeah, that’s it, sweetheart.”

 
Another debilitating knot of pressure coiled deep in her core, and she rocked on his lap.

  His face contorted, and the muscle in his jaw ticked. “Stop,” he snarled seconds before his hips jerked, and he moaned loudly, the sound echoing around her. He eased his hand from her pants, and warmth spread between them. “Holy shit.” He gasped for breath and rested his forehead to hers. Tremors rocked through him, shaking his body.

  “Did you just…?”

  “Yep.” He pulled back to look at her.

  “It’ll be our little secret. Promise.”

  His eyes twinkled with amusement, and he gazed at her in that special way he had. “Fuck no. Own that shit.” He rubbed his hands along her hips. “You just did something no other woman ever has. You made me come, hard, without ever touching me.”

  She smiled so big, her cheeks hurt. If she had any doubts about his desire for her before, she didn’t now.

  “Seriously, though, are you okay? It wasn’t too much, was it?”

  “I’m better than okay. I can see why people are so obsessed with this whole orgasm thing.”

  “And that was just foreplay.” He winked.

  Her heart stuttered. That orgasm had turned her inside out, left her weak and sated. How the hell would she survive anything more intense than that?

  “No regrets?”

  “None.” She paused. “Well, other than the fact that after all that, I’m still a virgin.”

  He laughed. “And we’re going to keep it that way for a bit longer.”

  “Oh, are we?” She lifted a brow.

  “Yes,” he said seriously. “I think we should give ourselves time to get to know each other better. More intimately.” He wagged his eyebrows, then sighed. “Let’s not rush this, okay?”

  She refrained from frowning. After what she’d just experienced, she wasn’t sure she could go any slower. She craved more, but the sincerity in his gaze had her swallowing her protests. Clearly this meant a lot to him. “Last I knew, it was my virginity to do with as I pleased. What makes you think you have any say in it?” she teased, wanting to lighten the mood.